I’m so blue, I can barely stand it. We stole from a church last night, which I’m pretty sure means I’ll go to hell. Of course I already knew I would, because I’ve killed people. Well, helped kill people. I’ve been there when Carl killed, and I think that’s the same as doing it myself.
Carl had me go into the church before the midnight service started. I watched people as they came in. Mommies and daddies and grandfolks. Some of the children were sleepy, being as the service started at 11:15, way past their bedtime. Others were excited and couldn’t sit still. I guess they were anxious to get home and into bed so Santa Claus could come.
It just made my heart ache, because I never got to spend a Christmas Eve with Jeremy and play Santa for him, and now he’s too old. He’s a senior in high school! I wish that just once I could have watched his face on Christmas morning when he found his presents under the tree.
It’s been a long time since he believed in Santa Claus, of course. What he believes in now, mostly, is his daddy. He thinks Carl hung the moon. Randy and Patricia have seen to it that he knows Carl’s ideas about things. They tell him about how men like Carl are smart enough to see everything that’s wrong in this country, and that’s why the government and the law hate and fear them and want to shut them up. Jeremy has caught on. Grabbed on, really. I’m glad of it. But it worries me.
I got off the track, which I do a lot whenever I write in this diary. I start thinking back and then…See? There I go again.
After the congregation sang “Silent Night” at midnight to candlelight (I had a candle, too. Everybody did. The people on either side of me had no idea that they were sitting next to a noted outlaw! Bet they would have croaked!)…Anyhow, everyone started filing out of the church. Except me. I went into the ladies’ room, which I’d made sure to locate before I took my seat in the sanctuary.
Only one other woman came in. She did her business quick and left. Her family was probably waiting on her. I stood on the toilet seat in case a janitor or somebody came in to check the stalls and see if everybody was gone, but the lights went out with me still balancing up there.
I waited another ten minutes like Carl had told me to, then turned on my flashlight and left the restroom. What had looked so pretty in the candlelight looked kinda spooky in the dark. The statues and all. But I tried not to look at anything except the circle of light I directed to the floor.
I let Carl and Henry in through a side door. No alarm sounded, but Carl said it was probably a silent one. Henry joked and said, “Only God can hear it, I guess.” I didn’t think it was funny. Carl sorta laughed, but he was focused on picking the lock on the church office door.
We grabbed the bags the ushers had emptied the offering plates into and got the heck out of there. But there must have been a silent alarm, because when we ran out of the church, there was a policeman just stepping out of his patrol car. He pulled his pistol and hollered for us to halt. Carl shot him in the chest. Henry got him in the head, I think.
As we were running to the car, Henry fired at the figures in the Nativity on the church lawn. He claims he doesn’t believe in God or Jesus or Allah or anything, but he sure bears them a grudge.
We made a safe getaway and came away with good cash. But I felt awful about it and didn’t get high like the men did after we boarded the boat and started south. I hope the sailor, or whatever it is you call the guy who drives the boat, can drive it when he’s stoned. They all got stoned good. Carl included, which is why I felt it was okay to get out my diary and write.
I hope Jeremy likes his presents. I haven’t seen him since we went to Vancouver this past summer. I can’t get over how grown he is! A man, really. I was shocked when we hugged and I felt whiskers on his chin! I don’t know when I’ll get to see him again. I’ve started mentioning his high school graduation which will be in the spring. I say over and over again how much I wish I could be there. Carl acts like he doesn’t hear me. But maybe he’ll take the hint.
The sun’s coming up and I’m seasick from writing, so I’d better put this way. But not before saying, Merry Christmas, Jeremy. I love you.
* * *
Dec. 25th, later. We get TV even out here on the ocean, and on the news they were talking about the burglary at the church. The policeman died. He was only twenty-seven. He had a two-month-old baby girl. Hearing that kinda made me sick to my stomach, so I used that as an excuse to come below and get away from Carl, who’s in a mean mood.
I think because the news people quoted that FBI agent Gary Headly, who’s been after us for years. Carl hates him with a passion. I think on account of he’s a little afraid that one of these days Agent Headly is going to capture us like he’s pledged to do.
Also Carl hates him because he was at Golden Branch, and he never fails to mention that whenever he’s interviewed about us. Carl hates being reminded of that day. So do I. Even if Carl doesn’t admit it, I think deep down he was awfully scared that day, too. Scared of being killed or of getting caught. I also think he feels guilty over doing what he did and leaving like that when everybody else was dead or dying.
Anyhow, he blames everything that happened that day on the feds and, in his mind, Headly sorta represents all of them. Carl won’t be happy till Agent Headly is dead.
H
eadly’s bad news had to wait.
Just as he was about to impart it, Hunter and Grant came into the kitchen asking for a snack. Since breakfast had amounted to an overdose of sugar, Amelia offered them milk or nothing. They took the milk, but dawdled over it as though aware of the adults’ impatience for them to finish. When they were finally done, she wrangled them back into the living area to continue their movie.
The moment she reentered the kitchen, Headly picked up where he’d left off. “For all the reasons we’ve discussed, Tucker isn’t convinced that Stephanie DeMarco’s murder is related to Amelia beyond the fact that Amelia was her employer.”
“Stubborn jerk,” Dawson said. “Wills?”
“Leaning toward Knutz and me. But, you know, we’re the big, bad, buttinsky FBI, and he’s loyal. Sheriff is backing his man, too. Tucker shared the Jeremy-is-alive theory with him. No fool, he recognizes that it will be hard to live down if we’re wrong. He’s asked for further analysis on the fingerprint. Now, about Bernie. The sheriff was quick to point out that he hasn’t been charged with a crime.”
“Not as Bernie, no.”
“Well, he thinks the Carl-Bernie connection is thin and is demanding more concrete evidence of that before launching a full-scale manhunt for a fugitive that nobody’s heard from in seventeen years.”
“The Bureau doesn’t need his authorization.”
“No…” Headly said with marked hesitancy.
“But what? What’s the upshot?”
“Keeping guards on Amelia and the children isn’t warranted. They plan to withdraw them.”
“They can’t.”
“I asked for forty-eight hours.”
“That’s not enough time to—”
“They gave me twenty-four.” Headly glanced at the wall clock. “Now twenty-three and thirteen minutes.”
Dawson swore under his breath.
Headly said, “The Bureau will pursue Bernie Clarkson, if only to rule out that he’s Carl.”
“Fine. Good. But that still leaves Amelia and the boys vulnerable.”
“Knutz made a suggestion.” Headly looked at Amelia. “But I doubt you’re going to like it.”
Speaking for the first time in several minutes, she asked, “What is it?”
“You could call a press conference and announce that you have good reason to believe that your ex-husband wasn’t murdered, that he’s still alive and stalking you, that possibly he killed your nanny mistakenly, and that he represents a threat to you and your children.”
No one said anything for a moment, then Dawson asked, “What purpose would that serve?”
“Public opinion would likely favor her. Press would be all over it. That could jostle the local authorities into taking some action.”
“I won’t do it,” she said, brooking no argument. She looked toward the living area where Hunter and Grant could be heard laughing. “Can you imagine the effect it’s going to have on our lives when it’s disclosed that Jeremy is alive?”
“That’s an inevitability,” Headly gently reminded her. “Whenever and however it comes about, it’s going to have a dramatic impact.”
“Of course I know that. But I don’t want to be the ringmaster of the media circus when it happens. Eventually my sons will be identified as the children of a murderer, grandchildren of domestic terrorists. I can’t protect them from the truth, or prevent it from becoming public knowledge. But I also can’t conceive of how we’ll cope with the backlash. How will they live with that stigma?”
She looked to both men for an answer, but, of course, none was forthcoming, because there wasn’t one. Dawson held her tortured gaze for several seconds, then turned away. Headly was the first to break the strained silence.
“Okay, we’ll sit on the disclosure for as long as we can. In the meantime let’s try to find the sons of bitches. Did you come up with anything overnight, something you’ve remembered that could be useful? Where Jeremy might be hiding, who could be sheltering him?”
“I made a list of his friends, ones whose names I could remember. But by the time he disappeared, Jeremy had alienated most of them.”
“Where’s the list?”
“Upstairs on my desk.”
“Would you get it, please? Let’s take a look. I know it’s a long shot, but our time is running out. I still believe that as long as Carl and Jeremy don’t know—” Headly broke off when Dawson’s cell phone rang.
He checked the LED. “Harriet.”
Amelia looked to Headly for clarification. “
NewsFront
’s managing editor. A harpy.”
Dawson answered, but his editor cut him off in midsentence. He listened, then asked tersely, “Did the call come through the switchboard? What time?” He looked at his wristwatch. “What exactly did he want to know?”
She and Headly could tell by the tension in his posture that Harriet was passing on unwelcome news. After a full minute of listening, Dawson said, “Okay, thanks for letting me know. Yeah, yeah, I’m still trying to woo her.” He glanced at Amelia. “Right. She’d be a plum interview for sure. Which is why I gotta run now. Bye.” He clicked off and, after a beat, said, “A man identifying himself as Bernie Clarkson called her to get the skinny on me.”
Headly hissed through his teeth. “Carl knows.”
“At the very least he smells a rat.”
Amelia sat down heavily in the nearest chair. “What did he say specifically?”
Dawson recounted the conversation that his editor had repeated to him. “She said he sounded like a dotty old man. Cautious and suspicious. The last thing he asked was what or who had brought the Jeremy Wesson story to my attention. She told him she didn’t know, and she doesn’t. She believes that my interest was sparked by the Willard, Darlene, Jeremy love triangle and its deadly consequences, partially the result of his PTSD.”
Headly said, “But ‘Bernie’ thought there might be more to your interest, and acted on that hunch.”
“Apparently. He lied about the business card. I didn’t give him one. Which means that he went to the trouble to find out whom to call to check me out.”
“Well, at least she didn’t tell him anything that would arouse more suspicion,” Amelia said. “The opposite, in fact. She only confirmed that you’re a journalist on the trail of a good story.”
“I am that.” He stared thoughtfully into space for several moments, then rapidly punched in a number on his cell phone. “Glenda, love of my life, will you marry me? Okay, how ’bout we just have a hot affair? One-night stand, then. All right, all right, listen. Two things.
“First, Harriet took a call at her desk around nine fifty this morning. I can’t remember the number of her extension, but…Is it any wonder that I love you? Can you get me the number of the caller? God, no, don’t go through her. Go through the main switchboard, and make it casual.
“Second thing,” he paused and took a deep breath. “I need to go to jail without passing go. Can you help me?”
* * *
A female deputy assumed the role of nanny. The boys took to her immediately, especially when she set up a lengthy race track for their many cars. It wound from room to room and even up the staircase. They were enthralled with the makeshift ramps.
Another sheriff’s deputy arrived with groceries to replenish Amelia’s refrigerator and pantry. Having provided for her sons made her feel better about leaving them while she returned to the city with Headly and Dawson.
Headly was interested in seeing what remained of Jeremy’s effects that were still in her possession. “They’re in a strongbox in my apartment,” she told him. “Don’t expect too much. I’ve kept only some things the boys may want when they get older. His marksmanship medals. Things like that.”
Deputies in unmarked cars were in front of and behind her car when they drove off the ferry and made their way through Savannah. To Amelia, the caravan looked obvious, but she supposed the law officers knew what they were doing. Headly was wearing a shoulder holster beneath his jacket, which was both comforting and disconcerting.
The plan was for them to drop Dawson off at the jail visitation center and come back for him after their errand to her apartment.
“I could grease the skids for you,” Headly offered. “Make it more official.”
“Thanks,” Dawson said, “but I want to avoid being ‘official.’ A private citizen is more confidence inspiring.”
“You hope.”
“I hope.” As he got out of the car, he gave Amelia a meaningful look. “Later.”
“Good luck.”
After pausing to make certain that the unmarked cars were still serving as unobtrusive escorts as she drove away, Dawson entered the building where Willard Strong’s lawyer, Mike Gleason, was waiting for him in the lobby, as arranged by Glenda, who had passed herself off as a top-ranking executive at
NewsFront
. The attorney had fallen for her schmooze, which was as good as any when she set her mind to it.
“I appealed to his vanity, and he fell for it,” she’d told Dawson when she called him back to confirm the appointment.
He’d forgiven her for being unable to obtain more information about Carl Wingert’s telephone call to Harriet. As Dawson had expected, it had come in on a number that was blocked. “Sorry, I couldn’t help you there,” the researcher had said.
“You’re still a sweetheart. You got me this meeting, and that’s a coup.”
Now, puffed up with self-importance, the lawyer approached him. “Mr. Scott?”
They shook hands. “Thank you for agreeing to talk to me.”
“With no guarantee of granting you an interview with my client.”
“I hope to convince you that it would be in his best interest.”
“Then you’ve got your work cut out for you.”
Gleason accompanied the snarky comment with a gesture toward a sitting area where they could chat.
He was about the same age as Dawson, nice-looking, and well dressed. But he wasn’t an effective trial lawyer. His cross-examination of Amelia had been disastrous, and he hadn’t recovered much ground by putting his client on the witness stand.
He talked tough, but Dawson guessed that the chest thumping was to compensate for basic insecurity. He was in over his head and he knew it, but he would go down kicking.
“I thought
NewsFront
had folded.”
It was a mild but intentional gibe. Dawson responded with a bland smile. “We’re hanging in there. One of the few.”
“I was told that you’re covering the trial for the magazine.”
“I’m covering the trial for myself. It’s a compelling story, start to finish.” He didn’t have time to pussyfoot around or spare Gleason’s inflated ego. He laid it out there. “The way things stand now, the story will end with Willard Strong going to death row.”
Gleason took exception, which Dawson had anticipated. He talked over the attorney’s sputtered protests. “Which will be a tragic miscarriage of justice, because your client is innocent.”
That stopped the spate of objections. Dawson raised his eyebrows as though asking permission to continue. Curtly, Gleason bobbed his head.
“Willard was framed for his wife’s murder.”
“What makes you think so, Mr. Scott?”
“I’m not prepared to divulge that.”
Gleason looked disappointed, then put out. “You’re trying to pull a fast one, aren’t you?”
“No.”
“Did you try to get an interview with Lem Jackson, too? Did you tell him you think we wasted the state’s money on a trial, that Willard is as guilty as sin and should have gone straight to prison?”
“No.”
“But you’ll admit that an interview with my client would embellish the story you intend to write.”
“Damn straight it will. But by letting me talk to him, you’d be doing him a favor as well as me.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Tell me how it could benefit him.”
“You mean in addition to setting him free instead of condemning him to death?” Dawson didn’t expect a reply, and Gleason didn’t bother to make one. “Your client has a major PR problem. Even if he isn’t a killer, he looks like one. He carried a massive chip on his shoulder into the courtroom each day. Then you put him in the witness box and suddenly he’s earnest, woebegone, pathetic. A man trying to save his life would be expected to have a change of heart and become more humble, but I don’t think the jury bought Willard’s sincerity.”
“You can’t influence the jurors’ perception of him. They won’t have access to anything you write.”
“True.”
“Then—”
“I can possibly change the course of the trial. But first you must let me talk to him. Only then can I help Willard help himself.”
“Helping him is my job.”
“With all due respect, you’re failing.”
Again, the ego reared. “The jury’s not in yet, Mr. Scott.”
“The odds for an acquittal are slim to none. Admit it.”
He admitted nothing, but he said, “Give me another reason why this is a good idea.”
“Unless there’s a major upset, something like a mistrial, he’ll be convicted.”
“I’m not conceding the point. But if he is convicted, I’ll immediately file for an appeal.”
“Your appeal
could
coincide with a national magazine story slanted in Willard’s favor.”
“You’d do that? You’d write it that way?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I’d stake my career on his innocence.”
“Are you yanking my chain?”
“No.”
That seemed to impress him, but he still wasn’t ready to concede. “I looked you up on the Internet. You’ve written your share of smear stories.”
“About people who deserved to be smeared.”
“So, how do I know that isn’t what you plan for my client?”
“You don’t.”
“How do I know you aren’t bullshitting me when you say you think he’s innocent?”
“You don’t.” After a second, he added, “I know you’re taking a leap of faith here, but it will pay off.”
The lawyer chewed on that, literally. The inside of his cheek was being brutalized by his molars. At last, he said, “Let me sleep on it.”
“Nope. This is a onetime offer.”
“But I need time to—”
“No time. Tell me now. Yes or no?”
“You’re working under a deadline?”
He’d posed the question tongue-in-cheek, but Dawson answered solemnly. “You have no idea.”