Darkness of Light (27 page)

“Eli?” 

His hand hovered above the door handle. Something had shifted; his body was rigid and defensive now. There was nothing I could say to reach him, to make him open up to me. I was smothered by pain and exhaustion. I fell silent as he opened the door and walked out. He didn’t return.

***

After the commotion died down at Silverwood, Mrs. Sanchez offered to drive me home. As much as I tried to convince her I was okay to drive, she wouldn’t have it. Eventually I gave in, knowing that Mark’s truck would be okay at Silverwood. Eli had left without a word to either one of us. I couldn’t say it didn’t hurt, but nothing about him was predictable or reliable—or unexpected. Mrs. Sanchez seemed quite confused by his disappearance and thought he might still be around until we saw the broken glass and twisted metal where his Bronco had been and the discarded remnants of his windshield left behind.

“Ahh, he must have gone to deal with his car.” She nodded towards the empty space. “Or maybe he went to find Samantha.” I bit my lip, looking at the ground. “Well, this will give me an opportunity to speak with your stepfather.”

“He’s not home. He’s on a business trip till next Monday,” I uttered as I hobbled after Mrs. Sanchez to her car, gripping my ribs in pain. Everyone seemed bewildered I was even up and walking. I wasn’t surprised, not anymore.

“What? Not until then? He leaves you alone for that long?”

“Well, I am eighteen, and we have a very trusting relationship. I’ve never been quite the typical teenager.”

“No, you are not.” She smiled knowingly at me. “You are different from any other young lady I have met before.”

As she drove me back to my house, she used the opportunity to bombard me with questions. Most of the questions I couldn’t answer with more than an “I don’t know.” I could sense the aggravation building in her as I shrugged my shoulders and looked out the side window. I’m sure she was hoping for more insight into the mystery of Samantha’s attack and disappearance. I felt bad since I could provide some answers, but those wouldn’t provide clarity, only more questions, so I kept my mouth shut. As we drove I felt a tingling sensation crawling over my skin, and I shifted my gaze out to the dark forest that rolled by at a steady pace. We were going too fast to see anything clearly, but I could feel something was out there. Something dangerous was calling to me—again.

At home, Mrs. Sanchez made sure I was settled in and even fixed me a cup of soup before she felt comfortable leaving. She also made me call Mark, but I only reached his voicemail. I was about to hang up when she grabbed the phone from my hand and left a long message about what had happened. I cringed, as it was not the sort of message you left a parent who was thousands of miles away. I had no doubt I would be getting a frantic phone call from Mark soon. 

At first I was grateful when she finally left me by myself. That quickly changed. Memories and thoughts began to berate me, letting me stew in the unexplained and impossible. Twisted, dark, nightmares haunted me every time I shut my eyes. Even sleeping on the sofa with the TV on didn’t stop them from coming. 

My body was exhausted from trying to fight off another high fever that engulfed me; this one even worse than the one before. I went from having violent chills to burning hot, sweating through several layers of clothes. I wanted to sleep so that I could heal, but my thoughts conspired to keep me awake. The memories of my fight with Sam were making me face all the other things I had pushed deep down, things I had kept in a tightly latched box, which was now too full to hold anything more. I had to grasp for air a few times, as fear sunk deeper into my chest. 

The empty house only made matters worse. Every noise and creak had me jumping up and grabbing the steak knife I had placed next to me on the coffee table. I couldn’t wait for Mark to get home. I felt lonely without him here.

He called a few hours later, waking me up from my restless, fever-induced sleep. He was frantic, as I knew he would. I assured him over and over that I was fine and to not jump on the next plane home. I fudged on what had happened a bit, making it sound like less of an incident than it was. The entire time I talked to him, I wanted to cry—cry because I missed him, cry because I felt scared and lonely without him, and cry because I knew I was lying to him. But most of all because I knew something wasn’t right about me, even more than we kidded about. I didn’t fit into this world somehow. 

He could sense something was wrong, but I just kept reassuring him it was because I missed him. After I had him convinced enough that I was fine, we said goodbye. My head pounded and I felt like I was in a furnace. I needed sleep, which was easier said than done. After taking several ibuprofen tablets, a PM pill or two, and a whiskey shot for good measure, my brain finally relaxed around 4:30 am and let me drift.

***

Trees, flowers, and other foliage that flourished wildly covered the green, luscious grounds rolling in gentle waves in front of me. The beauty was breathtaking and glistened under the warm sun in colors so intense I couldn’t quite grasp them. I had been here before. I had dreamed of this place.

A voice floated into my ear. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

I turned to see a man standing next to me. If this man was some brilliant figment in my dream or real as he claimed, it didn’t matter. He was one of the most beautiful men I’d ever seen, especially seeing him in those tight leather pants.

“Torin.”

“Miss me?” He gazed into my face. I found it almost painful to look at him. I realized with the thumping of my heart that I had missed him. I missed him the moment he left each time. 

“Yes.” The truth seemed to come out without my knowledge. His smile brightened at my reply, making my legs feel weak.

“I have missed you too.” He forced a smile as he touched my cheek lightly, but the pain and fear in his eyes were great. “Ember, she is coming for you. I don’t know how to protect you anymore.”

“Who is coming for me?”

“Remember, I will try to help you any way I can. I will do anything to keep you safe, mo chuisle.” Torin leaned in closer to me. 

“But . . .”

He cut me off, cupping my face in his hands. Before I could protest, he kissed me deeply, sending sparks of heat and lust through my body, making me forget everything except the feel of his lips on mine. His hands followed the curves of my body, over the sides of my breasts, moving lower and lower . . . 

***

My eyes shot open, a strangled gasp escaped my lips as I awoke with a start. My body tingled with pleasure and pain, feeling the ache of being unfulfilled. Through all the nightmares I was having, Torin was my only relief. I tried to recapture the dream, closing my eyes and desperately seeking a return to sleep, but I could not. I placed my head in my hands and let out a whimper. “Of course, I had to wake up then,” I mumbled. 

When I did fall back to sleep, the dreams were not of Torin but of fire and death.

***

Mrs. Sanchez had told me to take a few days off, so besides peeing and getting something to eat or drink, I didn’t move off the sofa for the entire next day. I did feel better. The fever had gone down, and some of the bruising was already disappearing, but the scratches and cuts down my neck and cheek still really stung. It was making me extremely tired. At least during the day, while resting on the sofa, my nightmares abated a little and let me sleep. I ignored my cell phone. The only phone call I wanted was the one number not showing up on my caller ID.

I couldn’t control my dreams, but when the night terrors started again and I woke up screaming, I wouldn’t allow myself to think about them. I would angrily roll over, punch my pillow, and try to go back to sleep, usually with my iPod on to drown the shadows clawing at my consciousness. 

By Wednesday morning the scratches and bruises healed enough that I wasn’t in terrible pain. I was driving myself senseless with questions and fear. I used to enjoy being alone, but now it only left me with thoughts I couldn’t handle, questions I couldn’t answer, and maybe questions I didn’t want to answer. I tried my best to shut down my mind from any thoughts except for what was in front of me. 

I decided to head back to school, thinking it would distract me. I regretted it the second I stepped on campus. I felt sick to my stomach as I walked across the parking lot. Was Samantha back? Had she been fired? What about Eli? Would he act strange around me? I wasn’t strong enough to deal with him, yet at the same time all I wanted was to see him. For my own sanity, I desperately needed answers, and for some reason, I felt he could provide them. 

I walked up to Silverwood, immediately noting Eli’s car was nowhere to be seen. Tiny pieces of glass were scattered across the parking lot, reflected in the sunlight. I turned away; the shards confirmed it had happened and wasn’t some strange dream.

Josh came running over to me. “Are you okay? You didn’t call me back, and I’ve been so worried about you.” His eyes moved over me. I guess he was checking to see if I was in one piece, to see if I had grown another head, or to see, if just by looking at me, he could tell if I had been bitten by a radioactive spider.

“I know, I’m sorry, I just really wasn’t up to talking to anyone.”

Josh shook his head. “I can’t believe I left right before it happened. So many people have told me about it, and all of it sounds completely outrageous. Did Samantha really attack you? Did you really throw her into a windshield?”

“Is she back?” I asked, ignoring his questions.

“No, she’s completely disappeared. No call, no show. I heard Mrs. Sanchez tried to contact her, but the cell phone had been disconnected and the address she gave was a fake.” I looked down, my brain trying to absorb this information. Josh shrugged. “Looks like she and Eli got the hell out of town together.” 

My head snapped up. “What?”

“Yeah, he’s disappeared too. He didn’t show up yesterday either.” Josh looked at me steadily. “But I guess that makes sense, you know, since they’re a couple.”

Heat filled my body, making me itchy and agitated. Maybe when he told me he wasn’t “with” Samantha he meant it literally at that moment, not figuratively. Next time I would make sure I was clearer, because leaving a job and running off with a girl was certainly a boyfriend move.

The rest of the day didn’t get better. I felt like I was at my old school again, where everyone whispered and talked about me behind my back. Once again, I was the freak. At least here I was a freak among freaks.
Great. I’m progressing.

Mrs. Sanchez had cancelled O.A.R. the previous day because of Eli’s and Samantha’s disappearance. Today nobody had heard anything new so we headed out there as we normally would. I was on my way when I heard someone calling my name. I turned to see Mrs. Holt running up to me. “Mrs. Sanchez asked me to give you these and tell you that you’re in charge.” Mrs. Holt placed a set of keys in my hand. 

He’s really gone
. I sighed and headed out for the building site. It felt strange and wrong to go to the site and not have Eli there. I couldn’t stop looking around for him. I didn’t expect there to be such a deep emptiness in me. 

Twenty-six

By Friday, Eli still hadn’t shown up. I knew he wouldn’t, but deep down I had held out hope. Eli was now the guy who disappeared with another girl. I shouldn’t have been shocked, even the voices inside my head were saying, “I told you so.” I had reached pathetic but, after days of secretly holding out hope, I moved way beyond to just pitiful. These were the thoughts I had to get away from. 

I need to be put out of my misery. 

His absence caused a darkness to seep deep into me. People seemed to sense the change in me and gave me a wide berth while walking in the hallway. The gossip of how I threw Sam into Eli’s windshield had spread like wildfire. The rumor mill took liberties with what happened, but nothing came close to the truth. People who hadn’t been there thought the incident had been grossly exaggerated; others thought it had been understated. No matter what they believed, they all seemed to fear me, and in a place like this that earned respect. The dark part of me relished that those who had belonged in gangs or had lived on the street were now intimidated by me and saw me as the more dangerous one. But what I really tried to ignore was the voice in me that said they were right.

Saturday felt like a blessing and a curse. Mrs. Sanchez cancelled the ropes course because of Eli’s disappearance and my injuries, which now had healed. For appearances, I kept a limp in my step. This meant I had more time alone with my thoughts. Too much time alone to allow my brain to dwell on things I didn’t understand or know how to face. Even my writing and my painting didn’t distract my mind from the mysteries haunting me. I even tried googling some of the things I’d seen, and got nothing useful. All that came up was crazy people on blogs rambling about government conspiracies and X-Men theories. All this made me want to see Eli more. I felt certain he knew something—something about me.

Fortunately, Ryan and Kennedy were not the type to leave me alone for too long. They had texted and called me relentlessly, trying to get me to go to a party in the woods with them that night. I wasn’t really in the mood, but at the same time I couldn’t take sitting home alone anymore. 

“Come on, M&M,” Ryan begged. “What are you gonna do, sit home and wallow? I know you’re hurting, but are you really going to let this loser guy get the better of you? Especially since it’s not likely he’s sitting at home, wallowing over you.”

“Wow, ouch . . .” Truth was a nasty bitch sometimes. “That hurt.”

“Truth does, baby.” He was right. There was no way Eli was at home moping about me. I needed to move on.

“Good manipulating,” I said. “You really are good at it.”

I was glad I let Ryan talk me into going with them. I needed a few blissful hours of just having fun, letting everything else go. I was tired of being alone and scared. Blowing up things and throwing people into windshields with my mind could all be left at home tonight. So could my heartache over Eli.