Dear Sir, I'm Yours (14 page)

“I didn’t know,” she whispered, her voice achingly shy, “if you would let me ask for things…” She shrugged her shoulders, tucking her face against her biceps.

Sitting back up, he rolled her over and sat her on the edge of his desk so he could see her face. This conversation was too important for there to be any misunderstandings later. “Rae, if you want me to do something, ask. I love you, darlin’. I want to make you happy no matter what it is. I especially want to know your deepest darkest fantasies and how best to turn you on. I want you shivering and crying out your pleasure, not silent and afraid to make a request.”

She searched his face, her eyes solemn, her fingers aimlessly plucking at the lapels of his tuxedo. “You said you liked control. I thought that meant…
control
.” She frowned and gave a frustrated jerk of her head. “What does that mean, really? What do you expect of me? When can I—”

“Let me make myself very clear.” He leaned forward, holding her gaze. “I’m arrogant and just a tad bossy.”

Her mouth quirked.

“There will be times when you want to smack me. Do so. Then we’ll have fun wrestling and I might get to smack your bottom myself. There will definitely be times when we make love quick and hard and furious, because I swear, darlin’, I’m gonna die if I don’t get inside you soon. But sometimes I’ll simply lie on my back and let you do whatever you wish to your little heart’s desire. And yes, someday I want to tie you to my bed and torment you until you beg and scream, and I want to turn you over my knee and fire up your ass, too.”

She sucked in a shaky breath, her hands tightening on his coat. Her eyes gleamed, luminous and dark, her mouth soft with desire. Slowly, he leaned in closer until his lips hovered over hers.

“Whatever we’re doing, I promise I’ll stop the moment you tell me to, and if you ever need me to do something else, I’ll do it. Immediately. Because I want to be everything you could possibly need. So tell me, darlin’, what were you going to ask me to do?”

She smiled wobbily. “I was going to ask if you could hold me down a little without spanking me, but I kind of like being up here, too, where I can see you.”

“Hell yeah, I can do that, darlin’,” he drawled, dropping his gaze to the swell of her breasts modestly covered by the gown. “We’ll start with a little light bondage to make sure you like it, but I think being tied up will drive you wild. God knows the thought is driving me wild.”

“Okay,” she whispered. “I’m just—I’m not sure about the other.”

“No rush, darlin’.” He trailed his fingers across her cheek and down her neck. “I have something else in mind you might like.”

Her voice caught on a moan as he tugged at the long sleeves of the dress. “It’s not that I don’t think I’ll like it…”

Bit by bit, he worked the velvet lower until the edge slipped off her shoulders and dropped past her breasts. “I know, darlin’. You’re afraid you’ll like it too much.”

The sight of her perfect breasts sent a knife thrust of need through his belly. He took a firm grip on himself, lightly stroking his fingers up and down her neck and shoulders, breathing deeply, until he could trust himself to remain fully in control.

Speaking of which—

He slid his palms down her arms and took her hands down to the desk. Leaning forward, he pinned her hands firmly beneath his while he breathed on her swollen nipple. She shifted her fingers, lifting against his hold to test his grip.

She moaned low and deep in her throat, a purr of pleasure that made him smile. He hadn’t touched her intimately yet; it was his control, the act of being held down, that turned her on. Flicking his tongue out, he grazed a wet circle about her areola. She jerked harder beneath his hands, unable to stop the helpless little struggles.

Every jerk and cry aroused him more.

Leaning back, she offered her breasts for more attention. Licking and sucking, he nibbled from one to the other, even grazing with his teeth. The rougher he got, the more she cried out, squirming against him, working her thighs around his waist to grip him close. Carefully, he gripped the full curve of her breast with his teeth and slowly tightened his jaws. Small pain only, enough to flavor the pleasure of his touch, while she ground against him.

She strained harder, a dam swelling against a cresting flood, and then she gave, trembling with the force of her climax.

Releasing her breast, he licked the indentations his teeth had left in her tender flesh.

“Shhh, darlin’. I don’t think anybody’s up here, but we need to be careful.”

“Please,” she gasped, arching against him.

“What do you want?”

“I want to take you into my mouth.”

Locking down hard on the violent surge pulsing in him, Conn let go of her hands and sat back. Eager, she slid off the desk into his lap, her hands sliding down his chest.

“No.” Her fingers brushed the front of his trousers, and he quickly snagged her hand and jerked it away. “Not yet.”

“Why not?” Breathing hard, she searched his face. “You’ve given me pleasure. I want to touch you, too. Aren’t you…hurting?”

“Yeah.” Jaws tight, he ran a hand through his hair. Hurting wasn’t enough to describe the heavy ache burning like a fist of fire against his spine. “But you’re not ready to go there yet.”

Her gaze dropped and she slid off his lap, tugging up the bodice of her dress.

Damn it, he hadn’t meant to hurt her or make her feel rejected. He caught her right hand and kissed her knuckles and the tips of her fingers until she lifted her gaze back to his.

“A blow job is my trigger, my ultimate act of domination. It’s like a switch that gets flipped in me, like what happens to you when I hold you down. Did you feel that change as soon as I took away your freedom? It’s the same for me when I think about you putting your mouth on me. I don’t want you to expect vanilla oral play and I suddenly become extremely dominant, scaring you worse than I did before.”

He touched her lips lightly and allowed his voice to rumble with the aggression he felt.

“I’ve fantasized about your luscious mouth for years. I want you more than I can ever say, in every way possible, but thrusting into your mouth with your full submission is my ultimate fantasy. But not until you’re absolutely ready and trust me without question. That’s a very intimate, vulnerable position, and if you don’t understand what I’m doing, and what you’re feeling, then it’ll be a nightmare and not pleasure, for both of us. You can’t give me what I want if you’re afraid.”

“I’m not afraid of touching you. I want to give you pleasure.”

“I know, darlin’, but there’s a huge difference between you sucking me off while I sit here passively, and what I really want to do.”

“What do you really want to do?”

He hesitated, searching her gaze. She was confused, but not afraid. If he admitted this fantasy, would it only scare her more? Wrapping his hands tightly on the arms of his chair, he growled out, “I don’t want you to
give
me pleasure; I want to
take
it. I want to fist my hands in your hair, push you to your knees on the floor, and thrust into your mouth, hard and deep until…”

He shuddered and closed his eyes, fighting the raging desire threatening to weaken his control. “If you’re not prepared, if you don’t want the same level of force, it could be very bad, darlin’. You may welcome a little force, like when I held you down just now, but I don’t want to ever force you into doing something you don’t want to do. I’d rather never live out that dream than scare you again.”

Silence stretched out, leaving him furious at himself and this vicious need. Why couldn’t he play safe, like Dick? Safe…and a fucking bore of a moron. He couldn’t help what he was, but he wanted to rage and pound the walls to rubble at the thought of losing her.

Lightly, her hands cupped his cheeks. Startled, he jerked his eyes open. She leaned over him, so lovely and innocent he wanted to roar his pain like a mindless beast.

“I’ve dreamed about it too, many times. I’d go on my knees for you.”

The fist threatened to bust its way through his gut, matching the fierce surge of relief in his heart. He breathed deeply, slowly, waiting for the pulse to ease. “We’ve got plenty of time.

I refuse to rush you, darlin’, not with this.”

His body protested, but he forced himself to help her fix the bodice of her dress, when what he really wanted to do was throw her onto his desk and bury himself between her thighs.

Every muscle in his body strummed with need. “I’ll be honest, Rae. I’m walking a fine line right now. I’ve never been so close to losing control. I still want you to push me. Test me as hard as you can, whatever you need. I don’t have any regrets. But damn it all to hell, this is killing me.”

A slow, sexy smile curved her lips. “Five years ago, I thought your final was going to kill me.”

“Payback’s a bitch.”

Enthusiastic clapping followed Conn’s speech. Dean Strobel presented his award as Drury’s favorite teacher for the fourth year in a row. His colleagues crowded around him, slapping him on the back, laughing, snapping pictures.

Miss Belle dabbed a hanky delicately at her eyes. “I’m so proud.”

Blinking back tears herself, Rae smiled and let the old lady take her hand. Conn made his way to them. Joy bubbled up inside her as his eyes locked on hers, heating and sparking.

“Congratulations,” she whispered, unsure how much celebration he’d think appropriate.

He surprised her by gathering her close and planting a big noisy kiss on her mouth.

Dean Strobel made a rueful sound as she joined them. “Miss Belle, I do believe your grandson is finally settling down.”

Conn kept his arm around her waist, drawing her against the heat of his body. “Dean Strobel, let me introduce you to Rae Jackson.”

From her memories of her college years, Rae braced for a grim and reserved welcome.

The dean shocked her with a warm smile, actually taking her hand between both of hers. “I’m so glad to finally meet you, Rae.” She tugged Rae closer, bending down to whisper loudly in her ear. “You made him work harder than any student here at Drury, so keep him on his toes.”

“I wager our boy worked her just as hard.” Miss Belle arched her brow at Conn, a wicked smile curving her lips. “Nothing would make me prouder right now except a dozen grandchildren running around.”

Heat seared Rae’s cheeks.

“He’s got it bad,” Dean Strobel agreed, releasing Rae. “I watched you both like a hawk.”

Rae resisted the urge to bury her face in Conn’s chest. What if the dean had caught them that last day of finals? Or just now? What if she asked why Rae had left college, or worse, why it had taken so long for her to come back? Her head pounded until she felt sick.

“We were both very good, Dean.” Conn laughed and tightened his arm around her.

“Very good indeed.”

Rae dug her thumb into his side, grating on a rib hard enough he grunted softly.

“Knowing you, Verrill, I seriously doubt that,” Miss Belle sniffed loudly. “You obviously did something horrific to scare her away for so long.”

Rae turned toward him, clutching a handful of his shirt beneath the coat. Her face felt crisped to a cinder. How much did they know?

“Yes, horrific.” Conn’s voice softened and he wrapped his other arm around her so he held her protectively. “Don’t worry, though, Miss Belle—she’s definitely making me suffer for my indiscretion.”

“Ha,” Miss Belle said. “She needs my parasol to do it justice. It’ll be my wedding present to the both of you.”

Wrapped tight against him, Rae felt the vibration of his cell phone. She stepped back and Conn pulled it out to check the number. The furrow between his eyes warned her immediately that something might be wrong. “Excuse me a moment.”

He stepped aside, his voice low. All she caught was, “Stay there. I’m coming to get you.”

“Mason?” Dean Strobel asked softly, her brown eyes concerned.

“Yeah. You know what tonight is.”

“Oh dear. That poor man.” Miss Belle dabbed at her eyes with the hanky, and this time, Rae thought she might have actually seen a little suspicious moisture.

“Sorry to have to take my award and run,” Conn started to apologize, but Dean Strobel waved him toward the exit. “I’ll make sure he gets to class tomorrow.”

“You’re a good friend, Conn.”

They left quickly, Conn’s face still grim.

“Conn, you drive. Rae Lynn, take the front. I’ll sit in the back so I can talk with your friend.”

“He’s not going to want to talk about it.” He slid behind the wheel, his voice short and clipped. “Frankly, he’s scared of you. After he sobers up, he’ll be embarrassed that you saw him this way.”

“So he should,” Miss Belle replied tartly. “Why don’t you tell us what you know so I can help him.”

Conn reached over and took Rae’s hand, his thumb brushing back and forth on her knuckles. “Mason teaches mathematics and while he’s a little nerdy,” he arched a brow at her, daring her to say he was, too, “he’s been my best friend since I moved here from Texas. He married the love of his life shortly after I moved here, and I was his best man. Julie worked for the state patrol, cruising I-44 mainly to catch the drug trade moving up to St. Louis. It’s a dangerous line of work, and Mason wanted her to quit. He made a comfortable living, he loved her, and he wanted her to be Mrs. Susie Housewife with a passel of children. But Julie loved her job, and she felt a calling to serve the community.

“They fought about it a lot: Mason pressured her; Julie felt defensive. I stayed out of it but listened to them both. They’d certainly been there for me when I went through a rough patch.”

Rae knew exactly what he meant. He’d gone to them for comfort after she’d left college and never returned. Her heart ached. She’d hurt him, but she’d been hurt too, and she hadn’t had anyone to talk to. That’s why she’d written him so many letters.