Death in the City (18 page)

“Haven’t been feeling well?” asked Death. He was leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed and a smile on his face.

“I’ve felt fine,” said Maria. “Just had a feeling.” Death walked up to her and crouched down to meet her eye to eye. And, without a word, he reached out and placed a finger on her shoulder. She slouched over, stone dead.

Flames licked up in front of Maria, singeing her knuckles. She ran her young fingers down her hair, which was long, brown and silky again. “I don’t normally accompany people who’ve been reaped,” said Death. “But I can make an exception.”

Maria hugged Death, her warm arms holding him tightly. “You said you’d call last Saturday,” she said in her bright young voice.

“I got tied up in Albania,” said Death. “This guy was giving me a run for my money. A hundred and four and the man could move. Cornered him, though.” Maria smiled and looked around at the vast fiery horizon before her. A ghostly black demon swooped over their heads, screeching loudly.

“You know, I’m a little surprised,” said Maria. “I was a devout Catholic. I thought I’d go to Heaven.”

“You were close,” said Death, rubbing the back of his neck. “Protestants are the ones who end up in God’s Kingdom. But between you and me, ever since the Middle Ages, Hell isn’t so bad. Besides, Satan has been excited to see you. Oh, speak of the Devil.”

Satan was walking towards Maria and Death, a broad smile on his face. “There she is,” he said. “About time someone came down and classed the place up.” He raised his eyebrows at Maria, who blushed. “Still as beautiful as ever.” He rubbed his forefinger and thumb together and a lily appeared in his palm, which he placed in Maria’s hair. Then he snapped his fingers and a small heart-shaped tin of fudge materialized in his hands. “Here you go. Welcome to Hell. You’ve come just in time.”

“Why’s that?’ asked Maria, smiling and taking hold of the fudge.

“Before you tell her, is Tim around?” asked Death.

“As a matter of fact he was just in my office. We were playing some five card when I sensed your presence.” He snapped his fingers again and they appeared in his office. Tim jumped up and looked around, his beady black eyes shooting all around before landing on Maria.

“There she is,” he said brightly, standing up and giving her a hug. “It’s about time you died.”

“I thought it was going to be earlier but I beat the cancer,” she said.

“I had to have a chat with Pestilence about that one,” said Death.

Satan raised his hands in the air and said, “Everyone take a seat.” He pressed the call button on his desk and said into the speaker: “Janice, could you bring in four cups of the best coffee I have? Go into the reserve stuff.” He smiled and sat down. Moments later, Janice walked into the office holding a tray of mugs filled to their brims with steaming coffee. Trailing her was Pestilence, War, and Famine.

“Hey, old buddy,” said Pestilence.

“It’s been a while,” said War.

“Howdy,” said Famine, looking at Maria and smiling.

“Janice,” said Satan as she was walking out of the door. “Wear something more revealing next time. I’m the Prince of Darkness, not a Wall Street executive. Let’s loosen up a little.”

Janice looked down at her brown pencil skirt, said “Okay,” and left. Death, Maria, and Tim took their coffees.

“I wanted to gather you all here for an announcement. Thirty or so years ago, the Apocalypse was supposed to go down. But Death here came to me and we made a little deal.” He folded his hands on the desk and grinned at Maria. “I agreed to not make it happen until you were dead and gone, honey.”

“Wow, really?” asked Maria, looking at Death. He nodded and winked.

“That’s right,” said Satan, laughing. “And look at you now. Don’t get too comfortable. Hell’s about to relocate.”

“Awesome,” said Tim, pumping his fist.

“Well this will be quite the treat,” said Pestilence, showing his cracked yellow and brown teeth.

Satan stood up and held his arms out to his side. “Put on your party pants tonight, boys and…lovely girl. We’re breaking open the fifty year old port and getting hammered.”

“I fancy a good glass of port,” said War.

“I can find that chick I met when I went shopping with you, Death,” said Famine, bobbing his gaunt face up and down on his long skinny neck.

“That’s right, my friends,” said Satan. “Let’s have some fun tonight. Tomorrow, it’ll be Hell on earth.”