Daughters of the Dagger 03 - Amber (6 page)

Lucas paced the floor of the church waiting for Amber, as he knew she would be showing up for her confession and he really wanted to try to talk to her again. Besides, he knew Father Armand was coming here too, and he needed to discuss the plans of when he would be leaving on pilgrimage.

H
e wanted to try to talk him out of this mission of having to steal the treasured item at Canterbury Cathedral. He didn’t even know what this treasured piece was, as the priest had been very vague. He also needed to try to talk him into divulging the secret of his mother’s identity. The man claimed he didn’t know her name, but Lucas could tell he was lying. He’d wanted to beat the information out of him, but he thought it to his advantage to just bide his time and not anger the priest more.

The sun shone in through the stained glass windows high overhead in the tip of the vaulted ceiling
on both sides of the transepts, cross sections of the church. And a round window was displayed over the altar. They depicted the life of Christ, but they didn’t display his whole life, as there were only a few windows.

Lucas knew these were donated
years ago by a wealthy nobleman. He also knew, though the windows of red, yellow, and blue hues were beautiful, Father Armand had always complained that he wanted as many as were in the Canterbury Cathedral. This was a rare and expensive item to behold, and St. Ermengild’s monastery, being one of the poorer parishes, was lucky to even have them.

His wound
was healing nicely thanks to Amber, but he still felt as if he wouldn’t be up to traveling for at least another few days.

He’d eaten his meal of bread and fruit
in the refectory hall alongside the nuns and the monks. They were pious and humble and didn’t eat much, and only ate meat on special occasions, though they did have an occasional duck, goose, or perhaps fish.

He was still starved when he’d finished
, as it did naught to fill his empty stomach. He’d noticed Father Armand had quite a spread of assorted cheeses and meats to accompany his meal, and though he knew he could probably have had some if he just asked, he didn’t. He was too distracted watching Amber from across the room, and his stomach was in a knot thinking how in a few months time she would be a nun.

Lucas
felt badly by toying with her earlier, but he couldn’t help it. ’Twas in his nature to be that way. He was tired of living the life of a pauper or a monk as Father Armand had expected him to be, and wanted to start living the way the nobles lived. And though Father Armand had raised him and was like a father to him since he had no other family, he still had to be true to himself.

He had respected the priest, up until recently
, and done everything he asked. He felt he owed it to him for taking him into his care. But lately, he felt otherwise. Ever since he left St. Ermengild’s in a rage five years ago, he started seeing what it was like outside the monastery walls and knew that he was never meant to live the secluded life away from the rest of the world that Father Armand expected of him.

Lucas had
wandered the land teaching himself to fight, and acquired weapons along the way. He’d hired himself out as a mercenary, fighting for whoever paid the most, never thinking twice of taking a life. He’d drunk ale and wine, and played dice and cards. He’d even frequented the whorehouses of Bankside along the River Thames, and tried the temptations of the Winchester Geese, as the legalized whores of the archbishop of Winchester’s diocese were called.

He’d found out that nothing is as it seems, and even the church with so much power and wealth could be corrupted though they were holy men. The
archbishop of Winchester saw to it that prostitution was allowed in his diocese, yet right across the river in London it was illegal. He collected the taxes from the working girls for the church, and from it became rich. Then he’d turned his back on the Geese, by not allowing the whores that died to be buried on consecrated land. Oh what a twisted world it really was out there.

That’s why he’d returned to Father Arma
nd and St. Ermengild’s, as he realized you can’t run from greed and deception and certainly not from yourself. But to his surprise, his surrogate father was no better than the archbishop of Winchester. He’d said Lucas needed to atone for his sins and in order to do that, he had to go on a pilgrimage. And while there, he had to sell fake relics to make money for the church to pay for the years of his absence when he should have been helping out.

Lucas had
gone as instructed and done the Father’s bidding, but he’d realized years ago that the man was never satisfied and always wanted more. But Lucas wanted more, too, and would do whatever it took to find out who his mother may be. He needed to find out who he was and stop hiding from himself whether it be inside the walls of the monastery or out on the road. He needed to find out his past and face his future no matter what it may be, and just try to always make it better.

He wondered if Amber had joined the Order
inside the holy walls just to hide from herself. He felt as if he needed to find out more about her. And he also felt as if he needed to remind her of what she’d be missing once she took her final vows.

Still, he struggled
with himself, thinking mayhap he should just leave her alone. She seemed determined and focused on her prayers and studies, and he knew he was only tempting her. But it was easy for him to see that a girl like her should never be a nun to begin with.

Nunhood
should be reserved for the old and widowed, or at least for those who were undesirable and ugly. Amber was none of these. She was in the prime of her life, probably not any older than two decades at most. And she was thin and beautiful with eyes that could lure any man to her bedchamber with just a glance.

She didn’t really want to be a nun
, and he knew it. He saw it in her eyes every time he looked at her. And he’d felt it in her kiss. He was once in this position, and he knew what she must be going through. Or so he thought. He just really needed to find out.

The
front doors to the church opened, and he spotted Amber coming across the nave, main section of the church. He suddenly changed his mind, realizing that being here wasn’t such a good idea after all. She had pointed out that she didn’t want to see him, and he knew it would only upset her. If he was going to try to get her to accept him, the first thing he had to do was stop roiling her.

He slipped behind a curtain quickly, peeking out to see her headed right toward him. Then,
he realized his mistake. He’d hidden in the confessional and that was exactly where she was headed, coming to tell Father Armand her sins.

She entered the confessional next to him and disappeared behind the curtain. He was about to leave when he heard her speaking to him from the other side.

“Bless me, Father for I have sinned and I have come to ask for your forgiveness.”

He jerked backward in surprise
, knocking into the chair in the small partition, making quite a loud noise.

“Father?” she asked from the other side of the curtain.

He planned to remain silent or just slip away, until he heard her next words.

“I have kissed a man, and I am horrified to say that I liked it.”

“Really?” he spoke aloud, and slowly settled himself on the chair, very interested in her confession since it was about him. He had to stay now. If he stayed, he could find out what she really thought about him. If he knew she was having illicit thoughts about him the same as he’d been having about her, then that would surely mean she was not meant to be a nun. His suspicions would be confirmed.

“You sound differ
ent, Father, are you ailing?”

Lucas cleared his throat and tried to speak in a raspy whisper. “Yes, my dear, my throat is feeling scratchy.”

“I am sorry to hear that. Perhaps I can give you something to soothe it later if you come to the infirmary.”

“Aye,” he cleared his throat again and spoke in a slight whisper. “So tell me about this kiss. Who was it you shared it with and tell me how you felt
afterwards.”

“It was the devil,” she replied.

“What?” he said much louder than he’d intended to speak. He didn’t like her referring to him in such a manner.

“
’Twas with Lucifer, Father.”

“Oh, you must mean Lucas, my dear.”

“Yes … but I’ve never heard you refer to him by that name before.”

He realized she might see through this guise if he wasn’t careful. If so, he would never know for sure how she felt
about him, so he bit the inside of his cheek and went along with the name he hated.

“So … why did you kiss … Lucifer,” he asked. “Does the man interest you?”

“Oh, no, not at all,” she said hurriedly, and Lucas felt as if someone had kicked him in the side. The stitches pulled at his skin and he covered the wound with his hand letting out a small moan.

“Father? Are you feeling ill?” she asked again.

“I guess you could say that,” he answered, feeling so disappointed that she had just said he didn’t interest her at all.

“He
was the one to kiss me actually,” she told him.

“And you said you liked it?” he asked
curiously, hoping he’d heard her right the first time.

She hesitated. “I did,” she admitted slowly and with a deep sigh.
“I deserve to be punished severely. I will take any penance you give me without complaining.”

“Why should you be punished for enjoying something that most men and women enjoy together
all the time?”

“Pardon me?” she asked.

“You are a woman, darling, and need to be true to your wants and needs.”

“But I am soon to be a nun!” she gasped. “I surely should not be having flutters in my stomach nor tingles upon my skin every time I am near the man.”

“You do?” His mouth turned up in a grin and he thought mayhap he wasn’t so wrong about her after all. “So this man does interest you as well as excite you, doesn’t he?”

Another pause. “Aye, Father. And now I mus
t confess that I’ve lied to you when I told you that he didn’t.”

Lucas felt a newfound surge of energy wash through him. He had to do something to help Amber get in touch with her true self before she was cloistered away from the world and also herself and it was too late.

“Are you sure that the calling of a nun is for you?” he asked.

“Oh, yes. Mostly definite
ly.”

“Be honest.”

“Well … I think so. But lately since I’ve met Lucifer I have been having doubts. I don’t understand it, Father. I was so certain that I wanted the life of a nun until I was tempted by that devil!”

Devil? So she was back to calling him
that again, was she? He didn’t like it. Especially since she’d just admitted she was attracted to him.

“
Now there is no reason to call the man names. After all, you should be thanking him for helping you realize that mayhap you have made a mistake in coming to the abbey in the first place.”

“Father? What are you saying? That I don’t really know who I am?”

“Well, it sounds to me as if you need some time to figure it out before you waste your life.”

“Waste my life?” she asked, shocked.

“I meant waste your time … in prayers that is, when you should be taking action.”

“I don’t understand, Father. I have made the vows of chastity, obedience and poverty
. Prayer is what is expected of me, but you’re telling me that this isn’t so?”

“Nay!” he said a little too loudly, knowing he was not handling this well at all and he was already regretting his ploy. “I just meant that you should get to know Lucas – Lucifer first
, and explore your feelings for him before you take your final vows.”

“Oh, I see. Yes, perhaps you are right. But
I am not sure how I’d do that here in the abbey.”

He knew she was right. She would never drop her guard within the holy walls. If she were to be true to her own feelings and be able to relax, she’d have to be somew
here other than here.

“Well, what is my penance for these horrid sins?” she asked.

She sounded as if she truly believed what she was feeling was horrid. He needed to do something to remedy that at once.

“Your penance is . .
. ” He didn’t feel right giving her a penance, but if he said nothing, than she would know he really wasn’t the priest. He couldn’t let her find out – not yet. Not before he knew for sure if she truly had feelings for him or not. “I think your penance will be to spend time with Lucifer.”

“What?” she asked. “That is not a penance. Father, this doesn’t sound like you at all.”

“Hell,” he said under his breath, knowing the guise was over and she’d hate him now forever.

“What did you say, Father? I couldn’t quite hear you.”

“Pell – pilgrimage,” he said trying to cover his mistake, and then realized that this was a wonderful idea after all. “Yes, you will accompany Lucifer on a pilgrimage to Canterbury in a few days’ time.”