Date Me (40 page)

“Really!? I was on the list? Who put me on the list?”

“Uh, I don’t remember. So anyway, Logan is cute, but he kinda hates me. Which might make it difficult. Aiden is into some other girl. And then there’s Jake. I think he should be my first target. Plus it would have the added bonus of revenge.”

“Baby.”

“What?”

“You deserve more than that.”

“Oh, I know, I just don't want it. I'm done with boys toying with my emotions.”

“I don't think you should.”

“Why?”

“Guys don't like sluts.”

“You like sluts.”

“Yeah, short term, but not long term.”

“Exactly! I want short term. The shorter the better. Uh, and when I say short, I’m referring to the length of the relationship, not the length of his
you know what
.” I smile at him and raise my eyebrows.

“What am I gonna do with you?”

“Just what you've been doing. Picking up the pieces of what's left of me.”

“Dawson wants you back.”

“Well, this is about what I want. And tonight I wanna get fucked up. In more ways than one. You in?”

“I'm always in.”

“Good, tonight’s gonna be fun.”

Monday, October 17th

Maybe it was a lot of puke.

7am

I wake up feeling horrible. My head is pounding and I feel sick.

Last night. Oh, last night.

I don’t think I want to remember it.

I lie in bed and look through my Facebook feed to see if there is anything on there I need to be embarrassed about.

Fortunately, I don’t find anything.

Then I take a quick look at my emails. I scroll through all the sale ads and see one from Grandpa. It’s one line.

-So, Hotshot, did you find yourself yet? Cause we haven’t heard from you.

I feel bad that I haven’t emailed Grandma and Grandpa for a while.

I reply.

-I’m working on it. Sorry I haven’t emailed in a while. It’s been busy.

Grandpa, I have a question for you. What’s the difference between love and true love?

I want to add,
And why can’t I seem to find it
?

But I don’t.

My mind flits back to last night.

I’m pretty sure I was the life of the party.

And
not
in a good way.

I remember telling Bryce to go get the good stuff out of his room. Doing shots. Dancing with Jake and Bryce in front of Whitney and Dawson.

Kissing Bryce.

Kissing Jake.

No. Really, I was making out with Jake.

We were dancing. His hands were all over me. My hands were all over him. I didn’t care who saw or what anyone thought. I had one mission.

To get laid and forget about Dawson.

To hurt him back.

Jake pulled me onto his lap. I was straddling him. Making out with him. Giving him a drunken lap dance. Dallas was putting dollar bills in my skirt.

Ugghh.

I throw my covers back, get out of bed, and turn on the shower.

I pull the hairband out of my ponytail and shake out my hair.

Oh gosh, my hair smells like puke.

Which makes me feel like I could throw up.

Again.

I shower, grab a towel, and stand in front of the mirror and dry myself off.

I stare at myself in the mirror to judge how bad I look.

I’m going to have to dress nice today. Pretend that I feel fine. That I’m not embarrassed.

But as I dry myself off, I see that I have three little hickeys. One on the side of my neck and two more on my chest near my bra line.

I remember Jake was sucking down the side of my neck.

I remember giggling as he was kissing down the front of me.

I’m also pretty sure that’s when Dawson got pissed and left.

I very clearly remember telling Jake I wanted to go back to his room. That we should have revenge sex. I even told him that I wanted to, um, do it. But I used the F-word.

And I never say anything like that. Not even with molten-lava-hot-asshole Dawson. I’ve said that I want him, but never used that word to describe it. Ever.

I remember Jake telling me we’d go soon.

I was feeling groovy, as Brooklyn's dad would say.

Well, I was until I wasn't.

All of a sudden, the alcohol I'd consumed hit me.

I remember telling Jake I didn't feel so good while we were on the chair kissing, but he didn’t stop.

I’m pretty sure that’s about when I puked all over Aiden’s room.

Then it all gets blurry.

Riley holding me.

Riley taking me to his room. Riley holding my hair while I puked. Riley waking me up this morning at four and sneaking me behind the dorms and then through my window.

I put on a lot of eye cream and concealer to hide my puffy eyes, use the concealer to hide the hickeys, then go into my closet to try and find something to wear.

I dig through my closet and decide I just can’t do it. I don’t care what I look like today. I know Kym always says that looking good helps cure a hangover, but I just can’t do it.

I grab the plaid skort, a long sleeved white T-shirt, and the black cardigan, since black fits my mood. I add some black knitted thigh highs to keep my legs warm and a pair of red suede fringe boots.

Okay, so those might make me feel a little better. I grab my red furry Longchamp bag and pet it. Decide it needs to come with me too.

I go back in the bathroom to throw on some powder and mascara and brush my wet hair.

I add some sea salt spray and scrunch it into waves.

I look in the mirror and decide that it’s just going to have to do.

Katie had an early morning Spanish Club meeting, so she was gone before I even got up.

There’s a knock at my door.

I open it and find Riley with
Revive
Smart Water, pumpkin bread, and Advil.

“You are a life saver,” I say, grabbing the Advil from him and downing it.

As we walk to history, he says, “So, I’m thinking breakups and shots are not a good mix for you.”

“No shit. Do I need to die of embarrassment now?”

“You have ceramics with Jake this morning. That ought to be interesting.” He starts laughing. He seems to think this is just so freaking funny. “I think you may have gotten a little puke on Jake last night.”

“Oh, god.”

“Okay, well, maybe it was
a lot
of puke.”

“Just kill me now, Riley. What would be a fun way to die?”

He tosses his arm around my shoulder. “Oh, no. I'm not killing you. You're too much fun.”

“You held my hair while I puked.”

“Yeah, baby, that's okay.”

“Thank you. In case I didn't thank you last night. Like, during the puking.”

“Oh, you thanked me. You bawled, thanking me.”

“I bawled?”

“Oh, yeah. You had a drunken bawling meltdown. You kept thanking me for not being a stupid boy. You cried about the surfer and the orange, fake-boobed slut. You cried because you have a monkey nickname. I have no idea what that was all about. You cried about wishing on the moon and how since then your life has been shit. You cried about Dawson. About how you hate love. About how you are love cursed.” He licks his lips and smiles. “You want to be embarrassed about something, that’s what you should be embarrassed about. And that I changed your shirt. Did you even notice you were wearing my shirt this morning?”

“Uh, no.”

“I swear. I didn't look.” He laughs. “Well, not too much, anyway.”

“I love you, seriously. You're still my hero.”

“Yeah, I know. You told me that about a million times too.”

“I owe you.”

“Naw. That was me paying you back because my brother was an asshole. We’re even, okay?”

“Okay. Riley?”

“Yeah?”

“Don't ever let me do that again.”

Have fun, no strings.

Ceramics.

I should skip ceramics, but I don’t.

I drop my bag down on the table I share with Bryce and Jake. Neither of them is here yet. Maybe I’ll get lucky and they’ll both be sick.

But I’m not lucky today.

Bryce strolls into the room with Jake right behind him.

Shit.

What am I supposed to say? Do I apologize for puking on him? Or should I pretend I was so drunk that I don’t remember. I mean, really, I don’t actually remember that part. I could try to giggle and flirt with them. Go with the I-was-so-drunk routine that always seemed to excuse all the things Vanessa had done the night before.

Or maybe I’ll go with how I feel. The poor-pathetic-feel-sorry-for-me-because-my-boyfriend-dumped-me-so-I-got-drunk route. And the best part of that route is I won’t even have to act. It’s just the truth.

Bryce pats me on the back. “How we feeling, there, slugger? Remember kissing me last night?”

I keep my head down and groan slightly. That way I don’t have to look at them directly.

Jake bumps my side with his hip.

I look up at him then cover my face with my hand.

He says, “So . . . last night was, um, interesting.”

“I’m told I may have puked on you. I’m very sorry and extremely embarrassed.”

He pulls my hand off my face and smiles at me. “That’s kinda my fault. You told me you didn’t feel good. But I was pretty drunk and having too much fun.”

“Hopefully that means you don’t remember some of the things I may have said.”

His blushes a little. “Oh, that I do remember. Revenge sex. Revenge sex. Let’s have revenge sex. You’re lucky I’m a nice guy.”

“I didn’t want you to be a nice guy last night. Why were you?”

“Umm, well, me and Dawes are friends. And it’s cool we stayed friends even though I was dating Whitney. Kissing you was one thing, but sex would’ve been another.”

“The whole
bros before hoes
thing, huh?”

“Well, you’re my friend too. And you were drunk. You never get drunk. You always have fun and party, but you always seem like you know when to stop—before it gets ugly.”

“I like to get tipsy, but I don’t like that out of control drunk feeling, and I hate being hung over.”

“You a little hung over today?” He laughs at me.

“What do you think?”

“So last night was just about getting back at Dawson?”

“No. I mean, maybe, kinda. Plus, I decided I just want to have fun. No strings. Strings do nothing but get you hurt.” I sigh. A really big sigh.

Jake leans his arm on the table next to me and puts his fist under his chin. “You don’t really seem like that type of girl.”

“I never have been, but it makes sense.”

“You’re a good kisser.”

“From what I remember, you are too. I heard when things didn’t work out with Whitney and Dawson that she said she wanted you back.”

“She did. And she was pissed I was kissing you. But what she did to both of us pretty much sucked. So, I don’t really care.”

“Do you want her back?”

“Not at all. Can I tell you a secret?”

“Yeah.”

“This weekend, Maggie and I talked in the library for a really long time. You know, about you and Dawson. About Whitney. She is really nice. And really pretty. And making out with you was a whole lot of fun. I’m thinking I just want to be single.”

Bryce asks, “So you gonna get back together with Dawson? He’s miserable.”

“I don’t know. Right now it just hurts. He promised me that he didn’t care about her anymore. So, no matter what he says now I’m not going to believe him.”

“I’m glad you showed me the texts.”

Bryce interrupts. “Plus, we got the video, so, ya know, some good came out of it.”

“Everyone saw the video, didn’t they? The video of me acting like a slut.” I put my face back down in my hands and mutter, “I hate boys.”

“Better not hate me,” Jake says.

“Better never date me then.”

I was happy with you.

Lunch.

I sit down at a table all by myself. I don’t want company today. I want to wallow in aloneness.

This is the kind of day when you wish you could stay home from school and pretend to be sick. I suppose I could’ve pretended to be sick. Maybe I still can.

Dawson sits down next to me. “We need to talk, Keatie. Seriously.”

I take a bite of the calorie-laden fried chicken strips that I got for lunch today. They taste disgusting. “I’m really not in the mood to talk right now.”

“When, then? After school? Please, Keatie?”

“Dawson, you don’t even get it, do you? Do you know how embarrassing this is for me? I was going to take you home to meet my parents. You swore that you loved me and that you were over her. I have never felt so embarrassed of my decisions in my life.”

“Jeez, I know, okay. How would you feel if your surfer dude did that to you? He was your first love. What would you have done if he had said he wanted you back?”

“He did. Remember? You were with me. I told him I was happy with my boyfriend. That I was happy with
you
.”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.” He runs his hands back through his gorgeous dark hair. I try not to notice how his muscles flex or how sexy a gesture I’ve always thought it was. “Look, I’m so, so, incredibly sorry. I got caught up in it. It was like I wanted it for so long, and then when she finally wanted me, I just, I thought I needed to see. But what I realized is you are what makes me the me I am now. I’m so much happier with you than I ever was with her.”

I get tears in my eyes. “Yeah, but not happy enough to tell her no. Not happy enough to go with me. What you did sucked. It hurt. And I’m not over it. Sorry. You chose the path. I’m just trying to deal with it. And I really would like to sit alone.” I change my mind and stand up quickly. “Never mind. You stay. I’m leaving.”

He grabs my arm. “You kissed Dallas and Bryce last night. You made out with Jake. You gave him a lap dance in front of me. Told him you wanted to have revenge sex.”