Deadly Is the Kiss (17 page)

“This is different,” he muttered, rolling his shoulder. “It might take years, but I’ll figure out a way. I’m not stopping until I do.”

“You fucking hypocrite,” Gideon said softly, narrowing his eyes. “You’re just chickening out, unwilling to man up. I cannot believe you’re pussying out!”

“I’m only going to say this once, so—”

“Is it because of that banishment crap?” Gideon demanded, cutting him off. “You really think she’s some kind of evil bitch maniac who’s going to destroy your life?”

“No. I don’t think she’s evil. I also don’t think she’s a maniac or a bitch.” Yes, he still believed she was keeping secrets from him, but he also believed Juliana was a good person. No matter the real story behind her banishment, he knew it wouldn’t be because she’d ever hurt anyone.

“Then what the hell’s the problem?”

“It’s…complicated.”

Gideon studied his pained expression and held up his hands. “Okay, all right, man. Just…promise me you’ll think about it. I hate to see you screwing this up.”

* * *

“S
CREWING
WHAT
UP
?”
Juliana asked, coming into the room. She hadn’t been able to hear what they were saying, their voices too quiet, but she could feel the tension crackling in the air. “What are you talking about?”

“Nothing important,” Ashe murmured. “Let it go, Jules.”

“Hmm. Giving orders again, Ashe?” She knew he was keeping something from her, and as hypocritical as it made her, she couldn’t stand it. “I’m not one of your groupies, you know, willing to do whatever you say.”

“Much to his disappointment, I’m sure,” Gideon murmured, earning him a warning glare from his brother. The two were strikingly similar in appearance, with huge, muscular bodies, sable hair and silvery eyes. Strong, striking bone structure, softened only by the sensual shape of their mouths. But the resemblance was often missed at first glance because of the difference in their expressions. While Gideon Granger was usually smiling, Ashe was more…intense. Not somber, just…private.

As if sensing this was an opportune time to change the subject, Gideon looked at his brother and said, “On top of having every assassin within the League gunning for that kill money, the Förmyndares are going to be tracking her down the second they realize she’s missing. I’ll put in some calls and see what I can find out for you.”

“Thanks,” Ashe rasped, looking exhausted as he dropped down onto the room’s short sofa.

Leaning his backside against the narrow desk wedged against the opposite wall, Gideon crossed his arms over his chest. “Are you going to tell the rest of the guys what you’re up to?”

She knew Gideon was asking about the Specs team both brothers were now a part of, and she waited to hear his answer.

Bracing his elbows on his spread knees, Ashe said, “I talked to Kierland while we were at Knox’s and arranged for one of the other teams to go into the Wasteland to provide protection detail for the Sabins. But I asked him not to tell the others yet. I want them involved in this as little as possible. They’ve already been through enough.”

“They’re going to be pissed when they find out you left them outta the action,” Gideon predicted.

A grin tugged at Ashe’s lips. “Naw. They’ll be okay. They’re too busy trying to procreate with their new wives to want to fight.” After finally defeating an ancient evil that had tried to destroy the world, the other guys in their Specs team had gotten married back during the summer and were enjoying some much needed downtime.

Gideon laughed under his breath. “True. But they’d want to have your back.”

“They can bitch me out about it later,” he said, and even though Juliana had slid her gaze toward Gideon, she could feel Ashe’s stare as it raked over her body, her cheeks flushing as she realized the crazy man was checking her out right in front of his brother.

Noticing the color in her cheeks, Gideon shot her a quick wink, and then pushed away from the desk, saying, “I guess I’ll get out of your hair, then.”

Juliana was about to ask where he was going, when Ashe moved back to his feet and said, “Don’t take no for an answer. I want to have a viable option in case this all goes to shit and we can’t get the Council to overthrow the ruling.”

“What viable option?” she asked.

It was Gideon who answered her question. “I’m going to visit the Court and talk to some old friends of our parents. See if I can convince them to give us their support.”

Her stunned gaze shot to Ashe. “But what did you mean about an option?”

Pushing his hands in his pockets, he said, “I’m not as confident as that mysterious benefactor of yours that the Council will be willing to overturn their decision, no matter how strong our evidence is. It all depends on how deep Lenora has her claws in them. They’ll either have the guts to stand against her, or they’ll fold. And if that happens, I think she’ll push for execution. So the smartest thing to do is to have a viable escape plan set up for your family to get them out and into hiding.”

She drew an unsteady breath. “You’re going to break them out of the Wasteland?”

With a shrug, he said, “If it comes to that.”

Gideon gave a low laugh. “And to think everyone always thought
I’d
be the one who became an outlaw.”

Hoping she wasn’t about to make a fool of herself in front of Gideon, Juliana caught Ashe’s gaze. “When you were talking about getting the Council to overthrow the ruling, you said ‘we.’ Does that… I mean, are you planning on going before the Council
with
me?”

He looked irritated by her question, but he gave her an answer. “I am.”

She blinked, wetting her lips, unable to believe what she’d just heard…and what it implied. She’d assumed that if they got lucky enough and found what they needed, Ashe would wish her good luck and send her on her way. The idea that he would stand by her side was almost too sweet to bear.

“Ashe, does this…does this mean that you think we’re innocent?”

“It doesn’t matter what I think.” His tone was gruff. “What matters is making sure you don’t end up in that hellhole again.”

“Well, it might not matter to you, but it matters to me,” she told him. “I want you to believe that you’re doing the right thing.”

His gaze was so intense, it was like a physical touch. “Then I guess you’re just going to have to find some way to prove it to me.”

She knew exactly what he was saying. That he wanted her to trust him and share the secrets she was keeping. But it wasn’t a matter of trust. It was a matter of his safety. If things went wrong, and she and her family had to run, the less Ashe knew about the Delacourts the better.

Softly, she said, “What about taking it on faith?”

His voice got rougher. “I can’t do that.”

“You mean you won’t,” she said, thinking the man could give lessons on stubborn. “But it still means a lot to me that you’re willing to stand by my side. It means…more than I can say.”

He looked like he wanted to grab her and kiss her, but since they weren’t alone, he simply responded with one of those scorching looks and an arrogant nod. They didn’t say anything more on the subject, and Gideon headed out not long after, promising to be in touch as soon as he had some news for them.

“Where are we going now?” she asked when Ashe closed the door behind his brother and told her they were heading out.

“I thought we could grab some dinner. There’s a café behind the club. Nothing fancy, but we should be able to find something decent to eat there.”

“Aren’t you worried that we’ll be seen?”

“I don’t think anyone can track us here that quickly. But I’ll make sure we get a table in the back.”

She ran a hand self-consciously through her damp hair, then glanced down at her jeans and simple gray sweater. “I’m not really dressed for dinner.”

“Don’t worry. You don’t need fancy clothes or makeup,” he said in a low voice. “You look beautiful without them.”

Stunned, Juliana lifted her gaze to his, and felt something turn over in her chest.

He’d told her she was beautiful before, but that had been during sex, so it didn’t count. And at any rate, she knew she was average. That wasn’t false modesty—it was just a simple truth.

But when Ashe Granger looked at her with that dark, smoldering look on his face, Juliana not only felt pretty…she felt like the most beautiful woman on earth.

CHAPTER NINE

U
NLIKE
THE
CLUB
WHERE
THEY
were staying, the café had a certain charm that soothed Juliana’s nerves, the dim lighting giving it a cozy atmosphere. And the food was exceptional. Ashe ordered a steak and fries, while she had opted for a chicken sandwich and salad. There was an awkward moment when they’d first walked inside the café and ran into a tall redhead Ashe knew. Her name was Lacey, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out that the two had a history, the female vamp’s gray eyes shooting daggers at Juliana as she gave Ashe a hug goodbye before leaving with a group of her girlfriends.

After that, the conversation had been awkward as they’d eaten their food, the tension between them too thick to ignore, but they managed to talk about his friends in the Specs team he’d joined and how they were all getting on. The stories of their weddings had made Juliana ridiculously weepy, though she did her best not to let it show. Last thing she needed was for this man to think she was looking for her own happily-ever-after. Which she wasn’t. She knew better than to dream for something that could never be hers.

She’d made her mistakes, and she was willing to pay the price for them. She just didn’t want her family to continue to pay, as well. She even held out hope for poor Micah, whose ravaged mind had caused him to inflict so much pain on others. She was prepared to accept those sins as her own, knowing Micah’s life would have taken a much different course if they hadn’t been banished. He would have eventually found his mate, the woman who would hold his heart and start his Burning, and they would have had a beautiful life together, raising a family and growing old with each other.

Reaching for her wineglass, she looked at Ashe and asked, “Have you ever watched any of the males in your family go through the Burning?”

He choked on the whiskey he was swallowing, his eyes watering as he coughed. “What the hell made you think of that?” he wheezed, still struggling to catch his breath.

She waited until the waiter had cleared their plates, then shrugged one shoulder. “I was just thinking of Micah and all the things he’s missed out on.”

He made a noncommittal sound under his breath.

“Well, have you?” she asked, after taking a sip of her wine.

Stiffly, he said, “Just an uncle.”

She set her glass down, watching the tip of her finger as she ran it around the fragile rim. “It’s strange, isn’t it? How the female isn’t always as compelled as the male. Why do you think that is?”

“Maybe to add some sanity to the process,” he offered in a wry drawl.

She lifted her laughing eyes back to his face. “You’re very cynical, aren’t you?”

His tone got drier. “I’ve been hearing that a lot lately,” he said, leaning back in his chair, “but I prefer to think of it as realistic.”

Crossing her arms on the table, she leaned forward, studying him in the golden candlelight. “You don’t have a very high opinion of women, Ashe. I can’t help but think there’s a story in there somewhere.”

“No story,” he said in a low voice. “I just don’t like the idea of my future being decided for me.”

“Hmm. I can understand that. Having one’s life decided for them…no, that’s not something I would wish on another person.” She took another sip of her wine, staring into the burgundy depths of the glass. “Perhaps they should find some way to inoculate against it, like a vaccine. I mean, who is fate to decide who our hearts should belong to?”

“Hearts aren’t always involved,” he muttered, looking uneasy again. He downed another swallow of whiskey, his voice tight as he said, “The purpose of the Burning is to simply promote the prosperity of our species.”

She couldn’t stop a whimsical smile from curling her lips. “Still, it would be more romantic to marry or bond for love. I mean, if two life spans are going to be synced so that one isn’t left behind without the other, it would be nice if those hundred years together were filled with love, rather than passion alone.”

“Why are you unmarried?”

This time she was the one who coughed, nearly spewing the sip of wine she’d just taken over the table. “What?”

“Why haven’t you settled down yet?” he pressed, his expression giving nothing away. But there was a fire burning in his eyes, the hot glow making her shiver. “Despite being banished, there are often soldiers and hunters traveling through the Wasteland. I doubt my friends and I were the only ones you ever came into contact with.”

She exhaled a slow breath, suddenly wishing she’d never started this uncomfortable conversation. “I suppose the simplest answer is that I haven’t caused any man to…um, go through the change.”

“So? A lot of couples marry nowadays without it.”

“That’s true,” she murmured, her fingers fiddling nervously with the stem of her wineglass. Forcing a tight smile, she said, “I, uh, guess I’m just not the marrying type. Too much of a romantic, really. I would want a man who would be faithful to me, and from what I’ve seen, there aren’t many of those around.”

“You don’t have a very high opinion of men,” he told her, giving her back a similar version of her earlier words.

The smile curving her lips turned wry. “No, I don’t. But I appreciate what you’ve done.”

“And what’s that?” he rasped, the sexual tone of his voice impossible to miss. Heat flooded her cheeks as she realized how her words might be interpreted, as if she were appreciative of the orgasms he’d given her. Which she was. But she didn’t plan on telling the blasted man that! He was already arrogant enough.

Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to hold his sensual gaze. “I mean that I appreciate what you’re doing with the investigation. All the contacts you have searching for information. The way you’ve already protected me from two assassination attempts. And for what you’re willing to do for my family to keep them safe.” She coughed again, trying to clear the husky note from her voice. “I can’t…I can’t tell you how much that means to me, Ashe.”

She couldn’t be sure, but it almost looked as if he flinched. From one instant to the next, the heat in his gaze became banked, his sensual tone now clipped. “I’m willing to help you because you need it, Juliana. Just don’t think it means anything.”

She blinked. “Meaning?”

With an awkward roll of his shoulder, he muttered, “There could never be anything more between us. An…affair is all I can offer you.”

An embarrassed flush swept over Juliana’s face, while a cold, mortified feeling sank into the pit of her stomach. She felt dizzy and nauseous, but she held on to her temper, forcing out what she hoped sounded like a calm, rational response. “I don’t believe I asked for anything from you, other than your help. I certainly didn’t ask to sleep with you.” Her control started to slip, her throat quivering, but she struggled to keep her voice soft, mindful of the other tables as she said, “I didn’t even want you to touch me in the first place.”

“That’s a lie and you know it,” he quietly argued. “But I didn’t mean to be insulting. I just want there to be clarity between us.”

“Oh, don’t worry.” She pulled in a shuddering breath, so mad she wanted to cry. “I understand men like you completely, Ashe. You’ll never commit yourself to one woman because you’re too blasted in love with your endless variety.”

“No. The reason I’ll never commit,” he ground out, forcing the words through his gritted teeth, “is because I could never trust a woman to give me the same kind of honesty and commitment that she’d expect from me.”

Juliana shook her head, unable to believe what she’d just heard. “Wait a minute. You can’t throw that argument back in my face.”

He worked his jaw. “Why not? You think it only works for women?”

Taken aback, she asked, “What exactly are you saying?”

He looked uncomfortable as hell, but he didn’t back down. “I’m saying that it’s not always the woman who gets her heart trampled. That it’s not always the man who lies and destroys trust and strays.”

She shook her head again, dazed. “You honestly think any woman you chose would stray from a man like you?”

His eyes narrowed, his gaze so intense she could feel its heat pulsing against her face. The noisy chatter surrounding them in the bustling café faded into the background, the air thick with sudden awareness, crackling with tension. “What do you mean, a man like me?”

She arched a brow. “Come on, Ashe. You’ve seen a mirror. It can’t come as a surprise that you’re gorgeous.”

“And you’re beautiful.” His rough tone made it clear that he wasn’t just saying it to be nice. He actually believed it, and Juliana felt her icy anger begin to thaw.

“Not really, but it’s nice of you to say so. And it’s different for women. Looks fade.” She slid him a slight smile. “Even for our kind.”

“True,” he agreed. Then he shocked the hell out of her by saying, “But when two people are in love, it doesn’t matter.”

“I have a hard time picturing a man like you in love,” she murmured. “Though I imagine hundreds of women have been in love with you over the years.”

“They’ve loved certain parts of me, but that’s all,” he replied, and she could tell by the tight grin that worked its way across his mouth which “parts” he was referring to. Then she caught the gleam of some dark emotion in his eyes, and a slow, thick wave of shock moved through her, leaving her blinking back at him. In that moment, she realized a stunning truth. For all his arrogance and attitude, Ashe Granger didn’t think he was someone who could be loved.

God, all this time she’d been judging him…unfairly. He didn’t sleep around because he was heartless. He kept away from intimate relationships because he didn’t believe they were something he could ever have.

“Who was she?” she asked.

He flicked her a shuttered look from beneath his lashes, his jaw tight. “Who was who?”

“The woman who betrayed you. Did she sleep with someone you knew?”

He didn’t respond right away, his attention focused inward. She could see the muscle ticking in his cheek, just below his right eye, his jaw clenched so hard it looked painful. She was about to prompt him for an answer, unable to just let it go, when he blew out a rough breath and said, “It wasn’t just a someone. She slept with men that I knew, as well as men that I didn’t.”

“I’m sorry, Ashe. That sucks.”

He downed the rest of his whiskey in one hard swallow. “It gets worse,” he said, setting the glass back on the table.

“How could it get worse than that?” she whispered, her chest hurting at the pain she could see on his beautiful face. He looked haunted as he pushed his chair back from the table. He sat with his elbows braced on his spread knees, his head turned to the side, gaze focused on a patch of floor between their table and the wall.

After a long, tense silence, he said, “She wasn’t who I thought she was.”

Juliana waited, sensing that he had more to say. He just needed time to figure out how to say it.

The moments slowly ticked by, weighted with grief and unwanted memories, and then he quietly said, “Gretchen was a young vampire whose family had arranged her marriage to a wealthy male who was much older than her. I had just started working as a Förmyndare and was sent to investigate when her husband was found murdered.” Lines crinkled at the corners of his eyes as he winced. “She was young and beautiful, and I was cocky enough to think she fell in love with me at first sight. We started an affair, and I was also stupid enough to ask her for an explanation when my investigation kept leading back to her.”