Deeper Illusions (25 page)

“Lena, drop it. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you
about it, but that money doesn't belong to me.”

“Whatever,” she said. “Why would you lie? You told all of us that the father of Dalilah was some random hookup. He’s not some random hookup, he’s the son of one of the richest men in the world.”

“Benjamin Whitney is considered to be one of the richest men in the world?”

“Yes,” she said. “How do you know so little about your child’s heritage? It says here that the
Whitneys are old money shipyard tycoons.”

“I don’t know why I know so little about Dalilah’s grandfather. It’s probably because I just met the guy not even a year ago, and my ex-husband never talked about him very much.
I did Wiki him when I first started dating Ryan, but I pretty much skimmed through a lot of that.” I didn’t tell her that I was looking for information about Benjamin’s personal life at the time, not about his business interests.

“Jesus Christ. After that old man croaks, your daughter is going to be rich beyond belief. What do you think about that?”

“First of all, Benjamin is not old. He’s like not even sixty. Second of all, why do I care about that? Since when does money ever make anybody happy?”

“Since always,” Lena said.

“Money is kinda like intelligence,” I said. “You want to be smart, but you don’t want to necessarily be a super-genius, because mental issues tend to accompany that. Look at all the bright minds who committed suicide. It’s the same with money. You want to have enough, but when you start talking about billions, it’s just too much. You start running into people like Reginald Vanderbilt who was a wastrel and an alcoholic, and the Getty family that had all kinds of problems over the years. They say that the great fortunes of the super wealthy are depleted by the third generation. Shirt sleeves to shirt sleeves in three generations is the old saying.”

“Maybe so, but, come on. You’re not doing your daughter any service at all by pretending to be some broke clerk who is living hand to mouth. Maybe you don’t want her inheriting billions, but I would think that you would want a better life for her than what you are providing.”

Lena made sense, but it was still frustrating. It seemed that my past would never really leave me. It always had a way of bubbling up. As long as my face was on that
People
magazine, there would always be people like Lena, demanding that I come clean. I would never be able to truly escape who I was before.

The following week, I discovered just how right that was.

Chapter Forty-Six

I was waiting in line at the Starbucks
in our neighborhood. I had taken Dalilah out for a little walk before work, and ended up there. Then I turned around and...of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, he walks into this one.

Nick O'Hara was coming in the door.

I immediately turned my head, and started to try to push Dalilah as I attempted to make my way out the door.

“Iris?”

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

“Nick. Hello.”

“Hi,” he said, looking at Dalilah. He was fixated on her.

“This is my roommate's child, Dalilah.”

“Bullshit. That's your child with Ryan.”

I gave a look as if to say
what are you talking about?
“No, it's not. I don't know what you are talking about.”

“Come on. I got eyes. That kid is the spitting image of him and Sarah.”

I just shook my head.

“Whatever. Hey, listen, meet me on the patio. I have to talk to you.”

I sighed, wanting to get away as quickly as possible. But, never mind, I was caught. Even getting 1,500 miles away apparently wasn't enough. Shit, I probably would've been caught if I lived in Taipei.

Fate obviously wanted me to confront what I had done.

I sat outside on the patio and waited for him to come out.

He sat down. “I'm glad I ran into you. I tried to call you many times, but it seems that your phone was disconnected. I now know why.”

I nodded. “I got a different number when I moved out here. It's easier that way.”

“Right. Listen, I’m not going to beat around the bush. You have to get back to Kansas City. Ryan is not doing well at all.”

“What do you mean? He's living with Nat.”

“Yeah. But you know what? They may be living together, but they have never had sex. Ever.”

“Then why is she living there?”

“Hello? You know Ryan as well as anybody. You know that he’s not the type to just a leave a woman high and dry if she’s carrying his child. What did you expect he would do when she was kicked out by Nate?”

I did know that about him. If nothing else, Ryan was a stand-up guy. Then I said “They did have sex, though. That's why she has his baby now.”

“Aside from that, he hasn’t touched her
. Listen, you have to get off your high horse about that. You're the reason that happened in the first place.”

“Don't tell me that you believe that nonsense about him thinking she was me.”

“You goddamned right I believe it. Ryan told me, and Nat did too.”

“Nat told you?”

“Yeah. I finally got her to confess about it, about the same time that she told me that Ryan refuses to touch her. She was upset because she imagined that if she was living with him and having his baby, that they would naturally become a couple. When that didn't happen, she called me and poured her heart out to me.”

“Why aren't they having sex?”

“Duh. There is only one woman for him, and it ain't Nat.”

My heart started to melt just a little. “They'll get used to each other and become the family they're supposed to be.”

“Listen, Iris. You're either going to come to Kansas City the easy way or the hard way. The easy way is that you get on a plane willingly and face the music. The hard way is that I will report to the judge who did your divorce that you lied when you said that you weren't pregnant at the time of the divorce. At any rate, that divorce is null and void.”

I hung my head. I knew what he was saying was the truth.

And a part of me really wanted to go back home. Go back home to the one person that I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.

“I-”

“Easy way or hard way. Your choice.”

“Nat told you that she tricked him into bed?”

“Yes. I told you that, didn't I?”

“How is that possible?”

“The mind does funny things when deprived of sleep, and when the person is stressed out and suffering from a concussion. And, if you ask me, I don't think Nat’s baby is Ryan's. This one looks just like him,” he said, looking into the little bassinette at Dalilah. “But Nat's baby looks like Nate to me.”

“Hasn't there been a DNA test?” I asked.

“Nat hasn't allowed it so far. Wonder why?”

“So, Ryan gets a court order. Simple.”

“Iris, you don't understand. Ryan is a ghost of a man. He hardly does anything anymore. He walks around in a daze most of the time. I don't think he's exactly on drugs again, but I wouldn't be surprised. At any rate, he has no spirit left in him. So, he hasn't fought for a DNA test, and Nat sure ain't going to offer it.”

“Is he back at his job?” I asked, concerned.

“Yeah. He's still good at that. He says that throwing himself into his work takes his mind off of you, so that is the only thing keeping him going. Other than that, though, there's no life left in him.”

My heart went out to him. And I was finally starting to believe that maybe, just maybe, Ryan was telling me the truth about Nat and how
she conceived. Plus, Nick thought that the baby wasn't Ryan's after all.

“Ok.”

“Ok, what?”

“Ok, I'll go back the easy way.”

“Good. I'll have Ryan's plane flown out here to pick you up.”

“No. I'll fly commercial.
There's no need-”

“Would you shut up? Goddamn, sometimes I have no idea why that guy is so in love with you. Go to the San Francisco Airport and meet me at the private jet hangar.”

“Where exactly do I meet you?”

He drew me a map of the airport, then pointed “Right here.”

“When will the plane be here?”

“I'm going to call Tim right now to charter it,” he said as he got on his smart phone. He talked a little, then got off the phone. “Done. We're leaving in four hours.”

“We? You said to meet you there,” I said. I actually had the devious plan to stand him up and run. Of course, running was not as simple as it might have seemed, seeing as I was short of cash. But my mind was thinking desperately that I could hop a Greyhound to Los Angeles or somewhere, then try to figure things out from there. Poor Lena would be left high and dry, which would mean that there would be one more victim of my bad decisions, but I was only thinking of myself and Dalilah.

And how much I still couldn't face Ryan.

Yes, Nick said that Ryan and Nat aren't exactly a couple, which was ridiculous to me. Gorgeous, sweet Nat, and he doesn't want her? Well, I used to think she was sweet, anyhow, before she slept with my husband. Ex-husband. Nope, current husband – Nick was right, that divorce is now null and void.

Nick was looking at me, with a pissed-off and incredulous expression. “Yes, I know I said meet me there, but I immediately thought better of it. I don't trust you to meet me there, and Ryan would kill me if he knew that I found you and let you slip through my fingers.”

“Why are you here, anyhow?”

“Business. I've been hired to design a building out here, and, lucky you, I've already had our meeting, and I was prepared to go home this afternoon. Stopped in to this Starbucks for a cup of coffee, and, boom! There you were.”

“Yeah. Lucky me.”

Fate was stalking me in the guise of Nick.

“Well, now, let's get into my rental car and head up there, shall we? We have about four hours to wait for the plane, so we can use this time wisely.”

I immediately felt threatened. What did he mean by that? I used to be so trusting of people, but after Andrew raping me, and Ryan cheating on me, my faith in the male gender was faltering.

He was looking at me and smirking.

“Nick, I can't go. Please let me just meet you there in a few hours. I have to pack and everything.”

“Nope. You're coming with me.”

Another pushy guy.

Just then, Dalilah starting screaming, and I picked her up, bouncing her up and down. I reached into my diaper bag for some bottled breast milk, and she took the nipple and started sucking hungrily.

While I fed her, I said to Nick “I do have a job, you know. I have to be there in about a half hour.”

“Baby, you aren't coming back here, so you might as well tell that job that you quit.”

“I have a roommate, too. What's she going to do? I agreed to watch her kid while she worked, and she watched mine while I worked.”

“Set her up. Give her the money for day care and rent until she can find something else.”

I sighed. That was probably what I would have to do, to make things right. Which would mean that I would have to get the money out of the bank, the money that I swore I wouldn't touch in my lifetime.
Or, I could just get a cash advance on the Visa card. I had about $10,000 left on it. “I guess I’ll have to do that,” I said. “I wonder if $10,000 will do her for awhile?”

I was sounding like Ryan now, throwing away money like water.

“Whatever you gotta do to make things right.”

“Well, we signed a 12-month lease.
I can't just leave her high and dry.”

“I don't care what you do. All I know is that you're coming with me. And we have four hours to get things str
aightened out. Because, trust, I have a lot to tell you.”

“Let me call Lena,” I said, digging out my cell phone. Dalilah was still sucking hungrily on the bottle, so I balanced her with one hand, while calling with the other.

“Let me take her,” Nick said. I nodded, and handed her to him while she cooed. He cradled her in his arms and continued to feed her. He seemed mesmerized by her. “Goddamn, she's the spitting image of her dad,” he said, raising her above his head.

“That she is,” I said, calling Lena. She answered the phone. “Lena, it's me, Iris.”

“Iris the gajillionaire who acts like she's a bum?”

“I said I was sorry about that. Listen, there's been an emergency.”

“What kind of emergency?”

“I have to go back to Kansas City for awhile.”

“How long is awhile?”

“I might not be back.”

“Thanks. Now I'm stuck with the entire rent, and will have to pay for day care. Thanks a lot.”

“About that. Um, would $1
0,000 tide you over until you can get out of your lease and find somebody else to watch Samuel?”

“You're just going to give
me $10,000?”

“Yeah. I figure that will cover my half of the rent for
half a year, plus some of the day care for half the year as well.”

“What's the catch?”

“No catch. I just need to make things right with you.”

“You're not so bad after all. Sure, I'll take that.”

“So I need to transfer the money into your bank account.”

“Ok. You better not be a scammer,” she said, as she read off her bank account and routing number.

“Thanks Lena. Sorry it didn't work out. I thought it would be pretty fun to share a place with you,” I said, while I worked on getting my cash advance, then transferring the money into her account.

“No, thank you,” she said. “You take care. Why are you going back, anyhow?”

“I need to fix the mess I made. That's why I'm giving you this money – it wouldn't be fair to leave you in a mess as well. I should have a motto of only screwing up one person at a time.”

She laughed. “I have to admit, that's a good motto to have in life.”

“Take care of yourself.”

“You too.”

I got off the phone and watched Nick, who was enchanted with baby Dalilah. He was cooing to her, baby-talking her, and rubbing her round belly. She laughed out loud, as he tossed her a little bit into the air. “I’m your Uncle Nick, your Uncle Nick,” he said, picking her up and down. I looked at him expectantly, and he finally turned his attention to me. “We good?”

I nodded, feeling resentful. I knew that I would eventually go back when I was ready, but I wanted to go back on my own terms. And when I was
ready. That was key. At that time, I was still in la-la land - working my job, trying to adjust to being a single mother, and trying to forget about Ryan and his new family in Kansas City. Also, I was trying to forget his awful betrayal. His awful betrayal.

Now, I was going to have to face it, and I just wasn’t ready.

“So, how old is Dalilah?” he asked.

“I would imagine she’s the exact same age as – what is the name of Nat and Ryan’s baby?”

“Christopher.”

“She’s the same age as Christopher.”

“So, about four months, huh?”

I nodded, suddenly realizing that I ha
d been out here for about eight months. Eight months since I last saw Ryan. I had to admit that he did look like a ghost of himself when I saw him. I wondered how he looked now.

“Oh, crap,” I said, suddenly remembering Madison. “I can’t go until I get my cat.”