Dead Of Winter (The Rift Book II) (33 page)

Colin sat before the fireplace and watched the flames reflect off the sides of the six buckets. He didn’t know how long he’d been sitting there but it seemed like forever. Kyra placed a hand on the top of his head.

“A watched pot never boils,” she said.

“I know, I know,” he mumbled back.

Josh was on the floor behind him, playing a hand of poker with Andy and Francis. “I know what you’re doing,” he said.

“That so?”

“Yup.”

“What do you think?”

He craned his neck to see Josh beam like a child at a birthday party. “I think you’re fu…freaking brilliant,” Josh replied.

“I know,” said Colin. “And don’t you forget it.”

More time passed. Jessica had joined them in the living room by then. She rocked Zachary to sleep in her arms. Realizing how long it usually took the toddler to go down for the night, Colin’s patience broke. He glanced out the window, saw the sun dip low on the horizon, and then jumped up. He plunged a hand into one of the buckets. It was warm but not hot.

“Good enough for me,” he said.

Two at a time he ran the buckets up the stairs and dumped them in the bathtub. When all were empty he screamed, “Jess, come here!” and proceeded to strip off his greasy, dirty clothes. He plunged in wearing only his underwear. The water definitely wasn’t warm and a startled scream escaped his throat. Soon, however, his body adjusted to the temperature. He timidly leaned back until his chest – rail thin to the point of malnourishment – dipped below the surface. He closed his eyes, wiggled his legs, and hummed.

Jessica came into the room soon after. She bent her head forward and stared at him. “You always take a bath in your
undies
?” she asked.

Self-consciously Colin covered his chest with his arms. He knew how emaciated he looked and kicked himself for not thinking before inviting her up.
A bit presumptuous, aren’t we?
he
thought.

But Jessica just stood there, smiling, not backing away. He finally got up the gall to say, “You wanna come in with me?”

Jessica stepped closer to the tub. She knelt down, grabbed a dusty bottle of shampoo from the ridge, squirted a dollop in her hand, and lathered it into his filthy hair. He sat there and watched her, feeling like a child.

This is how Zachary
feels
,
passed through his mind. He quickly squashed the line of thinking – and the rush of blood to his abdomen – before it got him in trouble.

“I think I’ll pass this time,” said Jessica. “It’s not that I don’t like you. I do. But let’s go slow with this. It doesn’t seem… natural… right now.”

“Uh, okay,” he replied, defeated.

“Oh, don’t get that tone with me.
Not now
doesn’t mean
never
.” She glanced at him with a mischievous grin and splashed water in his face. “Just think – there’s a full liquor cabinet downstairs. Maybe if you get me
drunk
enough my scruples won’t be so high.”

The possibility of both liquor and getting Jessica naked caused his mouth to hang open. In response to this she leaned in and pressed her lips to his. They kissed long and deep and Colin felt pride, as well as exhilaration, fill his being.

It was the first time Jessica had initiated a kiss. He hoped it wouldn’t be the last.

*
 
 
*
 
 
*

Josh stood on the front porch, lit a cigarette, and took a deep drag. The smoke filled his lungs and he doubled over coughing. With a disgusted grunt he tossed the newly lit butt over the railing. It had been a long time since he’d had so much as a puff, and he immediately scolded himself for snatching a carton from the grocery store.
I promised myself I’d stop smoking
, he thought.
Best not pick back up the bad habits, especially with a child on the way.

With this contemplation he turned away from the inky black sky and peered through the window. Kyra sprawled out on the couch, fast asleep, with Meghan Stoddard nestled in her arms. Andy and Francis reclined close to the fireplace, propped up on their elbows and chatting. Zachary slumped on the recliner, eyes closed, with the action figure that had accompanied him every step of the journey hanging from the toddler’s drooling mouth.

It was Jessica and Colin who captured his attention, however. They sat across from each other in dining area at the rear of the living room. They took turns flinging coins back and forth across the table. When one made the coin into the glass the other downed a shot of bourbon. When one missed, they both did.

The two of them were wildly cackling, though in a muffled way. The smiles on their faces were wide, seemingly without care for anything but each other. Josh watched Colin blush when Jessica stood and whispered something in his ear. She wore black leggings and a sweater she’d found in the upstairs closet. Though she was a bit on the thin side now, he couldn’t deny the sexiness in the curve of her body and swing of her hips. Neither could Colin, it seemed. As she walked away his friend’s eyes were glued to her posterior, a stupid grin plastered across his face.

A moment of jealousy struck up in Josh. Watching Jessica reminded him of Marcy and it broke his heart. He couldn’t understand it. He let his eyes wander back to Kyra. She rolled over, pulling Meghan with her. Things had happened so fast. The more he thought about it, the more he realized how much he
didn’t
know about the woman carrying his child. Until a few months ago she’d been nothing but a chick he sometimes fantasized about. Now she was his supposed life-mate. What, exactly, caused that change?

He grunted, tore himself away from the window, and sat down on the top step. He pulled the cigarette pack from his pocket, took out another stick, stuck it between his lips, and flicked his lighter.

To hell with promises
, he thought, and took a drag.

The howling of the coyotes started up an hour into his pity party. He leaned back and closed his eyes, listening to their strangely hypnotic, primordial song. So lost in it was he that he didn’t notice anyone approaching until someone tapped him on the shoulder.

“Whoa!” he exclaimed, swiping the hand away.

Jessica backed up, her hands raised. “Hold it there, mister. I mean you no harm.”

Josh chuckled and stood up. “Shit, Jess, you scared me.”

“Sorry.
Didn’t mean to.”

“No problem.” He cocked his head to the side and stared at her. “Hey, what’re you doing out here, anyway? Figured you and
Colin’d
be getting
groiny
right about now.”

She laughed and flicked a stray hair from her face. “Oh, he’s passed out in the bathroom.”

His eyes widened. “You out drank him? No shit.”

“No,” she replied with a shake of the head. “I kept spitting my sips back into the glass. I can’t hold my liquor.”

“Clever.”

“Don’t you know
it.
”

Josh dragged out a pair of folding chairs from the side foyer and set them up on the deck. The two of them sat there in silence for a while, bundled up against the cold, staring into the black and listening to the coyotes howl.

Finally Josh tilted his head in her direction and said, “Do you love him?”

“Huh?” she replied.

“Do you love
him.
Do you
really
love
him.
”

She shrugged. “I like him a lot.”

“But not love.”

“Shoot, Josh, I don’t know.” There was no irritation in her tone, only reflection. “It’s been so long since I’ve felt anything like that. I honestly don’t think I’d know love if it bit me on the ass.”

“That’s depressing.”

“No, it’s not. It’s just the truth. How can I know what love is? And why does it even matter? I mean, we’re out here on our own, every day could be our last, and all I want is a little comfort. Colin’s giving that to me, and I’m giving it back. Is that such a bad thing?”

“Well, maybe not, but the guy loves the hell out of
you
. Trust me, I can tell. I’ve known him a long time.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve known
you
for a long time, too,” she said. This time her voice reeked of sarcasm.

“And what’s
that
supposed to mean?”

“It means I see the way you are. I know what you’re up to.”

“Yeah?
And what’s that?”

“You see me happy…you see Colin happy…and you can’t take it, because you don’t know how to be happy, yourself.”

Josh opened his mouth to retort but snapped it shut before a word came out. Anger started to boil up in him. He didn’t want to lose control.

“You know how I know this, Josh? I saw it before.
Back in high school.
With Marcy.
Yeah, you were three years ahead of me, but you were still sort of a legend.
The smart guy, the brooding guy.
And you had a girl who really liked you, and you couldn’t take it.”

“You don’t know anything about it,” he shot back.

“Oh yeah I do. My parents were friends with Marcy’s. We had dinner over there all the time. She treated me like a little sister. She told me
all
about you.”

Josh kept his mouth shut.

“That’s right, Josh. You had her. She
loved
you.
Needed
you.
But you couldn’t take it. It’s like you were scared of being happy. You left.
Just walked away.
She was devastated.”

“You don’t know what happened,” he muttered.

“Sure I do. You wanted to hang out with your friends. She cramped your style, so you took off. And I bet you’ve regretted it every day since then, huh?”

He slowly turned his eyes to her and he could feel the tears forming in them. “
Why’re
you doing this, Jess?
You drunk?
You want to hurt me?”

She shook her head. “No, that’s not the point.
Not at all.
I don’t want to
hurt
you, Josh, I want to
help
you.”

“How so?”

“By making sure you don’t make the same mistake twice.”

He gulped and stared at her.

“I know you think you don’t love Kyra,” she said. Her matter-of-fact tone frightened him. “I can tell just by the way you hold her, the way you talk to her. It was different at first. But then…everything changed. I don’t know what it was, but you have to get over it already. She’s a good woman. She
needs
you, Josh. You need to be
there
for her.”

“I’m trying to be,” he groaned.

“No, you’re not. You’re treating her like a convenience. You feel bad, she makes you feel better. You got a problem, she fixes it. But it’s like pulling teeth the other way around. I mean, you’re
everything
to her, and sometimes you treat her like she doesn’t exist.”

“That’s not true. I just get…depressed sometimes.”

“Fine.
Everyone does. But you…you’ve got a self-destructive streak a mile long, buddy. So snap out of it.”