Deconstructing Lila (Entangled Select) (10 page)

“The belt didn’t bruise?”

“No, I don’t think so. But I might find differently in the morning.”

He nodded and some of the concern left his face, but his posture remained tense, ready for action. Pushing open the door, he unfolded his legs from beneath the wheel and strode to the passenger side to investigate the tire.

Lila hopped out of the cab to see the damage for herself. The front passenger-side wheel hung in limp rubber ribbons. The smell of burning tread filled the air.

Fortunate for them they had the blowout on a desolate stretch of road. No oncoming traffic to put them in danger.

“You do have a spare, right?”

His gaze cut to hers. Obviously he didn’t deem the question valid enough for a response.

Moving to the rear of the truck, he sank to his haunches and stared underneath the bed. “There’s an L-shaped tool for the spare tire in the glove box. Would you get it?”

The glove box looked like a tornado had hit it. Papers dropped to the floorboard as she rummaged for the tool. A yellow sticky note on the top of an empty prescription bag caught her attention

Dr. Rogers, screening. 3:30 p.m.

This week! Jake had a cancer screening and he hadn’t said a word. Before she could stop herself, old fears and anxieties flared up, making her heart thump painfully. Mostly because she was once again on the outside looking in.

What did she expect? For him to ask her to accompany him?

“Did you find it?” Jake’s voice drifted from the tailgate.

Lila’s hand swam quickly through the mess until it encountered the tire tool. Stuffing the papers back into the glove box, she hurried back to rear of the truck in time to see Jake stand.

“I found it.” She held it up and he reached for it, only to disappear back beneath the tailgate.

She wanted to talk to him about the appointment, offer to go with him. She knew without a doubt, if she brought it up, he’d shut down and she’d be right back out in the cold.

She should be used to it by now. But Gentrys were slow that way. They didn’t take hints easily.

The spare tire gave a groan and began to lower from its underbelly nest.

“Well, hell.”

Her gaze snapped from the tire to Jake’s face and then back to the tire.

The spare was flat.

Lesson Number Ten —

For a woman, sex is both emotional and physical. For the woman to be gratified sexually, she needs the emotional fulfillment first. Understanding this requirement (and pursuing what she wants) helps her enjoy sex as much as the man.

Chapter Twelve

L
ila didn’t speak for several heartbeats as Jake sat there, his head hanging in his hands. When he looked up, it was directly into her face. “What are you, some kind of jinx on automobiles?”

“It could be worse, you know. We could be stranded on a deserted highway.” She got a glare for the bad joke.

Surely someone would come by. They were in Texas, for God’s sake, not the Outback. Though the lack of signal on her cell phone indicated it was, indeed, the Outback.

He was strangely quiet as he stood and brushed off the rear of his jeans.

“Don’t tell me we’re stranded out here.”

He rolled the spare out and lifted it, throwing it into the empty bed. “Okay.”

The tire clattered, resting flat against the corrugated metal of the truck bed. He strode to the driver’s side and rolled the windows down before pulling the keys from the ignition and pocketing them.

“I’m heading back that direction,” he said, pointing east, “where F.M. 1670 intersects. You going, or do you want to wait here?”

“Won’t another car pass this way soon?”

“Not likely.”

“Why?” She knew her questions were beginning to irritate him; she could see it in the firm set of his jaw.

“Lila, we’re on pastureland out here. No one but Jim Stokey could happen by and he won’t because he’s in Dallas for his daughter’s wedding.”

She felt sufficiently castigated. “Oh.”

“So let’s get walking.”

“Sure.” She stepped up beside him and they headed off in the direction they’d come.

They walked in silence for fifteen minutes as she hurried to accommodate Jake’s long stride. Her footwear was not only inappropriate for a five-mile hike, but hurt like hell on her feet. Ordinarily, she wore boots or tight lace-up shoes while on construction sites. She’d made an exception around Jake, however. Her shoe wardrobe now consisted of strappy sandals and heels.

Apparently toe cleavage attracted men. Or so the Bombshells had said.

“What’s so funny?” Jake’s brooding tone cut through the Bombshells’ litany of surefire ways to attract a man.

“Oh, this whole situation, I guess. Here you are trying to avoid me like the plague and we go and get ourselves stranded together on a deserted piece of pasture. Kind of funny, don’t you think?”

A grumble crossed the distance between them.

“Well, I find it funny. And I’m sure Otis would find the situation hilarious.”

At the mention of the old foreman, Jake’s head whipped in her direction. “Don’t mention it to him. I’ll never live it down.” He shook his head in resignation. “Flat spare.”

“What do I get in return for keeping the secret?”

His evergreen eyes cut back to her, caution guarding their depths. “What do you want? And be reasonable, Lila.”

“The truth.” It popped out before she could close her lips around the words.

At his immediate frown, she wished she could take the words back, eat them before she spilled them.

“You ask too much.”

“You ask for nothing, Jake. Why shouldn’t you deserve happiness as much as the next man?”

“Because I don’t have any guarantees. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to have children. Hell, I don’t even know if I’m going to make it to my next birthday.”

“That’s such bullshit, Jake. You won’t let yourself live because it would make you just like the rest of us. Vulnerable. Scared of failure. Fear of being an ordinary person, in ordinary circumstances, taking chances without any certainty as to the outcome. It’s all a risk. Every day. Living is hard, commitment is hard, but making an attempt to do it right is the hardest part of all.”

He glared at her. “Is that why you’re here? To fix our marriage? Do it ‘right’?”

His sarcasm stung, but she’d gone too far to back down now. “And what if I am?”

His look burned through her chest, laying a scorch across her heart. “I’d say you’re out of luck.”

Lila’s hand rose of its own accord. It flew across the space between them and came into contact with his chest as he backed away.

She fell, tipped forward by the momentum of her angry fist. She hit the ground hard, her hands taking the brunt of the impact. Slightly dazed, her brain registered Jake’s concern as background. Seconds passed as she regained her composure.

“Lila? Are you hurt?”

She couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t force herself to see the self-hatred in his eyes. She hugged the warm grass beneath her, closing her eyes.
Why?
Why did she have to love him so much? And why didn’t he love himself just a little? Just enough to see he was worthy of all the things he denied.

His hands gripped her shoulders, rolling her onto her back. Lila refused to open her eyes. His hand snaked around her back, pulling her into his lap.

“Lila, open your eyes, dammit, and tell me you’re okay.” He shook, his voice gruff with emotion.

Squinting through one open eye, she took in the grief written across his handsome face. His strong lips were turned down and tension creased his forehead.

She wanted to smooth the worry and found her hand lifting to do so. He leaned into her hand, kissing the inside of her wrist, closing his eyes as she stroked his face.

Lila wrapped her hand around his neck, pulling him down to meet her lips. A spark electrified the air as their lips met and a tingle coursed down her spine, spreading fire in its wake.

The light pressure of his lips turned immediately intense, demanding. She submitted, opening like a rose in the morning sun.

His tongue drilled past her lips, past her teeth to the recesses of her mouth. He drank from her. He sucked her tongue, nipped the full center of her bottom lip, and licked the tender underside of her top.

She opened further, releasing all reservations of past mistakes and future doubts. She let herself glory in the sensations, forgetting the outside world, forgetting he didn’t want her as his wife.

She sensed the control in his powerful body, through the tender circle of his arms and gentle caress of his hands. He traced the outline of her cheekbones with his fingers and glided down the column of her neck. His lips followed his hands, licking the pronounced hollow of her throat through the deep vee of her T-shirt.

“You taste like sherbet, Lila.”

His comment sank in seconds later. “What? Sherbet?”

His hand drifted lower to her breast, kneading the flesh through her shirt, pulling at the nipple hidden beneath her bra.

“Hmmm. Sherbet.”

She groaned into his mouth, encouraging his hand to find her shirttail and pull the fabric high, exposing her midriff.

“What flavor?” She loved to tease him almost as much as she relished the feel of his rough hands on her skin. His fingers found the clasp at the front of her bra and thumbed it open, freeing her breasts.

She felt the hot Texas sun caress a naked breast as he lifted her shirt higher still. The lavish attention of Jake’s warm tongue took the sun’s place, but the heat intensified, burning her, claiming her.

He sucked her nipple, testing. “Orange,” he mumbled, his mouth wrapped around her breast.

The world spun away. It didn’t matter that they were in the middle of a pasture on a deserted road. She would take him in the IGA given the chance.

His hand parted her legs and skimmed up a thigh and under her twill skirt to rest heavily on her silk panties. He cupped the slightly rounded mound, letting the weight and warmth drive her crazy.

When his fingers plucked the lace out of the way and brushed her center, she groaned, releasing a rush of air through her teeth.

Relentless, he teased her, stroking and staying just outside her warm, wet core. When his fingers finally dipped inside, Lila came apart in his hands.

“God, Jake…now!” She was ready, writhing with need. She moved a hand to the front of his jeans, caressing his concealed length from base to tip. He was rock hard. Even through the stiff fabric, she could outline the plum-shaped head of his erection.

She needed to feel him pulsing in the palm of her hand, trace the rigid outline of veins, taste the salt upon his skin. She wanted to feel her own power over his body, to know she had the ability to create the same fire within him that burned out of control inside her.

She sought his gaze in the bright sunlight. She found him watching her from behind shadowed lashes. His hat lay upon the grass at her side and his hair stood on end in several places, tousled from her roaming hands. A sensual smile played along the corners of his mouth and a mischievous look shone in his eyes, eyes that reflected the intensity of the overhead sky back to her.

Two fingers pushed inside her, filling her until she came off the ground, pushing against his hand. He lowered his head and recaptured her lips, imitating the dance of his hands electrifying her insides.

She worked at the front of his jeans, unraveling his belt and popping the button. The zipper slid down and he sprang up, straining against a pair of plaid boxers.

He disengaged his tongue enough to mumble across her lips, “I quit wearing briefs a while back.”

Lila laughed outright, hugging him close.

She loved him
. And she did the right thing by being here. In Hannington. This is where she belonged, in his arms.

He pulled back, lifting her until she straddled his lap, her skirt hiked high around her hips.

He grinned, licking the exposed nipple even with his mouth. “I like this position.”

She threw her head back, laughing in agreement, offering herself to him. Her breast lay heavy in his warm hand, his thumb rubbing the peak to exquisite hardness.

She opened the front flap on his boxers and pulled him free. It was Jake’s turn to groan. And he did, loud and low in his throat.

He shifted her weight with his hands and she felt the head of his erection nudging against the tight barrier of her panties. She leaned into him, pulling the silk to one side, and he pushed through, filling her in a swift drive.

“Ahhh.” She sank low, taking all of him, filling herself with Jake until she couldn’t distinguish between their bodies, their breaths. He grasped the back of her neck in a firm grip, pulling her lips to his.

He rocked her forward and back in successive motions, driving her crazy. She clung to him, shutting out everything but the feel of their bodies. When she thought she couldn’t ride any higher, he slid a thumb between her folds and along her most sensitive skin until he found her clit.

“Jake!” She dropped her head back, the yell bursting from her lips. He held her tightly against his chest as he climaxed, too, his seed nestling deeply within the walls of her womb.

His head fell to her shoulder and the tension left his body all at once.

Coming back to reality, she noted her clothes were damp with steam and perspiration. And she loved it. She looked around the open pasture populated by mesquite trees and rough limestone rock.

She hadn’t made love outdoors since they were nineteen. God, how glorious!

She pressed a hand against Jake’s shoulder and leaned back, taking in the expression on his face, expecting the same rosy glow she felt within.

A cloud passed across his eyes and he fixed her with his penetrating stare. “Are you on the pill?”

The unexpected question hit her like an icy shot of water during a warm shower. “No. I haven’t had the need for birth control lately.”

“Goddammit.” His hands fisted at his side on the ground, but Lila yearned for them to hold her.

He pulled himself together and reined in his temper. “I’m sorry. This was my fault.”

“I had an orgasm, too. I’d like to think I was part of this afternoon delight.” She said this with Jake still inside her.

“I’m not denying we’re good in bed together. That would be a lie. But we can’t afford to plan for a future.” He’d said it figuratively, but there it was: he had an appointment for a cancer screening. “I’ll drive you to Walgreens and buy you the morning-after pill.”

She looked down their bodies to where they were intimately joined. They belonged together, like this, every day for the rest of their lives. She didn’t care how long it meant, as long as they were together to share it.

And she didn’t want the damn morning-after pill!

Her eyes shot back up, colliding with his wary stare. “Look at us, Jake.” His gaze remained steady on her face. “Look at us!” Her voice tightened, thick with determination to make him understand, acknowledge they were right together.

His eyes lowered, trailing down her chest.

“We can’t keep our hands off each other. It’s like we’re nineteen again. If this thing between us hasn’t died in the ten years we’ve been apart, I don’t think it ever will. Why throw it away?”

“I’m not worried about the health of our libidos, Lila.” His lips thinned in self-disgust. “Knocking you up with a kid, although the chance is pretty remote with all of the drugs that have passed through my body, has me scared shitless. What if you do get pregnant and I’m not around anymore? What’ll you do then?”

She recoiled at the vehemence of his words. At last, honesty.

“You don’t know what tomorrow brings. It might bring life and life for many more days after that. It’s a chance I’m willing to take. With you. It’s called loving with your whole heart.”

He moved his hands up her arms, and she leaned in for the expected embrace. But he set her back, disengaging their bodies. He stood, focusing on the horizon as adjusted his jeans.

His withdrawal left her feeling hollow, cold inside. She sat on the hard, warm earth, prickly grass tickling the underside of her thighs.

Could rejection be any more brutal than that? She wondered for a moment if Miss Pru had felt this way. Rejected. Over and over again.

She hated him in that moment. Hated him for his distance, his ability to withdraw and push her away like used goods. And she hated herself for wanting something so much. For wanting him. It was her teenage years all over again. Wanting to fit in, to win the approval of the town, Jake’s parents. To have people see her as a worthy person and not just another Gentry girl.

The hurt swelled inside her, rushing up her throat to fill her mouth with mean words. But what good would they do? Mean words never helped. She bit them back and got to her knees, adjusting her skirt.