Daughter of the Earth and Sky (23 page)

“Stuff?” Melissa’s voice was incredulous.

“Not that.” I shot her a look. “Just making out stuff.”

“How much making out stuff? Like what base?”

“It doesn’t matter.” I crossed my arms and hunched down in my seat. “It makes me feel sick. Not right away, when I leave. Because he’s not Hades, and that feels wrong.”

“But is it more than you did with Hades?”

I shot her a murderous look, and she raised her hands in surrender. “Fine, but I want details later. So why aren’t you with Hades? Are you still freaked out about him and my mom?”

I shook my head. “It’s this thing.” I searched for a way to explain.

“The thing you can’t talk about?”

“Exactly.” I clutched my necklace. “Once he finds out, he’s going to hate me.”

“Not possible.” Melissa sounded so certain that I found myself believing her.

“You don’t know what it is.”

“It doesn’t matter. He couldn’t hate you. Have you
seen
the way he looks at you? It’s like you’re some long-lost part of him come whole. He couldn’t hate you if he tried. No matter what you’ve done.”

Hope fluttered in my chest, and I swallowed hard. “I really hope you’re right.”

* * * *

It was late when I got home, but I felt better knowing Melissa and Minthe were leaving after school today. I waved at the Reapers I’d left stationed around my house and fumbled with my keys, cursing as my phone rang.

“Hello?” I asked, shoving the key into the lock.

“Kora? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all night!” Joel exclaimed. “Look, about what happened with Aphrodite—”

“I don’t care.” I dropped my purse in the entryway and walked to the staircase.

“Just let me apologize—”

“Joel, I don’t think you understand. I don’t care. And I should.” I took a breath and leaned against the banister. “Look, this isn’t fair to you. I think you like me more than I like you, and I don’t want to lead you on.”

“You’re breaking up with me?” Joel sounded incredulous. “Look, the thing with Aphrodite, it was nothing—”

“It’s nothing to do with her.” I paused. “Though I think you should stay away from her. She’s dangerous, Joel.”

Now why had I said that? My brow furrowed, but the thought that had made me say that slipped away from me like it was never there.

“See, you do care.” Joel sounded hopeful. “Look, it’s late. Maybe we should talk tomorrow, in person.”

“Joel, it’s not going to change anything.” I didn’t want to see him in person. I didn’t trust myself not to change my mind.

“Well, if you’ve actually been leading me on, you kind of owe me, right?”

I frowned. He had a point.

“Fine. Tomorrow, usual time.”

“I’ll bring smoothies.”

I hung up and rounded the corner into the kitchen. Mom sat at the kitchen table, thumbing through a back issue of
Better Homes and Gardens
. “Busy night,” she commented without looking up. “Shouldn’t you be in the Underworld?”

I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and twisted the top off. “Do you ever sleep?”

“The need diminishes when you come into your powers.”

“Hades sleeps.”

Mom raised her eyebrows at me. “Does he now?”

I flushed. “That came out wrong. I didn’t mean…I mean, not …you know, with me. I just know he sleeps. I…um, I healed Eurydice.”

She gave me a wry look. “Sure, we can change the topic. For
now
. I heard about Eurydice. That’s quite an achievement. What ended up working?”

I explained as best I could, and then, barely pausing for breath, I explained about Melissa’s admission to Iowa State.

Mom nodded. “That was a sound decision. Your priestesses should not be unwilling. I only wish you would have told me what was going on. I could have explained to Minthe. Do you have any ideas for a replacement?”

I hesitated. “I was thinking about Orpheus. He already accidentally started that cult. Think of what he could do on purpose? And his new CD,
The
Eleusinian
Mysteries
, it’s all about us. Plus, he’s a demigod. He gets all this stuff. More than I do half the time.”

“Are you going to curse him and his wife with immortality?”

I took a long sip of water. “I kind of already did. They don’t know yet. It was an accident. When I healed Eurydice, I used Orpheus’ soul. I’m not really sure how, but when I healed her, I just felt it. Their souls changed. They felt…different.”

Mom nodded. “I’ll check when I next see them, but I wouldn’t be surprised. A healing that involved could have all manner of unintended side effects.”

We lapsed into an awkward silence. I studied her face. She looked tired. Weary even. I looked down at the table. This fight…we’d never fought like this before. It was draining. I thought about what Orpheus had said and realized he was right. I needed to establish boundaries, but nothing good would come from hanging onto all my anger.

“Mom, can I trust you?”

She looked up at me in surprise. “Of course, honey.”

“I want to believe that, but I really need you to be up-front with me. I can’t deal with all the deception and double speak anymore. But I don’t want us to fight anymore, either. I just want…I want my
mom
back. I feel like…ever since I found out what I am, and what you are, we stopped being…
us
and became these gods. I just want you to be my mom.”

She pulled me close and gave me a hug. “I can do that.”

I relaxed into her arms. “I know you don’t like Hades—”

“Oh honey, it’s not that. He’s just so much older than you.”

“I know.”

“I don’t think you do. There is so much history between all of us that you just weren’t a part of. Lifetimes, and those lifetimes shape a person. Hades and I weren’t always at odds. Once he was my closest friend.”

I closed my eyes and asked the question I’d been dreading. “Did you two ever…?”

She shook her head, breaking free of our embrace. “We might have had the timing ever been right. But he was hung up on Hera for so long. And then everything with Zeus happened, and after that, we all split up. We were all so angry, so betrayed. Zeus was…He made us hope.”

“What happened between you and Poseidon?”

She stiffened. “Did Hades tell you about that?”

I shook my head. “Poseidon kept bringing you up, and it seemed to really piss Hades off.”

She clutched her magazine so tightly that the pages crumpled. “We were together for a time. I lost interest. He didn’t.” Regret flickered behind her eyes. “He kept following me, trying to make me see reason. I told him I wasn’t interested, and he…” She shrugged. “He doesn’t take no for an answer very well. Never has.” She stood abruptly. “Would you like some cocoa, dear?”

I nodded numbly, processing the words, spoken and unspoken. Concentrating on what she didn’t say. I remembered how weird she’d gotten when I mentioned Poseidon the night I’d had that dream. How Hades had promised he wouldn’t let anything happen to me. The way Hades’ face had contorted with rage when Poseidon mentioned how much I looked like my mother. How he wouldn’t so much as let Poseidon touch me, even to shake hands. “What do you mean Poseidon doesn’t take no for an answer?”

“That’s all ancient history.” Mom waved a dismissive hand. But I already knew what happened. I could read the lingering horror in her face. “You know what’s funny?” She poured the steaming cocoa into a cup and set it in front of me. Her magazine went into the recycling bin, and she reached into the pantry for marshmallows. “Hades helped put me back together afterward. He was so furious with Poseidon, but so kind to me. I think that’s why I lost touch with him. He reminded me of when I was weak. But I know you’re safe with him.” She met my eyes, and I read the message there loud and clear.

“Mom, I love him.”

She sighed. “I understand that you think so—”

“I know so.”

“He saved your life, he’s handsome, he understands you,” she continued as if I hadn’t spoken. “I can see why you would be infatuated.”

I took a deep breath. “I understand and appreciate your concern. But I think you got so used to raising me like a human that you forgot I’m not one. This is
not
some crush or infatuation. I’m not some human girl you need to have ‘the talk’ with. I’m a goddess. I’ve seen things and done things and had things done to me that no normal person has ever had to deal with. And the only consistent thing through all of that was him. I need you to understand and respect that my feelings are real. Yes, he’s older than me. Yes, he has history that I’m not a part of. But pretty much any god that’s left is going to have that history and be as old as dirt. Age doesn’t matter to immortals any more than genetics. If it were Aphrodite instead of me, would you think anything of it?”

She blinked. “No. I guess I wouldn’t. But Persephone, you’ve got a very long life ahead of you, and I don’t want you to make any decisions now that will impact you—”

“I’m not stupid.” I sighed and grabbed her hands from the table. “I need you to listen to me.”

She squeezed my hands in response. “I’m listening.”

“The way I feel about him now, I get that it may not last forever. I can’t imagine my feelings ever changing, but I’m not going into this blindly.” I sighed, trying to collect my thoughts. “At what point do I get to stop worrying about the way my choices will impact the rest of my life and start living it?” I let go of her hands and raked my hair back. “We’re drifting apart Mom, and I don’t want to look back and wonder what if, not with Hades.”

“Honey, I’ve never seen Hades look at anyone the way he looks at you.” Mom took a sip of her tea. “He won’t mind waiting until you’re ready.”

“It’s not even him I’m worried about; it’s me.” I spoke too fast, all my thoughts pouring out of me in a jumble. “He might be willing to wait centuries until he thinks I’m ready for a serious relationship, but what if
I’m
not? Mom, I’m different without him. And I don’t mean that in a co-dependent ‘I need him to live’ type way, but to some degree the choices you make and the people you surround yourself with shape who you become, right? I don’t like the person I’m becoming without him.” I took a deep breath. “What if we do wait on pursuing this and the person I become isn’t
me
anymore. What if I could have been someone else? Someone better.”

Mom took a long sip of her tea. I knew the look on her face well enough not to ask any more questions. She was mulling over everything I’d said and trying to phrase her next sentence. Interrupting her thought process seldom improved things.

“I just worry,” she said finally. “The people he loves always get hurt.”

“Isn’t that kind of true for every god?”

“It doesn’t have to be true for you. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“You don’t want me to get hurt?” I laughed. “Where have you been? My entire life’s shattered, and all that’s left are shards that cut and scrape and slice when I try to put it back together. I am
so
past hurt.” I blinked back tears. “I’m completely and utterly broken.”

Mom gave me a sympathetic look. “And you think Hades can fix that?”

I shook my head. “No. But fighting you every time I need to lean on him isn’t helping.”

She let out a slow breath. “Touché.” She stared down at her teacup. “You’ve grown so much.” She bit her lip and blinked rapidly. “It’s bittersweet, you know. Watching you become this strong, independent, powerful young woman.” Mom took a deep breath. “There’s this saying, ‘Mother is God in the eyes of a child.’ You used to have absolute faith in me. You looked at me like I had all the answers in the world.” She smiled and stirred her tea. “You cried every time I dropped you off at preschool, and when I picked you up, you’d hold me
so
tight.” She cleared her throat. “It’s better than worship. It’s potent and pure and utterly addictive.” She raised her eyes and looked at me. “I never wanted to give that up. I never wanted to let you go, but you grew.” Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears. “And I messed
everything
up.”

I slid the necklace back and forth on its chain. “Mom—”

“I should have told you, honey. I should have told you what you are. I should have told Hades about Zeus. I should have handled everything differently. I’m sorry.”

I gave her a hug. “I don’t know that I would be who I am if you had handled it differently. I’m sorry I was mad. I love you.”

“I love you too.” She stroked my hair and took a shaky breath. “But you shouldn’t be here.” She pulled away from me. “It’s not safe.”

I looked up at her, surprised. “I was actually going to talk to you about that. I should stay down there until this gets settled. Then you two can focus on finding Zeus. I wanted to go back to my regular life, but I don’t have a regular life, and I just ended up getting in the way.”

“You weren’t in the way.”

“I’m a distraction. You should be looking for those missing demigods.”

Mom’s eyebrows shot up. “He really tells you everything, doesn’t he?”

I nodded. “As much as I hate having to hide, I’m doing more harm than good here.”

Mom put her cup on the table and grabbed my hand. “I know it feels like you’ve lost something, and that’s mostly my fault. I let you think you were human, so you’re feeling this loss that’s not real. What you have—” she paused, gaze locking with mine like she wanted to make sure she had my attention “—it’s going to be so much better in time. Once all this craziness ends, you’ll find a new normal. You won’t have to hide in the Underworld your whole life either.”

I nodded. “I hope so. Do I have to go back tonight? If I’m going to be staying there, I’d like to bring a few things this time, and I’m really tired.”

“You’ll go first thing in the morning?” she asked.

I nodded. “As soon as the sun comes up.”

She considered for a moment then nodded. “Goodnight sweetheart, I love you.”

“Love you too.” I gave her another hug and went upstairs to my room feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I unclipped my necklace and slipped into pajamas. I’d made things right with Melissa and Orpheus and my mom. Tomorrow I’d set things right with Joel, and assuming the power from the Reapers didn’t burn through me, Hades would have to realize something was going on. I just had to put up with this headache until then. My heavy eyes closed, and I settled in for what I really hoped would be my first Reaper-free night when a heavy weight dropped into my back.