Darkness Arisen (25 page)

Alice studied him, her green eyes wise with comprehension. "And now I'm the woman both standing in the way of the curse and hurling you right into its claws at breakneck speed, all at the same time."

He shrugged. "Something like that."

Alice sighed. "So, let's clarify this. In addition to the fact I'm going to drive you to suicide, you are quite possibly going to be responsible for me losing my angel status and becoming a Mageaan until I finally die for good and wind up in demon hands for eternity."

He grimaced. "Yeah. We're like a match made in heaven, aren't we?"

"Not so much." She rolled off him, landing beside him on the narrow bench. Side by side, they lay in the rocking boat, under the vibrant azure sky, absorbing the warmth of the sun into their bodies. "Well," she said finally, "our relationship may be doomed, cursed, and ill-fated, but at least the sex is great."

He burst out laughing at her comment. "Isn't the guy supposed to say that? And the woman is supposed to say that at least she got to experience true love before heading off to an eternity of hell?"

"Love." She said the word as if she'd never heard it before. "What would I do with love?"

"I don't know. Enjoy it?"

She sighed. "It's too dangerous to enjoy. It's kind of like sucking on a poisonous thorn and trying to enjoy the flavor. Not that easy."

Regret filled Ian at the truth he heard in her voice. His angel of life truly didn't believe in love. She couldn't save lives, she didn't trust love, and she couldn't even keep herself alive. Anger began to build inside him, outrage for the life that had been thrust upon this woman who had endured so much, yet could still lie in an ancient boat in the middle of the ocean and think her unforgiving dead mother had sent her poodle clouds to tell her she was loved. Shit. She deserved more.

Suddenly angry, he sat up. "Why do you keep dying?"

She didn't flinch at the intrusion of reality into their idyllic moment. "I told you. Cardiff killed me, and I'm hard to kill, so I keep rebounding." She shook out her hair, which was still dripping onto the bottom of the boat. Now that Ian had cleared most of the tangles, it fell in smooth waves that glistened in the sun as they began to dry. Her thick hair curled into soft tendrils that begged for him to run his hands through it.

He did, marveling at the softness of her tresses as he combed his fingers through them. He'd never paused long enough in his quest to do his Order duty and to find Cardiff to do something indulgent like bask in the softness of a woman's hair or enjoy the sun on his flesh, but this moment... it was perfection. He liked the fact that he could touch her without asking, and in return, he got a warm smile and encouragement. He didn't know what was building between him and Alice, but it felt good.

He didn't want it to end. To change. To be destroyed. "Why do you continue to die? He killed you only one time."

"This is true." Alice didn't open her eyes. Instead, she linked her hands behind her head and seemed to just ease into the sway of the boat, her relaxed body moving rhythmically with the waves. "I'm actually quite difficult to murder, believe it or not. But he hit me with black magic, demon magic, actually, which works on angels." She sighed and rubbed her arm, which was still smoking slightly. "So, he did kill me, and I went straight into the arms of demon central. But I'm an angel of life, so I keep coming back to life. It won't go on forever, though." She pulled down the neckline of her tank top, and he saw six faded slashes across her chest, claw marks he hadn't noticed when they'd been making love. Why hadn't he seen them? Because he'd been too overwrought with lust, or because he had seen only her true self, which didn't include demon scars?

He ran his finger over the marks. They were cool and seemed to be healed. "I didn't notice those before. What are they?"

"When I die, the demons torture me. Usually when I come back to life, the marks are gone." She released the shirt so it eased back over the scars. "This time, I didn't heal entirely. I think I'm out of recovery options. Next time, dead may be dead."

Ian mulled that over as he watched the dolphins bound through the water. "It doesn't bother you?"

"It is what it is, Ian. I can't change it, so why get worked up about it?" But even as she spoke, her mouth tightened ever so slightly, revealing that she wasn't quite as at peace as she was trying to be. Her fingernails were digging into the wood, and her breath had become a little more rapid and shallow.

Frowning, he stretched out beside her again and propped himself up on his elbow. He needed to be closer to her. "You okay?"

For a long moment, she didn't answer, but she finally shook her head. "I'm scared," she whispered. "I'm scared of so much. I try to ignore it, and to enjoy the sun, but dammit, Ian. I'm really scared."

"Aw, come here, sweetheart." Ian scooped her up in his arms, setting her on his lap. Alice didn't resist. Instead, she just leaned against his chest, her head resting on his shoulder as she let her feet dangle.

"You were right," she said, moving her head slightly so that her damp hair tickled his neck. "When we were making love and you said I was afraid, you were right. I'm terrified of dying for good. I'm afraid of being tortured again. I'm scared of being a Mageaan. And most of all, I'm afraid of failing someone I love again."

Ian's chest ached for her pain, and he rested his chin on her head as she snuggled closer against him. "Fear is okay, Alice. You'd be stupid not to feel fear. But the fact that you get up and continue your battle anyway is what makes you a warrior."

"I don't want to be a warrior. I want to be the girl who wakes up in a little cabin in the woods, takes a walk with her dog in the morning sunshine, and feels safe all the time to be whoever she wants to be."

Ian tried to picture that, but couldn't. The Alice he knew was a fighter who never slowed down... except for now. Except for this moment. He had to admit that as much as he admired her toughness, he appreciated that she'd forced him into this quieter moment. He hadn't stopped trying to survive for hundreds of years, and it felt incredible to simply be at peace. "Fight for what you want, Alice. You can do it." He kissed the top of her head again, wishing he could grant her the peace that she craved so badly.

"Can I?" She held up her hand, and he saw it was trembling. "Why is your brand a demon mark, Ian?" She raised her head to look at him. "Is that what you are? Are you the demon who has come to claim me?"

Ian frowned. "I'm not a demon—"

"Calydons were formed from demon magic," she said. "You know that. It may have been two thousand years ago, but that's what gives you guys your power." Her voice was shaky, not the strong courageous one she'd put on for so long. "I can't consort with demons, let alone bond with one. I'm kind of thinking that would be a deal breaker to my angel status."

"All Calydons have the same ancestry, and their
sheva's
marks are the thin silver lines. Yours is the only one that's different. So it's not coming from my demon ancestry." He paused, debating whether to tell her his suspicions. Then he realized he owed it to her. The woman was fighting for her life, for her soul, and for him. She might wish for a life of shelter and safety, but she deserved the truth, even if it was ugly. "I think it might be you, not me."

She stared at him. "Me? You think I'm the demon?"

"Yeah, maybe. You've got a lot going on with them right now."

"Oh, God." Alice pressed her hand to her forehead. "I really hope you're wrong. If this—" She held up her arm, showing the angry black brands. "If this is from me, I'm in such trouble."

"No, you'll get through it. I'll help you. We can handle it. The brand may be tainted by demons, but it's still mine and it still connects us." Ian traced his fingers over his mark that was on her arm. It might be black and charred, but it was still his symbol, and he liked that it was there. It eased some of the tension and loosened the grip of the curse. But if he lost her, he knew it would be much worse now that they were bonded.

Instinctively, he tightened his grip on her and looked out across the water again, checking to make sure they were safe. "What is with the demons? Why do demons come after you when you die?"

Alice slid off his lap and moved to a seat across from him. She leaned forward, her forearms resting on her thighs. "Angels and demons are two sides of the same being," she explained. "We're connected. For angels, purity trumps and it gives us the freedom to live in this world. For demons, there is no purity or goodness, which bans them from our world." She fingered her arm. "They're always trying to gain access to the physical world."

Ian nodded, well aware of that razor-thin line that Calydons lived by. When Calydons went rogue, they lost their sanity. They weren't demons, but they were damned close. And Ryland...well...Ry was as close as any living creature had ever been to demon. "So, how does that affect you?"

Alice bit her lip. "If the demons can harvest my spirit, they're hoping they can use me as a way to get into the physical realm." She met his gaze. "Cardiff uses demon magic, but in order to do so, the demons have to offer it. He gave me to them as a trade, and he killed me in a way specifically designed to send me to them." She waved her hands. "Demon magic. Rah, rah. Good time for all."

Ian stared at her, outrage for her plight mounting inside him. "So, when you die for good, you'll go to hell? There's no other option for you?"

Alice closed her palm. "My soul is not clean, Ian. As long as it's not completely clean, the demons have access, because we're so closely connected. I would have to become truly pure to avoid it now that I have demon magic in my body." She opened her palm, and he saw a one inch gray circle on her skin. It was bigger than it had been. From their making love? Shit, he hoped not. "I'm losing my angel status, Ian. They're gaining hold."

He took her hand and tried to rub the circle off. It didn't move. "How do you become pure? How do you stop it?" Even as he asked the question, he knew it was stupid. The woman was a fucking angel, a thousand times more admirable than he was. Why should she have to do
anything
to become pure enough to keep her status? She was already good.

She took her hand back, closing her fist. "I don't know. Standards are high for angels of life because we are so powerful." She rolled her eyes. "Or we're supposed to be powerful, but we all know how great I am."

"So, who makes the rules? Is there some all-powerful council that evaluates you and makes the decision?" Because if there was, he was going to find those bastards and make sure they understood what Alice deserved.

But she shook her head. "There is no one looking over my shoulder. It's just a part of the fabric of my being. It's like your Calydon destiny. It's just the way it is. A metaphysical force that is part of who I am. I don't understand exactly how it works. None of the angels do. We just try to follow the rules as we were taught."

"That makes no sense." He didn't want it to make sense. He didn't like the idea of fate controlling her the way it controlled the
sheva
bond. It was damn hard to break ties like that.

Shit, this was complicated.

Ian pressed her hand between his palms. "Why do you want to kill Catherine Taylor?" He was burning with the need to understand Alice. She was so complex, a woman of so many facets that he still didn't grasp all that she was, or all that she was struggling with. He felt like he needed to get a handle on it to figure out how to help her. "That can't be good for your soul, can it?"

Alice looked away, focusing on something on the horizon. "It's a long story," she said evasively.

"My calendar's pretty open for the next few hours. I've got time." Ian saw from the look on Alice's face that she wasn't going to tell him, so he leaned forward. "In less than a day, we're going to be in Cardiff's territory. I need to know what I'm walking into, Alice, or I can't ensure our safety."

She bit her lips and finally sighed. Not meeting his gaze, she said, "I promised her I would kill her."

Ian blinked. That wasn't the answer he'd expected. What was up with all these angels running around with demons and dealing with death? This wasn't the world of angels he'd have predicted. "Why?"

She finally looked at him. "I owe her."

"If you kill another angel, doesn't that put you over the top with regard to the purity you're trying to attain?"

Alice nodded, and she sat up straighter. "There's a good chance of that. Killing another angel is pretty high up on the list of things I'm not supposed to do."

"But you'll do it anyway?"

She grimaced. "I don't know if I can. She's extremely difficult to kill." She met his gaze. "I might need you to help me." He saw the relief in her eyes, and realized that she'd been dreading asking for his help this whole time, worried that he'd say no.

Ian ran his hand through his hair. "Why does she need to die?"

Alice shook her head. "I can't tell you. It's her secret to share."

Ian narrowed his eyes. "What kind of angel is she?"

Alice hugged herself, again looking past Ian at the horizon. "When my mother died, I freaked out," she said, avoiding his question. "I couldn't cope. Back then, I hadn't developed any protection from emotions, so I was eviscerated by her death and the fact I couldn't save her." Alice fought against the swell of emotion that was so dangerous to her. "I tried to kill myself, and Catherine stopped me. She could hear the demon shadows coming back, so she grabbed me and dragged me out of there. She saved my life that day. I owe her." She looked at Ian. "It's that simple."

"Asking your friend to murder you is never simple," he said. "Originally, you said you were going to rescue her."

Alice met his gaze. "I am."

"Killing her rescues her?"

"Yes."

Well, shit. What kind of situation was Catherine in? "Does she come back to life like you?"

"No. She dies only once."

Hell. Ian shoved his hands through his hair, trying to wrap his mind around what Alice was telling him. He couldn't commit to helping her. As an Order of the Blade member, he was sworn to protect innocents, and slaying an angel in cold blood didn't fit within those limits, no matter what the reason. Just as Alice had been unable to break the rules that bound her by giving Chloe an angel's kiss, he was unable to slay an innocent in cold blood. "All I can kill are rogue Calydons who are endangering innocents, and I can kill in self-defense. That's it, Alice, and I wouldn't violate that oath even if I could." He met her gaze. "Just as angels of life wield power of extraordinary means that could be abused with devastating consequences, so do the Order of the Blade members. There have to be lines we never cross."