Dead Ink: A Karma World Romance (Karma Series Book 4) (18 page)

She paused. “I’m not one for blood.”

There was a pause and she didn’t move while she waited to see which way this would go.

“Are you hungry? I’m not sure what’s left in the apartment. Do you want me to go get you something?”

Her hand gripped the railing and she looked back at him. “No, I’m just going to lie down for a while.”

His dark eyes were warm as they looked on her and her breath hitched. He leaned along the wall of the hallway. “I’ll be up in a little while.”

She nodded and turned, taking a couple more steps up before Lars calling her name stopped her. She turned again and looked at him. He was still leaning against the wall but looking down. She waited, hoping he’d say something—anything. 

He shook his head. “Forget it. It was nothing.”

She took another step away from him as he shut the door. She walked into the apartment and over to her bag, sitting by the dresser. She hesitated by it but then walked away from it.

She guessed that Paddy was right. There was still some hope left in her, even when she couldn’t fathom why.

Lars didn’t come upstairs for another hour, and when he finally showed, he wouldn’t look at her. She lifted her hand out to touch him as he passed her but let it drop. “Lars?”

“What?” he said, grabbing some things from a drawer, looking like he was going to hop in the shower. She had a sinking feeling he was really only trying to get away from her.

She sat down on the bed, resting her elbows on her knees and fisting her hands in front of her mouth. She took a deep breath, trying to hold back the emotions already clawing at her insides just trying to keep up a calm veneer. She prayed the numbness she’d been feeling on and off would return and swallow her emotions whole this time.

She could pretend she didn’t know what was coming, maybe buy herself some time. Maybe he would change his mind if she hung around for another couple of days, or if she could somehow eke out another week, he’d magically come around. More likely, any additional time she spent with him would be self-inflicted torture of the worst kind. She didn’t want to sit here and watch him pull back from her more and more until he finally said the words she knew were coming.

He was walking toward the bathroom when she finally forced herself to speak. “Stop.” He didn’t turn around to face her and she was glad for it. “Just say it.”

There was a hesitation for a few precious seconds and she thought maybe she was wrong. Then he did turn and she knew she was right.

He said the words she was dreading. “I think you should move into Cutty’s after we get this Keith situation under control.”

This had always been a possibility, and yet she’d allowed the situation to continue, thinking, maybe even praying, that it wouldn’t. He wasn’t the relationship type. She knew that. She also knew he’d tried but this last obstacle was too much. Maybe she should’ve told him from the beginning but she feared they would’ve ended up here anyway. She’d known who he was and had taken the risk. She only had herself to blame for the burn she now sported.

“I think it would be more comfortable for you. It’s tight around here, and I know you wanted your own place. You’ll have more room there until you can get something of your own,” he said, filling the silence and acting as if this were purely a space problem.

She had wanted her own place. She’d said it to him a few times. But that had all been before she’d fallen for him. She’d wanted more space so that she could avoid the very feelings she was having now.

But she’d gone ahead and become emotionally involved anyway. She’d taken a bite of the poisoned apple and now look at her. She couldn’t even meet his gaze, because if she looked at him, the burning in her eyes might turn into real tears, and she wasn’t going down like that. He was kicking her out and that was his choice. The way she left him was still hers.

“I think it’s a good idea.” How she managed to get those words out, past the golf-ball sized lump in her throat and without her voice cracking, was a miracle.

“So, you’re good with this?” he asked. “You realize it’s for the best?”

There was a hesitance in his voice. What did he want? Was she supposed to absolve him of any guilt? It was true he’d never said the words, or implied any commitment, but if that was how he’d slept with someone who was nothing to him, she’d love to know how he had sex with the person he might one day love. Or maybe she’d read into it more than was actually there. Maybe when they’d slept together, the ground hadn’t shaken for him the way it had rocked her world.

Still, it didn’t matter. She forced a smile onto her face and made herself look at him while she fought to keep it in place. Her pride, the few tattered pieces left of it anyway, was the only thing keeping the façade of not caring in place. “I agree. Cutty’s will be a lot more comfortable.”

She grabbed her bag and started gathering up what few belongings she owned. She’d use anything she could as an excuse to break eye contact.

“You’re leaving now?” he asked, having the nerve to sound surprised, but she wasn’t sure why. He’d just kicked her out. She wasn’t going to wait for him to start packing her up himself.

“Yes.”

“It’s not safe yet.”

“Keith scared me but he couldn’t actually get to me at Cutty’s. It’ll be fine.” She dug out her phone and dialed, not wanting to give Lars a chance to argue. He wanted her out and now she wanted to leave almost as bad.

Cutty answered on the first ring. “What’s up?”

“Can you swing back around and pick me up?”

There was a pause, and she had a feeling his sixth sense was kicking in. To his credit, he didn’t say anything. “Sure. I just left so I can be back there in under two minutes.”

“Thanks.” She slid the phone into her back pocket.

Lars didn’t say anything else and neither did she, as she grabbed her bag and walked to the bathroom to gather her last few remaining items. By time she’d gathered everything, she saw Cutty’s headlights flashing through the windows as they pulled into the drive.

“I’ll walk you down,” Lars said as she made her way to the door.

“He’s down there. I’m fine.”

“I’ll walk you down anyway.”

“Do whatever you want,” she said, aware that her act of indifference was slipping. She walked down the stairs, all the while feeling Lars’ eyes boring into her back as he followed her.

She got in the car with Cutty while Lars looked on. Neither her nor Lars said goodbye, and Cutty sat there as an awkward witness to the tension. She managed to keep it together for all of one block.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Cutty finally asked but only when the tears were flowing too heavily to hide anymore.

“No.”

“He’s just—”

“Cutty, please, do me one favor. Don’t ever bring him up to me again.”

He nodded and they drove to his house in silence.

***

Lars stood in front of the metal trashcan he’d made a fire in. One by one, he crumbled and threw the damning papers into it. As long as Cutty didn’t say anything, no one else would ever be aware that Faith had lied about knowing Keith before she’d died.

He just wished he didn’t know. He couldn’t stop thinking about what else she might have lied about. He’d thought he’d finally get a definitive answer from Karma last night but she’d said nothing. It was bullshit. Karma knew but wouldn’t tell him, and he couldn’t figure out why. If Faith wasn’t a horrible person, why wouldn’t Karma simply tell him? Instead he was forced to remain plagued with doubt.

Faith had shown up at the shop this morning, and he knew the only reason was because she’d thought it was Rick’s day. It had been but Lars had told him not to come in. He’d wanted to see her.

The second she’d walked out that door last night he’d regretted it but he was stuck. He didn’t trust her and yet he didn’t want to stay away from her.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he tossed the last sheet of the report into the flames. He grabbed the phone, not in the mood to speak to anyone. “Yeah?”

“We know how to get rid of Malokin,” Fate said. “I need you to meet me over at my place.”

Lars didn’t ask for more details. When it came to something as important as this, none of them trusted the phone lines. Fate would never risk divulging information that could tip Malokin off, and Lars wouldn’t expect him to.

He looked back towards the door to the shop, where Faith was. If they finally got rid of Malokin, Keith would be an easier target on his own. Maybe then he could move past this with her. And even if he couldn’t, at least she’d be safe.

“Leaving in five minutes. Do you need me to call the guys?”

“No. I’ll round them up. Just get over here.”

He pocketed the phone and walked over to open the door to the shop. Faith walked out of the office as he stepped in. The thread of mistrust planted by her omission crept into his thoughts. She froze when she saw him. He immediately relaxed his expression but it was too late. She’d seen the suspicion in his eyes. How things had changed so quickly.

“I was just leaving some paperwork in there,” she said, defensively.

He nodded. It killed him that this was what their relationship had devolved to. “I’ve got to go out. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone,” he said, leaving out the details.

She nodded.

“Don’t wander. Cutty will be with me, so I’ll send someone else to give you a ride back to his place.”

She nodded again but more stiffly this time. He hadn’t meant that to sound distrustful, but like a tsunami, the tension and mistrust left everything bent and torn in its wake.

He ducked into the office, grabbed his car keys and left the shop, feeling guilty that it was easier to be apart from her than to see the hurt in her eyes or hear the distrust in his own voice. He got in his car with the picture of Faith in his mind. He hit the radio, trying to clear his head as he blasted some music and turned out of the lot on his way to Fate’s.

Faith had expected to see one of the guys later on that day but the old guy, Paddy, had shown up at the shop. He’d given her a ride back to Cutty’s but they hadn’t spoken much.

No one had been there when she’d arrived. She locked all the doors and settled in for the night.

When she woke in the guest room, which gratefully looked like nothing had ever happened in it, the house was still empty. There was no one in the kitchen goofing around, no eggs frying or coffee brewing and not a single strip of bacon.

She made herself some breakfast while she tried not to worry but by early afternoon she was a tense wreck.

She dialed Cutty’s number.

“Hey, Faith.”

“Hi. I just…is everything okay?”

“Yeah, we’re handling some issues. It might run a while longer,” he said.

“So, everyone is good?” she asked, hating the fact that she still worried about Lars.

“Yes. Nothing to worry about,” he confirmed. “Just sit tight and don’t leave the house.”

“Got it,” she said, not resenting that statement at all when it came from Cutty.

She hung up the phone, wishing she’d heard Lars’ voice in the background but happy she hadn’t. Reminders of him would only make it harder to move on.

***

Lars looked at Cutty as he hung up the phone. “Well?” he asked Cutty, where he sat somewhat near him on Cupid’s velvet sectional amidst feathered pillows. He and the guys had been hiding in Cupid’s office, located in the agency’s building, for hours, waiting for the meeting between Malokin and Karma that was supposed to take place in the office downstairs.

“Well what?” Cutty asked as he laid his phone on the mirrored table in front of him.

“How. Did. She. Sound?” Lars asked, pronouncing every word precisely, because Cutty knew exactly what he was asking him and was withholding on purpose.

Faith was all Lars could think of. They were sitting there about to ambush the biggest threat to their way of life and all he cared about was her. That she would be safe. It was a large part of why he was there. He would’ve backed up his boy regardless but Keith would be here. Malokin would want his top guys nearby. This was his chance to get him.

“You have better hearing than any of us. You telling me you didn’t hear her through the phone?” Cutty snapped back.

“I want to know what
you
think. How’s she doing?” Cutty had been disagreeable since picking Faith up the other night, as if Lars had meant to hurt her. Like he wanted any of this to work out how it had.

“Well, if you hadn’t kicked her out, maybe you’d know.” His eyebrows arched.

“I had to.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“How can I have a relationship with someone I don’t trust?”

“Your problem is you have to have everything exactly your way, when you want it, and fuck everyone else.”

“That wasn’t the problem.” Lars looked around making sure the other guys were far enough out of earshot to hear. “I was trying. She lied.”

“Have you thought about it from her point of view or are you incapable of that? How many times was she interrogated and ganged up on by you guys, and don’t tell me she wasn’t. I was there. Do you really think you inspired a situation where she felt she could tell you anything that might cast a shadow of a doubt?”

“She should’ve found a way, and she didn’t. How can I trust her after that?”

“Man, do you even get what trust is or are you so fucking jaded you’ve lost touch? Trust is a decision to believe in someone, not because you’ve got irrefutable proof of who and what they are but from a leap of faith. Your problem is you don’t want to trust her because you don’t like how vulnerable it makes you feel.”

“I guess you know from the wealth of experience you’ve had in relationships?” Lars scoffed and leaned back.

Cutty hooked a thumb toward his chest. “I don’t need firsthand experience, because I’m not stupid.”

“Do you know that on days like this, I just want to punch you in the face?” Lars said, not having any real intention of doing it.

“Try it,” Cutty said, goading Lars.

“Hey!” Fate said, interrupting them. “He’s coming.”

Lars and Cutty instantly stood to attention.

Cutty looked over at Lars as if they hadn’t been about to beat each other a second ago. “Is it wrong that I’d rather die than spend another minute in the land of feathers and velvet?” he asked.

“No, I’d rather get kicked in the balls repeatedly. Even the smell is killing me.”

“Does he spray perfume or some shit in here?”

“I don’t know but it’s horrible.”

“False alarm,” Fate said from closer to the door.

“Fuck,” Cutty said.

“Gimme your flask,” Lars said and held out a hand to him. “And don’t tell me you don’t have it on you.”

Cutty sighed loudly but reached in his pocket and handed it over as they went back to their velvet torture.