Authors: Duane Swierczynski,Anthony E. Zuiker
TALBOTHe calls himself Labyrinth, and he says that he’s a force of good in the world, not evil.
TALBOTAnd today, in a worldwide exclusive, Labyrinth is here, live, in the very next studio, ready to explain his actions of the past week.
TALBOTI want you to know, home audience, that we did not come to this decision lightly. We do not harbor criminals; we merely want to facilitate a surrender. And the man calling himself Labyrinth insists that he will give up after this broadcast. But first, he wants a forum to air his views. [Pause] Labyrinth, we are granting your request.LABYRINTHThank you for having me, Ms. Talbot. I’m a fan of the show.TALBOTWhy are you doing this?LABYRINTHWhy do
you
do this?TALBOTYou mean this show?LABYRINTHYes.TALBOTI try to be a force of good in the world. To show that one person’s good deeds can have a larger impact.LABYRINTHAnd that’s what I love about you, and your show. That’s it exactly. I am attempting to do the same thing.TALBOTBut you’re . . . accused of
killing people
. No matter the justification, murder is wrong. We must believe that, or we descend into savagery.LABYRINTHI disagree, naturally, and believe that bold actions are the only way to produce bold change. But I can appreciate your position, so let me make a deal with you. I’ll stop killing. In honor of you and your show. Perhaps I’ll spread my message without bloodshed—thanks to your generosity.TALBOTLet me make sure I’m understanding you. You’re willing to stop killing, and surrender yourself on this program?LABYRINTHOh. . . . [Chuckles] I didn’t say anything about surrender.TALBOTBut I don’t understand. I’m offering you a forum to explain yourself to millions of viewers around the world.LABYRINTHMillions, Ms. Talbot? Really? Seems you’re inflating your reach just a touch.TALBOTLet’s get back to you, Labyrinth.LABYRINTHIn a moment. I’m fascinated by you, actually. All of the work you do. Especially for children. You’re known for it internationally, aren’t you?TALBOTMy viewers would much rather hear about you, and your mission.LABYRINTHYou’re really keen on helping schools, aren’t you? Especially here in South Africa. Such a worthy cause.TALBOTYes, I would agree. But again, we’re not here to—LABYRINTHI’ve spent a lot of time looking at your process. Specifically, how you help these schools. It is a fascinating model—one I briefly considered adopting myself. See, what you do, and what the viewers at home may not know, is that you’ll do a show on a struggling school, right here in Johannesburg, perhaps. And you will solicit contributions from major corporations—
shame them
, really, into donating computers and books and other educational supplies.And you’ll skim just enough cash off the top to not quite do the job.TALBOTI’m sorry. We’re done.LABYRINTHIf you or any members of your production team touches a single fucking button, the bomb under your chair will fucking explode. You will die on live TV, Ms. Talbot.Is that what you want, you vile cunt?TALBOTW-w-what? You did . . . what?LABYRINTHYou graciously allowed me to inspect the studio before I agreed to this interview. While doing so, I left a little present under your chair. Surprised no one noticed it.TALBOTJames, kill the feed now.LABYRINTHKill the feed, James, you kill your boss.TALBOTDon’t do this. Please don’t do this. You’re making a big mistake.LABYRINTHI could have said the same to you. Don’t do this, Jane. Don’t pretend to help children while keeping them struggling the whole time, just because it will help your ratings, help you reach those millions of viewers you so covet.TALBOTNo, I don’t—LABYRINTHDon’t you fucking lie to your viewers, Jane. Poor show. I’ve collected the evidence into one document, and your viewers can see it for themselves . . . why, right now, as I’ve just released it into a thousand different servers and download sites. Just search for the terms “Jane Talbot” and “Child Abuse” and you’ll be on your way.TALBOTLabyrinth, you don’t have to do this. We can still talk. You promised me you’d stop killing.LABYRINTHAnd you promised those children so much, didn’t you? Hand them a scrap of bread while pressing the heel of your Manolo Blahniks into their dirty little faces.TALBOTYou bastard.LABYRINTHI don’t blame you, personally. You’re just a symptom of a larger disease. The education system for our most precious resource, our children, is not serving their needs. It’s serving the needs of the administrators, the government, by putting the focus on test scores in order to get more funding. Why no creative schools? Why is it all based on one assembly-line system? The current education system is based on Henry Ford’s idea from the turn of the century. Education shouldn’t be a business. It’s outdated and doesn’t help our kids. It’s a shadow of what it should be.TALBOTBut . . . I agree with you, I’m trying to fix it.LABYRINTHStill clinging to your lies? Let’s leave it to your viewers then, shall we? James, I’d like you to open the lines, phone and Web. If you’ve downloaded the documents, and you wish to see Janey here punished for her crimes against the children, then let your voice be heard. Thy will be done . . .TALBOTTalk to me. Please talk to me. Don’t do this. Whatever you’re planning. We can talk it through.LABYRINTHJames? Are we rolling? You be sure to keep me updated on those calls, James. Patch them through.TALBOTPlease....LABYRINTHYou’re right in the middle of what will become the most-watched television show in the history of the medium. You do realize that, don’t you? They’re going to watch this and read about you forever. It will be bigger than the moon landing. Enjoy it, Jane.TALBOTI’m begging you. . . .LABYRINTHDon’t fucking beg me, you bitch. Beg them. Beg your viewers. Beg the children!