Dark Secrets (107 page)

“
Oh, baby. I really
wish you’d said something.”

I felt pretty silly
then. “So do I.”

Mike laughed softly,
but the smile in his eyes faded away to something
darker.

“
What, Mike? What is
it?”

He pinched his lips,
rocking his jaw. “You don’t know what I went through—looking for
you. And when I found you—” He let a breath out through his nose,
battling with words inside his mouth. “I expected, given what I was
sure he’d done to you, I was surprised when I found you still
wearing your underwear.”

I cringed.

“
But your legs—” He
looked haunted, lost in disgust. “You were just so…so covered in
blood. I thought the deranged prick had actually dressed you again
after he…” Mike couldn't say it.

I touched his arm,
wishing I could have been there to comfort him through
that.

“
I cried when they
told me,” he said, cupping his hand over mine. “When the doctors
said you were untouched, I just cried. Baby, it was so dark in that
field. Without a torch, I might not’ve seen you at all. And when I
found you, I noticed only one small flicker of pale skin, and I
ran, faster than I’ve ever run before.”

In my mind, I could
see it all as it happened.

“
All we’d come across
so far was—” he paused and lowered his voice, “—was your bra. And I
can’t tell you what went through my mind when I found
it.”

I felt my cheeks
flush.

“
Oh God, baby, the
things I imagined he was doing to you while I wasn’t there to
protect you. I felt so helpless. I couldn’t walk properly; every
step I took was like my legs were carrying the weight of a train.
But I kept going, just to find you—to hold you and make you safe
again.

“
If
you could only feel what I felt when I saw you there. I wasn’t
ashamed or disgusted, like you seem to think, princess. I
was
overjoyed
.
And I promise you, no one saw your body—except for Emily; she was
right beside me the whole time.” When he looked back unexpectedly,
I nearly jumped out of my skin; Mike’s eyes became soft and round.
“I covered you with my jacket,” he continued, “and checked every
square inch of your body to make sure I wouldn't break you more if
I moved you, and I know you didn’t want me to see you like that,
but I never looked at anything in that way. I was just so happy to
find you still breathing. All I saw was the girl I’m in love
with—and the only memory I’ve taken with me from that night is the
way you looked up suddenly, so scared, and then smiled when you
saw
me
.” He
squeezed my hand. “You closed your eyes then, and I thought that
was last time I’d ever see the blue again.”

An audible sob left my
lips.

Mike gathered me into
his chest, tighter than ever before, and I felt nauseated for
feeling gratitude toward Jason for not doing as he’d threatened.
But the sick feeling welled up into a circle of anger within me. My
fists clenched behind Mike’s back. I closed my eyes tight. One day,
I didn’t know when, or how, but one day, I would make Jason pay for
what he did to me.

Mike leaned out from
our embrace and looked at my lips, then my eyes, stroking my hair
off my brow. “Is this why you won’t see Emily—because she was there
with me?”

I nodded, looking
down.

Mike took a really
long breath, letting it out slowly. “You know, she’s been
hysterical over this. She
needs
to see you—she blames herself, Ara, for not
chasing after you when she saw you walk away with that
man.”

“
Really?”

“
Yes. She cries every
time I see her, and there’s nothing I can do to console her. Will
you please just see her? She loves you, just the same as we all
do.”

“
But—she saw, Mike. I
can’t help how I feel.”

“
Oh, baby. Please
don’t be like that. Emily’s your friend, and she’s a girl. I’m sure
she’s seen it all before.”

“
That’s not the
point.”

“
I
know. But I’m just trying to get you to understand how little any
of that means when, in the greater scheme of things, we thought
we’d find you dead—or much,
much
worse.”

I wedged the tongue of
stubbornness into my cheek and shook my head.

“
Ara. Emily’s not to
blame. You can’t hide from this, and you won’t make yourself feel
better by punishing her.”

“
Oh, for God’s sake!
Fine. I’ll see her.”

Mike let out a quick
huff of relief. “Really?”

“
Yes. If you shut
up.”

“
Shutting up.” He
kissed my lips, scrunching my cheeks between his hands. “I’m gonna
go call her. Okay?”

I nodded and fell back
against my pillows as he backed away and closed the door. It only
felt like ten minutes passed before Sam popped his head around the
corner and said, “Emily’s here.”

I put my book down and
pressed my hands into the mattress until I was sitting up properly.
“Send her in.”

“
You sure, sis?” Sam
asked, slightly closing himself in the room with me. “Because, I
know Mike kinda pushed you into this.”

I smiled at Sam. “It’s
okay. I’m okay.”

He nodded, then
signalled into the corridor.

Emily, with her hands
clasped in front of her, walked very slowly into my room and
smiled.

“
Hi,” I
said.

“
Hi.” As soon as the
words left her lips, she spun around to close my door, then just
stood there with her head against it.

“
Em?”

“
I’m okay.” She
nodded, exhaling.

“
What’s
wrong?”

“
I. I have rules.
Things I’m not allowed to say, but—”

I waited, allowing her
to pull herself together.

“
I—I just don’t know
what
to say. I’m so...so sorry.” She turned to face me
then, and tears rained over her crossed arms, falling past her
elbows to the carpet. “It’s my fault. I should
have—”

“
Em. Don’t. Okay?” I
held a hand up. “Just don’t. Say. Anything about it.”

After a moment, she
sighed. “Okay,” she said. “Okay.”

“
Thanks, Em.” I
opened my eyes.

“
We’ll just talk
about the weather then.” She smiled a weak smile, then sat beside
me on the bed.

“
That’s what I
need.”

And we did talk about
the weather—the past, the present, the future. The coming spring,
the wild winter, and I know a few times Emily wondered if I was
talking in code, referring to David as the rain, the sadness, or
talking about the attack when I spoke of the storms. And who knows,
maybe I was, maybe I wasn’t. But it was nice to just talk for no
other reason than to exchange words in the company of someone you’d
come to love.

By the time Dad told
Emily to ‘let me rest’, I had formed a real smile at least twice
and had managed to forget about the attack for a while.

“
Em?” I said as she
went to close my door behind her.

“
Yeah?”

“
Can you come back
tomorrow?”

She pressed her lips
into a tight line, nodding rapidly, then closed the door before I
heard her burst into tears on the other side.

Rising from my first
dreamless slumber since I woke from my nightmare, I drew a deep
breath and watched the sun rise higher in the sky until it shone
through my crystals, making a pale rainbow dance on the wall above
my dresser.

I looked away; colour
didn’t belong in my life anymore. I wondered if it ever would
again.

I did find one moment
of joy in all the gloom, though, as I extended my limbs into a
stretch and, for the first time, they didn’t hurt quite so much. I
felt the cold as if it were only cold, not sharp pins, and could
actually find appreciation in the beautiful winter that set in deep
while I was in a coma. It had been a shock to my nerves when I felt
the sting of the frost on that first day they brought me home. But
I actually liked it now—more than I once liked the
autumn.

“
Hey? Good morning. I
didn’t know you were awake,” Mike chimed, leaning on my
doorframe.

“
I’ve been awake for
the last three weeks, Mike.”

“
You know what I
mean.” He gave a simple smile. He looked rested today; his hair was
still wet from a shower and the smell of his fresh, powder-scented
cologne filled my room.

“
Yeah, I know. I was
joking around with you.” I sat up in my bed.

“
Joking?” He nodded,
pursing his lips in consideration. “That’s a good sign.”

“
So is general
conversation.” I waited, expecting him to chuckle. “You know,
‘cause dead people don't talk.”

“
Oh. Ha!” He laughed
once. “Sorry, I'm not used to the lame joke game
anymore.”

I shrunk a little. I
wasn’t playing the lame joke game. I was actually attempting to be
funny.

“
Something wrong,
kid?” Mike dropped his folded arms and moved to sit beside
me.

“
Nah, I've just been
doing some thinking.”

“
What
about?”

“
Stuff.”

“
David?”

I didn't mean to, but
I stiffened all over. “Maybe.”

“
Ara—” He paused,
seemingly assessing his words. “I love you. And…I’m your best
friend. I always will be. But I’m not stupid and I’m not blind. I
know…things…and I know that he—”

“
He’s not what you think he is, Mike.” I cleared my throat,
sorting out a response in my head. “You might
think
you’ve pieced it all together,
but you're wrong.”

His eyes narrowed. “I
know you’re upset that he left you, but I don't think I'm wrong
about him; I really do think he loves you and he's just trying to
do the right thing by you.”

Cold shock washed
through me. “
That’s
what you think?”

He frowned. “What did
you think I thought?”

That he was a
vampire
. “Oh, um—I thought you might’ve
thought he was a jerk, you know, for leaving again.”

Mike shook his head.
“No, baby. Not at all. I mean, I…in the hospital, I saw the way he
loved you. It was…undeniable. And I don't know what happened
between you two, maybe you’ll never tell me, but you need to know
that, although that part of your life is over now,
I’m
still here. And you
still have a chance to be happy.”

“
I’m not sure I’m
capable of that anymore, Mike.”

He nodded. “What if I
could promise you you are? What if I could guarantee that you will
one day find a reason to smile? Would you believe me—at least
start
wanting
to
be happy again?”

“
I—” I frowned to
myself. “I do want to be happy.”

He went to shake his
head, but stopped and exhaled. “Only you know the truth of that,
Ar.”

He was right. I didn't
want to be happy, because being happy meant moving on from David,
and moving on meant that I didn't love him.

“
But I’m not giving
up on you,” Mike said. “Not ever. I don’t care what you say to me
or do to make me mad or hurt, I love you, and I’m not giving up on
you.”

My eyes watered.
“What if I
asked
you to go?”

He didn’t even
answer. We both already knew the answer. But I wondered if he’d
stay if he knew the real reason I was attacked—that I had let a
vampire into my life, then followed one to my own detriment. And I
wondered how he would feel to know that the core of my sadness was
not because I was attacked, but because of David, because he was
gone and because time, death, and tears hadn’t changed what I meant
to him and wouldn’t,
couldn’t
make him stay.

But Mike had stayed,
even though everything he worked for back in Australia had fallen
apart, and he would always stay, no matter what; if I was human, if
I was weak and frail, even if I asked him to go. And that was more
than I could say for David.

“
You’re a good man,
Mike.” My head rocked from side to side. “I’m glad I’m marrying
you.”

His frown softened and
a broad smile spread across his face, like the light touching the
earth at sunrise. “Then...you still wanna get married?”

“
Of course I do,
dummy.” I slapped his arm. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“
I just thought, with
the whole near-death experience and all, you know, people change
from those things, Ara. I didn’t know if you’d want the same things
anymore.”

“
And you stayed? Even
though you weren’t sure?” Admiration crinkled across my
nose.

His eyes narrowed.
“Ara. I’m in this for life. Whether you marry me or not, I will
always be here to love you, protect you,
and
be your friend. That will never
change. Never.”