Dear Lover (8 page)

Therefore, your deepest heart will want more love than you or others seem capable of sustaining. You may constantly wish you were able to give and receive more love—and that your lover were more capable, too.

How you respond to your heart’s wish for love depends on how deeply you are willing to feel and express your yearning without closing. Are you being a needy woman, grasping for security by manipulating others with your superficial charms? Are you being a hardened and independent-acting woman, suppressing your irresistible shine and keeping your heart unsurrendered despite your love’s aching? Or, are you being a divine offering of love, gracefully articulating love’s
deepest
light and yearning through your unique art of feminine devotion, offering your love even through a heart that may be open and hurting?

Offer your feminine sexual energy through your deepest heart’s yearning. The radiance of your deep heart’s yearning is the beacon that attracts men of integrity. Not your neediness. Not your independence. Rather, deep men are attracted and inspired by your heart’s acheful offering, your blissfully anguished heart-plea to be taken—and the fact that your heart’s light won’t settle for anything less than total claim in divine love.

Throughout your life, continue to intuit and offer your heart’s deepest longing, while you are touched sublimely and callously, while your children come and go, while your lover withdraws from you and while he shares your heart’s openness.

The light of your heart’s deepest longing, offered through your whole body, is your deepest force of attraction. Your surrender and offering of love’s divine light is also the source of your life’s art, your devotional gift to all beings, and the only way to live open as your heart’s deepest pleasure.

Would you rather live any other way?

17

In bed, you may enjoy taking charge, teaching, and leading your lover on occasion, but if your man is inadequate—if your spiritual and sexual guidance is
necessary
because your man’s capacity to navigate is untrustworthy—then you remain unsurrendered, and your body accumulates
discontent in the form of tension, stress, exhaustion, or depression. You want your man to know you and reach you; you want him to know your body and how to bloom your openness.

If your man’s depth isn’t sufficient to feel you and open you, then your body becomes edgy, your voice sharp, your movements ungraceful. Your belly is not full with pleasure. Why? Because as much as you may genuinely enjoy guiding your own life professionally, artistically, or politically, your feminine essence yearns to surrender as all love rather than maintain control and make all the decisions
spiritually
and
sexually.

Have you ever leaned into a man’s loving guidance? Have you relinquished control and allowed your sweetly surrendered heart to flow open like the ocean, wild and deep, rather than holding the narrow direction of a functional canal? Spiritually and sexually, your heart wants to be entered and inhabited by deep love and impeccable integrity. You want to swoon as love’s fullest offering without always having to initiate the lead and guide your lover.

You may not mind managing the 100 employees at your corporation, but your heart finds little pleasure in managing your man. As a human functionary—a businesswoman, a professional artist, a mother, a politician—you may genuinely love to be in charge. But if you have a feminine essence, then when it comes time to open in spiritual and sexual intimacy with your lover, you wish you didn’t have to always be in charge, telling your man what to do, directing him into greater depth, teaching him how to open. You want to offer yourself open without always having to initiate and lead.

Your heart longs to be felt, known, entered, loved, and commanded open, yet you may also be afraid to trust.

Every man has his limits, so you may be afraid to receive command from your man, knowing he may falter, seeing that he
does
falter at times. Your man may lack intellectual capacity. Or he may be energetically insensitive. Your man may be clumsy, hesitant, or too safe and unadventurous. Your
man may lack the depth, force, and gentle insistence necessary to earn your surrender. If you don’t totally trust your man’s command sexually and spiritually,
then you have chosen him so that you do not have to surrender open, offering your heart’s deepest yearning.

If you are with a man you don’t trust, it is only because you prefer unsurrendered love to surrendering wide open in total trust. It feels safe. You are afraid to let go of control—part of you doesn’t trust love’s command—so you have chosen a man who doesn’t demand your surrender with his depth of integrity. If you did trust the command of love, you would only settle for a deep man capable of opening you more deeply than you could instruct him.

Men are like trains. They are going somewhere. Choosing and staying with a man is like choosing to get on a train. You will end up going where your man goes, spiritually and sexually, or you will have to get off his train. You cannot change a man’s direction to yours without losing trust in his capacity to navigate.

You don’t want a rigid man, but you want a man whose heart’s courage and authentic truth runs deep. You want a man who feels you, listens to you, considers everything you have said, and then claims you, taking you to where you
couldn’t
tell him to take you, even if you tried. He takes your heart to new depths of adventure and openness, and he shows you new aspects of life.

You can—and should—give your man your fullest expression of feeling, offering him your feedback, your love, and your responsive heart’s spontaneous expression of pleasure and pain. A really good man will embrace all the feedback and feeling you have offered him, consider everything you have shown him, and then, claiming your heart deeply, he will decide where his train is going, with you or without you. And you want it that way.

You don’t want a man who adapts his direction to where you say you want to go. What good is he then? You might as well navigate your own
direction if your man changes his path to follow what you tell him. You want to feel and be able to respect his wisdom.

A dependent woman is willing to lose her own strength of direction for the sake of keeping her man’s affections and staying on his train, even if she doesn’t fully trust her man’s spiritual and sexual wisdom. An independent woman insists on equality in the guidance of their shared train, or chooses to guide her own train, which is smart if she doesn’t trust her man’s capacity to open her spiritually and sexually more than she can open herself.

But a woman ready for opening deeply in two-bodied devotion won’t settle for less. She has matured to know the sublime pleasure of surrendering open to be lived as the untamed force of love, so she chooses a man whose command takes her
deeper
and
beyond
where she even trusted was possible.

A deep relationship of intimate communion takes you more open than you could go on your own. If your man isn’t capable of commanding you open in blissful and ever-deepening surrender, why did you choose him? Is there a part of you—perhaps a subconscious part—that
chose
him so that you wouldn’t have to surrender open in total trust? Is it possible that part of you is afraid to open your heart without protection, so you have attracted and chosen a man whose fear taints his command, justifying your mistrust and closure?

Do you trust your
own
heart’s deepest yearning?

If you are genuinely ready to open as unbound love and your man is truly unwilling to grow, then you may have to leave him. If his commitment to growing in spiritual and sexual command is inadequate for your heart to trust, then you may need to move forward without him. Keep your heart open while you suffer the him-shaped void of aloneness until your devotion deepens enough to attract and choose a trustworthy man.

If you really want to surrender open in two-bodied devotional trust, then choose and stay with a man whose train is
already
going deeper and further than you can open yourself.

Choose a man who takes you open more deeply than you have been so far able to take yourself. But also choose a man who takes you deeper than you would go by taking turns navigating, him expecting that you will take charge half the time. A deep man of integrity takes your heart into his heart as he navigates, fine-tuning his actions while feeling your heart’s response, always valuing your feedback. But his navigation is not
relinquished
or
weakened
by your feedback or anyone’s.

Feeling from his heart outward to all, taking all hearts into account, his actions emerge spontaneously from love’s depth, uncurtailed by hesitancy. As he acts, he continually feels your heart and all hearts, fine-tuning every action for the sake of all. You can feel his profound commitment to love and his unconstrained offering of his deepest gifts, so you can relax open and offer
your
heart’s deepest gifts. His love-borne command allows your love-borne surrender as well as your fully given feedback.

He offers you his deepest gift by persistently taking you beyond your heart’s boundaries into love’s fullest surrender and expression. He’s opening to God now, with you or without you—and he acknowledges that both of you open more fully as a two-bodied train than alone. Embracing your heart and feeling your exquisite responses, he corrects his errors as he goes without collapsing, his strength of navigation and respect of your feeling-wisdom taking you both open in ever-deepening love and fullness.

If you
don’t
want this kind of man, then continue navigating yourself. Show your mistrust in the stressed clench of your belly and the strain of your voice. If you
do
want this kind of man, then practice surrendering open to be commanded by love while fully expressing your heart. If you are alone, then practice feeling your heart and opening your body, breath, and emotions so that love can express through you, unimpeded by your accumulated shells of fear-imposed masculine self-control.

You can go into your room, close the door, take off your clothes and dance to your favorite music. And when you want to stop dancing, keep
opening. Let love move your limbs and hips, let energy open and express through your pelvis and whole body, especially when you least want to dance. When your mind starts chattering or your body closes down, continue dancing open, practicing to allow the energy of the music to move you more open. Surrender to the divine force flowing through you and express your heart fully through your whole body.

Practice feeling your heart’s yearning, softening your muscles, and allowing yourself to be danced as if being inhabited and opened by love’s fullest flow. Breathe love in and out of your heart. Feel your friends, your children—feel everyone—and breathe their love in and out of your heart as you dance as big as life. Dance as you breathe everyone. Dancing as everyone, allow your feelings to flow through every cell of your body, crying, screaming, sighing, breathing, and dancing as love expresses through you.

Love is not something that happens or not. Love is a discipline, a constant practice and commitment to feel and
love your shells,
relaxing with humor and surrendering open through your love-softened shells that would otherwise suppress your energy and build walls around your heart.

Love your shells when your fear clamps tight, and then
express your deepest yearning
to your man. If you want a man whose train you trust to take you where you want to go—and beyond—then you can inspire his train with your depth of love’s yearning and fine-tune his direction with your heart’s intuition and your fullest expression of love’s spontaneously offered energy.

If his train is going in the wrong direction, your dance of displeasure gives warning. If his train continues in the wrong direction, your wrath is unmistakable, your fangs growing, your claws emerging, an irrepressible and spontaneous anger dancing through your open heart and body.

You will attract and keep a man who can maintain his integrity with the same consistency that you can offer your dance through love-softened shells without collapse or frustration. And this isn’t easy, for either of you.

It is easier for you to give up trying to change your man, learn to love yourself just as you are, and simply grow to tolerate a clod in your house. It is easier for your man to jerk off in the bathroom or find a mistress than to claim you so tenderly and insistently that your surrendered devotion attracts him deeper than tits and ass.

Your man’s heart-presence and your heart-devotion must be fully given—fiercely at times, gently at others—or his train will go off track as your offering becomes suppressed or you settle for loving yourself and letting him be as he is. He will veer into the shallows and your unmet heart will eventually become mired in dark moods.

If you want a relationship that reflects the sacred, then, moment by moment, re-feel your deepest heart’s yearning. Don’t be sidetracked by lesser desires, unless you want to attract and inspire a man equally sidetracked. A man that you choose from your lesser desires may provide security, a family, and fun vacations, but he won’t know how to live with you in deep and divine love. By feeling and offering only your lesser desires, you will attract and inspire a man who offers less than your deepest heart wants.

If you want a man who can offer his deepest consciousness and create a sacred relationship with you—perhaps while also providing security, family, and vacations—then feel, trust, and offer your heart’s deepest yearning. Then, your love’s most divine longing and deepest wisdom will choose the man you truly value and inspire. Your relationship will reflect your heart’s most sacred light.