Death of the Mad Hatter (13 page)

M.H. flinched. Immediately, an orange cat appeared beside him, floating in the air, like gravity dared not pull it to the floor.

“Nervous for some reason?” the cat asked, contemptuously as it showed its claws.

“
Oh Chez, M.H. is mental, but he’d never betray me,” Hearts said, but never took her eyes off Robert.

M.H. took off his hat and placed it on the boy
’s head. The rim fell over his brown eyes, keeping him from seeing anything disturbing.

The queen spoke in a diplomatic tone,
“I’d never in my wildest dreams consider the possibility of leading the—”

“
You tricked my son into coming to this place!” Robert yelled, advancing toward the queen.

The card soldiers blocked him with their paper
mache swords and battle axes. They looked like they could be taken out by a heavy duty squirt gun, but I wasn’t confident enough they would become soggy to put my theory to the test. The two, white painted women wearing the red, facial hearts stepped in front of the queen. When it was clear Robby was not going to harm her, the queen stepped in front of them. It didn’t take a genius to figure out they were her personal guards.

“Thank you,
LeDee and LeDum, but Robby is no match for me, not anymore,” Hearts said to the painted women.

Robby said,
“Did you think my son would like his head to be detached from his body like his Uncle Eddie?”

“
Don’t speak about my beloved late husband that way!” Hearts shouted. “You should consider yourself fortunate that I didn’t order you or your son to be beheaded the moment I heard of your arrival to my court.”

“
Then allow us both leave, and we will never return again.”

“
You already promised never to return,” Hearts said, dryly. “Yet, here you are.”

Robby swore
. “I’ll give up all my candy.”

“
All of your candy?” Hearts said. She grinned a horribly evil smile when he nodded. “Tell me the boy’s name, and you have a deal.”

Robby
’s jaw tightened. He spoke through clenched teeth. “My son’s name is Ryley.”

“Your child’s name could be that of a girl’s or a boy’s,” Hearts said. “When a second carried on for infinity, every creature in Wonderland would tip their Hat to the misfit girl with a boy’s name (or was it a boy with a Girl’s name?) who’d end the Reign of Terror… I don’t suppose you gave your son a girl’s name on purpose? Tempt fate?”

“
Quoting the
Bleeding Hearts Prophecy
?” Robby said, laughing comically. “After all these years, you’re still afraid of a silly fortune?”

“
Being scared is not the same as being mindful. I’d keep a closer watch on your son. For the next time I find him in my court, he’ll see the Joker’s blade,” Hearts said, stepping off the golden stool. “Joker, please escort the Edgars out.”

M.H. tossed Robby a piece of
checkered candy, for which he received an earth-shattering glare from the queen. Her eyes turned blood red.

“It’s only
an Eraser Tracer, an unforgettable-forgettable sweet to make the boy lose recollection of this night,” M.H. explained. “To make Wonderland seem like it was only a dream.”

“So be it,” she said after a long pause.

I couldn’t believe that she let them go! Why would she do such a thing? What was her plan? As she and M.H. were leaving, she stepped on a tiny, muddy footprint. She howled so fiercely that one would think she was dying. The frogs that had been carrying the stoo
l
dropped it to tend to their queen, wiping her shoe clean of mud.

Chez
appeared beside it and gave it a sniff. “A muddy footprint.”

Mr. Ruth shifted nervously beside me.
“This is another spectacular reason to keep your legs and arms tucked close when you fall down the rabbit holes—it’s harder to track what is clean!”

The cat followed the prints closer and closer to the closet door. Once her feet were rid of any mud, the queen followed her kitty with the utmost curiosity.

“
Run away while you still can, Mr. Ruth,” I said. “You’re faster than me so you might just get away!”

“
She’ll wring your neck!” Mr. Ruth exclaimed.

“
I’m not afraid of her,” I said.

“
I owe you my life, Al. If you survive—”

“
Just go!”

He darted away so fast that he looked like a white blaze. I couldn
’t even pinpoint his shape; much less make out that he was a rabbit. The flash caught the queen’s attention. Fearing that she’d order her soldiers to pursue it, I pushed the closet door open.

The orange cat didn
’t bother hiding its hunger. “It’s just a defenseless, little creature, a girl.”

Sometime
s the most delicate creatures can be the most violent, little kitty. Though, I didn’t say this, but the thought echoed in my mind as the cat clawed me out of the closet.

C
HAPTER
T
WENTY-
O
NE

(
Alice Mae: Fourth Visit to Wonderland Continued…)

I can still remember the hateful look in the Queen of Hearts
’ eyes when she found me hiding in her coat closet. I’d dismissed the possibility of monsters long ago, but I could see the blood thirst in her eyes. She grabbed me by the shoulders after Chez dragged me out via his claws. Bright red marks lined my arms.

“
What is your name, little girl?” Hearts asked.

I didn
’t make eye contact with M.H. He was on my side, but, for all intents and purposes, he had to stay in character in front of the queen. In her presence, he was her ally, not mine.

I spoke in a soft voice, pretending to be scare
d. “Al.”

“
Al?” Hearts repeated with a laugh. She grabbed a piece of my hair and inspected it. Commenting that another dumb blonde had fallen into her court, she asked, “What are you doing here, stupid girl?”

“
I fell.”

“
How convenient that you just so happened to fall down the hole the same day, the very hour, that Robert’s boy arrived,” Chez said. His yellowed eyes narrowed. “Are you spying for the traitorous Mr. Edgar?”

“
I’ve never met him,” I said. “And, if you didn’t want me coming here, then why did you order for so many rabbit holes to be dug?”

M.H. winced at my last comment. I suppose that was something that I wasn
’t supposed to say.

Hearts asked,
“Where did you hear of such a thing?”

“
A little bird told me,” I said.

Chez
licked his lips. “Was it Omar, the cockatoo?”

“
No!” I crossed my arms. “I snuck up on you when you were having a tea party. I heard everything you said about digging holes so that a wannabe prince would take a stumble into this realm.”

“
Then you are in need of a punishment,” Hearts said, stepping away from me. Her voice carried, echoing through the hall.

The door at the very end of the
hall cracked open. I could barely make out the Jack’s beady, black eyes before his kin pushed past him. In the Joker’s hand was a sword that looked like it had been intended for a toy soldier. As he flipped it in the air, it grew bigger and bigger until it became the largest blade I’d ever seen! Only when it was the size of my body did he hurl it in my direction.

In sheer panic, I froze.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the Jack take a pair of dice out of the Joker’s pocket. When he threw them on the ground, a puff of smoke erupted. The Jack disappeared. He reappeared in front of me and grabbed the blade. But it was too late. The weapon cut me, scratching the side of my face. The blade disappeared from his hand.

“
Hands off my toys, great-great-grand pappy!” the Joker screamed, digging in his pockets. He ripped out a handful of jacks and threw them at the Jack. Every jack missed, ricocheting around us. No one moved a muscle as the pointy toys stuck into the floor and walls.

Somehow
, only the LeDee and LeDum had been hit; the redness of the blood was brought out by the white paint. I suspected that no one else was harmed because of Jack’s doing; he had sorcery powers. Eyeing the toys, I knew one thing. If I was going to make it out alive, I was going to learn some of the Joker’s tricks.

Hearts
reacted as if the Joker just dumped a gallon of pimple pus on her. “I swear I’ll use those jacks to drain you dry if one stabbed me, Joker!” she screamed and then looked at me like I’d instigated the ruckus. “Off with her—”

“
T-t-the’th a c-child,” the Jack whispered, stepping in front of me. His lisp made it difficult to understand. But it was only when I looked more closely did I see that the tip of his tongue was actually cut off.

M.H. gave me a look that screamed his fear, but it was concealed in the blink of an eye.
“The Jack is right. You know the Rightdoing Law passed down from the White King before you. No beheadings for children, no exceptions.”

“
Stupid law,” Hearts said. “I should have done away with that as soon as I became ruler, but it would be poor public image since the king… tripped on the guillotine and died by accidental beheading.”

“
Accidental beheading?” I said. “Do Wonderlanders really believe that was what happened to the King?”

…
I should have stopped talking while I was ahead.

C
HAPTER
T
WENTY-
T
WO

(
Ryley: Present Time)

Mr.
Ruth’s missing posters papered the school’s halls by Monday morning. All of Alice Mae’s fingernails had been chewed off by the day’s end. Come Tuesday, most of the posters were torn, thrown in the garbage, or being stepped on after falling to the floor. A few still hung, probably because Alice Mae worked on them non-stop in her spare time.
A little piece of me
felt guilty—okay, I was fully willing to admit to my crime by the time Wednesday rolled around. Or at least slip the stuffed animal into Alice Mae’s locker, but I wasn’t sure what would fall out if I tried it. When Thursday rolled around, most of the Mr. Ruth drawings had mustaches and sombreros.

On Friday,
I copied the phone number on the only poster left hanging (which happened to be next to Alice Mae’s locker) and sent off a text message while walking to lit class.
You should always put a reward on a missing poster.

I
expected my phone to immediately beep with a text message reply. It didn’t. I don’t know how many lockers I passed while staring at my screen. Only after I shoved it into my pocket did the alarm go off. Figures.

Alice Mae:
How am I to know what reward to offer to a stranger?

Me:
You will get your bunny back when I get some answers.

I
hit send, and then was attacked from behind. Alice Mae swung her backpack at me—something pointy jabbed my side. I jerked the bag from her hands. I caught a glimpse of her icy blue eyes when she jumped on my back and swatted me. I dropped her bag and my phone, and subsequently stepped on it, while I pried the crazed lunatic off me. She was a feisty one! I slammed her into the wall before she retracted her claws and let go.

I
t wasn’t like this went unnoticed by our classmates. A crowd of students formed around us. Courtney was amongst them. Her wide eyes and dropped jaw only added to her horrific expression, but I didn’t care—not then. Alice Mae demanded my attention, and I was going to let her have it.

Furthermore, it wouldn
’t be long before the teachers caught wind and passed out detention slips. Alice Mae must have drawn the same conclusion. Tears pooled in her eyes. I rubbed my head; she’d ripped out a few chunks of hair. A few strands fell loose and drifted to the ground.

“I should have known that
you
are holding Mr. Ruth hostage!”

“
It’s just a stupid bunny!”

She grabbed my baseball state champion’s cap off the floor, picking out a few of my hairs, which had been pulled out during the tussle
. She twirled it on her finger.

“
Give that back you damn infuriating minx,” I said, ready to pry the hat from her fingers.

“It’s just a stupid hat!”
She tossed it on the floor and wiped her dirty antique shoes on it. Her snooty smile spoke the words she dare not speak.

“
You’re not going to get Mr. Ruth back now. You are terrible at negotiations,” I said, jerking my hat up from under her shoe.

We stood so close I could smell her
cherry-vanilla perfume. I’d rather she smell like a wet-dog covered in skunk spray than a not-so-sweet girl.

“
Blanch will give you detention faster than any other teacher here. It’s time to make your exit. She’s not worth it.” Dax grabbed my shoulders and pulled me away. He handed me my phone. The screen was cracked. Great.

We didn
’t utter a word to each other in the first period, but I sincerely doubted she was going to bow down now. This was war. Even though “the line was drawn,” I hadn’t realized how high the stakes were until seventh period. My locker had been suspiciously covered in shredded, red fabric. String hung from the door handle and pieces of fabric were strewn across the hallway. It wasn’t until I unlocked it, that I realized the shredded material was my state championship hat!

“
That miserable hussy!” I yelled, slamming my door shut and fisting a handful of red fabric.

I
marched toward the freshman hall, but stopped dead when I caught glimpse of her outré blue and orange coat. She was leaning against the wall by the water fountain, absentmindedly painting her fingernails bright green. The same M.H. crest that was scratched into the side of my dad’s car was drawn on her hand with blue ink. I started several different insults, but none seemed callous enough to explicitly describe the horror she’d done.

“Use your words,” she said without looking up at me.

I growled. Yep, growled. I tossed the remaining hat pieces at her feet. “You underhanded vixen!”

“
Something upsetting you caveman?” she asked, innocently.

“
And you vandalized my dad’s car!” I said, staring at the hat crest on her hand.

My accusation didn’t faze her.
“Prove it.”

“
That rabbit is toast!” I said, thinking of the ways I would destroy Mr. Ruth. Fire. Industrial sized paper shredder. Hacksaw. Maybe I’d dismember it, take pictures, and send them to her.

Screwing the top back onto her bottle of nail polish, she looked up at me and smiled. It wasn
’t a pretty ‘take my picture’ kind of smile. No, it was a suggestive, yet threatening one. She blew on her nails. The blue lipstick and the form of her lips made it look like she was attempting to kiss her fingers.

S
he pushed away from the wall, staring at me like I was harmless, like she could win this fight. She acted like I was her target, instead of the other way around—she should fear me, not mock me! Hell, I was keeping my hands clenched tight at my sides so I wouldn’t do anything rash. I stood my ground, shaking with rage. I wanted to backhand her, and do things to her with my fists that I’d only do to a guy. She pressed her pointer finger on my chest. Dragging her finger down my shirt, she smiled pleasantly—in an evil, twisted sort of way. Green polish smeared onto my clothes.

“
If anything happens to Mr. Ruth, you’ll never uncover my secrets, and I assure you that they are dirty and juicy.” The soft, beautiful tone of her voice changed into something more menacing. It was wispy, like an old man’s, not a young girl. “Robby told me
so much
during my visitations in his padded room.”

“
You’re Al?”

She curtsied and then turned on her heels,
walking away merrily. Before she rounded the corner, she added, “How are my negotiation skills now, Ryley?”

My fist collided with a locker. An instant burn radiated up my arm. Not the smartest move
but brighter than strangling the blonde broad. The bell rang. Students filed into the hallway, putting more and more bodies between us. Meaning that she was going to get away scot-free—I had no way of proving that she purposely destroyed my irreplaceable cap.

I raced after, bumping into people in my chase. They didn
’t look particularly pleased with being barrel rolled, but I refused, re-effing-fused, to let her get away. She’d made it to the stairs before I caught up to her. I took the stairs two at a time until I was in front of her, blocking her.

“
You’re not going to get away so easily!” I said. I edged to the end of the step.

Raising an eyebrow, she laughed,
“Think of it this way, Ryley. I saved you from the humiliation of wearing such an ill-fitting hat. It was much too small for you anyway. I did you a favor.”

“
Out of all my ill-fitting hats, one has never given me a headache like you do.”

“
I’ve only begun to give you a headache,” she whispered and turned around and walked down the steps.

She got to the landing before I was close enough to
grab her wrist, stopping her escape. She wiggled, freeing her hand. When I refused to back off, she moved her leg like she was going to knee me in the groin again, so I completely closed the gap between us, pressing my hips against hers. She had no room to strike.

“
I’m done with this charade!” I yelled even though we were millimeters away from each other. “Everything you say doesn’t make a lick of sense. Why did you come here? Surely it wasn’t just to annoy me.”

“
Just because you don’t understand my way of thinking, it doesn’t mean that I don’t make sense!” she yelled. “You’re such a—”

“
A what?” I interrupted. “An Otherworlder?”

She stepped closer
, even though I hadn’t thought it possible, making it clear that I hadn’t intimidated her. Even though I was taller than her, she stood on her tip toes, making us closer to the same height.

“
Actually, I was going to say that you are such a
boy!
What’s an Otherworlder, Ryley? I’m not sure that word even has a definition, or did you make it up? Now, who sounds crazy?” she said, spreading her arms wide.

I
’d forgotten about everyone else in existence. They were all staring. Judging from the context spoken, I did sound more insane than she. I seriously hated losing this game to her!

“
What is Wonderland, Alice Mae?”

“
Do you not remember anything?” She seemed genuinely frustrated. “Sometimes I wish you never ate that Eraser Tracer!”

“
I’m not in the habit of remembering places I have never been, you stupid girl!”

“
Don’t call me that!” She socked me in the gut. Normally, I would have thought it cute that she tried to attack me since she was so feeble, but today it only aggravated me.

“
I was alerted that your father’s car had moved,” Alice Mae said. “Was he able to answer any of your questions?”

The hall got so quiet, not a single person coughed.
I wanted to rip the damn rabbit’s head off, but it was in my backpack that I’d dropped when I noticed the hat carnage in my locker.

“
My dad is not around,” I said.

“
Interesting phrasing,” Alice Mae said, analyzing my comment. She tapped her finger on her chin like she was deep in thought. “You didn’t say he was dead, nor did you confirm it. Perchance you and your mom made up a series of lies about him?”

I
had to shut her up before she told everyone the truth! I hated how she could completely destroy me with a few simple words. She knew my deepest secret, and now she was telling the whole school about my whacked-out dad!

“
—where does he live Ryley? I can’t seem to remember its name. It was some kind—”

I
slapped my free hand over her mouth. She bit down. I pulled my hand away. Teeth marks were embedded in my skin. Smirking at me, she licked her lips.

“
You instigated this war!” she said. She spoke more loudly. She was right. Her voice did carry. “Your father isn’t dead. He’s insa—”

In a stated of extreme panic,
I did the only logical thing I could do to shut her up.

I kissed her.