Dawn of Darkness (Daeva, #1) (34 page)

"Pretty
much," I replied. "What do I do about it?"

"You
don't do anything."

"What?
How can I do nothing if I'm to blame for making him love
me?"

"Him?
Well, whatever does it for you, love." Anna laughed.

"It's not
funny," I muttered, exasperated.

Anna's
expression turned serious, her arms folded across her chest. "There
is nothing you can do about it," she said. "For starters, you can
never know for sure whether it was your fault or not. And even if
you did do it, there is no way to reverse it. Well, you could try
forcing the opposite emotion, but that's a potential mine field
that usually ends up making matters so much worse."

"So I
just carry on as normal, and that's it?"

"Well,
look at that. You do have a brain. Now, let's try using that brain
for your training, shall we?"

"Whatever," I mumbled, receiving a glare in return. In a way,
I was relieved to hear the solution didn't involve poking around in
Nate's head some more. I may already have messed it up once, and
I'm sure we weren't the first people to encounter the problem of
one friend developing feelings for another. So maybe the solution
wasn't supernatural at all.

"Okay, so
yesterday I tried to have you cut my arm and you failed miserably,"
said Anna in a flat voice. She certainly didn't mince her words.
"Do you know why you failed?"

I shook
my head.

"It's
rather simple. Your magic needs to be sharp, not blunt. Make
sense?"

Again, I
shook my head.

"Okay,
then watch." Anna picked up a small cardboard box and placed it on
the table next to where I sat. "Keep your eyes on the box." I
stared at the box, trying not to blink in case I missed anything. I
thought I saw the box move, but it was such a tiny amount, I
couldn't be sure if I imagined it or not. "That is what you were
trying to do," she told me. "Our magic is made for slicing. It is
not made for pushing."

"But I've
seen it happen twice," I replied. The first time was in the bunker
outside Montargis, when the vampire sent Ash flying. And the second
was when my ability begun to manifest in the tunnel. Anna raised an
eyebrow as I told her about these events.

She
sighed. "Do you know nothing about psychic abilities?" she asked.
"When two psychic abilities collide, one of two things will happen.
They can either mix, or they explode. When the latter happens, the
weaker of the two can be sent back to the user with such force that
it physically knocks them back."

"I
see."

Anna
nodded to the box. "Watch again." This time the box tore in several
places, like an invisible claw had raked through it. "Imagine it
cutting like a blade. Make your magic thin and sharp. Now you try
it."

Thin and
sharp. It sounded easy. I took a deep breath and let my magic flow
over the box. Thin and sharp, I reminded myself. I stared at the
box, willing it to be cut. The box stared defiantly back at me,
taunting me. I gritted my teeth, focusing everything I had onto the
box. Still nothing.

"Okay,
give it up before you pop a blood vessel." Anna laughed. "This
isn't about force. Straining yourself like an idiot won't achieve
anything other than... well, making you look like an
idiot."

"Then
what should I be doing?"

Anna
shrugged. "This isn't an exact science. It's different for
everyone. I can guide you to the right path, but you need to find
your own way. You need to find the key that works for you. But
remember, this is about mind, not body. Stay calm, and
focus."

And for
the rest of the night, that's exactly what I tried to do – major
emphasis on the tried. That damn box was stubborn, refusing to
submit to my will. It pissed me off. I wanted so badly to rip the
box to shreds, with my bare hands if I had to, because it certainly
wasn't working with my mind. By the end of the night, I felt like I
had made no progress at all. I hadn't even dented the box, let
alone tore into it. If it hadn't been for the fact that I was
getting more and more exhausted with each try, I would have
continued well into the day too. But I needed to eat and rest, and
Anna was starting to feel the pull of the sun. And so, with a heavy
sigh, I gave up and headed back to Daniel's room.

*****

Daniel
wasn't in, but Nate had given me his spare key. I let myself in and
collapsed on the bed. My stomach groaned, but there wasn't anything
I could do about it. There was nothing to eat in the room, and I
didn't want to intrude on other people's food by raiding the shared
kitchen. And without money, I couldn't go out and buy any
either.

I decided
I would have to go and see if Nate was in. I didn't like leeching
off of everyone, especially since they had been so kind to me over
the last couple of weeks, but I needed to eat if I wanted to
survive long enough to see Ash again, and help rid the world of a
great evil. It still hadn't sunk in, that the Silver Dawn might
have been conspiring with a pure-blooded vampire all this time. I
shook my head. It wouldn't do me any good to start worrying about
that kind of stuff. I had more important matters to focus on, like
my training, and food. Verloren could wait. There was a knock at
the door. I sat up, wondering who it could be, when the door
opened.

"Hey,"
Nate said, popping his head around the door. "I heard you come
back. What are you up to?"

"Just
starving to death," I said, hoping he would catch the
hint.

Nate
laughed. "Come on, I know the perfect place."

I jumped
up off the bed and Nate took me to a small café. He ordered egg and
chips with a coffee.

"What do
you want?" he asked. I was still browsing the menu.

"Bacon
sandwich," I said, smiling as I remembered how Ash used to cook
breakfast for us both. "And a coffee. Extra strong."

We sat at
a table near the window, and waited for the food. The woman who had
served us brought the coffee to our table. Nate must have torn open
at least five packets of sugar and stirred them into his. He was a
lot like Ash in that respect. As we waited for the food, an idea
popped into my head. Paper should be easier to cut than cardboard,
right? Well, that's what I thought. I picked up one of the packets
and stared at it. Thin and sharp. My magic swirled around the
packet, and then it dissipated.

"What are
you doing?" Nate asked.

"Trying
to cut the sugar packet with my mind."

"And
how's that going for you?"

"I don't
have enough energy left," I said.

"No
progress then?"

I shook
my head. "I don't know what I'm doing wrong, and Anna keeps telling
me I have to find my own way of making it work."

"Just
give it time. These kinda things aren't meant to be easy," Nate
said. "The first step is always the hardest. Isn't that what they
always say?"

It was
the same when learning to control my ability back in Rachat. The
Silver Dawn found me after one of their officers visited the
orphanage where I was staying, to give a talk on joining the army.
I can't remember what triggered it, but the officer said something
that set me off. I didn't realise what was happening at the time,
but the now familiar wind flew out from within me, filling everyone
in the room with anger.

Fortunately, there weren't many people in the room at the
time. Most of the kids managed to escape when the officer snapped.
One of the boys, Rick, was beaten to within an inch of his life. I
lashed out at the officer, consumed by my anger. My memory gets
fuzzy after that. I still remember the sting of my cheeks as the
back of his hand hit me. I remember my body screaming in agony. It
was two days later when I woke up in the hospital. My body felt
numb. The edges of my vision were blurred, and my head swam. I
panicked, sending everyone nearby, staff and patients alike, into a
fit of terror.

I woke up
again later that day, to find a man next to my bed. Brendon, his
name was. He was the first of the psychic Daeva to enter the
military. Back then he was still a cadet, due to graduate in a
couple of months. The doctors kept me sedated to the point where I
could barely open my eyes, under orders from General Marsten.
Brendon held my hand, telling me everything was all right as they
slowly took me off the sedatives. He explained vaguely what
happened at the orphanage. Very vaguely. I guess they didn't want
me to lash out again by triggering a painful memory. They never did
tell me exactly what happened, only that I sustained a couple of
broken bones and some severe bruising. To be honest, I wasn't sure
if I wanted to know the full truth, if it was bad enough for my
brain to block it out. Brendon explained what they thought was
happening to me, and helped me control my powers when I was finally
discharged.

Turning
my ability on and off at will seemed like a difficult task at
first, though it proved easy enough once I started to get the hang
of it. The real problem, however, was learning to control it once I
let it loose. That particular part of my training took weeks, but
at least by then I wouldn't have any more unwanted outbursts. Once
I figured out the first piece of the puzzle, the rest soon
followed. Hopefully it would be the same this time. If I could find
that one vital clue – the key to my ability – then I would master
it in no time.

"Earth to
Mik," Nate said, prodding my shoulder.

"Sorry, I
was just thinking."

"Anything
you want to share?"

I shook
my head. "Not really. Just thinking about when I had to train my
first ability. You're right though. The first step is the
hardest."

Nate
smiled. "I know you can do it."

"Thanks."

Our food
arrived, and as always, I lifted the top slice of bread. My heart
sunk. The bacon still had its rind on. It wasn't cooked until it
was crispy. It wasn't how Ash made it... how I liked it.

"What's
wrong?" Nate asked.

"It's not
right," I said, describing to him how Ash always made my sandwiches
exactly as I liked them.

Nate
laughed and took my plate. "You don't get something without asking
for it," he said. He proceeded to begin pulling the rind off with
his fingers. Then he held his hand over the bacon. His palm began
to glow, tiny flames flickering on the surface of his skin. When he
returned the plate to me, it was exactly how I wanted it to be. I
looked down at the sandwich, reminding me of every little thing Ash
had done for me over the last year. I took a bite, swallowing down
the sudden bout of pain that had been rising up.

Nate didn't say anything. He sat
and smiled, dipping his chips in the yolk of his egg. I never would
have thought something as simple as a sandwich could make me miss
Ash so much. If... no,
when
we meet again, I would make sure to let him know
how grateful I was for everything.

*****

The next
day went much the same as the last. I spent hours staring at that
damned box, hoping and praying for something to happen, but it
never did.

*****

Day three
of my training started with a sudden downpour on the way to Anna's.
I huddled under a small balcony on the road opposite Marcus'
residence, wishing for it to be over quickly, and reminding myself
I needed to obtain a jacket for such weather. Again, I'd have to
leech money from someone. After five minutes, the rain wasn't
showing any signs of letting up, and I was considering running over
to Marcus' when I felt someone at my back.

"I told
you we'd meet again," he said. I turned to find Russell with an
umbrella, which he held over me. "I saw you from the window, and
thought you might need some help. It wouldn't do you any good to go
catching a cold now, would it?"

"I was
just on my way to Anna's for my training," I said.

"Ah, yes.
Marcus told me about your new-found ability. Come, I'll walk with
you."

"You
don't have to do that."

"I don't
mind. I have nothing else to attend to, and our introduction the
other day was cut short."

"Well," I
started, my arms wrapped tight around me beginning to tremble from
the wind and rain. "If you're not doing anything else, I do need to
get to Anna's soon. She'll be pissed if I'm late."

Russell
laughed as we started walking down the street. "That does sound
like Anna. So, how are you finding our fair city?"

"Can't
say much for the weather, but the people have been really
nice."

"Good old
British weather. Some things never change. Still, Aldar has a
certain charm to it. You should see it from above."

"Above?"

"On the
old London Eye, of course. You've seen the giant wheel along the
river, no doubt?" I nodded, remembering the sight of it lit up
against the night sky on the day I arrived in Aldar. "If you ride
to the top, you can see for miles around. It is quite the sight.
Perhaps, you would allow me to show you sometime?"