Dating a Metro Man (6 page)

He challenged her at every turn, irritated her with his unshakable self-confidence, but still she longed for him. She wanted to feel that deep unrestrained connection, even though she had sorely resented it when it happened the first time.

Seth’s physical rejections when they dated had wounded the woman in her and made her feel unwanted. His reluctance had made her insecure and distrustful of her ability to hold the interest of the men she had dated while attempting to replace him.

But the problem now was simply pride.

Only a few minutes of Seth’s lovemaking had proven irrevocably that all those endless months and days of working to get over him had meant nothing. She especially hated that she’d had a total orgasmic melt-down from just his mouth on her, and hated that Seth had gloried in it though the end result had been to her benefit.

And her heart still hurt from having sex without the emotional closeness she dreamed would accompany the act with a man she wanted that much. Though Jenna had to admit that an absence of love on her part certainly wasn’t stopping her from wanting everything else.

No. What they had wasn’t love, Jenna thought. She didn’t know what it was, but it wasn’t love—or least it wasn’t what Jenna thought of as love. There was no genuine concern for each other’s lives, no mutual plans, or shared goals as a couple. What they had was nothing like the relationship she had imagined with him when they had met, but there was only one bottom line that needed to be addressed now. She had been intimate with Seth Carter once, and she wanted him again. The decision now was about whether or not it was worth trying to have him again.

Jenna swung shaking legs out of bed and trudged to the bathroom, turning on the hot water in the shower before pausing to glare at her own reflection over the sink.

This was the third time this week she’d awakened before five in the middle of a climax, feeling an invisible and extremely aroused Seth moving in and out of her like—well, she didn’t know what it was like. It had never been like that for her before. But he’d been determined. Relentless. Harder and more precise inside her than any man she’d ever known.

Stop it
, Jenna scolded herself,
feeling herself quiver in anticipation just thinking about it
.

Sex with Seth was a like a drug she’d accidentally ingested, and now she was in desperate need of another fix.

*** *** ***

At seven that evening, Jenna stood resolutely outside Seth’s apartment looking for the courage to ring the doorbell. Her hesitation reminded her too much of the last time she’d stood out here worrying in that stupid tight blue dress and torturous heels hoping to seduce him. Evidently he’d been in a different mental place about them then because she had failed, and failed miserably.

It had been a month after that failure before she had been able to bring herself to wear any kind of damn dress again. And when she did manage it finally, all she’d thought about was him.

Lifting her chin, Jenna firmly chastised herself for going there. That was water under the bridge, she told herself. A different time. Certainly a different story and outcome.

She’d come to talk with Seth and figure out where they stood now that they knew what was between them and what could be again. Whatever came of the conversation Jenna fully intended to have with him this evening, she hoped that it at least would dispel the dreams that were costing her sleep.

You are not an emotional coward, Jenna Ranger
,
she reminded herself.

To prove it, she pushed the doorbell several times to make sure Seth heard it no matter where he was in the house.

The doorbell woke Seth from his second or third depressed nap on the couch that day. He wasn’t expecting anyone, and random sales people were banned from his housing complex.

Thinking Casey must have left his key at home, he got up and stumbled to the door, bleary-eyed and resigned to talking to his worried cousin. Lack of sleep was starting to take its toll, but he knew Casey would never leave him alone if he didn’t convince him he was at least marginally surviving.

“What the hell, Casey? Did you forget your key again?” Seth demanded, yanking open the door.

The last person he expected to see was standing in front in him.

“Can I come in?” Jenna asked quietly. She tore her gaze away from his to look over his shoulder, which wasn’t easy to do with the differences in their heights.

“I thought you were Casey,” Seth said, fading off. He couldn’t stop staring at Jenna.

Blood was pumping hard to get his brain to register her presence even though he remained frozen and unable to move. In the last week, Seth had concluded that Jenna was never going to speak to him again in this life. Not after what he had done to her. She hadn’t even been able to look at him when he slunk away that day.

“Sorry,” Seth said, shaking his head and reining in his emotions so he could act mostly civilized with her. “Sure. Come on in. Excuse the house, I’ve—my housekeeper left me to run off and marry your mother. I have to find a new one.”

His attempt at humor had Jenna smiling slightly, but it didn’t diffuse the tension between them. It also didn’t stop his heart from trying to beat its way out of his chest.

Jenna walked by Seth, careful not to touch him, but hyper aware anyway. She noticed Seth was unshaven and dressed in ratty clothes that looked two sizes too big on his lean frame. Something soft for him nudged her to care, but she pushed away the concern.

Her reaction was probably because she’d never seen Seth this unkempt in the whole time they’d dated. Seth had been all manicured, business perfection each time they’d been together. Most of the time the man had looked better maintained than she in his dress clothes and business suits. Jenna had felt obligated to get her mother’s help to improve her own appearance when she was with him.

“I think we need to talk,” Jenna began.

Then Jenna looked hard at him before stopping to sigh as she closed her eyes in self-defense. It was really hard to look at Seth without wanting to climb him like a tree and demand that he have sex with her again, even in his present condition. She was completely ashamed of the urge, but truth was, Jenna would tolerate just about anything to have the man for real one more time.

She looked at the floor instead of at him, and thought of her own floor. Jenna closed her eyes once more, this time cursing her imagination. This was so not going the way she wanted.

“Okay—here’s the thing, Seth. I can’t stop thinking about the day we were together. I even dream about it,” Jenna said baldly.

Seth walked away from Jenna to the patio door, crossing his arms and looking out.
She has a right to be upset about it
, he reminded himself.
Take it like a man and let her have her say.

Seth nodded, keeping his back to Jenna. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I didn’t control myself that day. What I did was completely selfish, and if I could take back that day I would.”

He turned to face her when he could bring himself to look in her face without flinching. “There are a lot of things I would take back if I could just rewind the clock with you. I can only ask you to believe that I never meant to hurt you by anything I did. Maybe one day you’ll be able to believe it.”

Jenna wiped a hand over her face. She should be enjoying the fact that Seth was tortured and feeling guilty about what had happened. Instead, all she wanted was to soothe him. Damn the man. It was like there was a soft spot in her where concern for him bloomed like a flower in a field of rampant, invasive weeds.

Lots of half-answers and evasions warred inside her before Jenna found the courage to be true to herself, and truthful with him. She was tired of not telling Seth Carter how she really felt—not that she expected it to change anything.

Jenna put her hands on her hips and looked at the tortured man she still longed for.

“Yeah. You were harder inside me than any man I’ve ever known. It hurt quite a bit that first time, but I still want you again anyway,” she said, frowning and sighing. “I guess some women are just stupid about stuff like that. Or at least I seem to be where you’re concerned.”

Seth couldn’t have looked more stunned if Jenna had slapped him. He wasn’t even sure he heard her right. Maybe he was just hearing what he wanted to hear.

Jenna would have laughed if the urge to scream hadn’t been so pressing. The feeling of shame about how they had come together grew stronger. It only made her more determined to do whatever it took to rid herself of at least that one negative emotion about this man.

“But I heard—” Seth began, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat, “I heard you crying when I left, while I was standing in the hall.”

“I was angry and resentful of what happened and—and of how it happened without me being mentally prepared to deal with it,” Jenna told him fiercely. “It took me months to get over you, Seth. I was finally starting to get my old life back. You messed that up by forcibly reminding me of the chemistry between us. I’m still angry about the way you seduced me, and I haven’t forgiven you yet.”

Seth met her gaze, trying to understand, but her logic eluded him. “If you’re still that mad about us having sex, then why are you here?”

“Because—damn it, Seth—I still want you,” Jenna said sadly, but proudly. “I don’t like you. I certainly don’t trust you. I don’t want to stay all night or date you or anything normal that’s supposed to be between two people. This sexual attraction I feel for you pisses me off in ways I can’t begin to explain, but heaven help me, I want you inside me again despite all that. I want you so badly I can barely function for thinking about it all the time.”

Seth ran a hand over his face. It was his worst nightmare come true. Jenna didn’t want to be in his life. But it was also his perfect fantasy that Jenna was aching to be with him.

What did it say about his own self-respect, he wondered, that he was actually thinking that sleeping with her might be enough for him as well? It was barely half of what he truly wanted, but hell—maybe he could at least sleep again.

“So it looks like you and I have the same problem. Are you suggesting we do something to fix it? What exactly do you want from me?” Seth asked carefully. He had to work hard to keep his relief and his rapidly returning excitement from being too obvious.

Jenna kicked a piece of carpet lint with the toe of her leather shoe. She hadn’t thought about what would happen if Seth didn’t throw a fit or throw her out. His quiet question about what she wanted was a surprise to her. Beyond being sexual with him again, she didn’t want anything. How could she ever tell him that without sounding like a heartless bitch?

She looked resentfully at his calm, relaxed stance. Always the businessman, Jenna thought resentfully, watching Seth stand by patiently while she made up her mind. He seemed to be simply waiting to see what kind of deal she wanted to make. Well he was in for a shock.

“I guess I want you to be my damn booty call,” Jenna answered at last. “But that’s all I want from you.”

Jenna thought Seth once again looked like she’d slapped him.

“Your booty call? You mean you want to be involved with me for just sex? Even though you’re still mad at me?” Seth watched as Jenna nodded yes. “I have to admit I never saw that offer coming. People don’t usually want sex with partners they hate. So how do you see it working? Did you want me to sign a contract?” Seth finally asked, sarcastic and only half joking.

After Casey practically calling him effeminate, Jenna’s idea about him being only good for sex was at least a small step up for his ego. The biggest trouble Seth was having with the deal was that Jenna had concluded he was good in bed, but not good enough to spend time with out of it. There had to be more to her feelings for him than just sex, Seth thought. He just couldn’t imagine Jenna was that calculating a person or that she had so little faith in love.

“Are you still getting those daily feeds from that dictionary site?” Jenna asked with a hesitant smile, trying to give both of them a little time to think about her suggestion. He’d sent her the link to the booty call contract one day and she’d laughed about it. Now it wasn’t so funny.

“Yes,” Seth said simply. “Some of the new terms that get submitted still make me laugh.”

Jenna smiled for real at that. Seth used to text her the latest new terms and what they meant. It often put a smile on her face as well, but being that kind of friendly would just lead to trouble—and more heartache.

“I wouldn’t make you sign a booty call contract if you promise to abide by the spirit of it,” Jenna said easily, getting into the idea now, which more and more seemed like a good solution to her. She could get all she wanted of him and finally get Seth out of her system. “Look at my offer as a business arrangement, Seth. I know how serious you are about your business deals. I want to have sex with you, but nothing else. Could you live with that?”

“Give me a minute,” Seth said, turning back to look out the patio door. Instead of seeing his courtyard, he ended up watching Jenna bite her lip in the reflection. It was a dead giveaway that Jenna was not at all sure she wanted what she was asking for, which was reason enough to consider it.

Seth figured it’d be a toss up between them as to who got tired of the deal first.

The thing making him hesitate was the thought that maybe he should say no on principal. After all, he was in love with Jenna. He wanted to marry her and make babies with her. He’d told her that. A sex-only relationship was not even in the same ballpark as his other long-term goals for them.

Still—it seemed like it might be a way, especially since it was Jenna’s idea and not his, to finish his remaining time-consuming business without offending Jenna with how much time it consumed. Jenna wouldn’t be involved enough in his life to be offended by his need to take a phone call at odd times now and again. But maybe he could use their strictly sexual relationship to keep Jenna bound to him in a much stronger way than merely dating as friends ever would have anyway. This might keep her with him until he was completely free to romance her and convince her to marry him.