Dead and Gone (29 page)

Swift wasn’t one of the tough kids, and he wasn’t mobbed up. But he had a nice bunk in a good section of the dorm, and he always had comic books and candy bars. Even a portable radio—in fact, that was where I’d gotten my antenna.

I couldn’t figure out why Hunsaker’s clique hadn’t made a move on him, especially when it came time to draw commissary, but they never did. For sure, Swift wasn’t scoring off his parents; he never had any visitors. There were things you could do to get stuff in there, but he didn’t have enough horsepower to rough it off, and I never caught him creeping anybody’s stash, either.

It didn’t add up. I started sleeping most of the day, like the meds were really doing me in. Of course, I tongue-palmed the fucking things whenever they gave them to me, and I stayed quiet enough not to court the hypo again. So I was awake at night. All night.

In the dark, I slitted my eyes and watched, trusting Lune and his patterns.

I
was watching real late one night—I didn’t have a watch, and there was no clock in the dorm—when Swift sat up. He looked around, real careful. I figured, okay,
now
he was going to make his move; now I’d see where he scored all his stuff from.

He got up like he was going to the bathroom, a big white place with hard tile and no door. He walked right past it, straight to the dorm door. The one they locked every night.

He pulled down on the handle, very slow and careful. And the door opened! I couldn’t believe it. I
knew
that they locked that door every night. And that the late-shift guard would walk by the giant wire-meshed window that gave him a good view of the whole dorm every couple of hours or so. But Swift pulled the door closed behind him and he was gone.

In another minute, so was I, my bare feet soundless on the filthy linoleum as I stalked him down to a long, dark hall where the floor switched to carpet. I knew where
that
hall led—right to the part of the building where the big shots had their offices. I figured I knew what he was up to then. I’d always wished
I
could get in there one night and do a number on all that nice furniture and paintings and plants and trophies and … all of it.

But everything changed when I ghosted around a corner and saw Mr. Cormil. We had to call all the guards “mister” or “sir.” Cormil was the guy who was supposed to be cruising by the big window, looking at all the crazy fish in the concrete aquarium. But he wasn’t doing that. He was doing Swift.

He held Swift’s hand like he was his father. They walked along until Cormil opened one of the offices with a key from the big ring he wore on his belt. They went inside. Cormil left the door open, probably so he could hear if anyone was coming.

But he never heard
me
coming. They don’t call it reform
school
for nothing.

It didn’t look like rape. Not to me. Not to a kid my age. Not to a State-raised kid who’d
seen
rape. It looked like … like Swift on his knees, sucking Cormil off while the guard leaned forward and stroked the kid’s hair. And then it looked like Cormil pulling his cock out and helping Swift stand up. And bend over. He smeared some greasy stuff on his cock and fucked Swift in the ass. But slow and gentle, talking to him like a lover all the while.

It wasn’t anything like I knew rape to be. There was no gun. No knife. No fist. No threats.

It took a lot of years before I understood what I had seen that night.

A
s soon as we were alone the next morning, I told Lune. He just nodded—you could see his mind was somewhere else.

“How’d you know?” I badgered him.

“I didn’t,” he said. “But I knew there was a pattern. Swift had things. He had to get them from somewhere. He was … special. How come? I didn’t know. But I knew, if you watched him close enough, we’d find out.”

“You’re a dangerous motherfucker,” I told him.

Lune and I didn’t speak the same language. He didn’t get that I was showing him high respect. “I just want to find my real parents,” he said, sadly.

A
fter that, the only hard part about busting out was waiting for Swift to visit Cormil again. And keeping Lune from screwing things up. He didn’t know how to move quiet. And he was so nervous, I thought they’d hear his raspy breathing as we slipped past the room where Cormil and Swift were doing what they did.

But once we made it past them, it was easy. We dropped down flat on the carpet in the hall until they were finished. As soon as they walked back down the corridor together, we made our move. I loided the door to the big cheese’s office—it was nothing but a doorknob lock, no deadbolt—and we went inside.

I picked that room because I’d been in there before. That’s how I knew there was no deadbolt. And what was right outside the window. A parking lot. A parking lot
outside
the walls around the hospital where they kept us.

I opened the window, moving real slow against it squeaking, but it didn’t make a sound. The office was right on the first floor, and we dropped down easy. Then I pulled the window back closed.

The parking lot was almost empty—just a few scattered cars, and not a Cadillac in the bunch. The big shots wouldn’t be showing up for hours.

I didn’t know how to hotwire a car then. And even if I had known, it would have been a dumb risk.

I had nine dollars in singles. Lune didn’t have anything. I didn’t know where we were, but I could see it was out in the country someplace.

We could have tried hitchhiking, but it was too close to the nuthouse. And if a cop cruised by …

So we walked, following the road but staying in the darkness of the shoulder. I was looking for a place where we could hole up before it got daylight when Lune spotted a diner a few hundred yards ahead.

I told him to let me do the talking if we had to go inside. First I checked the parking lot. Most of the cars had New York plates. Some of the big trucks had a whole bunch of them, from different states. I couldn’t figure out why that would be, but I knew they
locked
the backs of those semis.

I tried door handles, one after another. If I hadn’t believed God hated me personally, I probably would have prayed. A big new Ford station wagon called to me. The back door opened. “Come on!” I whispered to Lune. We climbed inside. There was some stuff there, but it wasn’t crowded. “He could spot us here. We got to get all the way in the back,” I said to Lune, putting my hand over his mouth when he opened it to ask a question.

In the space behind the rear seat, there was nothing but a pair of suitcases. “All right,” I told Lune. “We’re going to just lie down here. If the guy comes out and gets in the front seat and drives away, we go wherever
he’s
going, got it? But if he opens up this back part, Lune—brother, listen now—we got to
run
, all right? Just fucking
blast
outa here before the guy knows what’s happening. See the woods over there? Right across from us? All right, that’s where we head for. I don’t think he’ll even chase us. Maybe figure it was a joke or something.”

“I can’t—”

“Lune, you
have
to! Look, if he opens up this part, I’ll try and kick him or something. Give you a little time to get going. Remember how you fought when Hunsaker …? Remember that? It’s like that now, too. We
got
to do it, or we’re fucked.”

He didn’t say anything, but he was breathing real hard. And real loud.

“Okay?” I asked him.

He just nodded.

I
don’t know how much time passed before we heard the front door open. Lune squeezed my hand tight. We felt the weight of the driver as he plopped into his seat, even back where we were. Then we heard the blessed sound of the engine rumbling into life.

When the station wagon pulled out onto the highway, Lune let go of my hand.

It was just coming daylight when the driver slowed down. I couldn’t tell if he was getting gas or what, so I snuck a quick look up. It was another diner. We heard the front door open, then slam shut.

When we climbed out of the back of that station wagon, we saw that the diner the guy had stopped at was in the Bronx.

“We’re okay now,” I promised Lune.

L
une stayed with me for almost three weeks. I knew better than to go back to where they’d grabbed me before. I knew some other things, too. Like places where kids our age could make some money. But shining shoes was out—if you took a corner, you had to be able to hold it, and Lune wouldn’t be able to help. If I’d been bigger, or even if Lune had been better at violence, we might have tried to rip off one of the Times Square chickenhawks.

But there were plenty of other ways.

Lucky for us, it was summer. Lots of kids on the streets. The cops wouldn’t give us a second look once we got some fresh clothes.
That
I knew how to do. Not shoplifting. That was for the artists. All I knew was snatch-and-run.

I wouldn’t let Lune come with me when I hit the stores. It wasn’t just to protect him—I knew he’d screw it up.

Once we had clothing, we hit the strolls, looking for working girls who’d pay me a little for steering, like I’d done for Sandi. But as soon as they saw Lune, they couldn’t stop fussing over him. They all wanted to pat him, or give him a kiss, or cuddle him … that kind of stuff. If I heard “dollface” or “angelpuss” one more time, I was going to puke. But at least they never bothered
me
with any of that sappy stuff. And some of them gave us money, too.

People were a lot more careless back then. Stealing was easy. The hard part was finding places to sleep. I knew kids from reform school, but I didn’t know their last names, or their addresses or anything—just where they’d be hanging out if they
were
out.

There were gangs all over the City back then. Small ones, mostly, with four-block squares of turf, although there were a few that could call out a hundred guys for bloody battles that only the newspapers called “rumbles.” I knew I could work into a gang as a Junior—I had all the credentials. But I also knew Lune wouldn’t be able to handle the initiation, so we steered clear of them.

Finally, I found Wesley. Or maybe he found me. He knew places down by the docks that were perfect for hiding out. Wesley couldn’t figure out what I was doing with Lune, but he let him come along. That was Wesley then. If you were with him, anyone with
you
was with him, too.

Years later, after he’d made his mark so deep the whisper-stream trembled every time he went on the stalk, people said he’d been born a killing machine. They didn’t know Wesley when he had a heart. A heart of napalm, ready to explode into flame for anyone who would love him.

Lune was one of the softest, gentlest people I’d ever known. And Wesley became an assassin so deadly that even his own death didn’t stop his name from invoking terror. But when they were kids with me, they had the same heart.

L
ate one night, I told them about the fire. Wesley said I could have made sure if I had done them all first. I said I’d thought of that, but I’d seen kids stabbed and not die from it—even turn on the kid holding the shank and fuck him up. And I knew he had, too; we’d watched it together.

“That was in there,” the ice-boy said. “It’s different out here.”

“How come?” I asked him, puzzled.

The next day, we went into a pawnshop. Wesley bought a pearl-handled straight razor for two dollars.

And that night, he showed me how good it worked.

W
e had a little more than three hundred and fifty dollars put aside—a lot of money, back then. It was time for Lune to go. I thought he’d kick about it, want to stay with me and Wesley. But he kept telling us that he couldn’t find his parents hiding out—he had to go looking for them. Lune figured his parents couldn’t be from New York. The way he reasoned it out was, the place where we’d been locked up—the nuthouse—
that
was in New York. So his real parents, if
they
were from New York, they would have found him.

He asked us about our parents, once. We just told him we didn’t have any. When Lune asked us if we wanted to try and find them, Wesley gave him a look that would have scared a scorpion.

Lune was smarter than me and Wesley put together, I think. But he had a special kind of mind. And he wasn’t raised where we were. So it was our job to spring him.

Once we figured out that they put Lune in that nuthouse because they really thought he
was
crazy, we knew they wouldn’t spend a lot of time looking for him. He had to be a throwaway kid of some kind, like us, even though Lune always said he had a family. A real family that loved him.

We knew he could never get out of the City on his own. Even if the cops
weren’t
looking for him, a kid traveling alone would get questions asked. And once they heard Lune’s answers, he’d be right back Inside.

We knew places where you could jump freights, but I didn’t think Lune could handle that. And Wesley said, even if he could, the older guys riding the rails would eat him alive. That was after he had tried to show Lune how to use the razor. Lune wouldn’t even touch it.

W
e found the answer where kids like us always found their answers. Wesley was even better than me at being invisible, but I was better at talking to people.
Way
better—Wesley didn’t like talking, and he didn’t like people.

The hooker’s name was Vonda. All we knew about her was that she got ten bucks for half-and-half, and that she had a pair of dreams. One was to go to Hollywood and be discovered. The other was to get away from her pimp—a gorilla who snatched her right off the stroll every night and made her turn over the take. He’d already shown her what would happen if she ever held out on him. With a coat-hanger whip and the glowing tip of his cigarette. She was too scared to ever run on her own.

Wesley and I figured she and Lune were a natural pair.

“He’ll never let me go,” she told us, standing under an overhang to get some shelter from the rain, but still scanning the street for a customer. “And I don’t ever have more than a couple of bucks at a time of my own, anyway.”

“We can get you two hundred and fifty,” I said.

“I guess maybe you could, you little hustler,” she said, giving me a grin. “But he’d come after me. No matter where I went. I know he would. He’s got contacts all over the country.” There was a twisted mixture of pride and terror in her voice.

“When he picks you up after work, where do you go?”

“Home.”

“With him?”

“Sure,” she said, shrugging at the silly question.

“Is he a heavy sleeper?”

“Like a fucking log. But it would only give me a few hours’ head start, and—”

“You’d have a lot more time than that,” I promised her. “But the deal is, remember, you have to take Lune with you. All the way to Hollywood. And you have to
keep
him with you—just a place to sleep and some food—until he’s ready to go out on his own.”

“Like I was his mother, right?”

“Yeah, like that.”

“I … It wouldn’t work. What’s to stop Trey from—?”

Then Wesley spoke. From the shadows, his natural home. He was a kid then, maybe twelve years old, I never knew for sure. But his voice was already ice-edged. “After he goes to sleep, just go downstairs and unlock the door,” he said.

I didn’t think Vonda had been taking us seriously until right that moment. She looked into the shadows where Wesley stood. And the gleam she saw wasn’t coming from his eyes.

“When do I get the money?” she asked me.

W
esley was right about the razor. The first cut did it. The pimp made some spastic movements, trying to hold his throat together with his hands … but not a sound came out of his mouth.

We’d made Lune wait downstairs, telling him to keep the hundred bucks we’d given him a secret, no matter what, until he made his break in California. We told him it wouldn’t be long—Vonda would be going back to hooking the second she got low on dough.

After we all made it downstairs, we walked for a few blocks. I gave Vonda the money. Then she hailed a cab, and I didn’t see Lune again for more than twenty years.

T
he cops never found me or Wesley. We both hooked up with a gang, and ended up busted a few weeks later. We gave them phony names, but it didn’t matter—when nobody came to claim us at Juvie, they put us back Inside. At least it wasn’t the nuthouse.

I never got a letter from Lune while I was Inside. Not for the juvenile beefs, not for the felonies that turned me into a two-time loser later. And during the times I was out, he never called me on the phone, either.

But he always knew where I was, somehow. One of the hacks would come by my cell, tell me someone had sent me a money order. They never actually gave you the money, they just put it on the books for you so you could draw against it for stuff they sold in there—like miners who could only shop at the company store.

The money orders were always from Vonda-something—the last names were always different. And they were always for the maximum amount the institution allowed. I always wrote to the return address, but the mail always came back. So I knew that it had to be Lune. And that he’d learned some tricks.

I had my own wires, too. I’d catch something about Lune every once in a while. Not by name. But there’d be something in the whisper-stream about an organization that did “forecasting.” You gave them the known facts, and they’d work out “scenarios” on a “probabilities scale” for you. Something a team of entrepreneurs could use, if they were thinking of opening a new restaurant. Or an armored car on its way to the bank.

When I finally saw him again, he was in Cleveland, a whole crew working with him. I couldn’t tell exactly
what
they were working on, but it all had something to do with “patterns.” They were like a gang of crazed journalists, gathering facts at random, checking and rechecking and cross-checking them until Lune pronounced them “authentic.” Then they got to be pieces on this giant chessboard in Lune’s head.