Dating Down (6 page)

The Meet—April

April comes with me to the café,

orders a vanilla latté

sugar-free

with soymilk

and extra foam

in a to-go cup

even though she's sticking around.

Could she be more high maintenance?

She giggles a lot

like she's the one with the crush.

The old giddy April,

bubbling out from underneath

faded black hair

brooding eye make-up

dark fingernails

crimson-stained lips.

X casts a simple spell

over April, he bewitches,

enchants.

The meet at Café Hex.

Her take—

Seems so mature.

Not like Ralph.

Did you see all the people that came in just
to talk to him?

He's the café's biggest attraction!

I smile, happy to have won her approval.

The Meet—Gavin

It's Gavin's seventeenth birthday party.

Bring a date!

At the Sock 'n' Bowl

a Laundromat in the back

bowling alley in the front

'80s formals theme.

I show up with X.

Him—makeshift tux and Chuck Taylors.

Me—yellow corsage X got at his
special
flower shop.

It clashes with my purple and black dress

but complements my diamond earrings

the gems I took

from Jane's jewelry box

never to return.

My gift to me.

We sing
Happy Birthday

then flasks come out

spiking sodas and juices

as moods lighten.

Time rolls by

as bowling scores decline.

Gavin:
sm
I get it.

Me:
sm
What?

Gavin:
sm
He's got that dangerous side.

Points to my wrist corsage.

Gavin:
sm
He five-fingered your flowers.

I tell him to stop creating stories.

Just admit it. You like him!

Gavin admits

the flowers smell beautiful

he has a flair for drama

X isn't so bad after all.

Gavin:
sm
Although he mentioned using

sleight of hand to acquire your corsage.

He buries his nose in my wrist bouquet.

Gavin:
sm
I could've misheard.

He was on the phone.

Me:
sm
I'm sure you did.

And it's all good.

Just like I knew it would be.

Looking for Ralph

April:
sm
I can't find Ralph.

Me:
sm
Did you check the men's room?

April:
sm
I can't go in there!

We would ask Gavin, but he's busy

making out with George by the shoe return.

Me:
sm
What about the Laundromat?

X:
sm
I'll go look.

X disappears

as Ralph returns stinking of pot.

But before April can read him the riot act

X returns saying

he has to go.

Please tell me this boy is not dumping me in front of

all my friends. Leaving me

stranded and humiliated in front of my toughest critics.

Another party.

He'd committed to weeks ago.

Has to be there.

Imperative.

He feels bad.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

Gavin:
sm
Why don't we all go?

X wears this

sm
weird look
sm
pained glance
sm
nervous smile

then

we all go

to the party.

What a High School Party Isn't

Two-bedroom apartment

Wicker Park

three girls

zero parents

X walks through the door like he's home

me

Gavin

April

George

Ralph

follow him up the narrow staircase.

Noise grows

louder

louderlouder

louderlouderlouder

until we're greeted by

cigarettes

beer

sweat

sticky

dense

air

wall-to-wall people

crouched on furniture

balancing drinks and cigarettes.

A wet film coats the floor.

My shoes leave prints in it.

Red plastic cups rest

in windowsills,

on tables,

tumbled over.

X sees a girl, leaves me there, stupid,

standing beside my high school friends

in '80s formals.

I try to talk to Gavin,

but the music's too loud.

I've been to high school parties before,

and high school this isn't.

Diamonds in the Rough

I'm a statue,

sweet

sm
solid

stuck

in a cheesy prom dress.

Could this get anymore uncomfortable?

People avoid us

either because we're obviously underage

or because it's too crowded.

As I place my corsage in my purse

a girl appears, admires my earrings.

Queen Vanilla's pillow-cut diamond studs.

I tell my new friend, Betty, they're fake.

Betty:
sm
You guys come from Prom or something?

Gavin:
sm
Tonight is cause for celebration!

Betty:
sm
Oh yeah?

Betty takes a long draw from her cigarette.

Gavin tells her it's his birthday.

Betty's friend, Madison, tells Gavin he's cute.

Betty:
sm
Madison loves the boys.

So does Jessica.

She points to a girl flirting with X.

Betty:
sm
Good ole Hefner.

sm
Eye roll
sm
laughter
sm
my head starts to ache.

Gavin:
sm
And you?

Betty:
sm
I'm not so easily won over.

Gavin takes Betty's comment as a challenge,

dances away with the ladies.

Me:
sm
He's gay!

I yell.

No luck.

They're drunk.

I'm stuck.

Besides, Gavin's great with girls

and, it appears

so is X.

Upon Where I Start Livin' the Life

George is MIA

Ralph is glassy-eyed

April looks anxious to go home

I do too, after seeing
Jessica
.

Don't want to drink

don't want to think

don't want a hangover

just want to paint.

Then X returns holding two red cups.

X:
sm
For my favorite new friend.

He gives one to April.

X:
sm
And my favorite female ever.

He leans in

sm
smells my skin

tells me I'm a sexier picture

than anything some French Post-Impressionist could paint.

My heart pounds

sm
palms sweat

thoughts race,

so I drink up.

Burns going down

lightens me up

I relax.

X wraps his arms around me and we

move in and out of the crowd.

Quickly, I'm feeling fantastic

like Gauguin greatness

a million-dollar mural.

X chats with guys, girls,

high-fives something into their hands.

Everyone knows him

happy to see him

and because I'm with him,

happy to see me too.

I'm not a high school girl

crashing this party.

I'm the girlfriend of X and

I'm livin' the life.

The Bathroom

Drinking, drinking, I'm so thirsty!

Now I have to pee.

Waiting for the single bathroom,

I lean against the wall to see.

Blurry, dizzy, I'm so silly

knocking photos down.

A crash.

We laugh.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I fumble with the frame to hang it,

but oh so many nails.

Which one is the real one?

Which ones are the spinning ones?

I take the photo to the bathroom,

sit upon the pot.

An image of a little girl

holding her daddy's arm.

This must be a girl that lived here

before she threw these fetes.

She was just a little girl

who held her daddy's hand.

I close my eyes and think about this

until I get the spins.

Next, I vomit in the toilet

Oops!

the alcohol wins.

I set the frame upon the sink

and leave to find my friends.

Bye-bye little girl so sweet.

Bye-bye daddy holding her hand.

With Gavin

4:30 in the morning

sneaking into Gavin's house

we shush each other quietly.

Gavin shushes me

sm
I shush April

April shushes the door handle.

We tiptoe through the living room

down the stairs

to the basement,

Gavin's bedroom.

By shushing we become noisy.

Luckily, Gavin's parents are heavy sleepers.

Me:
sm
Happy Birthday.

Lying in the room

in a borrowed

T-shirt and sleeping bag,

I whisper to Gavin.

April's already asleep

snoring,

her black eyeliner smudged around her eyes.

I roll over, about to go to sleep when

my friend whispers

almost inaudible

very faintly

super quietly,

Gavin:
sm
I like him.

Does he want me to hear?

or not?

I close my eyes and dream of red plastic cups

stacked to the sky

forming

something big
.

Freewheeling

On the last day of classes X pulls

into the high school parking lot

on a Vespa.

Everyone checks us out.

Even Ted mutters something

to one of his jock-head friends

over his shoulder

under his breath

behind my back

as I walk by.

I pretend not to hear him.

It's been over between us for ages.

Well, in high school time, that is.

Me:
sm
Nice wheels.

When did he buy a Vespa?

X:
sm
Just borrowing it.

And, off we go,

racing through the streets of Chicago

wind flying through the pieces of hair

wiggling out from under my helmet.

I think fast

fun

crazy

lawless

thoughts

as X speeds in and out of lanes

gliding

onto Lake Shore Drive.

X:
sm
You ready for this?

I wrap my arms tighter around his waist, kiss his neck.

This means
Yes
.

Yes

Wherever we're about to go

whatever we're about to do,

Yes
.

Up Ashland Avenue

down West Webster

over a bridge,

Yes
.

X signals with his arm because his blinker is broken.

In flux.

He takes off his helmet

pulls a latch

opens a square lid perfectly hidden within the bridge.

He jumps down

holds out his hand and

I follow him into the alcove.

Closing the lid—there we are—under the bridge

floating above the Chicago river.

Hidden away in our private Paris along the Seine,

Oui
.

I gasp.

Before I can ask, X covers my lips with his fingers,

kisses me hard
sm
wet
sm
intense

causing a dizzy
sm
warm
sm
swirl

in my head.

Something big is on its way
…

His hands run underneath my shirt,

unclasp my bra.

My hands move through his hair

and I pull

close

closer

closest

to him yet.

Sex

My bra

my shirt

the late-May air.

His hands

my body

the canvas of me.

The shivers

the glances

does he like what he sees?

He smiles a leaky smile

and I wonder—

Am I like the wafting desire in his roommate's lyric?

Am I still his
cutie
?

Am I ready for what's to come?

Just then—a banging—people

walking over the bridge

over our heads

totally unaware that we're

under here

nestled in our own little built-in cubbyhole.

X:
sm
It's a secret maintenance area.

He touches me.

X:
sm
The city never locks the latch, so we have to be quiet.

sm
It's public
breaking
private
breaking
totally sexy

and that's when I know

all these things I probably shouldn't be doing

I am going to do

because he is the one

who knows about these things

painting the town

footloose and fancy free

livin' the life.

He pulls out a condom

sm
kissing me

rubbing against me

unzipping my pants

and what we do next

sm
is one of the many things

I've been waiting to learn.

I follow his lead and

together we

crash

back and forth

bodies bumping slowly.

His kisses consume me, making me hot

warmed from the inside out.

A flame

sm
sparking

igniting

growing

blazing

sm
thundering

shattering

all that's within me.

I feel closer to him than any other human.

His breath,

hot like lava

along my cheek.

X:
sm
God, I love you.

And then I melt just as he

shivers into me.

When we put our clothes back on and pop out of

our cubbyhole

the Vespa's being towed.

X watches it go.

That's when I learn

the vehicle

wasn't borrowed.

It was registered as

stolen.