Dave Trellis and the Allotments of Doom (32 page)

With a slap
that could fell a champion sumo wrestler Dave hit water. After a
moments panic, Dave resisted the urge to swim in any particular
direction and relaxed. He bobbed to the surface almost immediately
and floated upright. Heavy water again thought Dave and regretted
his lack of suitable equipment for a cup of tea. Now, get a grip
Trellis, it’s utterly dark, you are an unknown distance beneath the
jungle floor and have no way of knowing which way to shore, without
care you could swim in circles until you starve. Or until some
hideous mutated Aussie fauna strikes from below and rips off a
favourite part in a frenzy of churning, bloody water. How big do
crocs grow? They have two sorts don’t they, saltwater and fresh?
Which is the bugger that leaves humans alone? Of course Radium!

Dave reached
into his jacket and pulled out his ancient prism compass. He popped
the lid and looked at the lovely green glowing needle and cardinal
points of the compass. For the first time he could see his
hands.

‘Ha, grand, or
should I say you little beaut?’

The luminous
needle swung around and settled. Dave relaxed onto his back and
started a steady leg kick. The needle suddenly swung around and
settled in a new direction. Dave shook it. The needle swung again
and decided North lay in yet another direction.

Bugger thought
Dave, must be stray magnetic fields, either that or I am directly
over one of the poles, which is a possibility. Still at least I can
see a tiny bit. Shame about the logistics, I could really do with a
cup of Darjeeling. He settled for mouthfuls of cool water, which he
had to admit hinted at the swamp with a light metallic
aftertaste.

His eyes
adjusted to the dark and he could see a small, bright dot high up
in the sky, like candle in a distant window. Wonder what those
stubborn Aussie buggers are up to? No doubt left me to rot, more
fool them I’ve enough water to last me for –

Something large
and possibly scaly swirled the water and Dave rotated slowly, his
eyes trying to see everywhere at once. Harris Tweed is a natural
shark repellent, never thought I’d be glad about that thought Dave.
How did it find me? Movement? Ah! It’s so very dark in here…

Dave shut the
compass and floated motionlessly. The dark invaded his personal
space, until he felt it was actually inside his eyelids. Then
blotches of fake colours started to float around and his ears
seemed to ring slightly in the silence.

‘Soooooeeeee.’

The faint yell
was easy to notice in the absolute silence. Dave put his fingers to
his lips and whistled as hard as he could. The noise was massive in
the absolute quite, but didn’t echo. He hoped it wouldn’t attract
any watery beastie’s attention.

‘Soooooeeeee.
Soooooeeeee.’

Dave whistled
twice this time, just as long and hard as he could. Something
splashed noisily to one side and the light above disappeared. For a
moment Dave worried that they had sealed up the hole, after making
sure he was down there. Then it reappeared and more detritus
showered all around Dave. As the large creature didn’t return, he
assumed splashes or movement did not attract it.

In a while Dave
started to hear a faint voice.

‘More bloody
rope… I don’t care, just pull down some more creepers… Look, you
want to me come back up there and kick your arse?’

There was more
shouting, it was getting closer.

Suddenly Dave
was lit from above by torch beam.

‘Turn out that
light!’ yelled Dave.

‘What?’ shouted
Trev.

‘Turn off the
torch now!’

‘How am I meant
to rescue you in the bloody dark?’

‘Turn off the
torch or you’ll have nothing to rescue.’

‘What are -
Strewth, did you see the size of that? I knew we grew em big in Oz,
but that’s ridiculous.’

‘And it’s
attracted to light. Hence my polite request to turn off the bloody
torch.’

‘Right you
are,’ said Trev in the sudden blackness.

‘Drop another
sixty feet and I’ll swim towards you.’ yelled Dave whose throat was
hurting from all the shouting. Making as few ripples as possible,
he sculled closer to the expected point of Trev’s arrival.

‘Marco?’ said
Trev, some way off to Dave’s left.

‘What?’ said
Dave.

‘I say Marco,
you reply Polo. That way we can find each other in the dark.’

‘How about you
blather on as usual and I’ll find you that way?’

‘Marco,’ said
Trev.

‘Bollocks,’
said Dave.

After a little
while Dave heard something slap the water, then a lot of
splashing.

‘Can’t you hang
there quietly?’ asked Dave.

‘Got to let
Toomey and Hungry know when to stop dun I.’

‘I suppose a
signal rope would’ve been out of the question?’

‘I’m not
hanging here with my nuts in a clench for jollies. Keep your pommie
bastard ideas to yourself.’

‘Fine… Ow!’

‘What now?’

‘I found you,
or rather your boot.’

‘Come on then,
grab hold,’ said Trev.

‘Hang on I have
a better idea.’ Dave sculled backwards and unwound several feet of
the rope around his waist. ‘I have some rope, tie it to the creeper
and it’ll take the weight off you when they pull us up.’

‘Good idea… For
once.’

Trev tied the
rope to the knotted creeper harness that clenched him just a little
too tightly.

‘Are you sure
they can lift us both?’ asked Dave.

‘No worries
mate.’

‘This creeper
is a bit on the thin side you know.’

‘Well stay down
here then,’ said Trev.

‘I just don't
understand why you didn't bring a second creeper, get yourself back
and then the three of you could pull me up.’

‘Why muck
about; she'll be fine,’ said Trev.

Trev started
bouncing up and down. The signal worked and he started rising; the
rope grew taught, slinging off drips of water that dropped on Dave.
In his imagination Dave felt like a battered, old Yorkshire Venus,
as he ascended out of the water.

His feet barely
cleared the surface before there was a creaking noise and a sudden
lurch.

‘Ah,’ said
Trev. The creeper gave way and they dropped back into the water
with a splosh. Trev's hi-tech walking boots caught Dave a good ‘un
on the bonce, as they collapsed in a submerged, heap of confused
limbs. Dave grabbed hold of Trev and stopped him swimming; in the
complete darkness it was easy to get confused and swim down rather
than up. Untangled on the surface, Dave breathed heavily, and then
passed the other end of the rope to Trev.

‘Here, tie this
around you and then we won’t get separated.

After some
splashing there was silence. Dave resisted temptation, but not for
long, in a mock Aussie whine he said.

‘No worries
mate. She'll be fine.’

‘No need to
thank me it was no bother at all,’ said Trev

‘You do realise
that we are now thoroughly screwed,’ said Dave.

‘How'd you
figure?’ asked Trev.

‘We'll one
bloke can lower another, but he'll not be able to pull him back up
all that way.

So we’re
stuck.’

‘They'll think
of something,’ said Trev ‘By the way, you know what’s in here with
us?’

‘No idea, but
the wave it made was huge.’

‘Catfish.’

‘What?’

‘Yeah, saw it
before I put out the light, some form of giant catfish, had barbels
like cricket stumps, must be 20 foot long.’

‘Well that's a
relief; I thought it was a croc.’

‘Not saying
there isn't a croc in here, but they eat catfish, so not likely.
However Catfish are carnivores and one that size could swallow you
whole.’

Something
twinkled up above and it wasn't the first star of evening. It
lurched downwards illuminating Dave and Trev like a follow spot at
a cheap theatre.

‘Oh bugger!
Swim!’ said Dave and they tried to move away from the light. The
torch swung gently lighting up the whole area; soon it was close to
the surface.

‘You get it
Pom, you’re the rescuee,’ said Trev.

‘I’d rather
stay down here, than risk getting swallowed alive,’ said Dave.

‘Come on, hurry
up. It’ll bring the catfish back. We need to grab the creeper and
turn off the light. See I told you they’d think of something.’

‘Something that
could get us killed. Smooth move chaps.’

‘Stop whining
and get in there.’

‘Oh alright,’
said Dave and started a cautious breaststroke towards the light. A
powerful surge swirled the water as something swept by Dave and
Trev.

‘Get moving.’
yelled Dave as he back-paddled desperately.

There was a
huge explosion of water and a grey object like a leathery Polaris
missile shot out of the water and swallowed the light. With an
immense splash the giant catfish crashed down on Dave and Trev
driving them deep in the water. By the time Dave surfaced the
splashing had subsided, replace by a twin descending screams, each
with its own timbre; together they sounded Australian.

There were two
loud splashes followed by a rain of rocks and earth splattering
onto the surface.

‘Oh what fresh
hell is this? It’s raining bloody Australians,’ said Dave.

‘Well, I
finally have to agree with you Pom, now we truly are fucked,’ said
Trev.

‘Nah she be
right,’ said Dave in an Aussie twang, ‘We got water and I reckon we
can find some way land one of those big fellas. We can have a barbi
mate.’

‘Marco?’ said a
damp voice from the darkness. Dave sighed.

With bad grace,
Dave organised a roped together procession heading for the wall by
swimming directly away from the little spot of light that was their
entry into this wet world of darkness and giant catfish.

‘You did say
‘whatever happens don’t let go of the bloody rope’’ said
Toomey.

‘I said I don’t
want to talk about it right?’ said Trev.

‘We’re stuck
down here forever in the cold and wet and dark,’ said Hungry
Joe.

‘Right,’ said
Dave, ‘Before we were stuck forever in a place with no food and no
water. Now we are stuck in a place with food and water. Dark, I’ll
concede, but the lack of light never killed anyone, and finally it
ain’t cold. You accuse me of whining, bloody hypocrites.’

‘The Pom’s
right…’ A large bow wave pushed them sideways. ‘Any chance we could
swim a little faster?’ asked Trev.

Fergus sat
cross-legged with his back against the cliff, in the last slice of
shadow. Boadicea and Abbey snoozed in the full shade of the
overhang that protected the small pool from evaporation in the
fierce Australian sun. The Noggin wandered with arcane purpose
sniffing everything.

It was Abbey’s
idea to rest up until the sun went down and Fergus agreed it was
sensible. They had drunk steadily from the pool, re-hydrating after
their trek in the hot sun and resisting the temptation to dive into
the cool water. Boadicea showed the Dreamtime book to the Noggin
and explained using notes why she thought it might help. The Noggin
read the book, at a page a second and then read it back to front at
the same speed, shaking its head and sniffing at regular intervals.
It seemed interested in one legendary tale and pointed it out to
each of them in turn. Fergus read the tale of Namarrgon, the
lightening god, but couldn’t see any relevance to their search for
a way into the Workshops.

Abbey stirred
and stretched.

‘Not long now,’
she said pointing to the sun that was well on it was towards the
horizon.

‘You think
we’ll find a way in?’ said Fergus.

‘Oh yeah. Mum
found an entrance, so there must be one and we have a Noggin on our
side.’

‘Do you think
we’ll find a way out too?’

‘Of course.
Mind you getting home is going to cost a packet.’

‘You seem
confident. Engineer implied that where he sent Dave was fatal, and
you think it’s here. Why do you think whatever is so lethal to a
warrior like Dave Trellis, won’t affect you?’

‘Worried?’
asked Abbey.

‘Just
cautious,’ said Fergus, ‘I don’t think this is going to be so
straightforward. I expect difficulties.’

‘We shall
overcome them; after all we have two warriors, a highly intelligent
woman, and a vastly experienced off-world visitor on our team.’

‘Yea for
us.’

‘You
hungry?’

‘Ravenous.’

‘I know
something that could take you mind off it,’ said Abbey with a
certain look.

Fergus shuffled
uncomfortably and glanced at Boadicea.

‘Still pining
for your cousin?’

‘Yes damn it
all, I am. I can’t help it. And you’re not helping either.’

‘What have I
done now?’

‘Apart from
being drop dead gorgeous, witty and intelligent, you bear quite a
resemblance. The fact that you are ‘in play’ so to speak and
Boadicea isn’t, just makes it worse.’

‘Sorry,’ said
Abbey, ‘Just trying to help; you’re not so bad yourself.’

‘Thanks,’ said
Fergus, ‘I’m sure it’ll work out. But let’s get this all sorted
first.’

‘Sure. And I
think I can help. I saw a documentary on bush tucker, apparently
there’s loads to eat out here if you know where to look. Come on
I’ll show you.’

In the
diminishing light of dusk, Boadicea, Abbey, and Fergus sat it a
circle near the pond. The Noggin sat humming on a rock nearby
watching the sun go down. It occasionally clapped its hands and
nodded.

‘Are you sure?’
said Fergus.

‘Absolutely,’
said Abbey.

‘Well off you
go then.’

Abbey looked at
the little pile of roots and plump, squirming Wichetty grubs. She
picked up something that looked like a brown, dried out carrot,
took a bite, and immediately spat it out.

‘Yueech, that’s
acrid.’