Darkness Surrendered (Primal Heat Trilogy #3) (Order of the Blade) (20 page)

He covered her neck with his palm, as if he could heal her with his touch. “This is what happens when you do an illusion? You turn it on yourself?”

“Not on purpose.” She felt her cheeks flare with embarrassment. “I can’t control them anymore, but this is the first time I’ve really hurt myself.”

He met her gaze, his eyes shuttered. “They’re getting worse for you, too.”

She nodded. “I was so freaked out I couldn’t suppress them. I thought Ezekiel had killed you—” She tensed suddenly. “Is he still here? We can’t stay.”

She tried to scramble to her feet, but Elijah kept her pinned to the ground, his body heavy and reassuring. “He’s gone.”

She stared at him, her chest heaving. “You’re sure?”

“Dead certain.” Elijah rubbed his thumbs over her forearms in a gentle caress, as if trying to soothe both of them with his touch. “No one’s here but us.”

Ana couldn’t quite join him in his relaxation. “How do you know? How can you be so sure?”

His eyes glittered. “As I said before, I can sense him. His presence is gone.” Empathy glowed in his green eyes. “He’s gone, Ana. Gone. You’re safe for the moment.”

She nodded, and suddenly her body started to shake and tears filled her eyes. “Okay. That’s good, then.”

Elijah swore softly. “I’m sorry I left you. I should never have done that.”

“You were going after the enemy. What else would you have done?” Ana pressed her hands to her eyes and tried to will away the tears. “Elijah, I thought you were dead. I thought Ezekiel had killed you and I was next. I really thought you were dead.”

Elijah groaned and rolled off her, collapsing to the forest floor as if he were too exhausted to hold himself up anymore. He snugged himself up to her side, tossing one heavy leg over hers, and rested his hand on her belly. “It’s the bond making you need me. My fault for putting you through that.” He slid his hand under her shirt and lightly caressed the injuries on her belly. “I take responsibility for putting you in a position where you had to use your illusions to defend yourself.” He shook his head in disgust, and traced the lines on her stomach. “Every mark on your body will haunt me until the day I die.” His voice was so grim, so anguished, so furious that she had no doubt he meant every word of it, and her throat tightened.

“Thank you for saying that,” she whispered.

His green gaze studied hers. “You’re thanking me? Why?”

“Because you make me feel safe when you say that.”

“Safe?” He laughed softly. “I endanger you.”

She sighed and closed her eyes, listening to the rise and fall of his breathing. “I know that we have no future, and I know that you have some awful thing going on with Ezekiel that’s going to destroy both of us, and I’d never ask you to be my savior and rescue me from everything.” She rested her hand on his forearm, where it was still draped across her waist. “And quite honestly, I’m not capable of trusting anyone to stand by me or handing my welfare over to someone, but sometimes it just feels good to stop fighting for one minute. Like when you said that just now...you have no idea what that kind of statement does to me. So, thank you.”

He continued to play with her hair. “You deserve a mate you can count on.”

She laughed softly, relishing the feel of his caress. “I wouldn’t let myself count on anyone.”

He frowned. “Why not?”

“Because when I do, they die.”

Elijah frowned, tracing circles on her belly. “Like your parents?”

She nodded. “After Grace and I ran away from our foster home, I was so sad. I missed having a family and a home. I wasn’t hardwired for a life on the run, you know?” She trailed her fingers over the brand on Elijah’s arm as he rested it across her hips, needing the comfort of touching him. “I just wanted the fairytale, the happy little home and life.”

Elijah brushed his lips over her hair. “I can see that about you.”

“I met a guy when I was twenty-two. His name was Michael O’Leary. A good Irish werewolf with a huge family. I thought I could have everything I wanted. I fell madly in love with him, and what he represented.”

Elijah stiffened beside her, and his breathing became measured. “What happened?”

“I told him I was an Illusionist. I knew it was dangerous because people like to hunt us, but he was a werewolf, and I knew he could protect me. He didn’t care, and he loved me anyway. I was so happy.” She still remembered that time of her life, when she thought that she’d been given a chance to have her dreams come true. “He told his best friend, who decided I would be a very marketable commodity.”

“Shit, Ana—”

“His friend came after me one night.” She managed a small smile as she played with the hairs on Elijah’s arm. “Turns out, his friend was one of hell’s angels, literally. Michael fought him to try to keep me safe. His friend killed Michael and his parents. Three lovely innocent people died because of me. If Grace hadn’t intervened with an illusion, I never would have escaped.” She looked at him, fighting against the age-old grief and guilt that always haunted her, the memories of her parents’ bodies, of the bloodied bodies of Michael and his parents, all because of her. “Don’t you understand? People die trying to keep me safe. It’s not okay. I can’t ask that of anyone else, ever. I have to stand on my own.”

Elijah swore. “Ana, you can’t blame yourself. People who loved you made those choices to protect you. It was their gift to you.”

“It’s not right.” She gripped his arm. “When Nate killed you at the Gun Rack when you tried to save me, it broke me, Elijah. Of anyone’s death, yours was the worst. How can I ask that again? How can I let you give your life for me?”

He swore under his breath, laughing with a bitter irony that chilled her blood. “Well, sweetheart, I don’t think you need to worry about me saving your life.”

Isolation rippled through her at his words, even though they were exactly what she’d said she’d wanted. “Why not?” God, she was so pathetic. Despite all her words of bravado, the mere thought of Elijah not being there for her filled her soul with the most devastating emptiness. How could she ask that of him? How could she be so selfish as to want him so much?

Elijah laughed softly and kissed her lightly. “No, it’s not because I hate you. You need to stop thinking like that. I was talking about the fact that the
sheva
bond makes it impossible for a male to do anything to endanger his mate. And yet I walked away from you when danger lurked. I shouldn’t have been able to do it. Literally.”

The implications of Elijah’s statement were devastating. Despite the fact that every fiber of her being longed for him, his antipathy for her was so strong it trumped the
sheva
bond? Ana suddenly felt dirty, like all the filth she’d tried to ignore for so long was firmly caked on her, repelling the one man alive who should be drawn to her unconditionally. “Maybe it’s because we’ve only done two stages—”

“It doesn’t take any stages to create that protective instinct. It’s automatic.”

“So, why doesn’t it bind you? Because you hate me that much?” Ana couldn’t keep from pulling back from him, and he caught her wrist.

“No.” Elijah rolled on top of her again, his voice low and fierce. Fire was burning in his green eyes, heat brimming with intensity. “Stop saying that. I don’t hate you.”

“Yes, you do! If you didn’t, that couldn’t have happened, right?”

His face darkened, his hand closed around the back of her head, and then he yanked her to him and kissed her hard, his mouth demanding and hot, his tongue possessive and unyielding. It wasn’t a kiss, it was a stripping of all her defenses, an invasion of her soul, a statement of ownership and control and dark, hot lust.

Ana gripped his muscular shoulders as he grazed his teeth over her nipple, as his hand began to move between her legs, teasing her through the denim. She worked her hands under his shirt, his muscles flexing beneath her grip. The skin that had been so battered after his battle with the Order was now flawless, healed through his own magnificent power. His teeth grazed over her other nipple as his fingers traced along the edge of her underwear, his touch tickling over her sensitive skin.

She couldn’t contain the small moan, couldn’t keep herself from lifting her hips as heat raced through her, as fire built within her. For him.
For Elijah.
He was her strength. She felt it in her heart that he was what she needed. Even though she was his nightmare, his destruction, and his
hell
, he was her salvation. Her chance at redemption.

He lifted his head and kissed her hard. At the same moment, he moved his hand past the waistband of her jeans, and his fingers slid beneath the satin, delving into the folds of her body. Delicious heat spiraled through her, and he caught her cry with his mouth, his tongue caressing her to new peaks even as his fingers teased her and brought fire raging to life.

His fingers slipped inside her and her body shuddered from the intimacy of the invasion, the feel of her body stretching to accommodate him as he caressed her, teased her, brought her closer and closer to the edge.

I need to touch you
. She ran her hands down his lean hips to his waist, sliding to the front of his stomach, but he caught her hand, swept her other wrist in his grasp and pinned them above her head, never breaking the kiss, never losing the rhythm of his fingers between her legs.

I need to be in control.
His voice was rough with desire, with raw lust.
I need to own you.

She realized instantly what he meant. After the destruction she’d wrought on him with her illusions, he needed to shift the balance of power between them and dominate that which had the power to bring him down.

He kissed her again, and this time there was a fierceness that hadn’t been there before, a need to control and to own...yet she felt no threat from him, no fear. His presence was aggressive, but there was tenderness in the way he kissed that made her soul ache with longing. He was domination, but he was still her protector.

A thrill rushed through her at the power emanating from him. Hot anticipation licked through her as his hips began to thrust against her. Then his erection was brushing over the inside of her thighs as he tugged down her jeans, exposing her skin to his caress, his hand still moving deep within her, thrusting deep, preparing her, bringing her so close to the edge.

Her hips lifted again as he moved his hand and caught the thin strap of her underwear where it spanned her hip. He slid it down ever so slowly, each inch torture as it brushed over her skin. His satisfaction pulsed at her, and she knew he could sense how desperate she was for him. He was basking in his power not to give her what she wanted. Not yet.

This was about him, his control and it was driving her mad with want. With longing. With a need so unbearable she felt like her body was going to explode and he was relishing the power he had over her, even as his own body trembled with need, and she felt his lust hard and deep in her mind where he touched hers.

Then the thin scrap of material was gone, and his hips settled between hers. There was nothing between them. Somewhere, at some point, he’d lost his jeans. How had she not noticed?

Heat and anticipation coiled inside her as she felt the nudge of his erection against her core. He groaned and lifted himself off her, his triceps flexing as he held himself above her, kissing her thoroughly, as only his belly touched hers, his hips suspended.

A deep ache pulsed within her, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, trying to pull him down.
I need you, Elijah.

Ana
. His voice was a dark growl, and his body was vibrating above hers, then he cursed.
We can’t make love and tighten the bond.

His voice was like a shot of cold air in her mind, but before she could respond, he slid down her body, his lips kissing a blazing path down her belly and lower. He palmed her hips with fierce aggression, and then his mouth was on her core, an onslaught of sensations that spiraled relentlessly through her.

Her body shuddered, her mind shrieked from the intensity of the sensations consuming her, and suddenly her body bucked under the assault and the climax flooded her. His grip on her thighs didn’t relax. He caught her folds between his teeth and sucked hard, sending her shooting into another orgasm, her body writhing under him.

God, yes, Ana. Like that.
There was such satisfaction in Elijah’s voice as he continued to kiss her, carrying her through the final waves of the orgasm. She basked in his confidence and strength, something she hadn’t been sure she’d ever see again when she’d walked in on him in that basement.

Ana was still shuddering when he grabbed her hand and guided it to his erection.