Dealing With Discipline (38 page)

Just as she hadn’t meant to throw
herself at Alex last night.

It seemed that no matter
what she tried to do, she always ended up doing the wrong thing.
 Her mother was happy with her, but she was the only one.
 Lord Hyde looked furious, Eleanor would surely be unhappy
with her even thought it had been an accident, Alex had been
unhappy with her last night, and even though she thought she and
Hugh had patched things up after Alex had left last night, now he
was angry all over again.  

Irene's upbringing had not
prepared her for standing on her own nor for being able to express
herself.   Once her true self had begun to emerge, thanks to
Hugh's careful nurturing and obvious approval, it was as if a dam
had burst and she didn't have the requisite controls to temper
herself.  She'd never required a way to lessen her responses
because she'd always been kept so confined and completely closed
off, no response had been acceptable other than the one her mother
demanded.  In many ways she had been kept as a child, her
actions and words directed by her mother.  

Not that she understood
any of this completely yet, but she was starting to realize that
she didn't know how to handle herself without following her
mother's edicts to be silent and accommodating.  She didn't
know how to be herself without making a mess of everything. Her
entire life was falling apart around her, every good new beginning
unraveling, and it was all her own fault for being so thoughtless
and uncontrolled.

Tears welled up in her emerald eyes
and her face crumpled.  Hugh acted instinctively, pulling her
into his arms as she clung to his coat and began to sob.  He
didn't entirely understand why she was so upset, but he knew that
her tears were sincere and that something more was amiss than he
knew of.  

"I-I-I-I-I'm so-so-soooorryyy," she
sobbed into his shoulder.  

"Dammit all, did she say Eleanor and
she are going to Bath?"  Edwin came up beside him, his words
snapping out like a whip.  

Clinging harder to Hugh's front,
Irene's sobs increased, as did the shivering going up and down her
spine.  

"Leave her alone Edwin,"
Hugh said with a glare, protectively shifting Irene slightly to the
side so that he was subtly between the two of them.  "If you
want to know what's going on, go interrogate your own
wife."

"I think I'll do just
that."

Perhaps if he hadn't had
his own hands full, Hugh would have felt a bit more sorry for his
sister, but right now he was a bit occupied with Irene.
 Eleanor could take care of herself - and would.  He
could only imagine what hare-brained idea she might have gotten
into her head and why she would want to drag Irene along with
it. 

"I think I'll be taking my leave as
well," Wesley said, edging by him.  The twinkle in his eye
said that he was more amused than anything else by the tumult going
on around him.  Hugh almost growled.  "If Eleanor does
indeed desire to go to Bath then perhaps she and Edwin will go with
me.  Shall we make a group of it?"

"I don't think so," Hugh said.
 He had too much business to take care of in town to leave
before the Season was over, not to mention that he and Irene needed
to stay in the public eye to dispel any possible rumors or scandal
after her behavior at Lady Cowper's.  A retreat to the country
only days afterwards would fan the flames of gossip.  "Irene
and I will stay in town and then return to Westingdon in a few
weeks when the Season is over."

The shaking female body in his arms
shivered again but she didn't protest.  Which allowed Hugh to
keep his temper firmly leashed.

"Then I'd best catch up to
Edwin so I may offer my invitation.  Good day,
Viscountess."

Whatever Irene said in response was
muffled by Hugh's jacket.  As Wesley strode away down the
hall, Hugh turned his wife and picked her up in his arms.  The
heavy shaking sobs had finally ceased but he could tell that she
was still crying, her little panting breaths making the inside of
his chest tight.  His immediate response was to slay whatever
dragons were plaguing her, but he hadn't the slightest idea what
they might be.  

Carrying her into his study, he kicked
the door shut behind them and settled them down onto a rather large
and comfortable chair.  Stroking her hair he cradled her in
his arms and murmured to her that everything would be alright, that
he would take care of her, and all other sorts of soothing comforts
until her body finally relaxed against him.  

"I'm so, so sorry," she said again
finally, her voice small and almost broken.  

Hugh kissed the top of her head where
her coppery hair met the pale slope of her forehead, shifting her
in his lap so that he could wrap his arms more firmly around her
body.  He had to admit that while he didn't enjoy listening to
her cry the way she had, he had certainly enjoyed knowing that she
trusted him enough to turn to him, wanted him enough to nestle
against him.  

"What's wrong sweetheart?" he asked
gently, feathering light kisses over her forehead and hair.
 

She didn't know if it was
because she'd kept everything bottled up for so long or perhaps
because she just no longer had the fortitude to keep it all to
herself, but everything came spilling out at once.  The
feelings that she'd had for Alex since childhood, the beating that
she'd witnessed their butler giving a maid, the devastation she'd
felt when Alex had married someone else, her mother's description
of
ton
 marriages, the guilt she'd felt over marrying Hugh when
she had feelings for another, the confusion she'd felt on their
honeymoon when her feelings towards him began to change and she
started to wonder if it was possible to be in love with two men,
her horror and fury at the spanking, her further confusion when
she'd realized it hadn't been as bad as she'd thought...

All the way up to the events of the
night before when she'd wanted to confirm her feelings for Alex and
had only ended up more frustrated and confused than ever when the
tingling and excitement that occurred whenever she was with Hugh
didn't happen with Alex.  The shock she'd felt at the loss of
her hero, the realization that perhaps spanking her didn't make
Hugh a monster...

Every thought, every emotion, it all
came pouring out until her throat was sore and dry from talking.
 Several times during her long monologue Hugh's arms had
tightened around her or he'd stiffened beneath her, once or twice
he'd shifted and she'd thought that he would interrupt her but he
didn't.  

When she came to the end of it all she
was left panting a little, still curled up against him, too afraid
to look up at see his face.  Worried that she had hurt him.
 She couldn't find any energy to worry about herself; the
lengthy confession had left her too wrung out, as if all the
tension of her entire had drained out and left her limp as a rag
doll.  Even if he caned her now, she wasn't sure she'd be able
to react to it.  

For long moments they sat there in
silence, Irene waiting, Hugh contemplating as his fingers absently
stroked against her.  She drank in the feel of his gentle
touch. 

"How do you feel about me now?" he
finally asked.

It was the question that Irene had
wanted space from him so that she could think about the answer, but
it turned out she hadn't needed space from him to figure it out.
 All she'd needed to do was talk through everything and now
she knew.

"I think I'm in love with you," she
admitted quietly, watching her finger as it traced over the trim of
his jacket lapel.  "I thought I loved Alex... but it was the
love of childhood.  Of a young girl who needed a champion and
romanced it, nourished it with fantasies after he'd left.  It
never occurred to me that he might not be what I'd built him up to
be in my head or that his motivations might be something other than
that of love.  Although, of course I do think he loves me and
I him, but it's different.  I just didn't know that there were
different kinds of love between men and women who are not family.
 I love him, care for him and want him to be happy... but he's
not the man I fell in love with.  That man was nothing but a
dream.  You're real.  I feel as safe with you as I did
with him but I also feel excited... passionate... stronger."
 She hesitated.  "But I understand if you do not believe
me and I do not expect you to reciprocate of course, I know our
marriage was arranged and that was not part of the bargain... but
if you think that you could perhaps... in time..."

"Oh you silly little thing," Hugh
said, tipping her back so that he could look into her eyes.
 They were veined with red, the lids pink and swollen like her
lips from crying, her skin was blotchy red, pink and white and all
of it clashed horribly with her hair.  Yet he thought that she
was incredibly beautiful.  "I wouldn't have married you if I
didn't care for you, no matter what land was included in your
dowry.  I thought you would be the perfect submissive, docile
wife.  The more I saw of you on our honeymoon, the more I came
to care for you."

He kissed her eyelids, her lashes
fluttering against him as she made a low sound in her
throat. 

"I love the woman who raced me across
the fields, who teased me in the creek, who didn't care if I came
to dinner smelling of horse and dogs."

He kissed her nose.

Irene looked up at him with solemn
green eyes, almost disbelieving. 

"I loved that you attempted to
approach Rex even though I was furious that you didn't back away
once he snapped at you."

Now she really looked disbelieving and
Hugh laughed.  "But I wasn't docile or submissive."

"Compared to my sister you
are," Hugh said with a chuckle as he leaned forward and brushed his
lips across hers.  "That's what I wanted.  But I don't
think it would matter even if you weren't... I was enamored of you
almost from the start and it didn't take me long to fall in love
with you."

"But you spanked me!"  It was a
concept that she was still struggling with.

"In order to keep you
safe." Something dark flashed in his eyes and he gripped her a
little tighter.  "If you insist on putting yourself in danger
or testing out your emotions on other men again then you can damn
well be sure that I'll do it again."

"No other men," Irene said
earnestly, putting her hand on his jaw and feeling the tension
slowly lesson.  "Not because I do not like being spanked -
although I certainly do
not
 - but because I do not need
or want any other man but you.  I was foolish and naive over
my feelings for Alex, but at least it taught me that what I feel
for you is different and special."

"Good," he said possessively.
 This time his kiss was anything but light or gentle and Irene
let herself sink into it, her lips clinging to his.  "Although
I'm not entirely sure I believe that you do not like being spanked.
 Last night you seemed to -"

He was interrupted by a
sharp poke in the chest and the narrowing of his wife's eyes.
 "Enjoying what we do
after
 does not make it hurt any
less during, you brute."

Rubbing the sore spot that she'd just
jabbed her finger into, Hugh grinned down at her.  "I suppose
brute is better than monster."

Irene laughed and he chuckled.
 Strange to say that for both of them the past twenty-four
hours had been extremely trying, and yet now they were glad of it,
for without those trials they would not have made their confessions
to each other.  For the first time Irene looked up into Hugh's
eyes and realized that the warmth she saw in them was love for
her... and that the emotions welling in her belly and chest was her
love for him.  

They spent the rest of the afternoon
until supper like that, curled together.  She told him, in
much more detail, about what her childhood had been like and her
mother's edicts, some of which made him snort with laughter.
 He reassured her that she absolutely did not have to follow
the majority of them, just the ones that would keep her safe.
 The ones meant to keep her from causing a scandal she could
break, but only with him.  In fact, he got a few ideas from
the list, specifically about dragging her off to a darkened corner
they next ball they attended. 

Fortunately for the
sensibilities of the housekeeper, she interrupted them to announce
supper before Hugh could begin to act on practicing any of those
ideas.  

Chapter 17

The roiling emotions inside of Edwin
jangled together like discordant notes, smashing into each other
within his chest and causing his head to pound.  Irene's words
circled around his head, pecking at his insides.  Eleanor
wanted space?  From him?  The fact that his wife was
evidently planning a trip to Bath to see her parents without even
speaking to him about it was something he could all too easily
believe. 

The question was why. 

Although their marriage had been
hasty, he'd been under the impression that she'd become reconciled
to that.  She had been furious when she'd realized that he
wouldn't allow her to misbehave any more than her father would
have, and that he'd use the same measures to keep her in line, but
she'd seemed to have accepted that as well.  Especially since
she had the most amazingly passionate reaction to him following any
discipline.