Dark Promises (Dark #29) (8 page)

He was as gentle as possible, knowing she detested his touch. He didn't want her to feel worse than she already did. It wasn't as if she was trying to seduce him and every other man around them. She had told him straight out she was in love with Daratrazanoff. Had he not been so far gone, he would have let her go, at least he'd like to think he would have. His emotions were too new, too overwhelming, and the darkness had pressed so deeply into him that there was little goodness left.

Aleksei knew he had misread the signs outside the gate. He'd been in the monastery for well over a hundred years. He had heard her cry out and thought she was being attacked. Everything in him had him flying to her rescue. It had never occurred to him that a Carpathian woman would turn against her lifemate, but it had been Daratrazanoff she'd worried about, had even tried to fight for.

He was sickened by her actions. By Daratrazanoff's actions. But mostly, he was sickened by his own. Never in centuries of living had he stooped so low. No one deserved what he had done to her, least of all his lifemate. His despicable actions only served to show him how far gone he truly was. She might deserve the justice of his people, certainly what she'd done was punishable by death, but not this.

He inhaled her scent, her amazing fragrance, and then he dropped his hands and stepped back, clothing her and releasing her at the same time. She sank to the ground, wrapping her arms around herself, her hair in disarray, her beautiful gray eyes swimming with tears, but still glaring defiantly.

“Do your worst,” she hissed.

He bowed to her, a low courtly bow. “I apologize for my behavior.”

“I could put a stake through your heart and not even think twice,” she spat. “You
controlled
me. Forced me.”

He nodded, taking another step back. She wasn't safe. He wasn't safe. No one was. “I have not felt any emotion in over a thousand years. Longer. Much longer. It is no excuse, but being so close to the undead, walking that edge and then finding you, the woman I . . .” He broke off. Shook his head. “I fear I could not see anything beyond your treachery. On the next rising, I give you my word, you will walk out of here a free woman. I will leave you now and no one will harm you. Seek the ground in one of the unoccupied buildings. Do not take a chance on open ground.”

Gabrielle studied his face. He sounded like he meant what he said and hope blossomed. She licked her lips, trying to stop the strange reluctance blooming along with the hope she felt. “If you mean what you say, why not allow me to leave now? The others are still close by. I would be escorted to safety.”

He sent her a quelling look. One of disgust. Almost a sneer. Gabrielle didn't want to feel it, but she did. That look hurt. The look made her feel guilty when she had nothing to feel guilty over. He was still holding her prisoner. Gary and the others were still outside the gates. He just had to open them and she would be free.

“I have lived my life in honor. I will not allow one such as you, so deceitful, a selfish Carpathian woman who is willing to force her lifemate to choose between dishonor and death, to have her way. You know what that bond is and still, you broke it. I am far too close to darkness to watch you go to him. You can wait one rising. I will walk into the sun, and you can go to ground satisfied that I will no longer keep you and your lover apart.”

Gabrielle stared up into his face. She could see the sorrow in him. She
felt
it, a great weight pressing down on her. She felt the centuries there, centuries of darkness. Of loneliness. Of a barren, cold world without color, emotions,
family or caring. He had endured all of that. At the end there was . . . nothing. Nothing but Gabrielle. Nothing but a woman who didn't want him.

She saw that there in his eyes. In the lines carved in his face. That knowledge shamed her, even as she sought to excuse herself. She wasn't Carpathian. She was in love with another man, and she had been for a long time. She didn't know the first thing about lifemates, only what she'd observed. When she was working in the laboratory, they talked work. Since she'd been converted, no one had given her any advice. She felt human, not Carpathian.

She knew the rudiments. She could shift, which she rarely did. But she couldn't feed. Someone always provided for her. She slept above ground and someone always opened it after she fell asleep and before she awakened. She wasn't really Carpathian. Still, all that aside, she felt a deep sorrow in him and she had a terrible inkling of what could happen if she left. She didn't know what exactly, but there was something about the set of his shoulders. The mask on his face.

He turned away from her. For some insane reason she didn't understand, she couldn't let him just walk away.

“He isn't my lover. He's never been my lover. I don't have lovers.” She blurted the truth out in a low voice. So low it was a mere thread of sound.

He turned back to her slowly. His eyes found hers. Searching. She knew he didn't believe her. His face could have been carved from stone, but his eyes were alive with contempt. That shamed her more.

“Do not speak. It is best that no more lies come from your mouth. I am uncertain how strong I am. You . . .” He trailed off and shook his head, turning away from her a second time.

She tightened her arms around her middle, terrified her churning stomach would let loose and she'd be sick everywhere right in front of him. She had no idea why it was important to her he knew she wasn't lying to him.

“I'm not lying. I've worked in a laboratory and I get caught up in my research. I've never had time for relationships. Or the inclination. I've never had a lover.”

Gabrielle bit down on her lower lip. She bit down so hard she actually drew blood, all the while fighting the desire to run from him—or from herself. Suddenly she was terrified. Terrified of herself. Of what was inside of her. What Gary kept at bay. It was right there in her stomach, rising up,
reaching out, threatening to consume her. She gasped, and he turned again, his frown deep as his burning gaze took her in.

Aleksei noted the drop of blood on her lip. He wanted to lick it off. Kiss her better. He couldn't help but see the way her arms held her midsection tight. He felt the need to go to her and hold her gently. She appeared the epitome of a woman in distress. More, her voice rang with truth.

She also appeared lost, and in spite of himself, in spite of the danger, he couldn't help the sudden surge of emotion for her. His lifemate. He had vowed to put her happiness before his own. She had betrayed him, but he had retaliated in a way that was far, far beneath him.

“I believe you.” Clearly it was important to her to give her that. Still, it changed nothing. She wanted another man. She'd refused him. She'd made it clear she despised him. The choices were still the same, and she wasn't in a frame of mind to share her body with him. Without completing their binding, he wouldn't make it through the rising. “Thank you for that.” He turned away again. Each time was much more difficult, but he knew it was the right thing to do.

“Please. Just wait. You can't do what you're thinking of doing.” Her voice shook.

Aleksei closed his eyes. He had to get away from her. From her scent. From the intimate knowledge he had of her body. He had time to think. To process. A lifemate was about caring. About having a home. A family. Someone to love you as you loved her. To take you as you were. Accept you. This woman wanted no part of that. She kept reaching out to him, but there was nothing there for him. He couldn't look at her again. She was asking too much of him.

“It is too dangerous for me to stay and talk.” And truthfully, there was no reason. There was nothing else to say. “I will get Fane to come to you. He will watch over you until the others go to ground.” His voice was gruff. He could hear the growl coming close to the surface and he swallowed it down. He was close. Too close. “It is best you go to ground immediately to be safe. Next rising, walk out of here. Fane will open the gates for you.”

He heard movement and then she was right there, stepping in front of him, blocking his way. He kept walking and she was forced to step back, her hands out, coming into contact with his chest.

“Stop. You have to give me a minute. You're not letting me even think,” Gabrielle said. “You can't just tell me calmly you're going to commit suicide and then walk away. That's not right.”

“What is not right is my lifemate choosing another man over me,” he said quietly. “This is dangerous to both of us. I refuse to lose my honor. Without you, I cannot live. You know that. Your duty was to me. You refused. You chose another.”

“Stop saying that. Stop thinking that.” Gabrielle caught his shirt desperately. “You aren't listening.”

“You are not saying anything.”

“Because you won't give me time to think.”

He caught her chin, forcing her head up so he could look into her eyes. “Are you willing to share your life with me? Your body with mine? To give yourself to me? In order for us to be lifemates, these are the things that have to be.”

She licked her lips, smearing that small bead of ruby red. Her lashes fluttered and then dropped down to veil her expression.

“That is what I thought.” He gently removed her fists from his shirt and stepped around her.

Gabrielle watched him stride away and nearly collapsed on the ground, but that wouldn't do any good. This couldn't be happening. She couldn't be responsible for this man's death. She'd wanted him dead just minutes earlier, but the reality of his
being
dead was something else altogether.

She stood undecided, watching him as he waved his hand toward the door. Instantly it obeyed him, flying open. Outside she could see the night. Feel the breeze. The cool air. The mist enclosed the monastery in a gray veil. She sucked in her breath and went after him. There was no real thought in her mind, just that she
had
to stop him.

She couldn't think about Gary right now or what was happening to him. She'd already lost him. She lost him the moment she'd agreed to become Carpathian. Aleksei was right in believing she had known about lifemates and that she could be one to someone, but he was wrong in thinking she had betrayed him. Or was he?

“Stop. Aleksei. Stop.” She couldn't prevent the tremble in her voice, but there was also pleading. “Just give me another minute of your time.”

He didn't turn around this time. He kept walking. Desperation set in. She ran after him. “I'm not Carpathian. I'm human. I knew Gary before I was converted. When I was converted, I thought . . .” She was almost up to him and she was still talking to his back. He needed the truth, so she had to face it. Deep down inside her, where no one looked, not even her, she had to face the truth to save this man's life. “I thought they would teach me what I was supposed to know. I thought someone would help me. Instruct me, but they didn't.”

She halted. Put a hand to her mouth, found her fingers were trembling and bit down on them in an attempt to still them. To stop talking. He didn't want to hear her. He didn't want to see her. Whatever transgression she'd made, and she could admit in his eyes she'd made a huge one, he didn't want to hear what she had to say.

She
hated
being Carpathian. She couldn't just take off because she didn't know even the basics of caring for herself. Her sister was gone all the time so there was no asking her. And then that stupid, stupid war with the faction of Lycans that wanted to destroy Lycans and Carpathians both. She hated feeling incompetent. She had stayed longer and longer in the laboratory, and she knew she had clung to being human more and more as time passed. How could she not? No one took the slightest interest in her or treated her as if she was worth anything other than Gary.

“Aleksei.”
She whispered his name. She had too many sins on her soul already and she didn't know if she deserved them or not.

She knew Gary was in trouble. She couldn't save him. She was responsible, and she couldn't save him. Now this man, innocent in the entire horrible mess, was going to die as well. Because of her. Because of her inability to adapt.

She sank to her knees.
“Don't do this.”
She whispered that as well.

How had she messed up her life to this point? She wept inside for Gary. Sorrow pressed in so deep she could barely see with the tears in her eyes. She could barely breathe with tears clogging her throat. But still. There was Aleksei. There had to be a way to save him. She didn't want to think too hard on what that way would be.

Are you willing to share your life with me? Your body with mine? To give yourself to me? In order for us to be lifemates, these are the things that have to be.

She licked at the small laceration in her lip.
These are the things that have to be.
Was she such a coward she couldn't give him those things to save his life? Would it be impossible? She closed her eyes, feeling the caress of his hands on her skin. Her body reacted, coming alive, just as it had done earlier. As if it had a life and will of its own. To share her body with Aleksei would be such a betrayal of Gary.

She closed her eyes. She had blamed everyone for this mess, but she'd chosen to be Carpathian. She bit her lip again, shaking her head. Her sister, Joie, hadn't been Carpathian and she'd still been a lifemate to Traian. She'd been human. Gabrielle squeezed her eyes closed tighter, not wanting to face the reality of what was happening to her.

She didn't understand the lifemate bond. She only knew it was intense. Very intense. Very sexual. Very everything. Lifemates were always together. And the men were very domineering. The women didn't seem to mind, in fact they usually just rolled their eyes and did what they wanted, but the male Carpathians scared her.

Gabrielle took a breath. The life frightened her. The violence. The blood. The intensity of their lives. She was
such
a coward. She had seen vampires up close. Her entire body shuddered. They weren't the only enemy. She touched her back, down low, where her kidneys had taken the knife slicing through them. The pain had been excruciating. And then the Lycans had come. She wanted her safe world back. The cocoon of her laboratory where she could hide away. Gary would have given that to her.