Deadly Identity (9 page)

“But,” Rachel stammered, reeling at the request, “who would take care of Jenny?”

“My mom and dad,” he said abruptly. “They're staying home. Automatic babysitters.” Cade hoped his anxiousness didn't translate to Rachel. “Would you like to go? It would get you out of here for a while. I worry about you being cooped up so much
here at the ranch. You've barely left the place since you've moved in.”

What could she say? Rachel didn't want to raise any suspicion but she also couldn't be too visible. “I'm not a very good dancer,” she said.

“Me neither.” Cade smiled ever so slightly. “We could go out on slow dances only and try to avoid one another's feet?” Cade told himself he was doing this for her own good. Rachel stayed holed up like a proverbial bear in hibernation mode. There had to be a good reason, and he just wanted to spend more time with her. “Listen,” he murmured, reaching out and briefly touching her hand, “I don't want this to be a prison sentence to you. It's just going to be lighthearted fun, that's all. Nothing serious. No commitment. Just a little midwinter lift for the spirit. The whole town looks forward to this dance. It gets people out of their homes to catch up with one another.” God help him, he'd touched her. He had to stop this. Cade clenched his jaw and forced his hands to his sides. What the hell was he doing? Why was he so out of control? Rachel had done nothing to trigger these needs in him.

Rachel knew she was trapped. Her hand tingled wildly in the wake of his touch. He was her employer and the tension between them felt far too intimate. What was he doing? What did he want from her? Rachel's mind careened from one question to another. One of the tenets of the federal witness protection
program was to appear normal and blend in. By now, Cade was well aware she'd turned down every offer to go to the grocery store with him. That wasn't exactly normal behavior. Of course, Rachel wanted to go to the dance with him. But she knew from hard experience that selfishness did more than just harm her—it had harmed her entire family. “That sounds nice, Cade,” she managed in a strangled tone. “How formal is it?”

Relief flooded Cade. He sat back in the chair and tried to seem nonchalant about the whole thing. “There's nothing fancy about it. Women wear dresses or slacks. It's country people being relaxed, down-home and simply enjoying one another's company.”

“Sounds like fun,” Rachel said, trying to mean it.
Blend in or stand out.
Well, she'd managed to hide in this town for two months. She doubted anyone would know her. But now, they would. If she didn't go, Cade could get even more suspicious. And truth be told, she could already feel how wonderful it would be to slow-dance with him, walk around on his arm, be his date.

Cade looked at his watch. “Gotta run,” he said, rising from the chair. The need to run pushed him hard. What had he just done? Shell-shocked by his own behavior, Cade walked over to the peg and shrugged into his brown nylon coat.

Rachel remained at the table feeling partly excited and partly fearful. “What time is the dance?”

“Seven to ten o'clock,” Cade said, settling his trooper's hat on his head. “We'll stay only as long as you want.” He had to give her choices. If he had his way, they'd stay until the dance closed up.

“I'll have dinner for us at five-thirty, then.” She gripped her hands in her lap beneath the table. Nerves fled through her. Wild, unreasonable dreams were coming to life. She saw him scowl again, closed up and unreadable once more. What could he really be thinking and feeling? Was he an employer being “nice” to her? Or was he about to cross that line she wasn't sure she wanted to cross? Fear mingled with excitement.

Opening the door, Cade lifted his hand, feeling as if he were both floating on a cloud of joy and walking a path straight to hell. “See you later…” He fled out into the cold air, which revived him. Why was he feeling trapped? As he got into the SUV, Cade shook his head, angry at himself. He felt bad for Rachel. Maybe that was why he did these stupid things. All he wanted to do was make her happy. He shut the door of his cruiser and slipped the key into the ignition.

As he called in to the dispatcher to let her know he was done with lunch, Cade drove slowly off the ranch. Yes, that was it, Cade felt sorry for Rachel because she was holed up in the house and never left it. He was a sucker for those who needed help. Was it really romantic attraction? His mouth went thin and he headed back toward the town. Who was he
fooling? With a sigh, Cade knew it could never be. The people he loved died on him. And more than anything else, Cade could not stand losing someone he loved again. His hands gripped the steering wheel hard for a moment. Yes, he simply felt sorry for Rachel. That was all.

 

T
HE DOOR CLOSED
. Rachel sat, hands in her lap, staring at the roses. Dirk had never given her flowers. After the rushed wedding in Las Vegas, Rachel hadn't seen any more. Her life had switched to fast-paced Miami, Florida. Oh, Dirk had brought her chocolates from time to time, but when he did, he wanted something for them. Rachel shivered. Everything Dirk gave her came with a price.

Rachel reached out and touched the red, velvety petal of one rose. It felt so soft and pliable. The scent already filled the kitchen like a heady perfume. What did Cade want? Rubbing her face, Rachel scolded herself for being so naive and stupid. The pain of the past overpowered this happy moment. Could a man give her such gifts and not want something for it? Her body? Her kisses? Those were the things Dirk always expected from her whether she was in the mood or not.

Rachel tried to calm herself. The look in Cade's eyes was like that of a little boy shyly giving the girl he likes a gift. She could see the light in his expression, the need to please her, to make her happy.
But that look had been there for a second and was quickly swallowed up by that implacable gaze that was always there.

The most important thing was that she remain brutally honest with what she saw in others as well as in herself. This helped her form better judgments about people. But Cade confused her. She sat staring at the roses. She liked the gifts. She loved being surprised. And most of all, Cade had been thoughtful toward her. It could be innocent.

Getting up, Rachel cleared the table and put the dirty plates in the dishwasher. The fact was that she longed for intimate contact with Cade. Each time he touched her, her entire body blossomed like a ripe peach. No question, she was coming alive once more. The long tunnel of suffering, grief and depression was finally dissolving. Was it because of Cade? His family? Or maybe it was just time.

Rachel wiped the crumbs off the table and rinsed the cloth beneath the tap. The wintery, sunny scene outside the window cheered her up. The place looked like a picture-postcard and Rachel wanted to do a watercolor of it someday. When she wasn't doing her illustrations and writing, she was building a portfolio of watercolor landscapes that she hoped would be seen in a gallery.

Cade…what to do about him? Hands resting on the sink, Rachel stared out the window, lost in the turmoil of that dangerous question. What to do about
herself? She ached to be in his arms. Dreamed about making love with him. Wondering if he'd be a gentle lover. She had only Dirk to compare him to.

What did she want? She wanted Cade! She wanted this life. Rachel didn't want to admit how happy she was right now. Happier than she could remember in years. She was on a ranch, not a farm, but to her, it was the same thing. Nature surrounded them, the animals and the hardworking people who made it thrive fed her thirsty soul. Yet, they were things out of her reach forever. A gutting sadness cut through her. It wasn't fair that she be denied happiness, a way of life, because of Dirk. The whole notion made her angry, which felt far better than being scared.

With a damp cloth, Rachel cleaned the tile counter. Her mind and heart were centered on Cade. He was just coming out of his own long tunnel of grief over the loss of his wife and child. Rachel felt that something had put her in front of him and Jenny for a reason. So many synchronistic things had happened that it left her marveling at it all.

Was she allowed to be happy? The FBI had told her that if she ever fell in love and married, her husband could never know of her past. None of it. Ever. Rachel found that harder to accept than anything else. Her life was one big, continuing lie. Squeezing her eyes shut, Rachel pressed her palms into them for a moment.

Dropping her hands away from her eyes, Rachel
stared at the roses. That was why she'd avoided relationships in the past. She didn't lie well. She knew she'd trip up. She'd nearly done that with Cade out in the barn over the discussion about the goats. No way could she stop her real life, her past, from bleeding into the present. That was why she had avoided serious and personal relationships with men in the past.

Now, it was different, for whatever reason. Cade symbolized the man she'd dreamed of—someone who was honest, hardworking and ruggedly handsome. Cade was also kind, thoughtful and sensitive. All those qualities Rachel had craved in her dream partner. Cade loved children. There was nothing to dislike about this man who had made his house her home. And he was honorable. Rachel couldn't name a time when he'd gone out of his way to touch her flirtatiously or sidled up to her. No, he'd treated her like a valued and respected friend, not a lover. If he had come on to her, she'd have left long ago.

Maybe that was the difference with Cade. They were becoming friends. Rachel had had male acquaintances, but had never found a true friend among them. In fact, she hadn't wanted to get too close because of her fear of divulging her past. Some of her emotional turmoil subsided. Cade was a friend. She could have a friend. And she could continue to allow herself to appreciate and like him as a friend.

Somehow, realizing this made her attending a
dance more palatable and less threatening to her heart. Rachel could never fall in love. She wasn't going to lie to that person who held her heart. She could allow Cade into her life as a friend.

Rachel's ears picked up on Jenny's fussing as she awoke. Turning, she put away her angst and walked down the hall to get the baby. Humming a tune, Rachel felt some of the weight lift from her shoulders. Tonight wouldn't be torture. No, it was two friends going to a dance to enjoy the night. That was all.

C
ADE TRIED TO NOT STARE
at Rachel. She had brushed her hair up into a youthful style with several combs. It showed off her slender neck. He drove his dark blue pickup along the wet highway, the black asphalt gleaming with recent snow that had melted. Even in her black wool coat and red muffler, he thought she looked beautiful. As headlights passed them, Rachel's clean profile and her soft, full lips were illuminated. His body tightened. Groaning inwardly, Cade felt as if he were a prisoner between heaven and hell. He knew what hell was; he'd lived in it for two years. With Rachel coming into his life, Cade was in heaven. He was constantly battling himself not to touch her. Savagely, he reminded himself he was doing this as a compassionate gesture. Nothing else.

Cade stared straight ahead and tried to stay focused. His thoughts strayed to how happy Rachel looked. Happy to get out of the house? To be with him? His gut tightened with anxiety. Rachel was so good with Jenny and the baby was thriving happily beneath her care and love. It stopped Cade from rock
ing the boat. He frowned. Besides, in the months Rachel had been under his roof, she'd never given him a signal that she was interested in him.

Was that why he'd brought her the roses and candy? Cade tried once again to concentrate on his driving. As they breasted the hill, the colorful lights of Jackson Hole glimmered down below.

“The town looks like a Christmas tree,” Rachel confided. Indeed, the town was in a “hole.” She had found out from Gwen that her ancestors had been a mix of Native American and French fur trappers who had come in here. At that time a valley was referred to as a “hole” and the name had stuck. Although, Gwen told her, the mayor wanted the town to be known simply as Jackson and not Jackson Hole. Rachel didn't know why. The romantic story of how the Wyoming town came into being was pure Western nostalgia and should remain as is, she thought.

“Yes,” Cade said, “it does.”

Out the side window Rachel saw that the darkness was complete. On her right, she knew a huge mountain stood, invisible at night. To the left of them was a wide, flat expanse, the Elk Refuge where thousands of animals remained. They came out of the mountains to the lower altitude in order to survive. In the spring, they would all leave and go back to the mountains. Closer to Jackson Hole were wetlands and a river, perfect habitat for the elk herds.

“Why aren't you getting out more?” Cade asked
abruptly. “My mother is worried that you're holing up too much in the house. She thinks you need to get out more often.”

Rachel went into her defensive mode of lies. “I guess I'm a natural homebody,” she offered, trying to make light of his concern. Opening her hands, she added, “I'm used to working at my employer's home.”

“Mom said you've only driven your car into town twice.”

“Your mother is like a tornado on the run,” Rachel said with a chuckle. “I'm sure she doesn't stay more than five minutes in any given spot.”

“That's true,” Cade agreed wryly, glancing over at her. The smile on Rachel's shadowed features was anxious, her eyes darkened so he couldn't accurately read them. “She's a hard worker 24/7,” he agreed. Again, tension sprang to the cab of the truck.

“I don't know how she does it all,” Rachel admitted. “She runs a quilting shop and then comes home and works on the accounting for her store and the ranch. Your dad is always busy, but then, on a farm or ranch something always needs to be done.” Rachel allowed herself to linger over Cade's handsome profile as he drove. “And it's a good thing that you're pitching in and helping him when you don't have duty as a sheriff's deputy. It looks like he needs a full-time wrangler.”

Cade nodded. “He does, but he doesn't have the
money to pay a hired hand. That's why I pitch in.” And then he muttered, “I guess the whole family is manic.”

Laughing, Rachel remembered growing up on their Iowa farm. “Oh, no. Farm and ranch life is demanding, that's all.” She wanted to ignore how good he looked in his crisp white cowboy shirt, dark slacks and coat. Tonight, Cade was a cowboy, not a sheriff's deputy. His black hat sat on a rack behind them. Rachel felt that deep down, Cade was a rancher, not a law-enforcement officer. However, this area had little to offer in the way of affordable middle-class housing. A deputy didn't make enough to live in the town he protected. Cade was able to live here because of his family's ranch. Rich corporate retirees, oil moguls, mine owners and Hollywood types made this town the Palm Springs of the Rockies. As a consequence, for middle-class people it was nearly impossible to afford the price of an apartment rental, much less a home.

The silence hung in the truck as they moved slowly down the recently salted highway to the sparkling lights of Jackson Hole. Cade glanced over at her. He swallowed hard and rasped, “Are you happy being with us, Rachel?”

Taken off guard by the quiet question, she stared at Cade for a moment. Rachel had learned a long time ago to stop and think of the right answer before she engaged her mouth. She used to blurt out answers,
but now that could prove deadly. “Of course I am. I love taking care of Jenny.”

Nodding, Cade felt his heart racing a little more than usual. He kept his hands on the steering wheel. At this time of night, the temperature was falling and despite the best efforts of the salt trucks, the water that had melted during the day would turn into deadly black ice. He had no desire to go skidding off the two-lane highway. “You seem happy. I'm glad you set up that other room as your office.”

“It's all working out, Cade.” Far better than Rachel could ever have dreamed. “What about you? Are you still okay with me living under the same roof with you?”

Cade saw the seriousness of her expression as headlights flashed into the cab. He cleared his throat. “I want you to be comfortable, Rachel. I worry that you aren't relaxed or that you need more privacy. I worry about being underfoot, sometimes.”

Rachel was touched by his concern. “I'm happy, Cade.” That wasn't a lie, and her tension dissolved. “In fact, I can't remember ever being this happy.” She gestured at the darkness that surrounded them from the cab. “The Grand Tetons are the most beautiful mountains I've ever seen. I love small towns and being close to nature.”

Frowning, he said, “Then why did you live in New York City?”

Instantly, anxiety gripped Rachel. “For work and school.” She hoped he would buy her explanation.

“I see,” he murmured. “And now you want to be closer to nature?”

“Yes,” Rachel lied, feeling badly. Cade was such a stand-up guy that he and his family did not deserve this kind of treatment. “I really love being here, Cade. Your family is wonderful. I have everything I've ever dreamed of.” Except for a meaningful, long-term relationship. And a family of her own. A mother who could go back to her own farm and live out her life. And being able to see her brothers…

“That's good to hear,” Cade said, making a turn toward the armory. The Christmas lights were still up in the town. It cheered the locals who wanted them left until March. With the winter ski season in full swing, the lights gave an ongoing holiday air to the famous fur-trapper town.

The armory parking lot had been plowed clean of snow, the white stuff was piled up in three-and four-foot walls around the edge of the rectangular area. Rachel saw that the armory, which doubled as a VFW center, was lit up with pink, red and white lanterns to indicate Valentine's Day. Crowds of people chatted excitedly and walked toward the main doors. Her heart lifted.
Tonight I'm going to forget who I am, what happened and the twists and turns of my life. I'm going to enjoy being with Cade.
And how she wanted to be held in his arms! What would that be
like? Anything to rival her nightly dreams? Anticipation soared within her as she climbed out of the truck. Throughout the years, she'd never really been in the arms of a man. Maybe that's why she looked forward to this night with Cade. A human being wasn't made to live alone.

Wrapping his arm through hers, Cade said, “This parking lot gets icy. Let me escort you to the door.” He settled the cowboy hat on his head and managed a thin smile down at her. Secretly, he was thrilled to have her arm hooked through his.

Rachel said, “It wouldn't look very good if I slipped and fell on my behind, would it?”

Enjoying her closeness, their bodies touching here and there as they walked between the many cars, Cade answered, “You look pretty in that outfit. It would be a shame to get it wet and dirty.”

Rachel had chosen to wear her cranberry wool slacks and a pink angora sweater with a mock turtleneck. A long time ago, she'd bought a hand-dyed rainbow-colored silk scarf, and she'd draped it around her neck so that it brought more color to the ensemble. “Not exactly the grand entrance I'd like to make,” she agreed, meeting his eyes. Her heart opened and Rachel thought she saw need burning in Cade's eyes. Need of her. She wasn't so naive as not to know when a man was interested in her. Could she read Cade accurately? Or was it her silly, lonely heart wanting some attention no matter who it was?
Trying to tamp down her excitement and yearning, Rachel struggled to remain immune to him, but it was nearly impossible.

The people entering the armory were in a festive mood. They gave their coats to the coatroom attendant and moved with the jovial crowd toward the dance floor. Rachel met more people in that five minutes than she had in all the time she'd lived in New York City. Knowing that this put her at risk but needing the human connection, she shook a lot of hands and shared social pleasantries. Cade knew everyone. And everyone, it seemed, admired and respected him in return. There were plenty of jokes, back-slapping and handshakes.

Finally, out on the shining oak floor, which was crowded with people of all ages, Cade led her as a slow song began. The local band struck up a 1940s-era song. Swept into his arms, Rachel allowed herself to be pulled close. Cade still kept a bit of distance between them and guided her expertly around the dance floor. She absorbed the warm strength of his hand enclosing hers and the way his other hand fitted into the small of her back. Her spine tingled wildly under his touch. Rachel fantasized how it might feel to have Cade slip his hand beneath her soft sweater. Her breasts tightened. Her nipples puckered. Alarmed, Rachel hoped the fuzziness of the sweater hid her feminine reaction to him.

“You're a good dancer,” Cade whispered, his lips
near her ear. He wanted to say,
You feel so damn good to me. You're all woman. I want to kiss you, make love with you.
Choking all of those words back down, Cade lifted his head to search her face. Rachel didn't wear any makeup except for some pink lipstick. Her cheeks were flushed, which only emphasized her warm blue eyes and their huge black pupils. She never wore mascara or eye color—didn't have to. She had thick sable lashes that framed her eyes like those in an old master's painting. Cade felt himself spiral helplessly into them. There was such happiness within them. Was it because she was in his arms?

“Thanks,” she said, her voice husky with sudden emotion. Cade's face was shadowed by the light above, the semidarkness intimate. There might have been forty other couples on the dance floor but she felt as if they were all alone in that moment. His gray eyes were large and intent-looking—upon her. Without thinking, she dropped her gaze to his very male, strong mouth. His lips were so close to hers. What would it be like to just take a tiny step forward, press her body against his and place her mouth on his? The need nearly drove Rachel forward.

And then the dance ended. People clapped enthusiastically for the local band that consisted of a saxophonist, a drummer, a singer, and trumpet-and piano-players. The men were dressed like 1920s gangsters, their felt fedoras reminding Rachel of the bootleggers of that era. The singer was dressed
in a bright red sequined dress straight out of the 1940s. Her blond hair was long and wavy around her shoulders.

Rachel reluctantly parted from Cade's arms but she didn't want to. Cade kept his hand in the small of her back and led her over to the beverage table.

Standing near the wall, crystal cup in hand, Rachel appreciated the decorations. In the center of the room a flashing silver ball slowly rotated. Each facet sparkled and cast light around the spacious area. Red, pink and white crepe paper was strung from a central point on the ceiling and fanned out like octopus arms across the expanse. Someone had tied small, medium and large red cardboard hearts here and there along the colorful streamers.

It was a perfect Valentine's Day dance. The people who attended were of all ages and walks of life. As Cade had said, during the harsh winter in Wyoming, there wasn't much for people to do. And with the winter so long, everyone, young and old, looked for any excuse to get out of their homes and mingle with one another. Rachel could see that this was the perfect place for people to catch up with one another's lives and listen to town gossip.

Without thinking, Rachel scanned the assemblage. It was a habit she'd developed after going into the program. Focusing on the men in the noisy crowd, Rachel wanted to make sure she didn't see Dirk among them. The FBI had taught her always to be alert. Always to
be aware of her surroundings. She didn't want to do it tonight, though, because happiness bubbled through her. Just one night! For one night Rachel desperately wanted to forget her past. Wanted just to focus on the present.
Now.
With Cade.

Another slow dance started.

“Shall we?” Cade invited, setting his emptied glass on the table.

Rachel threw caution away and set down her glass. Tonight, she would drown in the arms of Cade Garner. Everything else in her miserable life would be forgotten. “Yes, come on.” Rachel gave him a playful smile and pulled him out onto the dance floor. The couples rapidly filled up the dance floor as the woman launched into a torch song.