Daughter of Deceit (53 page)

Her words sent a tremor of fear through me, but I said calmly: “She was soon proved to be unreliable.”

“Well, she could have gone too far. She nearly did.”

“Your evidence showed how unbalanced she was, and when she was called back she proved it.”

“She must have heard the servants talking.”

“Talking about … ?”

“Well, they all knew that you was engaged to Mr. Roderick at one time and it was broken off because you thought he was your brother. Then he got married and you found out he wasn’t your brother after all, and you ought to have got married.”

“How do you know all this?”

“Servants always know everything. They pick up bits here and bits there. Then they put it all together and it adds up. They like you. They was looking forward to you and Mr. Roderick getting married. They couldn’t really think much of her. They’d had to put up with Lady Constance all those years, and when I told them you took the blame for that bust, they thought that was really nice. Well, Lady Constance is a great lady … but you can have enough of that. But that Mrs. Claverham … well, she wasn’t enough of a lady. We wanted something in between.”

“You mean … they knew all that, and they didn’t betray it?”

“Well, they answered the questions. They weren’t going to say more than they was asked for.”

“Except Mabel.”

“Well, she wouldn’t know much. She’d picked up bits in her batty way, and she’d got it all muddled.”

“Gertie,” I said, “your evidence made such a difference.”

“I meant it to. I didn’t want trouble no more than any of them did. We didn’t want anything going wrong in the house. Perhaps new people coming … and then what would have become of everyone? And … I never forgot what you did about that bust. I would have been out then … but for you.”

I said: “And what did they really think about Mrs. Claverham’s death?”

“Oh, they reckon she took it herself. It was a mistake, they think. She’d forgotten she had already had it. That’s what they all thought, didn’t they?”

I understood. That was how they wanted it to be. What did they really think was the truth? And did they often think about it?

The shadow of doubt lay across the whole household.

It was a beautiful spring day. I was sitting in the garden with Lady Constance, as I often did. The children were playing on the lawn and I noticed how her eyes followed them.

“They are beautiful children,” she said. “I can see both you and Roderick in them.”

“Can you? I have searched for a resemblance in vain.”

“It’s there. Thank you, my dear. I am so glad you came. I often think back to that time we spent together in our deep dark hole. Now all these people are marvelling at the antiquity as they cross that floor where once we sat, wondering if it was the end for us. It was a turning point in my life, I think.”

“It was the beginning of our friendship, and I was grateful for that.”

“For me it was a revelation.”

Catherine came toddling up to us to show us a daisy she had picked.

“Is that for me?” asked Lady Constance.

Catherine shook her head and held it out to me.

“I have found one, Grandmama.” That was from Roger, who had run up to us. “This is for you.”

I was touched to see her pleasure.

I
thought then how completely happy we should be. I glanced over my shoulder at the window of that room which had been Lisa’s. I could almost imagine I saw her there. It was often so. It is six years since it happened, I said to myself. Will it always be like this?

The children had run off.

“It is good that everything turned out as it did,” said Lady Constance.

“We have been happy,” I replied.

“As we never could have been if … We have to forget that time, Noelle. It grows farther and farther from us. But I know you can’t forget … entirely.”

“Can you?”

She shook her head. “I remember at times. It comes back and there it stays. I say: Go away. You have caused enough trouble in your lifetime. I am glad … glad that she died, Noelle. It was best for her … and best for us all.”

“She might have been cured.”

“She would never have been completely well. I could not bear to have been without these grandchildren. There will be Claverhams here for generations to come. It is the future that is important, but I remember, and shall go on remembering.”

She lay back in her chair and did not speak. For some time there was silence, and when I looked, her eyes were closed.

I thought she was sleeping, but after a while I began to grow alarmed.

I spoke to her gently. There was no answer. I laid a hand on her arm. She did not move.

I summoned help. We got her to bed and called the doctor.

She had had a heart attack, but she recovered after a few days. She was still very weak and Dr. Doughty said she must rest.

He talked rather seriously to us. “She’ll have to go carefully,” he said. “She’s doing too much. Make her rest. I know it is not easy to make Lady Constance do anything she doesn’t want to, but I think it is necessary, and you will have to be firm.”

“Do you think she is going to get well?”

“The heart is a vital organ, you know. She had a big shock at the time of the first Mrs. Claverham’s death. I know she appeared to weather the storm, but I noticed it had an effect on her. Make sure she goes very slowly, and let me know at once if there is any sign of trouble.”

She had certainly grown frail. She stayed in her room a great deal. I used to take the children to see her each afternoon. That was the highlight of her day.

It was evening. The children had come to say good night to her before their nurse took them off to bed.

She said: “Stay with me, Noelle.”

She was lying back in her pillows. The children had exhausted her, though she would not admit it. She looked vulnerable … a word I should not have thought to apply to her.

“I want to talk to you,” she said. “I want Roderick, too. I want to talk to you both.”

“He should be home very soon,” I told her.

She smiled and nodded.

I was waiting for Roderick when he came home. We embraced and clung together, as we always do, even after a brief parting. We have not ceased to be grateful for being together. The uncertainty of the past still lingers.

I said: “Something must have happened. Your mother is very anxious to talk to us.”

“Is she worse?” he asked in alarm.

“She’s different. I think we ought to go to her at once.”

Her face lit up as we entered. I sat on one side of the bed, Roderick on the other.

She said: “I want to talk to you both. I have a feeling that there is not much time left and there is something I wish to say.”

“Don’t tire yourself, Mother,” said Roderick.

She smiled at him with faint exasperation. “I am always tired now, Roderick. Now you two are married and are very happy. I knew it was the right thing. I knew it had to be. It is quite a long time now since that happened … but everything is not as it should be … not quite, is it? Sometimes it is as though she is
actually here. I can’t forget her. Nor can you. She would never have gone. She was determined to stay. She was a schemer by nature. She was going to ruin life for you … for me … for everyone … as long as she had what she wanted.”

I said: “She had a hard time. She had to fight her way. The stage was her life.”

” ‘All the world’s a stage,’ ” quoted Lady Constance dreamily, ‘ ‘And all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts.’ Ah, we have all played our parts. I have. I wanted the best for you, my son. You were of the greatest importance to me. It was never easy for me to show the depth of my feelings. I could not bring myself to it, although at times I tried. I think I have been a little better since Noelle and I faced death in that dark hole. When I knew that everything was not right between your father and myself, you became everything … I would have died for you. I wanted you to make the right marriage. I wanted to see your children growing up. I have been given that blessing and I have you, my dear Noelle, as my daughter. So … there is nothing else I could wish for, you might think. All my dreams have come true. But that woman haunts me. Roderick, I said I would have died for you. I would have killed for you.”

There was a brief silence. I could see that Roderick was horrified.

She went on: “Yes, I killed her. I went to her on that day. I talked to her. I begged her to let Roderick go. I tried to reason with her. She told me she would never, never release him. She was going to stay here. She shouted. Perhaps that was what the servant girl heard and thought it was you, Roderick, at whom she was shouting. She knew I hated her. Well, she said she hated me, too. Then suddenly, in her anger, she moved sharply. I saw her face distorted with pain. I could see that she was in acute agony. ‘Give me … my pills,’ she gasped. Something within me said: Now is the moment. It’s the opportunity. You can change everything. There might never be another chance. I poured the water into the glass. I took out the bottle of pills. I tipped them into the water … five … six … it might have been seven. They took a
little time to dissolve. She was moaning. I gave them to her … and she drank. Then I took the glass and put it back on the top of the cabinet. I watched her for a few seconds. She lay back gasping. I could see she was growing a little quieter. I left her. Then … Gertie went in and found her dead.”

I could see that Roderick was as shocked as I was.

We were both speechless while Lady Constance stared ahead, her eyes fixed in space. I knew she was living it all again.

She gripped our hands.

“I’ve told you. It is as though a great weight has been lifted from my mind.”

“You did it for us,” said Roderick.

“And for myself. Oh, how happy these last years could have been if I had not had to kill to reach them.”

She lay back in her pillows. The emotion and effort of talking had exhausted her and she was breathing with difficulty.

“It is all over now,” said Roderick. “Nothing can change it. Try to rest.” He turned to me. “I think we had better call Dr. Doughty.”

“No,” she said. “I feel better … relieved. I haven’t told you everything yet. I have written to the coroner’s court. I didn’t know if that is the right people to tell, but it will no doubt suffice. It will go to the right hands. It is a long time since it happened. Do you think they will remember? You see, it’s here in this house. I have to rid the house of it … suspicion … uncertainty … doubt. There may be some who suspect you, Roderick … and you, Noelle. That has worried me a lot. When we left that courtroom I was exultant. I did not think beyond that at the time. We were free. It was over. I had triumphed. And I did … to a certain extent. But it was not as simple as I had thought it would be. And then, when I had that attack, I thought I could go at any minute. I knew I had to tell, otherwise the secret would go with me to the grave, and for the rest of your lives this doubt would hang over you. It has to be told. You know the truth. And so must others. It is not good enough to tell just you. In a way I am not sorry for what I did. There was something evil about her. She would never have gone. I could see that in her face. She cared only
for her own advantage. I had to do it. Sometimes I say to myself: I have committed murder, but good came out of it.”

She died three days later. We were very sad. She had been so much a part of our lives.

Roderick said: “We must put the past behind us. We must forget.”

“Yes,” I answered. “Perhaps we shall, in time.” It was true that Lisa had had an evil effect on our lives. She had been responsible for my mother’s death, yet I could not help finding excuses for her. I suppose there are excuses for us all. But she is dead now, and we must obey the command of Lady Constance. We have come to happiness and we must forget by what dark road we had to travel to reach it.