Darkest Misery (14 page)

My hands trailed up his torso like they couldn't help themselves. He was sweaty beneath his shirt, the ridge of each ab like silk beneath my fingers. I wanted to lick each one, graze my…
Stop it, Jess. Focus.

“How does Dezzi spin that? Think about her. If I disappear, and you disappear at the same time, do you honestly believe Claudius is going to jump to some incorrect conclusion? He might be an asshole, but I doubt he reached his current position by being an idiot.”

“You are more important to me than Claudius's opinion, little siren.” Grunting, he pushed himself up, and my body deflated at the loss of his touch. “If he pressures Dezzi, we'll deal. I'd much rather be kicked out of her domus than lose you. Don't you get that? After everything we've been through?”

I did. I got it completely, but why didn't he see that I was trying to protect him as much as he was trying to protect me?

Tears of frustration burned behind my eyes, and I closed my eyelids, holding them in. “After everything we've been through, don't you understand that I will not let you get hurt? You need to distance yourself from me, for both our sakes.” I grabbed his hands. “Claudius considers me disposable. You heard him earlier. If he thinks the fury threat can be neutralized by killing me, he'll do it. If he thinks he can get to me through hurting you, don't you think he'd use you that way? And if he did, understand that I will do anything to protect you.”

Lucen squeezed my hands. “Claudius wouldn't hurt me to get to you.”

“No? Devon would disagree.”

Lucen swore and flung my hands away, but he didn't argue the point. It was as good an admission as I was going to get that he knew I spoke the truth.

It hardly made me feel better. Some part of me must have been hoping he'd pull a crazy-ass plan out of thin air, some argument that would convince me, and I wouldn't have to leave him behind after all. He'd done as much before.

Elbows on my knees, I watched him pace the living room. His jaw was set, and his eyes glowed with the fierce determination I loved. He would either think of something, or he would see reason. There was no other outcome.

Finally, he stopped and stared at me. “Forget it. I'm coming with you.”

Chapter Twenty

We argued the rest of the evening. I used logic. Lucen resorted to outlandish accusations.

“You can't protect everyone by pushing them away, Jess. This is my life. If I'm willing to risk it and my position for you, that's my choice.”

I tossed pillows at the bed in frustration. “You're missing the point.”

He picked up the pillows and re-fluffed them. “You've got this backward. You're the one missing the bigger picture. You cannot do this alone.”

“I won't be alone. I'll have Tom.”

“You and Tom do not an army make. The whole point of this alliance, which was your idea I might remind you, was to—”

“The alliance failed spectacularly.” I snatched my phone and headed into the bathroom. “The alliance is now me, me alone or me with Tom. Olef is dead, Mitch has disappeared, and no one knows who's next. I will not have you risking or ruining your life over this. It's not necessary.”

From the privacy of the bathroom, I texted Devon.
Lucen insists on going with me. Stop him.

With Claudius,
he wrote back.
Will handle Lucen next.

I collapsed onto the toilet seat and kissed my phone. Devon might be the only one who could talk sense into Lucen. I guessed that made four favors I owed him.

You excel at driving people mad,
he wrote a moment later.
Lucky for you, I excel at saving your lovely ass.

Never mind. I'd leave it at three owed, one of which was paid.

Lucen banged on the bathroom door. “I hear your phone. What are you planning?”

“I'm not planning anything.”

“Have you forgotten you can't lie to me?”

I threw open the door. “Have you forgotten you can be a pain in my lovely ass?”

“Never. I take great pride in torturing you. I have ten years of experience.”

I tossed my phone aside and fell on the bed. Exhaustion and anxiety nibbled away at me from within. All I wanted was to curl up against Lucen and sleep. I was done arguing and would just have to hope Devon could convince him not to be such a dolt.

I got my wish for sleep, but any actual rest was questionable. The clock on Lucen's nightstand taunted me, and the only reason I knew I slept at all was because I woke up twice from nightmares. Bleary-eyed, I crawled out of bed the next day while Lucen slept on.

Tom must have been up for hours already, and he'd sent me several emails. One of them included my flight information. I read through them all before showering then fretted in the steamy water. Having my schedule was good, but it also raised logistical questions I hadn't thought of yesterday.

I had a passport and a suitcase, but no way to use my phone overseas nor even an adapter to charge it. Both of those were necessary since I needed to stay in contact with Steph and Devon about what they learned. While these and a hundred other issues were fresh in my mind, I shot emails to Tom and got dressed.

Lucen had woken up and was staring at me while I put my boots on. “Where are you going so early?” Even half asleep, his voice was laden with distrust.

“To Headquarters.” I'd thought everything through this time. He wouldn't catch me so unawares and upset that I'd lie. I was going to Headquarters, after all. It just wouldn't be my first stop.

“For what? Yesterday you said you wouldn't be in the meetings anymore.”

“I won't, but the Gryphons expect me to train, and I have a lot of training to do.” Also a truth.

Lucen slid his arms around his pillow, his blue-green eyes appraising me and his tousled hair and naked torso calling to me. “You're not sneaking away, are you?”

“Do I look like I'm sneaking?” I kissed his forehead. “We'll talk more later.”

“We will, and don't forget Gi and Mel.”

I shut his bedroom door partway. “Already called them. They're on their way.”

I met my two sleepy bodyguards on Lucen's front step. The Shadowtown street was quiet and the air thick with humidity. Today would be a scorcher. Not even noon and it was hard to breathe outside. Above, a thin cloud cover blanketed the city, not heavy enough to block out the sun, but enough to keep Shadowtown its usual gloomy self.

A lone delivery van rumbled by, but most preds were like Lucen, asleep in their beds. The two with me were clearly not pleased to be among the exceptions.

Melissa unlocked the car remotely as I trudged down to the curb. “To the damn Gryphon building, I assume?”

I climbed in, grateful for the remains of the A/C-chilled air inside. “Eventually. First, I need to stop at my apartment.”

It was a quick jaunt over the couple blocks, and driving was a waste of gas, but it would be handy to have the car when I was done. Melissa parked illegally by the door, and she and Gi did their whole bodyguard routine of checking the entry and clearing my apartment. After yesterday's attack, I didn't feel foolish letting them.

Bemused, they stood around while I pulled my ancient suitcase from the closet.

“You're leaving already?” Gi asked.

I didn't have a whole lot of time to be picky about what I packed. A couple pairs of jeans, some shirts—I cursed, remembering I'd left my hoodie at Lucen's. And what about weapons? Was the special clearance Tom had procured for me before the trip to Phoenix still good, or would I have to leave my knife behind? He hadn't answered my emails yet.

I counted out a week's worth of comfortable but not particularly attractive underwear. “Yes. I'm sure you heard me yesterday. I'm going to France with the Gryphons.”

“And Lucen?” Melissa idly picked up Misery and examined the blade.

I found my passport and a bag of travel-sized bath supplies that I hoped were still good, and I threw them in the suitcase too. “No, so don't you tell him anything. He hasn't figured it out yet.”

Gi shook his head and wandered into the galley kitchen that connected my bedroom to the living room. “We answer to Dezzi, not him.”

“Good.” I shut the suitcase, feeling anything but.

The day flew by once I got to Headquarters. It started with weapons training, then searching through Olef's books, updates on Olef's case from Andre's team, updates about Mitch's kidnapping from Tom, and finally—just when the lack of progress on any of those fronts was getting to me—I was presented with gifts.

I opened the shopping bag Tom handed me. “What's this?”

“Supplies so your phone will work overseas,” he said. “I'll take care of it for you later. Don't tell me what you did yesterday, but when do you expect you'll hear about progress?”

“It could be a couple days. Ste…” I cut myself off so as not to incriminate Steph. “I had to borrow stuff from the goblins. A friend is working on some of the details. Another friend is going to question Claudius.”

Tom's lips might have twitched into something resembling a smile, but it faded quickly. “Check in with them once we arrive.”

“I assume you know where we're going?”

There was no mistaking his happiness this time. “Home. For me, that is. I've booked you a hotel room within walking distance of World.”

“Thanks.”

I checked my phone for new messages, expecting to have heard from Lucen, but I had nothing. His silence nibbled away at me over the next couple hours, and eventually all those nibbles turned into a huge chunk of missing confidence. By the time we left for the airport, I felt as though part of me had been stranded at his apartment.

Everything had gone smoothly until this point. Everything except saying goodbye to him properly.

I swallowed as the security line inched forward, my unease growing with every foot of progress I made toward the scanners. What had I been expecting? I had snuck out, just like he'd said. I'd been intending to leave him behind all along.

So had I believed he'd show up at Headquarters or the airport to give me a last kiss goodbye? To tell me Devon had convinced him to stay after all? That was stupid. Yet I didn't like the uneasiness in my gut. The worry that I'd seen the last of him this morning.

“Ticket and ID?” The TSA agent held out her hand.

Numbly, I passed them over and made my way through the security checkpoint. With my shoes back on my feet and the scanner behind me, the unlikely possibility of Lucen arriving had passed.

Guilty and nervous, I took out my phone when I reached the gate. Time was running out. We boarded in thirty minutes. If he was angry or upset or even on his way, I had to know. Bracing myself for what I assumed would be furious silence on the other end, I dialed.

Lucen picked up on the second ring. “Was wondering if you'd call or if that would be too overtly friendly.”

I winced at the hurt in his voice. “I'm trying to protect you from Claudius. I thought you might call when you had the chance.”

“Believe it or not, I've been busy. I don't like this, and I'm not happy. I think your determination to run off on your own is misguided.”

“I'm not on my own.”

“You're pushing away the people who care about you. How is that not on your own? Me, Steph, and did you ever talk to your mother like you'd planned?”

I wound my carry-on's nylon strap around my hand in frustration. “I'm not pushing them away, or you. I've been preoccupied. As I explained, I'm trying to protect you. Why are you taking this so badly?”

“Because I know you, Jess. You hate asking for help, you don't trust other people, and you don't listen to my good advice. This is not a problem you and one other Gryphon can solve.”

“But it's one I have to try to solve before anyone else gets hurts.” Pain stabbed me right between the eyes. I was not continuing last night's argument in the airport terminal when all I'd wanted was to hear Lucen's voice. “Are you planning on joining me anyway?”

I heard voices shouting in the background, and something that could have been a motor. The Lair's reconstruction must be underway. “No. I had a meeting with the triad earlier. Plans are changing here, and Dezzi wants me to stay.”

“Plans are changing—what does that mean?”

“You'll find out.” His voice softened, and the noise faded in the distance as he must have entered a different room. “Please be careful, little siren. I hate not being there with you, and if there's a traitor in the Gryphons…”

I forced a laugh as Tom returned to the seat across from me. “Yeah, I know. I'll be careful.”

Not wanting to finish this conversation in Tom's presence, I pointed to his coffee and wandered away once he acknowledged my intention. Lucen no longer sounded angry when we hung up a couple minutes later, more like resigned and unhappy. That made two of us, but I could get on the plane with less stress knowing I hadn't left a furious satyr behind.

France—the country I'd been wanting to visit since the Gryphon's New England Academy for the Magically Gifted made me choose between studying French, Spanish or Latin when I was twelve. Finally, after a long flight during which I'd been squeezed between a woman wearing too much perfume on my left and a guy who snored half the time on my right, I'd arrived.

Tired, hungry and dazed, I'd arrived.

This was not how I'd once anticipated arriving. But then I wasn't here to sightsee or drink wine and eat cheese at the foot of the Eiffel Tower. I barely knew where I was going, and I didn't have high hopes of being successful when I got there. The best I could say was that the odds of anyone here trying to knife me on a busy street were low.

“I can read that sign and that one.” I gawked at the airport signage, testing my fading memories of high-school-level French.

“Of course you can.” Tom yawned. “They have the English written beneath them.”

I rolled my eyes. “Can you let me enjoy something about this trip? If the world's going to end in a blaze of fury fire, I'm going to speak French and gorge on chocolate croissants before it does. My bucket list has a whole lot of French wine and pastries on it.”

In response, Tom spouted something in rapid-fire French.

I scowled. Naturally, he spoke it fluently, or fluently enough to get by while living here. “I think I caught every other word. Something about my life being backward?”

His regularly scheduled smirk appeared, and he pressed on, leading me toward the train ticketing counter without bothering to translate.

Deux billets et trente minutes
later, I was seated next to Tom on a high speed train heading south. After explaining it would take two to three hours to reach Grenoble, he closed his eyes and went to sleep. Tired as I was, I couldn't join him. I had a window to gaze through, and my brain was determined to soak up as much of the foreign countryside as it could.

Even I couldn't stay awake forever though apparently. Sometime after visions of farmland passed by, I was woken up by Tom shaking my arm. “We're here.”

Rubbing my eyes, I stumbled off the train with my luggage, thankful that
excusez-moi
was an easy to remember phrase.

“My research assistant, Marie, is coming to pick us up,” Tom said, as we stepped outside. “We'll get you checked into your hotel, then get to work. Jess?”

I lifted my sunglasses to take in the full effect of the sun bouncing off the sleek buildings and the Alps rising in the distance. “Yeah, okay.”

I expected Tom's research assistant to be a young Gryphon, but Marie was older than either of us. Short and olive-skinned, she greeted me enthusiastically in French, then switched to perfectly fluent but accented English for the rest of the drive. I searched my memory for her name, but I couldn't recall it being on that email chain I'd discovered, and I relaxed a little. She probably wasn't the possible leak.

Marie played tour guide, explaining to me how to use the tram and where I might want to go if Tom ever gave me time to leave the building. At last, we stopped in the shadow of a glassy high-rise bearing the Gryphon seal over the doors. A large plaque to the left sported a smaller version of the seal, and beneath it, the words
Siège International
.