December Heat (5 page)

Chapter Five

Nicolette
glanced at Jake’s tanned fingers gripping the steering wheel. Long fingers that curled around her upper arms as he’d kissed her that first night. Lean fingers that contrasted with the paleness of her skin as they’d caressed her flour-dusted cheeks. Strong fingers that only this morning grasped her when she stumbled, and almost fell, on the way to the car. Even now, she imagined them banded around her soft flesh...warm, powerful...almost like a brand. A little shiver of excitement tingled through her, forcing her to take charge of her thoughts.

“Just
watch the hairpin bend up ahead,” she cautioned, glad to have something else to focus on. “It can be a bit tricky if you’re not used to it.”

Jake
slowed and carefully took the winding descent into the small township of Wiseman’s Ferry.

“Thanks
for the warning,” he said, giving her a quick smile before turning his attention back to the intersection.

“You’re
welcome.” What was it about Jake’s smile, his presence? The intriguing way his mouth curved ever so slightly when he was close enough to kiss her, sent funny little ripples through her body. She hadn’t expected to feel like this, not so soon after Mark’s death. Surprisingly, she’d begun to enjoy Jake’s company after all those months of self-imposed solitude. Risky as it was to acknowledge such things, even to herself, she had Jake to thank for feeling alive again.

Nicolette
could almost see his mind ticking over and wondered what he was thinking, this very masculine man whose presence seemed to snatch away the air inside the car.

“You’ve
changed, Nic.”

So
that’s where his mind was. On her! She couldn’t deny the thought thrilled her, though at the same time, Nic felt apprehension feather down her spine. And she liked that he’d shortened her name.

So
far, she’d kept her attraction for Jake safely tucked away. If she didn’t dwell on it, then she’d be okay. The fact that she felt drawn to him wouldn’t get the better of her; make her do something silly and reckless.

“What
do you mean?” She turned sharply to face him and kept her gaze fixed on his face. On the dark eyes and strong masculine features. He couldn’t make a comment like that without some sort of explanation. She just wouldn’t allow it. Deep down she searched for that old animosity, something that would serve as an excellent barrier if only she could summon it at will.

“That
you seem different.” He indicated right and waited at the intersection for the traffic to clear. He spared her a quizzical glance, bringing his attention back to the intersection before making the turn.

“I
mean, you haven’t changed in some ways. You’re still the home-maker I always thought you were.”

He
was thinking of the pie. She’d been thrilled at how well the recipe had turned out. It had to have been one of her most successful experiments. Jake enjoyed it so much, he’d asked for another piece, then another.

Briefly,
she wondered whether Mark would have liked it. She’d never know. Hurt squeezed her heart and she dismissed the thought before it took too much of a hold.

“Oh,
you mean I’m not the stuck-up little snob you thought I was?”

“Something
like that. You’ve mellowed.”

Nicolette
turned to gaze through the windscreen. Mellowed indeed. Was it any wonder after all she’d been through? Months of anguish and uncertainty about her future with Mark had filled her every breathing moment. She’d felt betrayed. There were times she’d suffered such desperation, hurt and anger, she’d wanted to walk away from their situation and forget they’d ever had a life together. Guilt, frustration, caring, resentment had riddled her emotions until they were so scrambled there were times she thought she might never be in charge of them again.

“Maybe you’re
right, to a certain extent. I’ve grown up a lot since you and I first met.”

“I
won’t argue with that...not yet anyway.” He flashed her a quick tentative grin but she ignored his remark.

Time
for some soul searching...again. Heaven knows she’d done enough of it over recent months.

“I...I
thought Mark was a pretty good catch and was thrilled that someone like him would be interested in a homebody like me.”

He’d
done wonders for her battered self-image. She’d reveled in the thought that her life would have some stability and security and she’d have a home of her own—something she’d longed for since her teenage years. Her father had moved around with his work, and on a previous overseas posting, she’d remained in boarding school in Australia—a hurt, shy teenager, unsure of her parents’ motives for not taking her with them. Though they said her schooling had to take priority, she had the distinct impression they thought she’d get in the way. Of what, she wasn’t sure. The feeling of abandonment had stayed with her until her marriage. Now that Mark was gone, that familiar feeling toyed with her emotions when she was at her lowest.

Fear
gripped her heart each time she thought that maybe she’d been the cause of Mark’s depression, even though she’d done all in her power to make him a good wife, make him happy.

“I
thought I knew everything when I married Mark.” When he’d offered to settle down, she’d been thrilled that someone cared enough about her to consider her feelings.

“I
expected we’d live happily ever after and life’s little problems would pass us by. Naïve of me, I know.” She felt the tremor in her voice and wondered if Jake noticed it as well. How much should she tell him?

“Go
on.”

“Mark
swept me off my feet. I’d never met anyone quite like him. And when he wanted to give up his wandering lifestyle for me, I was over the moon. I didn’t expect him to do that, though never questioned his reasoning or whether that was the right thing for him to do. I knew I could never settle for a part-time relationship. I suppose I didn’t know Mark as well as I thought, or should have. Silly as it sounds, I...I felt honored that he’d want to do that for me.”

“Quit
his career, you mean?”

“Yes.
I can see all too clearly now that it was a foolish romantic notion. Life just isn’t like that.” She took a breath. Had she been rambling? “Why am I telling you all this? Why should I tell you anyway?”

“Because
I asked. And I need to know...about Mark...and you.”

What
would he say if she told him there were times she wanted to kiss Mark better—a magic kiss that would immediately heal him, and other times when she wanted to leave him for making their lives so miserable?

Jake
slowed the car to a crawl after checking to make sure no one was behind him. “That’s where we’re having lunch, right?” He inclined his head slightly toward the old two-storey pub.

“Yes.”

He accelerated and drove a little further down toward the river. “We’ve got a few minutes to spare. Do you mind if we take a look around before we eat?”

“No,
of course not. Go for it.”

He
parked the car, climbed out and walked around to open the door for her.

“Thank
you,” she said, stepping out into the warm sunshine.

“It’s
a long time since I’ve been to a place like this.” Jake surveyed the surroundings as if trying to remember the last time. “It’s so peaceful compared to where I’ve been living for the past couple of years. I still find it hard to believe there are places like this left in the world. A peace you can breathe in every moment of every day.”

Nicolette
looked around at all she’d taken for granted and found it hard to imagine a life without peace and quiet and freedom. In many respects, her life, indeed her world, had been quite sheltered. Now that Mark was gone, the only thing disturbing her peace these days took the undeniably and potently masculine form of Jake Harrigan.

“Probably
the last time you were in a place like this was when you came back for the wedding. Remember we all went out for tea at that old pub...somewhere in the Blue Mountains, wasn’t it?”

“Yes,
now I remember.”

It
had been a happy night, Nicolette recalled. Mark had been in fine form, full of hope for their future together, as had she.

How
things had changed.

“Let’s
walk,” he suggested. Jake’s fingers rested momentarily in the small of her back as he guided her across the grassy area toward the ferry dock. She liked the warm reassurance and comfort of his touch and wished he’d left them there.

“I
seem to remember you didn’t say much that night,” she reminded Jake. “I got the impression you weren’t very happy about our marriage.”

At
least Jake had the grace to look just a little bit guilty. He ran his fingers through the dark drift of waves that fell against his brow. If the action was meant to brush them aside, it didn’t succeed.

“You’re
right. I wish I could say I was drunk that night. But it wasn’t that at all. I wasn’t particularly pleased because I thought Mark would wreck his life by marrying, settling down in one place, with one woman...a woman who expected him to rearrange his life to suit her. I thought Mark could have done better. Or preferably, stayed single.”

He
couldn’t know how much his words hurt.

“Like
you?”

“Yeah.”

“And now you think otherwise?”

“Maybe.”

“That’s typical of you, Jake.”

“I
know. I’ve misjudged you badly. And I’m sorry for that. It didn’t really occur to me at first that Mark was happy, that marriage was what he wanted. It was something I knew wasn’t right for me and didn’t want to believe it was right for Mark either.”

She
was aware of the tension within him.

“I
had difficulty in accepting Mark’s decision and couldn’t get past that. I expected us to work as a team for a long time to come.” He paused. “You know the mentality—why change what works?”

“You
don’t believe in marriage?”

“Yes,
I do. For other people. It’s not for me. I like my life the way it is—uncomplicated, not having responsibility for someone else. I like my freedom. And I like being on the move. It’s as simple as that.”

Standing
at the edge of the river, he turned and studied her for a long moment.

“I
just couldn’t understand why Mark would want to give it all away. Now I know a little bit more about you, I can see why he did.”

He
reached out and brushed a finger along her cheekbone, allowed it to linger, along with his dark assessing gaze that caused a quiver right down to her toes. His gaze lowered to her mouth and she tried hard not to moisten her sun-dry lips. The burning lazy heat slowed the air around them. Jake seemed mesmerized and Nic felt it too. Then Jake lowered his arm and the moment was lost.

Nicolette
took a deep breath. “Don’t you want a family of your own one day? A place to settle and call home?”

“Those
aren’t high on my list of priorities. I know they can be snatched away in a heartbeat. I’ve seen too much.”

Jake
Harrigan was a curious man. Nic was tempted to ask him what was on his list of priorities. She’d also misjudged him, perhaps. She couldn’t blame him for wanting an uncomplicated life. Didn’t everyone? Heaven knew the kind of job he did brought its own hassles. But now, with his scrutinizing gaze sweeping every inch of her, Nicolette found herself involuntarily wondering just what a fling with Jake Harrigan would be like.

“So
tell me more about you and Mark.”

His
husky voice broke into her thoughts that were becoming more intense by the moment, or was it the summer heat that took away the air, scrambled her brain?

“There
were a lot of things about our marriage, about Mark, that I could never have foreseen. If I’d known what was ahead of us...I...I may not have married him.”

Jake
looked at her sharply. “After all he did for you?”

An
awareness of how much she’d said, without giving away details, made Nicolette put up her guard. There were some things she didn’t want to discuss and she was afraid Jake’s easy manner would coax those things from her. The worst of it all was that she did want, need, to talk about it. She’d kept things to herself far too long.

“Don’t
get me wrong, Jake. I loved Mark with all my heart. I would have done anything for him.” She felt the hint of tears at the back of her eyes. She lived for the moment when she could recall her marriage and Mark with dry eyes and a lot less uncontrolled sentiment and without that telltale tremulous tone.

“Do
you want to talk about it?”