Dear Sylvia (2 page)

I have not heard from you yet although I sent my letter yesterday. But I am not going to wait. Too many things are happening! First of all my dad is
quieting
quitting his job! He has been selling enshurince for ever and now he wants to write books! He has an idea for a great novel which is a story but in a hole book without pictures. If he can just sit down and write it out then it will be a big
sukcess
success and we can move away from this farm house which is falling down and old and parts of it are coming off even where we haven't chucked balls against the walls for a long time. Maybe we can get a nice house like yours with white sparkles on the
seeling
sealing
roof and rugs and a swimming pool and everything in a strait line.

Leonard thinks Dad should write the story he told over the campfire about the enshurince man who becomes invisible at night and solves murders. I think maybe that's the story he is making into his book. It's really something to hear him clacking at the typewriter in his little office like a train going over a train bridge with all the wheels clacking and the bell going bing bing!

Write soon!

Owen

Deer Sylvia,

I
rooined
ruined the other envelope because I thought of something else to tell you. Sorry. I don't have very many left and I only sent you 2 letters so far!

Mom is not happy about Dad's book. They had a big windstorm about it in the kitchen when we were supposed to be asleep but we weren't because they kept yelling worse than Fillus who still needs me. By the way Leonard said maybe I should charge money and I'd be rich. Which Mom said I can never do because relatives are always free.

Mom said — how could you quit your job?

And Dad said — it was strangling me!

And Leonard said — they shouldn't be allowed to do that to enshurince men!

And Andy said — shhh Leonard!

And Mom said — what are we going to live on?

And Dad said — haven't I always paid for us?

And Mom said — maybe I should get a job!

And Dad said — not my wife!

And Mom said — why not?

I kept wanting to hear what Dad's story is. Because I have a lot of ideas for it.

Mom and Dad yelled a lot more after that. Andy said I should go down and put them to sleep like they were Fillus but I didn't want to go in the middle of a
hurracane
hurricane plane crash in a
dessert
desert sandstorm
tidle
tidal wave which was what they sounded like.

But Leonard said — Mom is going to smash Dad with the frying pan!

And Andy said — why would she do that?

And Leonard said — because I saw it on TV!

And Leonard said I should
sneek
sneak down into the kitchen and get the frying pan so Mom wouldn't smash Dad with it and then there'd be a bad murder.

Andy started kicking me out of the bed.

But I said nobody is going to get a smashed head from the frying pan!

But I wondered about it anyway. They kept fighting like 2 cats in a barn. Then their was a terrible loud crash and then nothing at all and Leonard said — Owen! Go!

So I went down the stairs 1 step and then 2. They were in the living room. Dad was standing with his back turned like a perfect target. If Mom wanted to she could have got the frying pan and bonked him. But she was sitting down and not looking at him and her
nukkles
knuckles were hard red from
skweezing
squeezing.

A chair was turned over. That's all.

Dad said — I don't know why you're being so
neggutive
negative!

And Mom screamed — because I like to feed my children and pay the bills!

And Dad yelled — being a writer is not a vow of
povvertty
! poverty!

Dad saw me on the stairs and he said — GO BACK TO BED! like he was thunder all over the sky. I ran so fast I can't remember how I got back in bed.

And Leonard said over and over — we're going to starve! in his little voice like a sliver in your finger that you can't get out and it hurts not a lot but won't let you get to sleep.

Sincerely,
Owen

Deer Sylvia,

I know you have not written yet and I forgive you because I wrote you lots of letters that I did not send yet. I am trying to keep them in order in case I do send them. Which I probably will when I get better with the dictionary but I hate flipping all the pages and it takes forever.

We have not starved yet even though my father has quit his job and decided to become a writer.

I got some good ideas for his book The Invisible Enshurince Man. To start I think he should be walking home from a day at his office and then there should be a big
commoshun
commotion. The ground is shaking. Buildings tremble! A giant reptile is staggering toward the city! So the Invisible Enshurince Man puts down his
breefcase
briefcase and unwinds the cloth he keeps over his face and takes off the black eye patch he always wears. Nobody is looking because the Giant Reptile is coming! The Invisible Enshurince Man takes off his hat and his
soot
suit and pants and socks and shoes and undershirt and underpants and then he is Invisible!

I think that would make a good Chapter 1.

Sincerely,
Owen

PSST! The Invisible Enshurince Man would step away from his
closes
clothes just as the Giant Reptile was about to stomp on him. That way he would be saved.

Deer Sylvia,

Dad did not go to work today. He is home for GOOD. He stays in his office room clacking and clacking and Mom has a hard time making the bread rise. She got mad at Sylvester when he was just sniffing a bit of bacon she left on the counter. She smacked him with the flat side of the bread knife and he ran around yowelling.

There isn't anyplace you can go in the house without hearing CLACKclackCLACK. Leonard said it is like we live in a big book factory. And Andy said book factories are a lot louder than this. And Leonard said was Dad even allowed to make his own book at home instead of at the factory? And Andy said he didn't think the police cared whether you made your own book at home.

Then Sylvester came yowelling with little bits of bacon stuck in his furry lips. And Mom was running after him. Instead of the bread knife she had the big black frying pan in her hand!

Leonard yelled — run! run! and Sylvester
skweezed
squeezed in behind the
chesterfeelde
sofa but his tail bumped over the vase from when Mom and Dad got married.

It was just like in baseball when you see the pop fly is falling and falling but they're isn't time to get their in time. Sometimes then I throw my glove in case the ball might land inside it by a mirruckle miracle. But I didn't have my glove with me since we weren't playing baseball and anyway we're not allowed to any more inside. I kicked my shoe at it instead and if Leonard's head didn't get in the way I think the vase would have landed on it and been saved.

And then Sylvester wouldn't have bolted out and stepped on the glass and tracked blood through the house and Dad wouldn't have exploded and yelled what he did about
piece
peace and quiet as if the hole house has to be a library just for him and Mom wouldn't have looked at him like that still with the frying pan in her hand and Leonard wouldn't have had
tred
sneaker marks on his
cheak
cheek.

From,
Owen

PSST! This is my last envelope. Sylvester got hold of a bunch of them and they fell in the toilet. Sorry. I'll try to get some more. What I wanted to say was that back at camping when Eleanor and Sadie were sitting on the big rock and Andy and Leonard were after the sea monster dragging around Dad's fishing rod in the middle of the lake and Uncle Lorne and Dad were asleep by the dead fire and Ant Lorraine and Mom were trying to give Fillus a bath in the lake and it wasn't raining for a minute I took my pocket knife and went back in the woods a little and carved something in a tree. I wanted to write OWEN AND SYLVIA but the bark felt hard as wood and my knife isn't big so I wrote OS.

I hope you don't mind.

Deer Sylvia,

I am writing now even though I don't have any more envelopes. And I know you didn't get many letters from me yet because I have them still in a shoe box that I keep in the back of the closet. I will mail them soon when I get some more envelopes but right now we're poor!

It happened this morning when I went to make eggs. I make all the eggs now for everybody because Dad is too busy with the Invisible Enshurince Man from even before it's morning. I wonder what is happening in the book. Did the Invisible Enshurince Man find his clothes when he got home and has their been a murder yet? Andy says you have to have a murder right on the first page. I said what about the Giant Reptile? He could have killed 8 dozen people just by stepping in the wrong place. And Andy said what's the point of killing 8 dozen people on the first page if you know
eggzackly
eczakly
who did it?

Their has to be a mystery.

Their is no mystery about who broke the last vase of the wedding. Leonard said it wasn't Sylvester's
fawlt
fault it was his tail's. Sylvester's tail wags all on its own and sometimes he runs around and around biting at it like it belongs to some other dog so really it was like another dog broke the vase not Sylvester.

But Mom said — shut up about the vase!

And Dad said — I'll buy you another one just as good as soon as the book is done.

And Mom said — we got four vases for our wedding and that was the prettiest!

But Dad said — I'll get you five new vases even better!

Mom was crying into her dish towel when she swept up the glass yesterday.

Andy said that we needed to get Mom a new vase. I thought we should see if we had enough money from the pennies and nickels we all had together in our comic book jar but Andy said the best vases were from
Aynshent
Ancient Grease and so we should dig 1 up and then we could wash and polish it. Andy said probably the best place was in the woods by the railroad tracks where a lot of Greasy rocks were dug up already. But first we had to find a shovel so we had a secret meeting in the garage. Their are a lot of things in the garage like saw horses and an old dead baby buggy but the hardest thing to find is what you want most of the time. So we had to
croll
crawl a bit in the dust and the dirt and underneath the old mowers and where the ladder is and some benches. While we were looking Leonard said — I think Dad should go back to being an Enshurince man and not write a book about it. Then Mom would be happy and we wouldn't be starving poor!

And then Andy found the Ancient Greasy vase right in the back corner of the garage. It was rusty filthy brown like everything else but probably a million years old according to Andy who spit on it to clean it up a bit. We gave it a proper bath in a bucket and I found an old horse brush. We couldn't get all the dirt out from inside because the opening was too small even for Leonard's hand. Andy said that Ancient vases were even more
speshul
special for their chips and cracks.

Andy said — this might be worth $100!

When we brought it in the house we were all carrying it.

Dad was back in his office with the door closed going CLACKclackCLACK! Mom was upstairs working at her
soing
sowing
machine and the needle was going brinyin-brinyin-brinyin-brin and she didn't hear us coming. I was thinking if it was worth $100 then maybe we could sell it and not be starving poor any more until Dad's book was ready.

Mom kept her head down like she really didn't want to see us. So we got closer and closer.

Until Leonard said — it's dripping!

I didn't notice till then. Mud drops were on the white carpet Mom has up in the sooing room. Some of the drops I guess were from the Greasy Vase and some I guess were from our feet.

Mom really didn't like the vase at all! But we didn't drop it when we ran out. We put it back in the garage where some other explorers will find it in a million more years and they can have the $100.

Love,
Owen

Deer Sylvia,

I hope you don't mind that I signed LOVE. You won't get this letter anyway until we aren't poor any more and I can buy envelopes.

Love,
Owen

PSST! Instead of eggs now in the morning I have to cook up a big pot of
poorudge
porridge. You put the
owtmeel
oatmeal in a big pot with a little spoon of salt and a lot of water and you stir and stir on the burner till your arm gets tired then you keep stirring and this is what Oliver Twist wanted more of!

That's how poor we are.

Deer Sylvia,

Dad can't stop writing pages! Even in the middle of the night now we can hear him CLACK-clackCLACKing. Leonard groans and says when is he going to stop? Andy thinks the Invisible Enshurince Man should team up with the Bog Man to fight the Temptress Serpina in an intergalactic struggle of bad guys fighting each other.

And Leonard said — you can't just have bad guys fighting each other!

And Andy said — he could make another chapter with good guys fighting.

And Leonard said — you have to have the good guys and the bad guys fighting in the same chapter or else you can't have a book.

I don't know what the rules are. I'd like the Invisible Enshurince Man to have a nice time some time when he could just get up in the morning and it would be
quite
quiet with no CLACKING and nobody wants him to go every night to make Fillus stop crying and he could just make his own egg and that would be breakfast.

With toast.

Love,
Owen

PSST! I never told you that time I was walking back with Andy from hockey and we cut across the school yard in the dark and I looked up and into the window of the classroom which wasn't ours but you were their anyway playing piano at a lesson. I didn't hear you at all. I guess because the snow was too loud from our walking. But I saw you.