Deadly (25 page)

He’d give his mother the green dress and ask her to deliver it to Meg, along with his apology for not saying goodbye.

“You’re going to have to find a job,” Zach responded to his brother.

“Fuck that. I’m not working a job where some hombre tells me what to do. If we hit a couple of banks before we cross the border, we could get us some cash and live the good life,” Simon shouted. “You know, build up the nest egg before we cross the border and clean my slate.”

Anger roiled through Zach at the thought of stealing from people who worked hard and didn’t deserve the misfortune that cleaning out a bank brought to a town. Taking farmers, storeowners, and just ordinary peoples’ life savings was wrong. But then, maybe keeping a man from justice could be wrong as well.

Even your own brother.

The thought almost paralyzed him.

“No banks. I’ll turn you in myself if you rob a bank.”

“Whoa there, brother, we’re supposed to be partners.”

“Why do you always think other people have to take care of you? Why can’t you learn to take care of yourself?” Zach asked.

The air fairly crackled with tension as they made their way down the trail toward their mother’s farm. She would be glad to know Zach had taken an interest in Simon, but saddened he was leaving Texas. If they made it to Mexico without killing each other, then Zach would return home without his job. No more Sheriff Gillespie.

He’d have to give up the badge because he’d always know he helped his brother escape. He’d helped a known murderer leave the country, and that would make him dishonorable. He’d helped a man who had killed another man for simply raising sheep.

“You’re starting to sound like our mother. I’m not going to have to listen to you harping all the way to the Rio Grande, am I?” Simon finally said.

Maybe some people just couldn’t be saved. Maybe they didn’t want help, believing that not obeying the law, stealing, and killing were the way they were supposed to live. Maybe they thought family was supposed to take care of them, even when they’d done wrong.

“All of our brothers listened to our mother, and they turned out all right.” All except for Simon, who Zach was quickly grasping didn’t learn very fast or care if he was living irreverently.

“They didn’t see their father gunned down in the street,” Simon replied, his voice tense. He glared at Zach as if he just didn’t understand and he didn’t. His own father had died plowing a field. Yet, he didn’t use that as an excuse, did he?

God, no
. His father would have smacked him from now into the next life if he’d found out Zach was doing wrong. His father had attended church each Sunday, prayed over the dinner table, and loved his wife with a passion. He’d never be found in a saloon cheating at cards or smelling of a whore.

“No, they didn’t, but how long are you going to use that as an excuse for your own life? I’m not saying it wasn’t bad; it was horrible. But it’s time to move past your father’s death and show what kind of man you’re going to be. The choice is up to you. You’re being given a second chance. Use it wisely.”

Another awkward silence filled the trail, and Zach realized that Mexico might be a quiet trip—a trip that either killed him or Simon.

“If this is going to work, then you have to let me be myself,” Simon said.

“I agree,” Zach replied, thinking they hadn’t even made it one day and already they were at odds. What would the next month be like? “But I’m not living my life the way you’re living now. Why should my morals become like yours when you’ve done nothing but get into trouble? Are you going to change?”

Simon shrugged. “I could, but I don’t like to work. It’s labor and drudgery. I could be playing cards or drinking. Maybe we should open a whorehouse? You know run a brothel where cowboys can come across the border for their pleasures. We’d have girls always available for a randy cowboy. The girls would do the work, and we’d be making the money.”

Zach shook his head. The boy told him what he wanted to hear, but gave it his own twist at the end that left Zach wary of what his intentions really were. Before the words left Zach’s mouth, Simon was already thinking of his response and how to make it fit his needs so he got his way. Why did Zach think Simon would ever change? “I don’t want to run a whorehouse.”

“I don’t want to work,” Simon replied.

With every mile, Zach realized more and more what he’d given up. With every word out of Simon’s mouth, he understood what he’d gotten himself into. How had he been so blind to his brother’s faults? Had he just wanted to remember the loving little boy Simon had once been? Was there a chance he would never change? Would he drag Zach down with him?

“I need to tell you I spoke to the widow Lowell.”

Simon turned in his saddle and frowned at Zach. “I should have killed that bitch.”

Zach flinched at the venom in his brother’s words. “She told me the truth.”

Simon shrugged, clearly not caring that he’d left a woman and her kids without their husband and father. “Her truth and my truth probably don’t agree.”

“You killed that man, Simon.” There, it was out in the open. Now there was no more skirting around the issue that was sending them to Mexico.

“We’re going to Mexico so we can start again. Leave the past in Texas,” Simon said, his voice cold, his eyes deadly.

A chill spiraled down Zach’s spine and he shuddered. Simon’s attitude seemed careless, like he felt no responsibility for taking another person’s life. That he’d robbed this man of watching his children mature into adults, grandchildren, birthdays, holidays, and the years of growing old.

“Is this the first man you’ve killed?”

Simon shook his head, but didn’t look at Zach. He stared straight ahead. “Why all the questions? What does it matter how many men I may have killed? We’re going to Mexico to start over. Again, I recommend you leave the past here in Texas.”

With startling clarity, Zach realized James Lowell was not the first man his brother had killed. There had been others Simon had gotten away with murdering. The shocker for Simon was that this widow had shouted from the rooftops the name of the man who’d murdered her husband. She’d stood up and drawn attention, until the law had been forced to charge Simon with killing her man.

How many other widows were there who had quietly shrunk away letting the young man get away with the sacrifice of their husband and fathers?

The sun was beginning to descend in the west, and Zach felt like the clouds in his mind were being burned away with the setting rays. Suddenly, he was beginning to see what the future would look like with Simon, and frankly, it wasn’t as rosy as it had first appeared.

Some people didn’t deserve a second chance.

“I think it’s time we stopped and setup camp.”

Simon glanced at him. “But it’s just now getting dark. We could probably continue riding and make it to Mom’s.”

Zach was worn out. The day had drained him, and he couldn’t let Simon arrive at their mother’s.

“No way. We’re still a good three hours away, and besides, we could use the rest. The horses are beginning to tire, and we’re going to need to take good care of them to reach Mexico.”

Simon shrugged and started to look around. “There’s a place under that tree that’s off the trail. Let’s set up there.”

Part of Zach knew exactly what he was doing, and some part of him still refused to acknowledge what his subconscious was screaming at him.

“T
hey’re not moving. It looks like they’re asleep,” Annabelle whispered in the darkness. The sisters had caught up with Zach and Simon’s camp over an hour ago, and Meg was just waiting for them to fall into a deep, deep sleep before they attacked.

Their trail had been obvious, and Zach hadn’t tried to hide their camp. He’d had a blazing fire you could smell for over a mile, and the glow had been easy to locate. In some ways, it felt like he wanted them to find him.

Meg pulled her hat down over her eyes and leaned back against her saddle, which was propped on the ground. “It’s not time, Annabelle. Close your eyes and get some rest. We’ll attack before dawn.”

“I can’t sleep. I’m wound up tighter than a bucket in a well,” she said. “I just don’t want them to get away.”

Though Meg was having the same problem, Annabelle wouldn’t get any sympathy from her. Her instincts were telling her to wait, and that’s what she was going to do.

“They’re not going anywhere. Deep slow breaths,” Meg said, closing her eyes again.

“How do you do this all the time? How do you stay so calm? Aren’t you afraid of being shot?” Annabelle asked.

“Right now, I’m afraid you’re going to wear my ears out with your yammering.”

Annabelle sighed and leaned her head against her knees. “Hmph. Sorry, but it’s my first time. Even Ruby is all laid out resting.”

“She knows that it’s going to be a long day. And no, I don’t fear being shot. But I’m ready to end this career. It’s tiring.”

At times like this, Meg thought about her dreams. Her dress shop. A husband and family of her own. Her wants and desires weren’t excessive. Just a chance for happiness doing something she loved. She feared she’d never have the opportunity.

Annabelle stretched out beside Meg. “Do you remember Mom?”

The question took Meg by surprise. She pushed back her hat and glanced at her sister in the dark. What had sparked this question?

“Of course, I do,” Meg replied. “Why?”

“I just keep thinking about the three of us and wondering when one of us is going to get married. We’re in our twenties. Most girls are married by now. Don’t you worry about never meeting the right man?”

Zach’s face swam before her eyes, and Meg’s chest ached with a longing she’d never felt before. She’d given him every opportunity to show her he loved her and wanted her to be his wife. She was done. Seriously done, as in
no more
.

“Are you worried about being alone?” Meg asked, wondering what had prompted Annabelle’s concern. She’d never been the one who openly wanted romance, but she was a woman.

“Kind of.”

Now more than ever, Meg could see the importance of finding the right man. The one who she dreamed about, who had the same wants and desires as her. Who woke up each morning and was happy she was there.

“Don’t be. How many women get to live the life they want without a man telling them what to do? How many women our age don’t already have babies? We have to hang tough and find men who will love us for who we are. Not expect us to be wives they can boss around.”

They lived their lives their way on their terms. Meg could never see herself bowing down to a man’s wants. She hoped her sisters would never settle for anyone, unless they were absolutely certain he was the right man. And that advice went to her as well. Right now, she was certain Zach was not the man for her.

“Don’t you want kids, Meg?” Annabelle asked.

The thought of being pregnant right now with Zach’s baby thrilled and frightened her at the same time, even though now was not the time for children. “Someday. But first, I have to find a man who I would consider marrying.”

With each beat of her heart, sorrow paralyzed her at the thought of Zach. There had never been another man she’d ever even considered besides Zach Gillespie. Once she opened her dress shop, maybe then she’d look around and see who else might be available. Or maybe she’d just send off for a mail-order husband. That’s what she could do.
Man needed, please come, don’t expect to boss me around
.

But then again, who would want an independent thinking woman who wasn’t afraid to stand up for what she believed in. Even a mail-order husband would have to learn, they were either a team or he was going home.

Annabelle was quiet for a moment. “You’re done with Zach?”

Meg thought about Zach and knew with certainty there was little hope for the two of them. He’d chosen what he wanted, and it wasn’t her. “I’d never marry a man who wasn’t on the right side of the law. Zach hasn’t proven to me he’s one of the good guys. He’s shown he could be persuaded to do wrong.”

“But it’s his brother,” Annabelle said quietly.

Yes, but family didn’t protect family forever. In order to belong to the clan, you needed to do what was right for the clan. “Remember that ham I stole when we were starving. How did you girls react? I think the only reason you didn’t turn me into the law was because Zach paid for the meat. I have no doubts neither one of you would ever be on the wrong side of the law. I need to know that about Zach.”

Sadness crept over Meg, filling her with a feeling of ineptitude. Like a silly girl drunk on love, she’d believed in Zach right up until he’d disappeared with Simon. Then she’d known he would choose his brother over her. That was completely unacceptable.

She pushed the pain deep inside her, closed her eyes, and tried to sleep.

“This morning when we found the two of you together, he acted like he had every intention of meeting you in the café. With the way he looked at you, I believed he was in love with you. I should have made him marry you.”

“No,” Meg said, shaking her head, her throat closing up tight. “I’d never force a man to marry me. Never.”

Annabelle’s statement had hurt, rising up inside of Meg, crushing her chest, and making her breathing painful. Never had she ever felt so betrayed. So lost and alone. “Well, he certainly doesn’t appear forced or held hostage by his brother, does he?” Meg said, bitterness almost closing her throat.

“No, but sometimes we make rash, foolish decisions and then regret them,” Annabelle whispered in the dark. “I’m not standing up for what he did. I’m just trying to understand him.”

“Go to sleep, Annabelle,” Meg said sternly. She didn’t want to consider that Zach was regretting his decision. She didn’t want to feel any sympathy when she rode into his camp in the next few hours. She wanted to ride in with her heart filled with hatred, her soul seeking vengeance. She wanted him to feel busted up inside like she did.

The moon rose high in the sky, and she slept fitfully until a coyote howled, the loneliness in his voice echoing through the prairie. Meg’s eyes popped open, and she knew the time had come for them to attack. Time to show Zach that he couldn’t deceive her and get away with the reckless abandon he’d discarded her heart.