Daughters of the Dagger 03 - Amber (14 page)

She looked up to him then
with hooded eyes, and smiled. She had the look of a woman who was fully sated. “I think I love you,” she said in a sultry whisper.

That took him by surprise and he pulled his hand away from her, feeling his heart beating rapidly. No one had ever told him this before in his life, as he hadn’t any parents and the only girls he’d ever bedded were whores. He didn’t know how to react.
“Nay, Amber you don’t.”

“I do. I think mayhap I’ve made the wrong decision and shouldn’t be a nun after all.”

This had been exactly what he’d wanted her to decide all along, but somehow her proclamation of wanting to leave the Order didn’t make him happy. He felt as if he’d tricked her, luring her in with the pleasures of the flesh. He never thought this would make him feel so awful, but it did. She hadn’t truly decided this on her own. He’d put the idea in her head and now he felt as if he’d taken away her free will by doing it.

He kissed her gently atop the head and hurriedly got out of the bed and dressed.
He needed to get away from her before he defiled her further. He was very confused and needed to get some fresh air and just think this over.

“Where are you going?” she asked in a sleepy voice.

“Get some sleep,” he said, heading for the door. He had to get out of here and he had to do it now. If not, he’d be driving into her in another minute and contemplating the fact he’d just deflowered a nun.

He left the room quickly, knocking into Mirabelle who was coming out of the room next to him.

“So, Lucas, what are you doing?” She looked down and of course noticed his arousal pushing against his hose.

“Nothing,”
he said, trying to cover his groin with his hands.

“I can see that.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. “I can take care of that little problem in a minute.”

“I don’t want you to,” he said, pulling her hands from his shoulders and pushing her away.

Then she looked back
to the door of his room and her eyebrow raised. “Is the nun in there?” she asked.

“If you mean Amber, yes, she is sleeping.”

“You want her badly,” she said. “Don’t you?”

“Nay,” he lied, knowing how daft he sounded right now since she’d already seen the proof of it.

“You tried to bed her and she turned you away, didn’t she?”

“Nay, that’s not what happened at all.”

“Then what?” She laughed. “I’m sure it’s not like she tried to bed you and you turned her away.” Her laughing stopped when Lucas didn’t answer.

“God’s eyes, ’tis true, isn’t it? The nun tried to
bed you and you turned her away. Now that is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Mirabelle, you mustn’t breathe a word of this to anyone. Not Sir Romney nor Sister Amber tomorrow when you se
e her. She had too much wine to drink tonight and wasn’t thinking clearly. ’Twas all my fault. But nothing happened – not really. So please, just keep your mouth shut.”

With that, he hurried down the stairs and out into the cool air of the night. He headed to the stables to sleep where he’d be far enoug
h away from that little temptress of a nun. Far enough from her, but not far enough from himself and his guilt for what he’d just done.

Amber awoke the next morning, having had the
sultriest dream she’d ever had in her life. She was naked and so was Lucas and they were rolling around together on the bed. Then she’d touched him and he’d touched her in return. She remembered feeling pleasure. Satiable pleasure and screaming out in passion, but she could remember nothing after that.

Her breathing de
epened and she felt herself becoming hot just thinking of it. Then she opened her eyes and realized she wasn’t back in her own bed in the abbey but in the inn. With Lucas!

She bolted upward in bed, seeing Lucas entering the room. Then feeling a breeze on her skin, she looked down to see her body bared.

“Nay!” She screamed and held the sheet up to cover her nakedness. Lucas entered the room and closed the door behind him.

“
That scream sounds a lot like your cries of sated passion from last night. You do it again, and I swear before you’re finished I’ll have my clothes off and be on top you again, so you’d better stop it right now.”

“Aga
in?” she asked, feeling a sickening sensation in her stomach. “What do you mean by that?”

He sat down in the chair and rested his boot
ed feet atop the bed.

“Now don’t tell me you don’t remember enticin
g me and asking me to touch you last night?”

“I did what?” She hoped he was kidding, but the more she thought about it
, the more she realized the dream she’d had must have really happened.

“I’ve never seen a nun pull her clothes off so quickly. I think perhaps you had too much wine
last night.”

“Damn you!” she spat, then covered her hand with her mouth.

“Now, Sister Amber, is that any way for a nun to talk? First you’re pulling off your clothes and trying to bed me and now you are cursing. What’s next? If you start dressing like Mirabelle I’m really going to get worried.”

“What happened last night?” she asked meekly. “Did we … did we do …it?”

“Do … it?” he asked. “That depends. What do you mean by
it
?”

“You know what I mean,” she said, pulling the sheet
off the bed and around her body, heading over to look for her habit.

“If you mean … did we make love … would it bother you if we did?”

“Stop it,” she said. “Just don’t even speak to me about it anymore. I don’t even want to know.”

She heard him chuckling from behind her as
she looked frantically for her black robe.

“I told you that you’d regret it in the morning, but you assured me that you wouldn’t and that you needed to know how it felt to couple with a man before you became a nun.”

It was all coming back to her now and her actions appalled her. “If you hadn’t given me so much wine none of it would have ever happened. I despise you.”

“That’s funny, because last night you said you loved me.”

“I did not.” She turned to face him and saw him just smile and raise a brow. “Did I?” she asked meekly.

“Yes, my little dove, you did. And notice that I didn’t call you pure any more.”

“God forgive me for what I’ve done. I am going to Hell.”

“You didn’t seem to be worried about it last night.”

“Stop it!” she shouted, feeling embarrassed and foolish and disgusted by what she’d done. She couldn’t remember everything that happened, but by the sound of it, they’d actually made love. This couldn’t be. How could this have happened? She needed to think, as she had no idea what would happen to her now. “Where is my habit and wimple?” she asked him frantically. Mayhap if she could find them she’d feel better.

“They’re gone,” he said.

“Gone?” She felt the sudden panic inside her chest. “What did you do with them?”

“They were soiled
too badly to even clean so I just got rid of them. Besides, I think you look much prettier in your velvet gown and without that damned wimple. I burned them in the fire of the pub last night.” He held up her gown – the gown of a lady - and she rushed over and snatched it from him, almost losing her grip on the sheet that covered her in the process.

She felt the tears welling in her eyes.

“
They could have been cleaned. Or I could have just worn them dirty. How could you have done that?” she asked. “How could you take everything from me? First my prayer book and rosary, and now my robe and wimple. You have taken everything!”

“That’s funny that you feel that way because last night you were begging me to take your virtue, just carelessly throwing your vow of chastity to the wind.”

“I want my undergarments,” she told him.

“Those
are gone too, stolen by a servant most likely when I left them near the fire in the kitchen to dry. I guess you’ll just have to go naked under your gown.” He scratched the side of his neck as if this meant nothing to him at all.

Frustrated
, she turned from him and dropped her sheet to don her gown, too angry to care that he was looking at her nakedness. She pulled the gown into place, too upset to confront him and too confused to cry. She rushed to the side of the bed and fell on her knees and blessed herself and started praying frantically.

“Amber, come on, stop it,” he said,
getting up from the chair and trying to pull her to her feet.

She brushed him off and squeezed her eyes tight and just kept praying.

“We didn’t do it … not really,” he told her.

“I told you, I don’t want to know.” She covered her ears with her hands and started praying out loud. “Hail Mary, full of grace –”

“We need to get going, now get up from there and pull yourself together.”

“The Lord is with thee –”
She opened her eyes to see him picking up the travel bags and throwing them over his shoulder.

“I said let’s go.”

“Blessed are thou amongst women –”

She was yanked to
her feet, and before she knew what was happening his lips were covering hers in a kiss that took her breath away. He pulled back, still holding on to her and looked her in the eye.

“If that’s what it takes to shut you up, I’ll not bat an eyelid to do it every damned time.” He released her and headed toward the door, leaving her standing there in shock. She should have slapped him. She should have reprimanded him for his bold and inappropriate action. But instead, she just quietly followed him out the door.

Lucas knew he shouldn’t have kissed Amber, but he also had to do something to shock her and bring her out of her flagellation so to speak. She may just as well have had a switch in her hand or
be wearing a hair tunic the way she was beating up upon herself for something that didn’t even really happen.

If he had known she was going to carry on like that, he may as well have bedded her last night and actually give
n her something to pray about.

He
headed down the stairs quickly, only to find Mirabelle standing there waiting for him.

“I can’t wait to see the little ex-nun,” she said.

“Mirabelle, I asked you to be quiet about all this.”

“Why should I? The way I see it, you still owe me for a night
of service several months ago, so I can say anything I want.”

“Here,” he said, taking some coins from the pouch at his side and shoving them into her hand. “That’s more than enough.”

“What’s that for?” Amber came down the stairs surprising him that she’d even left the room at all. He cursed under his breath that she had walked up right at this moment.

“Lucas is just paying his –”

“Let’s go,” he growled, taking hold of Amber’s hand and pulling her out the door with him. He walked out front to meet Sir Romney who had their horses ready and waiting.

“So, Sister Amber,” said Sir Romney
. “You’re no longer a nun.”

“Pardon me
?” Her eyes shot upward toward Lucas but he just turned and secured the travel bags onto the horse. “Why would you say such a thing?” she asked.

“Because you’re not wearing your habit, but rather the gown of a lady,” answered the knight.

“Oh. I … I seem to have soiled my robe and wimple when the serving wench spilled on me yesterday and Lucas gave me this to wear.”

“I’ll bet he did,” said Mirabelle brushing past Lucas, her hand trailing across the backside of him.

He jumped up and glared at her. “Are we going to stand here and talk all day or are we going to take to the road already?” He reached over to Amber and lifted her atop the horse. Just his hands on her waist had him thinking about her naked body underneath and he knew it was going to be torture riding on the horse pushed up next to her. So he took the reins and started walking.

“Aren’t you going to get on the horse?” asked Amber innocently.

“Nay, I think I’ll walk for awhile.”

“But
you said you never wanted to walk on a pilgrimage again and that’s why you brought the horse,” she replied.

So he did. But that was before he’d almost made love to a woman who was close to taking her final vows. He couldn’t trust himself around her anymore. And he knew that after tonight he couldn’t trust
her
in the matter of these issues either.

“I changed my mind,” he growled.

“Well, I suppose changing one’s mind is a good thing once in awhile,” she said.

He thought about how she had told him she’d changed her mind last night about becoming a nun. And then he thought about her announcement that she loved him. He didn’t deserve her love. Not after all the deceit he’d had where she was involved. And now because of him she wasn’t thinking with a rational mind and he may have just ruined her life forever.

“It’s not always a good thing,” he said, wondering how much longer he could go without telling her what a rotten man he really was. And the next time she changed her mind, he was afraid it was not going to be in his favor.