Deep Fried Trouble (Eugeena Patterson Mysteries) (4 page)

Sleep held me hostage. I knew Sunday was the Lord’s day. Second Sunday, in fact. My day to usher. I couldn’t wait to enter Missionary Baptist Church, because after finding Mary the day before, I definitely needed a word from the Lord.

A sweet, sweet spirit hovered around me. I i
nhaled and began my morning session with Jesus. It had taken me a long time to learn that going to church wasn’t all about what I could get from the Lord. Prayer was a time to bless the Lord. Praise Him.

I hummed, “Oh how I love Jesus, Oh...”

A baby howled from somewhere deep in the house. I almost called out Ralph’s name, but then I remembered he hadn’t lain in that bed in years. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Whose baby was that? Wide awake, my brain started to assemble facts.

Ralph, Jr. and his wife would be visiting with the twins soon. My other son, Cedric, had no gran
dkids yet. Neither was he married. He worried me sometime.             

A creature scrambled up the side of my bed. I jolted at seeing black button eyes. Now it all dawned on me. “Porgy, who told you to be on my bed?”  I know for sure I’d put that dog in the other room.

The discovery of Mary’s body came tumbling back into my memory. The last time I saw Mary alive was Mother’s Day weekend. I ushered that Sunday too. I couldn’t help but notice the sadness in her eyes. Who would’ve known I would never see her again?

I still couldn’t get over that furry creature snea
king in my bed. He must’ve slept beside Mary.

I ain’t that lonesome
.

As I pushed my feet into my bunny slippers, I remembered I needed to talk to my daughter.  Her little booger interrupted my talk time with Jesus, which I really needed. Surely, I can get an explan
ation about my new grandchild.

Porgy started bar
king.

“Don’t you start that mess. One howling baby is all I can’t take right now.”

“Leesa.” I grabbed my robe and wrapped it around my frame. The terry robe was old and tattered. The belt fit a tad bit better around my waist than it used to. That was encouraging since it wasn’t too long ago I couldn’t close the robe over my gut.

It was one of the few things left that Ralph pu
rchased for me. It was one of my favorite pieces of clothing. That man had brought me a lot of pain, but thankfully God brought Ralph to his senses. I will always be grateful for the last few years we had together before another heart attack took his life. I treasured my three children and grandchildren even more.

“Leesa, what’s wrong? Is everything okay?” Before I traveled down the hallway good, a small body collided into me. “Kisha, what’s wrong?” The little girl had tears streaming down her face. She clung to my robe, unloosening my neatly tied belt. “Girl, you can’t hang onto me like that. You and me are going to hit this floor.” Porgy jumped up and down, ci
rcling both of us.

Can you say catastrophe in progress?

I pried away the tiny fingers wedged into my waist and gazed down at the tear-stained face. “Honey, what’s wrong with you? Where’s your mama?”

“I ...I ...I don’t know...Grandma,” Kisha wailed louder.

I reached down and picked up the distraught child. Making my way down the hall, I heard the baby screaming at the top of his little lungs.

This didn’t feel right to me. Not at all. Maybe Leesa stepped out for a few minutes.

I placed Kisha on the bed next to her brother. Little Tyric pumped his little legs up and down.             

“Alright, little mister. No need to have a temper tantrum.” He certainly acted like a Patte
rson. I picked up the crying baby. “Kisha, did your mama say where she was going?”

No response.

With her head hanging down, the little girl sucked on her finger and sniffled. I placed my hand on her forehead. It was warm to the touch. “Did mama say she was going to the store?”

No answer.

My stomach started to flutter and it wasn’t because I craved my morning baked cheese grits. Now that recipe was worth finding. I’ve had a love affair with cheese all my life. Cheese crackers, cheese doodles, cheeseburgers... well at least my new food plan wasn’t turning out to be such a tragedy.

I rubbed my hands over Kisha’s ratty braids. We needed to do something about that hair. A good shampooing was in the works, but for now, I needed to know where my daughter took off. “Kisha, baby you feeling okay? What did mama say?”

“Don’t know.”

“You don’t know. Well, did you see her when she left?” Now this child had to know som
ething.

“No.”

I wasn’t feeling too good about this situation. Leesa had the nerve to get up and leave these children. She did say she needed to stay a few days. What was it that she said last night?
I’m so tired of everything.

Then, it dawned on me. Was she talking about her and the kids or just the kids? Now wait a m
inute, that girl promised me we would talk in the morning. Well, it was morning. Where was she?

Panic started to rise up in my stomach. Sweat popped out from body.  Did they have bags?  Over in the corner sat a pink
Dora the Explorer
bookbag.

“Kisha, you want a bubble bath?”

Her eyes lit up. “Lots of bubbles.”

“Yes, lots of bubbles. Show me where your clothes are. Let’s pick out an outfit.”

Children. One minute they were crying, the next, they were running around happy as a skunk. Kisha raced ahead of me. Tyric looking around at the walls and seemed to have quieted down, now that he was being held.

I glanced at the clock. Already ten o’clock. Where did the time go? I needed to get myself ready for church this morning. Leesa, you better get back here soon. I certainly couldn’t usher and keep up with these two today.

When I arrived in the Leesa’s bedroom, Kisha was bent over a large blue duffel bag. I recognized the bag being on Leesa’s shoulder last night. Kisha pulled out several clothes entwined together in a ball. Either Leesa was in a hurry or never learned how to fold clothes.

Kisha pulled out clothes that appeared to be her size, leaving others in a pile on the floor. It didn’t look like any of those clothes on the floor fit an adult.

I walked over and reached my hand into the bag while balancing little Tyric on my hip, I searched. And searched.

“That girl, I know she didn’t.”

“Grandma, I didn’t do anything.”

“Honey, I was just talking out loud.”
About your sorry mama
.

I picked the bag off the floor and sat it on the bed. I decided to unpack the clothes so they wouldn’t be wrinkled to death. My hope was that she had some diapers for the little one in the diaper bag over in the corner.

When I get my hands on that girl.

I tell you there’s nothing like being bamboozled by your own child. I always said I was not going to be one of those grandmothers caught raising their grandkids.

I picked up the diaper bag. There were diapers. A pacifier. Bibs.

“Grandma, I want to wear this?”

I glanced at a bright pair of yellow pants and a pink top. “That looks good, baby.”

I pulled out a half a dozen diapers from the bag.

“What in the world?”

Were my eyes playing tricks on me?

My daughter better get back here soon
. That girl had some serious explaining to do about the contents of that diaper bag.

I stared into the bag with a million scenarios going through my mind. The phone rang from the other room.
It better be her.
I transferred Tyric to my other hip, so I could grab the phone for my good ear. I’d been meaning to get my left ear checked out for weeks.

“Leesa, where you at?”

“Mom?”

Oops. The deep voice on the other line was a child of mine, but not the one I needed to be talking to.

“Junior, honey, how are you?”

“What’s that si
ster of mine up to now?”

“Calm down. Leesa came by last night with the kids?”

Ralph Jr. remained quiet for a few seconds. “Did you say kids?”

Oops again. Tyric seemed to be a surprise for the whole family.

“When did she have another kid?”

I felt faint. I did not need that, but I needed to take my medicine. “Ralph, look I need to get off the phone and get ready for church.”

“Mom, do I need to come down there?”

“No. You stay with your own family, mister. I don’t need your help here.”

“If I know my sister, she’s probably up to no good.”

“Ralph Jr.” I really didn’t need my oldest, co
ntrol freak son to echo my deepest fear. “I’ll talk to you later. Say hello to Judy and the boys for me.”

I slammed the phone down before he could get another word in. Junior meant well. He was so much like me, except he handled things with the fixit attitude that God gifted to men. I’d taken all I could take of that same attitude from Ralph, Sr. who was lying six feet under. 

“Grandma, I’m ready for my bubble bath.”

“Okay, baby.  That’s a good idea.” I placed Kisha in the tub and then undressed Tyric and bathed him at the sink. By the time I got both of the children towel-dried, I was steaming mad at my daughter.

The doorbell interrupted the tirade going on in my mind.

I grabbed Tyric, who at least was fully dressed and stomped down the stairs. I yanked the front door open, “Leesa, you better…”

My facial muscles sagged, switching from anger to confusion. This was not the person I expected.  “Amos, what are you doing here?” I’d been up for hours, but suddenly became aware of the gritty texture in my mouth. I hadn’t brushed my teeth, and my ratty robe was practically hanging open. I didn’t have anything to give Amos an eyeful of, but I knew I must have looked like an old hag.

Amos cleared his throat. “Well, I thought I would check to see if you were heading to Missio
nary Baptist today.”

Okay, now that made me smile.

“I tell you what, hold this fellow?” I passed Tyric over to Amos. Both males looked wide-eyed at the exchange.

“I don’t know anything about babies,” Amos stuttered.

“You two will be just fine. Come on here.” I looked at the grandfather clock in the foyer. “If you could do me a favor, I promise you I will fix you the best fried chicken you’d ever had in your life.”

Amos grinned back. “Sounds good to me.”

“Grandma, look I dressed myself.”

I spun around. My precious Kisha looked like a precious mess. Did stripes and polka dots even go together? That’s alright. She could get away with being cute. We were late. “Baby girl, sit here with Mr. Amos, while I get ready.”

I bounded up the stairs with more energy than my years could handle. I’d noticed Porgy had made himself comfortable on my bed again. Whatever. I had no time to fool with a dog.

Before I headed to the bathroom, I stopped in the guest room and grabbed the diaper bag. I shut the door and sat on the commode. With a bit of trepid
ation I reached inside the bag and pulled out a bundle of money wrapped with a rubber band.

Ralph had a good life as a doctor and I have to say in my adult years I had enjoyed the comforts of being middle class. But this... I flipped the edges of the money with my fingers and whistled. Where did Leesa get all that money? This was a girl who couldn’t keep a job for more than a few months.

My instincts were tingling. Something wasn’t right the moment Leesa showed up on my doorstep. I’d barely had time to give Mary a thought today, but the creepiness of my former friend’s body and now my daughter’s disappearing act made me nervous.

I stuffed the bundle of bills back into the di
aper bag. If I knew my daughter, she would be back for her stash. I prayed if she stole the money, that someone wouldn’t be right behind her. Even more importantly, I prayed they hadn’t caught up with her.

God, what’s happening?
My whole world had turned upside down in less than twenty-four hours. So much for the quiet, retired life.

The inquiring-minds-want-to-know twins eyed me as I entered the church vestibule. Annie Mae and Willie Mae Brown had been staples at Missionary Baptist Church for as long as I could remember. They also ran the usher board, pastor’s aid board, missionary board and any other board where they could stick their noses.

I could tell they were not too happy with me since I just walked through the doors without my white dress and orthopedic white shoes. Standard usher uniform. With thirty minutes to get ready, I prayed protection over Leesa (from me), then I stuffed the diaper bag with the suspicious contents in the back of my closet. In the process, an old favorite brushed against my face beckoning me to pull it off the hanger. Despite all that happened in the previous twenty-four hours, I was plum pleased I could fit my hips into my pale pink suit.

It’s amazing I still owned the suit, since so many other clothing treasures had long since been passed on to Goodwill or the Salvation Army. My body lost the battle with keeping up with a reputable dress size once I stopped being able to squeeze into a size eighteen. That was a sad day.

With the way my day had gone so far, it would be best to pass by the twins before they commented on mis
sing my Sunday morning duty.

Annie Mae dashed over to me, blocking my path. She cooed at Tyric, but her one good eye checked out my attire. “Oooooh, look at the pretty baby.”

“Whose baby, Eugeena?” Annie Mae’s identical twin Willie Mae, ambushed me on the other side. The only way I could tell the two apart, besides Annie Mae’s wandering eye, was Willie Mae’s facial features. Her face always seemed rounder and softer than her sister’s. Even her skin had an angelic glow. What a farce.

Anyone who spent time around the twins would have found out that behind Willie Mae’s sweet face was the worst gossip. The oldest twin, by a minute, could instigate a situation into existence with as much time as it took for her to come into the world before her twin.

It paid to be careful. So, I proceeded to act speechless. “Well I... uh.”

“Eugeena, why would you keep a new gran
dbaby from us?”

“Yeah? What’s going on?”

Poor little Kisha peered up from behind me at the two woman. Her eyes were huge. With both sisters closing in on me, I started to feel my body perspire. I was not messing up my suit.

“Good morning, ladies. Y’all sure looking mighty fine this morning.”

Annie Mae and Willie Mae spun around. Both women looked like they’d been hit.

I knew the affect Amos Jones had on me. In some ways, I’m glad he came to my rescue, but would I have to return the favor? These women could easily send Amos back into hiding in his backyard or fishing on Sunday.

Too late. The twins went into action. Each tried to push a church bulletin into Amos’ hand. He was an eligible bachelor and if young women had it bad, women our age certainly had some slim pickings from the male population.

I wasn’t looking myself. God had sent me enough trouble, and I wasn’t trying to look for more.

I sped ahead of Amos down the aisle. We came to church together, but I didn’t have time for wagging tongues. I had more serious matters to be worried about.

We arrived a little late, so I had to make my way down near the front of the already filled pews. I forgot it was the Sunday to honor the graduates, so more occupants were in the sanctuary than us
ual.

Good thing I had on my comfy shoes. Tyric was getting a little tiresome to hold and I had to create an alternative diaper bag on the fly. That meant I stuffed diapers and bottles in my own bag which already held a drugstore supply. I’m sure the bul
ging bag didn’t label me a fashion diva. I wasn’t trying to compete with the First Lady or the elite section of the church, but unfortunately that’s where I had to sit this morning.

One head after the other turned to watch as I squeezed my way into the pew. Even when the Mi
ssionary Baptist Gospel Choir started singing many people still broke their necks to look in my direction.  My cheekbones burned from smiling so hard. These are the benefits of attending a small church. Everybody wanted to be in your business.

Then it hit me. By now most of the congreg
ation probably heard about Mary’s demise. Years ago, Mary and I sat on the same pew, taking turns pinching each other’s children when they got out of order. Those days were precious and now gone forever. My stubbornness caused me to lose more than I imagined.

It really did get bad between us, with some folks in the church choosing sides.

Sometimes it paid to leave other folks out of your business. Didn’t Paul say somewhere to talk to that person and work it out? I should’ve paid better attention to that bible lesson. Maybe Mary wouldn’t have left the church.

“Hello, Miss Eugeena.”

Too busy trying to get Kisha and myself seated I didn’t notice Tamara on the pew beside us. “Hey honey. It’s so good to see you visiting Missionary.” I’d sent out the invitation to her a few times. That Carmen too. It was hard to get young people in church sometime. Missionary Baptist wasn’t the most innovative or contemporary, but we loved to praise the Lord.

“Are these your grandchildren?” Tamara had her eyes on Kisha and then swung them to Tyric who ama
zingly still slept like a log.  “Can I hold him?”

“Well …” I’d just met my own grandson last night. I’m not sure how he would react to a stranger. “Sure, why not.” I passed Tyric’s sleeping body over to Tamara. She looked at him adoringly and then brushed her hands against his face.

I cringed thinking the baby would start screeching. If he did, I would have to grab all our stuff and march right back up the aisle, past the twins, and to the nursery.

Like a trooper, Tyric slept on.

Tamara will make a good mama someday
.

The choir picked up the pace of the song with some down home clapping.

Praise the Lord. Everybody ought to praise the Lord.

I looked down at the sweet little one beside me. Kisha clapped her tiny hands off beat to the song and sang, “Praise the Low. Praise the Low.”

I tapped Kisha’s shoulder. “It’s Lord.”

Precious thing smiled and kept right on cla
pping, “Praise the Low.”

Don’t know if you call it déjà-vu, but I r
ecalled a similar memory with Leesa.

Sitting on the other side of Kisha, Amos bopped his head from side to side. I was surprised he’d chosen to sit on the same pew as us.  This was the first time in awhile I’d seen him without a hat. He had a perfectly round bald head, no dents or lumps. 

Coming to church this morning had to be difficult for him. He used to come faithfully before his wife died, pushing her down the aisle in a wheelchair during the latter part of her illness.

Deacon Moses shuffled to and then kneeled at the altar. Fifteen minutes later, Kisha wiggled b
eside me. I thought about pinching her, but then it crossed my mind that I wanted to pinch the deacon. I believed Deacon Moses should have long been finished with that prayer. Really, the man repeated the same request for forgiveness three times. He obviously had a bad week, but did we all need to hear about it.

Oh Lord Jesus, forgive me.

Actually every time the deacon mentioned forgiveness, all I could think about was poor Mary. Her blank eyes stared at me from my memory of finding her ... Was it only yesterday? It felt like a week ago. Now Mary would never know how sorry I was for my stubborn refusal to see the truth.

Tears flooded my eyes and sorrow enveloped my soul.

A flash of gold caught my eyes from the left. It was the offering plate on the move down the pew. At the end of both pews, one of twins was positioned.  I felt a little safe being in the middle, but their stares still bothered me.

Tamara passed Tyric back to me. I looked down at his face, really a stranger to me, but he’d taken to me and me to him. I turned to tell Tamara thank you, but she had a
lready reached the end of the pew. She sprinted toward the back. Either she had a bathroom run or was upset about something.

I pulled dollar bills out the side of my pocket book. The pile of money on the offering plate r
eminded me of what was hidden in my closet back home. I prayed that girl hadn’t robbed a bank or worse. What was really crazy? Why did she leave the money? When I realized Leesa had left Kisha’s booster seat and Tyric’s carrier in my car I’d almost lost it. What was the girl up to?

I laid my thoughts aside as Pastor Jones stood up. The big man hadn’t said a single word, but his ebony forehead glistened under the chandelier that hung above the pulpit. This sermon must be a doozy.

“Church, what do you do when trouble comes? That’s my message this morning.”

My ears pricked up. Trouble had been chasing me for the past twe
nty-four hours. I wanted God to pull me out the hot grease before I got burned to a crisp.

“From the book of Job, we are familiar with the calamities that hit Job. One by one, his world was rocked. But ole’ Job, he kept his faith in the Lord. If you remember from the passage, his friends came by with their own opinions. Not much help.”

No, they weren’t
. I moved Tyric to my other arm. It’s been awhile since I held a child. This child had a heavy head. I always thought it was peculiar the way young mamas carried their child in them carriers. I should’ve brought the carrier in with me. I just about had no feeling in my arm.

“Church, you can’t listen to folks around you. You have to keep your ears tuned into God. We don’t know what his plans are for us, but he knows best.”

Something stirred inside me as Pastor Jones continued. Job was really disappointed in his friends. Instead of being there for him after he had lost it all, the know-it-alls just picked the poor man apart.

I had a friend who was a good person and meant well. Due to my own self-righteousness, I turned my back on her. Now she was gone. Forever.

My world had shifted. I’m glad God was in control because the feeling in the pit of my stomach told me,
Sistah, you ain’t seen nothing yet
.