Dark Love (The Two Sides of Me Book 3) (9 page)

“Yes, Dr. Carter has gone over it with us in depth.”

“All right then. And he says you’re an ICU nurse as well?”

“Yes, in the States.”

“Good. I will come out as soon as time allows. If you have any questions or concerns in the meantime please ask the staff.” She begins to turn and leave as abruptly as she arrived, but I reach out and lightly touch her shoulder, Kelly looks back silently,
and I send her a message with my eyes. “Dr. Carter will do all he can.” She understands.

“Make sure of it,” I say my voice full of venomous threat.

“He will. I have family I’d like to return to in Seattle; your husband will be fine.” I drop my hand in relief, she really does get it. Evan better come out of surgery spewing rainbows, and glitter or nobody in that OR will be safe ever again. I watch through tear-filled eyes as the other side of me is wheeled away with Evan.

We are two halves of a whole that can’t survive without the other. My vision blurs and I close my eyes tight wrapping my arms around my body. Isaac’s strong arms are around me instantly, I know it’s him simply from the pure smell of his soap. I’ve been holding strong up until this point, but now I just let it all go and sob into his chest, he shushes me and tightens his hold.

After what feels like a lifetime, Isaac pushes me away gently holding the tops of my arms. “We need to go to the waiting room and be with your family.”

“
Our
family.” I correct him. I consider Isaac family as well as one of my best friends.

“Ok.” He offers me a small sad smile and turns me to face the door that exits the pre-op area, his arm over my shoulders.

“I hear you’re quite the bad ass mafia wife.” He chuckles

“Shut up, Isaac. I had to do something; that fucker was leaving the country, and Evan was going to check himself out of the hospital tonight too. Stupid men. Figures I would have to straighten all this shit out myself.”

“I know, honey, I’m glad you did. I just hope he makes it, I don’t feel like murdering anyone today.” He’s joking with me, but I’m curious to know if my threats would be carried out if it were necessary. I look up at his chiseled jawline covered in five o'clock shadow and momentarily appreciate what a handsome man I have for a best friend.

“Don’t tease about things like that. But, would you…or Mr. Saint…” I stutter and can’t finish, but Isaac’s face darkens turning very serious.

“We already have people in place. If they hurt so much as a hair on his head when he comes out of the operating room that doctor is dead.”

I gasp. What did you think, dummy? Of course they would follow through, I just don’t like that the order technically originated with me. Never mind, positive energy is what we need. No one is going to die today, not Evan or David or Kelly.

My mother nearly knocks me off my feet when we enter the waiting room. “What’s going on?!” she demands

“He’s in surgery, mom, the surgery he was supposed to have before he and David got into the fight.”

“And he’s still doing it? Why would you..he can’t…”

“Mom it’s fine, Evan will be fine, he knows he can’t make any mistakes.”

She does not look convinced but what else is there to say? “Ok sweetheart, if you say so. How long will it take? Should I take the children home?” Mr. Saint stands from his seat in the row of waiting room chairs.

“I’ll take them to the house. Mrs. Galloway, you stay and be with Mrs. Lawson.” I cock my head back; he said that with such compassion and respect. Saint and I have never actually had words but the tension between us is always palpable, and I’ve never known why. Now I think I do. I’m in this forever; I’ll do anything it takes to help Evan, including putting a hit out on a doctor and nurse if they don’t make sure it happens.

Mr. Saint thought I was a phase, a fascination, just another woman vying for Evan’s wealth, prestige, and body. How he could believe that, after all, I’ve gone through I don’t know but obviously he’s accepted that I’m not going anywhere and that I truly love his boss. There must be more to their relationship then meets the eye.

We have had to deal with so much in our short time together that I’ve never delved into that history, later; we will have plenty of time later to talk about it.

“Oh yes please, that would be wonderful,” mom answers. “Sage, Kevin, would you like to go back to the house with the kids; Mr. Saint here has offered to drive you. The surgery is going to take a long time I expect.”

Sage looks at Kevin he nods and she answers our mother. “No, Kevin will go with the kids; I’m staying here with you.” Somehow I knew my sister wasn’t about to leave me and damn if I’m not grateful. I appreciate mom staying, but I don’t think I could handle her alone, her intentions are good, but she drives me bonkers with her bossiness and questions.

“Thanks, sis.”

“Can we take our toys with us?” Tanner asks tugging on the loop in my jeans.

“Of course little man, Evan gave those things to you, they’re yours.” I squat down on my haunches and hug him tight. Kylie joins us under my other arm not to be left out. God I would love to have children of my own with Evan. The fleeting thought brings a lump to my throat.

“Scoot now, go with your daddy, take all your stuff I’ll see you soon. I love you.” I kiss them both on the top of their perfect little heads and watch them trot off each taking one of Kevin’s hands. Mr. Saint follows dutifully, and I’m left with my parents, Isaac, and Gabriella.

“Where’s Simone?” He was here when Evan went down, but things have been so chaotic I haven’t kept track of him. Gabriella pats the seat next to her, and I sit appreciatively, glad to allow some tension to escape my body if only for a moment.

“He’s in the OR.” she answers

“What? With Evan?” A slow, sly smile spreads across her face

“Yes with Evan. He works here remember?”

“Fuck Gabby.” A little more tension leaves my muscles as I realize someone we trust and love is within feet of Evan while he is being operated on.

“Watch your language, Mia. Such a pretty girl shouldn’t use words like that; I didn’t raise you to talk that way.” My mom hates cursing especially in public; she knows I’ve got a foul mouth, and I think the circumstances call for a curse word or two.

“Mother nobody speaks English here; they won’t even know I’m swearing.” She purses her lips but relents, it’s not important right now and she knows it.

“I can’t believe I forgot he worked here. Thank you so much for asking him to be in there.”

“Oh I didn’t ask, he insisted. He said he would watch David’s every move, he will know if there is a problem and whose fault it is.” I lean forward with my elbows on my knees and think. How much do I really know about Simone? Could he be involved with Evan’s family as well? Is he the person assigned to manage the fallout if there is a problem? Shit does Gabriella know her boyfriend is part of a mafia? I sit up straight with these thoughts.

“Gabby, is Simone..?” She drops her eyes to her lap where she is fiddling with a loose thread on the hem of her sweater.

“Yes Mia, he’s involved. I don’t know exactly how deeply but he answers to someone of that I am sure.” So many new things to process. I sigh and drop my head back looking at the ceiling.

“Have you always known?”

“Yes. But I love him.”

“
I know the feeling.”
Dad is sitting on the other side of me, he takes my hand, the warmth and comfort of it are so calming I lay my head on his shoulder and reach for Gabby.
Linked together we wait, these people love me, they love Evan and they will give me the strength to get through the next 10 hours.

Waiting is excruciating. After tiring of sitting I’ve paced, squatted, leaned against the wall and all around fidgeted and twitched myself until my father is at his wits end with me. He likes calm, and I am so far from calm.

“Sweetheart,” he lays a hand on my bouncing leg to stop my agitation, but I cut him off.

“I know, Dad, I’m sorry, I can’t help it. This waiting is miserable, it’s been 4 hours.” I whine

“I know, I wasn’t complaining, I almost forgot to give you this.” He lifts my hand from my lap and covers my palm with his. Cold metal slides into my hand, Evan’s chain and cross. I know before looking what it is, but this feels too much like an ending. I’ve never seen it removed from his neck, not even when he was my patient in Seattle. It always lay sparkling against the bronze skin of his chest or dangling near my face when he is above me, making love to me, tickling me, adoring me. I close my eyes and slip into a silent prayer cupping the cross inside my hands, begging God to deliver my husband to me healed, free of the tumor and most of all free from the evil sadist second personality that haunts us both.

Then I slip it over my head and drop the heavy cross inside my shirt. “The nurse gave it to me when you were…talking to him before surgery.” I’m thankful he didn’t speak the words

“Saying goodbye” I’m hovering on the edge of emotional disaster as it is, and I did
not
tell him goodbye, I will never tell him goodbye. Without opening my eyes, a tear from each one race quickly down my cheeks.

“Thank you, Dad.”

“Oh honey, I didn’t mean to upset you, I thought it would bring you some comfort.” I open my eyes and turn to him. “I know, Dad, but nothing will bring me comfort until I see him alive again.” He sighs deeply, and mom appears in front of me thrusting a nasty cup of hospital coffee in my face. I scrunch up my nose in distaste, but she jiggles it again.

“Take it, it’s terrible, but it will keep you awake.” She orders.

“Mom, I worked the night shift for 10 years, I’m good with staying awake, but thanks.”

“Why hasn’t that nurse been into update us lately?” Mom is just as, if not more impatient than I am. An hour into surgery she was seeking out nurses and even the admitting staff asking for information.”

“It’s only been an hour since Kelly circulated, she’ll be back soon, mom.” Why am I comforting
her
? Didn’t she stay to comfort
me
? She’s a distraction, and that helps me rationalize my own concerns about the progress of surgery, so I guess without realizing she really is helping me. She huffs off to annoy another nurse; God, give that poor person strength. Gabriella has been and continues to be strangely calm, almost like she knows something I don’t. I move down a couple seats and across from her and realize she’s got her eyes closed and ear buds in listening to something. She senses my presence though and pauses the music looking up at me.

“How are you so calm?” I ask, and she removes the buds from her ears.

“Meditation.”

“With music?”

“No, Tibetan singing bowls.”

“Huh?”

“Have you ever meditated?”

“
Uh, no. My life was pretty boring before I met Evan. I’ve never needed to meditate I guess.” She chuckles softly. Might not be a bad idea now though.

“Come sit next to me.” I move to the hard, uncomfortable seat that is attached to ten other hard, uncomfortable seats to sit beside her. “Here.” She passes me one of the buds, and I lean closer to her and press it into my ear. “Close your eyes and listen, try to block out any other thoughts.”

I give her a yea right look, but figure what the hell and close my eyes. The soft hum of a gong fills my head followed by a long drawn out bell wavering until its lost its strength and fades only to be repeated. This is nice. I feel muscles that I didn’t realize I was tensing loosen, and I take a deep breath and blow it out. I lay my hand on my chest where Evan’s cross is against my skin and try very hard to block out thoughts of him but instantly find that’s impossible. Even in the best of circumstances I couldn’t evacuate thoughts of my other half from my mind. He is part of me,
and there is no blocking that part from invading every corner, every inch, every surface of what makes me…me.

Meditating with Gabriella is helpful but its effectiveness on me is clearly nothing like hers. I remove the earbud after about thirty minutes and lay it in her lap, she doesn’t even move, she’s so engrossed in her faraway place I find myself jealous of this ability. Maybe with practice I can learn to separate myself from the world a little better.

Mom scurries by me patting my knee as she goes. “Come on, I see Kelly coming down the hall.” No doubt mom has been keeping her eagle eye out for the return of David’s nurse.