Dead Silence (2 page)

Throwing back her covers, Violet jerked clumsily, getting out of bed and crossing her room. She kept her headphones on as she grabbed her purse from the dresser and dropped back onto her bed. Like the imprint, the purse was new, as was her cell phone and the alarm system for their house, all reminders of what had happened to her. She squeezed the stiff canvas between her fingers as she peeled the top wide, peeking inside.

It was in there—the bottle—and she reached for it tentatively.

Inside the brown plastic container, she could see one last pill, and she opened the top, letting the chalky capsule drop into her palm. Letting the weight of it sink in.

She hated how badly she needed it. And she hated that there was only this one remaining.

It meant she’d have to ask Dr. Lee for more.

The very thought made her shudder. It didn’t matter to Violet that she’d been forced to see him on a weekly basis. During those visits she did her best to ask for nothing, and she offered less. She sat stiffly in his office, answering his questions as basically as was humanly possible.

He’d backed her into a corner by making it more than clear that her resignation from the team had been denied.

Not typical psychiatrist behavior, Violet thought—not that she’d had a lot of experience with psychiatrists—but she could only assume that they normally didn’t threaten bodily harm to their patients’ families.

At first she hadn’t trusted any of them. Not Sara or Rafe, or even Krystal, Sam, or Gemma. She blamed them all . . . for everything. For Caine. For Dr. Lee.

For the nightmares and the imprint that kept her awake night after night.

That didn’t last long, though, because she knew it wasn’t their fault. Caine hadn’t found her because of them. He’d found her because of her . . . because of what
she
could do. She’d wanted to be useful then, wanted to help stop killers like Caine.

And if she was being honest, she
still
wanted that. She just didn’t want to be told she had no choice in the matter. But that wasn’t her team’s fault . . . at least not Rafe and the others. Sara, she still didn’t know about, not really. She couldn’t imagine a world in which Sara would force something like that on her.

Not the Sara she knew. Not the Sara who’d saved Violet’s life, and now bore a frigid imprint of her own to prove it.

So for now, she blamed Dr. Lee. She kept her appointments with him, and she took the pills he offered her, but she gave him nothing in return. She hoped that maybe, just maybe, he’d grow bored by her insipidness, tired of hearing the tedium of her day-to-day life.

Maybe he’d become irritated with her and finally reveal his true intentions.

She knew it was foolish to hope for such simplistic solutions, but she couldn’t stop herself from thinking that way. She hated that by taking this pill Dr. Lee would somehow know she needed him.

But the sad truth was, she
did
need him. The pills were the only things that seemed to help these days. The only way she could shut off the interminable imprint so she could sleep.

Check that, so she could drift into a comalike state—sensing, tasting, smelling, and hearing nothing at all.

It was bliss. Pure, unadulterated, drug-induced bliss.

She threw the pill into her mouth and swallowed, savoring the chalky feel against the back of her tongue. Relishing that soon—very, very soon—she’d feel nothing at all.

Even if it was only temporary.

Even if it meant going back to Dr. Lee for more.

“You excited about tomorrow? First day of school.”

Violet pulled a clean mug out of the dishwasher and scowled at her mom’s enthusiasm. “Seriously, Mom, take it down a notch. What’s gotten into you, anyway? Shouldn’t you still be in bed?” She frowned at the window, wishing the shades were still drawn against the glare of the morning sun.

Maggie Ambrose’s expression shifted, contorting into a mask of compassion. “I heard you last night. How late were you up?” She took a step closer, and Violet realized for the first time that her mom was already dressed, already wearing her paint-smeared smock, her hair pulled back in a messy bun. The only thing missing was a beret, perched just so, to complete the look of a picture-perfect artist.

“Are you going somewhere?”

Her mom’s mouth twisted. “Stop deflecting and answer my question. Is it the imprint, Vi? Is it keeping you up?”

Wincing, Violet shook her head a little too quickly, pretending she couldn’t hear the eerie plinking of the music box all around her. “Of course not.” She hated that she was so transparent, and wished her parents would stop looking at her like that . . . like she was somehow broken. “It’s . . . school. I’m just excited about school.”

Her mom laughed, but there was no mistaking the sarcasm in her voice. “Yeah, right. You and school, you’re like this.” She held her fingers up, crossing them tightly together. But she didn’t push the matter, even though that worried expression returned as she changed the subject. “I was thinking about taking a little field trip into the mountains, to see if I can find some
inspiration
up there. Maybe you should come with me,” her mom suggested, watching as Violet’s hand shot up to cover her eyes against the sunlight pouring in through the kitchen window. “The fresh air might do you some good.”

Violet didn’t doubt it, not that she thought a little fresh air could cure what ailed her. But she knew how she must look, standing there in the kitchen wearing her rumpled pajamas, her hair unbrushed in a tangled halo around her head. The pills had worked, maybe a little too well, because now Violet felt as if she were squinting out through a dense fog that clung to her—following her like a second skin and trying to dampen her mood.

She glanced down, scowling at the empty mug in her hand, suddenly remembering what she’d been planning to do with it when her mom had sidetracked her. She turned to the coffeemaker, thinking,
Caffeine. I just need caffeine to clear my head,
as she grumbled, “No thanks. I have stuff to do today.”

“Like getting ready for school?” her mom inquired, still sounding skeptical.

“No, Mom, like stuff. Just stuff.”

Her mom made a sound that might have been meant as a laugh, but by the time it reached her lips it came out sounding more like a strangled sigh instead. “Suit yourself, Vi. But I’m not wasting another minute of this glorious day.” Violet watched as her mom gathered up her heavy canvas bag that was overflowing with brushes and charcoals, a sketchbook, and a small stretched canvas, as if she hadn’t yet decided whether she’d be drawing or painting today. She wondered if there was clay in there too, in case the urge to sculpt struck her while she was on this little
field trip
of hers.

“Have fun with that,” Violet quipped sullenly.

Pausing at the door, her mom met her gaze. “I can stay if you want me to. . . .”

Violet lifted her hand in a half wave, a puny effort to appease her mom since it wasn’t her fault that Violet’s head pounded or that she’d used up the last of her pills. “I’m fine. Go . . . enjoy your fresh air.”

Violet leaned back and ran her hands over the top of the cool grass beneath her as she stared out at the chicken wire that ran around a small patch of earth in her backyard. Shady Acres. Such a strange name, she thought, considering that she and Jay had been kids when they’d come up with it. She couldn’t remember why they’d decided to call it that in the first place, what exactly had inspired the cryptic name, but she remembered that when she’d heard it—whichever of them, she or Jay, had said it first—she’d known it was perfect. That it fit.

It was a good name for an animal graveyard.

It didn’t look like much, really. Just a mismatched collection of sticks and rocks and clumps of dirt—some with grass growing over them, and some not—in long, irregular rows. All surrounded by the chicken wire her dad had helped her construct to keep the live animals outside from digging up the dead ones inside. To anyone else it was a mess, the remains of what might have once been a garden or a compost pile or just a dead patch of lawn.

Violet could remember a time, when she was in the sixth or seventh grade, when she’d worried that one of her friends— Chelsea or Jules or Claire—might figure out what it really was, that they might discover her darkest secret. She’d been so bothered by the idea, so tortured by the thought, that she’d saved her allowance to buy seed packets from the store and she’d carefully mounted them on old Popsicle sticks, setting them up in perfect lines in the graveyard, making it look like it was a garden. Making it look like something might actually spring up from the ground at any minute.

Like it was a place of life, rather than of death.

She probably shouldn’t have worried; none of her friends had ever mentioned the place in her yard with the chicken-wire fence. None of them had ever seemed to notice its existence, except for Jay.

This had always been
her
place. Even now, sitting here and listening to it . . .
feeling
its staticky echoes reach for her, enfolding her, she felt at peace. She could almost forget she had an imprint of her own. As if those animals in there were offering her a brief moment of amnesty, repaying her kindness for giving them the peace they craved by covering her imprint.

Almost . . .

“Remember when you told your parents you wanted to be buried in there?” Jay’s voice interrupted her thoughts, and a small smile tugged at her lips.

“I remember my dad spent like three hours explaining why I had to be buried in a
real
graveyard,” she said, doing her best to mimic her dad’s pragmatic tone. “And why ‘proper channels’ had to be followed when someone died. He told me that people can’t just be buried in their own backyards. He even explained what embalming was, which totally grossed me out. I mean, I couldn’t have been more than seven or eight, I think.

“And then my mom came home and I told her my idea about being buried in the backyard, and I think she said something like, ‘What a lovely idea, Vi. Then you could be with your animals forever.’” Violet giggled. “My poor dad. I thought he was gonna lose it for sure. Sometimes I wonder how him and my mom ever hooked up in the first place.”

Jay sat down in the grass next to her, their shoulders brushing. “And then you told
me
about ‘
em
-
bombing
.’ Remember?” He raised his eyebrows when he said the word the way Violet had said it to him all those years ago. “You told me all about how they stick hoses inside your body and drain out all the blood, and then fill you back up with chemicals that keep your body from rotting. I think you actually said the word
rotting
too. And we made a pact that we didn’t want anything to do with it. That
we
wanted to be cremated so we could have our ashes spread over the playground at school.”

She burst out laughing then, leaning closer. “I wonder what the principal would have said about that. Can you imagine the other kids brushing our ashes off the swings?” She bumped her shoulder playfully against his. “We were kinda morbid when we were little, weren’t we?”

“Better than being zombified forever in the ground, I guess.” He grinned down at her, and Violet’s mouth went dry. Even when he was saying things like “zombified” he could make her stomach do flips with just a simple glance. He changed the subject then. “Are you excited about tomorrow?”

Violet’s gaze narrowed, but she wasn’t really upset with him. “Why does everyone keep asking me that?”

He shrugged, leaning closer, and she could feel his eyes settling on her lips, making them tingle in anticipation. “Because we’ll be seniors tomorrow. Because it’s our last year of high school. Aren’t we supposed to be excited?”

“I suppose,” she said, not really caring about the words coming from her mouth. She inhaled his breath, which was even with hers.

“But you’re not?”

She studied his eyes, the flecks of gold and green and brown, pieced together like intricate bits of cut glass in a mosaic. She looked at his lashes, too long and thick for a boy’s. And at his pupils, which grew larger as she drew nearer. “I didn’t say that.” Then she smiled. “But, no. Not really, I guess.”

“Is that why you aren’t at Claire’s for the big back-to-school barbeque? I hear everyone who’s anyone is there.” His tone was mocking, but he wore the same concerned expression she’d seen on her mother’s face just that morning.

Like she was broken.

“I’m okay, Jay. I promise.”

He reached up and traced his thumb along one of the bruise-colored circles beneath her eyes. “The imprint?” he asked.

She nodded, but all she could think about was the feel of his touch.

“Have you slept at all?” His voice was lower, his mouth closer now.

Again, she nodded.

His hand cupped her cheek, cradling it. “They miss you, you know?” He didn’t have to say who . . . she knew he meant Chelsea and Claire and Jules. It had been a long, strange summer as she’d tried to adjust to this new life of hers—the one that was never silent.

“I miss them too,” she admitted. “I just . . .” She faltered, trying to come up with the right words and thinking it might be easier if Jay wasn’t so close. If she wasn’t staring into his beautiful eyes and breathing his tempting breath. “They act like, I don’t know, like everything’s the same as it’s always been, but I feel like a stranger now. And whenever I’m with them, I feel like a liar too. They know I was abducted, but I can’t tell them why. And every time Chelsea asks where I’ve been, and who I’m with, I have to make up some excuse so she doesn’t know I’ve been at the Center. It’s like I’m living two different lives.” She nestled her face into the curve of his hand. “I don’t know who to be.”

His mouth quirked up into a sideways grin, and he reached for her, pulling her against him, and she could feel him shaking his head against the top of hers. “You’re insane, you know that?” But his words were anything but critical. He drew back, watching her with the same amusement she’d heard in his voice. “You don’t have to
be
anyone, Vi. Just you. They miss
you
.”