Daring to Dream (7 page)

Romance-wise, I was always very careful not to get involved with any of the guests when I worked on the liners because I knew that they’d soon be gone again and I didn’t want to get hurt. I did go on a few dates with a Greek guy who worked on the ship. He was nice enough but the language barrier proved to be a bit of a problem and it fizzled out. I didn’t mind too much because I was having so much fun and I was perfectly happy on my own. The only guy I got involved with was called Andrew who was a brain surgeon. He was lovely, but I was intimidated by him because he’d been to St Andrews University and I felt as common as muck compared to him and always worried about saying the wrong thing. We spent quite a lot of time together but I knew it couldn’t go anywhere. I would never have felt good enough for him.

New Year’s Eve 1999 was one of the most incredible nights of my life. We cruised down the Panama Canal into New Orleans and it felt like one of the most glamorous – if not
the
most glamorous – things that had ever happened to me.

Someone had to stay on the ship and DJ for all of the guests that night, but because we were going to be docked, all of the entertainment crew wanted to go out and have a great time in New Orleans, not be stuck on the boat playing
Prince’s ‘1999’. We were going to pull names out of a hat, but in the end I had a long hard think about how I could benefit from it. I went and spoke to the cruise director and told him I was willing to nominate myself if I could get the next day off to go sightseeing. We weren’t leaving the dock until the evening, so I would have plenty of time to look around.

We did a show earlier in the evening but I got to see the fireworks at midnight before I had to run downstairs to the disco and start DJ’ing. There must have been about ten people left on the entire ship but someone had to play music for them! I only ended up playing for about an hour before everyone went to bed and then I headed off the boat to meet some of my friends. The party atmosphere on the streets of New Orleans was incredible and I had an amazing night. And while everyone else was hungover and working the next day, I felt fine and I got to have a whole day of sightseeing.

On the flip side there was a very sad moment on
The Emerald
when one gentleman died of old age the first day he arrived on the ship. When we docked he was going to be taken off the ship and it was the entertainment crew’s job to distract everyone so they didn’t see him being wheeled off on a trolley underneath a black sheet. It was funny and tragic at the same time because there was a lot of tap dancing and jazz hands involved as we frantically did everything in our power to make sure no one noticed what was going on.

I was also in charge of ‘Singles Mingles’ on the ship, when all of the single people would get together. I’d introduce
them to each other to break the ice and they’d all sit together on the singles’ table that night. By the end of the cruise they’d be having a whale of a time and I had quite a good couple success rate. There were two weddings as a result of introductions we did on that cruise, so I felt like I was the Cilla of the waves!

One day around March time I was walking past the kids’ club and I could see that the women in charge was having a bit of a nightmare. I’d almost finished work for the day so I went in and offered to give her a hand. I felt like I was back to being a Bluecoat again. I got so engrossed in helping her I completely forgot I was supposed to be doing a deck tour with some of the guests. Luckily someone covered it for me, but when the cruise director found out he came storming into the kids’ club and frogmarched me to his office. He was always much tougher on the women than the men and he started shouting at me saying, ‘You think you’re this and that and I’m telling you now you’re not.’ I knew that other staff members would have heard every word because he was bellowing so loudly and I got so upset I started to cry. He spoke to me like I was about six years old and when I left I was so angry and embarrassed I went straight down to my cell and I wrote on a piece of paper ‘I wish to resign from this ship’ and I put it in his pigeonhole.

A while later I was in the theatre rehearsing for that evening’s show with the rest of the entertainment crew when the cruise director walked in with a face like thunder. He announced to
everyone that I’d resigned. I hadn’t told any of them and the last thing I wanted was my friends hearing it from him. He told me I had until the end of the day to make up my mind and then he turned on his heel and stomped out again.

I’d had an amazing time on the ship until that point, but I was really starting to miss home. I took some time to think about it and after weighing up the pros and cons I decided that I was ready to leave. I told the cruise director about my decision and the next thing I knew his bosses had flown out to beg me to stay. But my mind was made up. It turned out I’d been sent a lot of fan mail (although I hadn’t actually got to see any of it, for some reason) and I’d had brilliant feedback so Thompson were desperate to keep me on. I’d gelled with so many guests and a lot had got in touch with the company to say I’d made their holiday. I was told that if I resigned I would never be able to work for Thompson cruises again, but that didn’t deter me. I’d loved my fantasy life hopping from country to country, but now it was time to get back to real life.

I knew I would miss the cruise and all of my friends and although going home felt like the right thing to do, when it came to saying goodbye it was so hard. I was sobbing when I got on the coach to go to the airport. One of the other entertainers, Andrew Holt, had got me really into Barry Manilow, and I listened to his Greatest Hits album for the entire journey to try and take my mind off leaving everyone.

My brother picked me up from Gatwick airport and
drove me home. The first couple of days were brilliant. It was great to catch up with family and friends and sleep in my childhood bedroom again. It felt like I’d been away for ages. But that initial buzz didn’t last long and my parents’ arguing soon started to get to me again. My dad was sat on the sofa wetting himself, my mum was out working her backside off, and although my life had changed because of the experiences I’d had, nothing else had. Mum spoke to me about leaving my dad again and I knew without a doubt they would be better off apart, but they had to think about the logistics. Where would they both live? How could they afford two separate homes? Sadly, them not splitting up was down to money, and nothing else.

A
s usual I hadn’t really put much thought into what I was going to do work-wise once I got back home. But – surprise surprise! – my mum came to my rescue and got me some work doing market research with her again. It was definitely one of those jobs you could dip in and out of, so it was perfect for the nomadic life I had back then.

The work was steady and relatively easy, but I soon started to miss singing terribly. I heard about a bar up in London called Singers that had an open mic night so I decided to go. An artist called Jocelyn Brown was the compère and you put your name down and then waited your turn. I sang a gospel song and afterwards was approached by a guy who introduced himself as Roachie and told me he was a talent scout. I didn’t know anything about that kind of thing at the time, but he said he wanted to introduce me to someone at Sanctuary Records,
which is the same record label as Iron Maiden. We arranged to meet up a few days later at the Sanctuary café; I ended up sitting next to Roger Daltrey and I was properly freaked out. He was eating beans on toast and he seemed really laid back. I desperately wanted to say something to him, but I was worried that if I opened my mouth I’d start singing him songs from the film
Tommy
or something.

Roachie came and met me and took me down to the R&B department where I met up with a record executive, whose name I can’t remember. He said he really liked me but that he wanted my image to develop before they would do anything with me. They wanted to totally change my image. I wasn’t sure about it at all but Roachie convinced me to at least see what plans they had for me before I decided whether to go ahead.

We met again the following day and he took me into a studio where these two really cool girls were dancing. It was the girls’ job to try and teach me how to move like them because the record company wanted me to be more ‘street’. It truly wasn’t me at all and as soon as I got the chance I scarpered. If they didn’t want me for me they couldn’t have me at all. I didn’t want to be a fraud and change the way I walked, talked and danced; I felt really uncomfortable with it. This was in the days before everyone had mobile phones and I didn’t have one at the time, so the exec had no way of getting hold of me. I’ve never heard from him again, and I can’t say I’m all that surprised after doing a runner!

A short while after that I got a phone call from Graham Henry, my old manager at Pontins, asking me if I’d go back and perform at Pakefield in exchange for a week’s free holiday. I jumped at the chance – a free holiday and I got to sing? It was a no-brainer.

I was on the same bill as a travelling cabaret act called The Tony Carnagie Show. They played at loads of different venues around the country and they were really well respected. Tony was a bit of a legend because he used to dress up as famous divas like Judy Garland, Tina Turner and Cher, and people used to travel for miles to come and see him. He also had other singers on his roster who performed charts hits and show tunes, and at the time he was working with a woman called Julie, who really stood out to me because she had a really powerful voice.

After I’d performed a medley of songs, Tony approached me and asked if I wanted to audition for his show. He explained they were based in Leicester, so it would mean moving up there permanently, but I didn’t care one bit. I always thought the travelling acts that performed at Pontins were awesome and I wanted it to be the next step for me, so it was perfect timing. It was effectively a full-time job, only we would be working in the evenings rather than during the day, which I was used to anyway. I didn’t plan to work in market research for the rest of my life and if I joined the band I would be making money doing what I loved again.

About a week later, I travelled to Leicester to audition.
Tony didn’t tell me outright that I had the job, but afterwards he took me to a few shops in the town centre to try on some outfits he thought would work well in the show, which was a bit of a giveaway. When he did finally break the news that he wanted me to join the band, I didn’t hesitate to say yes, even though it meant moving somewhere I only knew one person I’d met twice before!

Tony and his boyfriend Gary came and picked me up from Kent in late July 2000. They rented me a room in their house and Tony used to take a certain amount out of my wages each month to cover food and bills. He became like a second mum to me because he did all of my washing and cooked my dinner every night. He knew I hated parsnips, so it became a running joke that he would cut them in the shape of potatoes and sneak them on to my plate. I felt right at home and we were really comfortable in each other’s company. If ever I was homesick he would do silly things to make me laugh. I always had chocolate in my room and Tony would sneak in, eat it and then put the wrapper on the floor and pretend their dogs Poppy and Chaz had eaten it.

Tony and I were so mischievous together. We spent that first summer sunbathing and having a right laugh. He had a loft full of costumes, from sequined dresses to wigs. We used to get really dressed up and then sit out the front of the house in garden chairs and watch people do a
double-take
as they drove past. One time a small fire broke out in
the park out the back of the house, so we had to ring the fire brigade. While we waited for them to arrive I ran upstairs and put on a sequined bikini and the wig I wore when I performed songs from
Miss Saigon
. I was still really slim then and I climbed up onto the shed. When the fireman arrived I shouted, ‘Help, help!’ This very handsome fireman turned around and blasted me with water and Tony and I were in stitches.

Sadly, after a lot of unhappy years together, in 2001 my parents finally decided to split up for good. I knew it was the best thing for both of them and all I could do was be there to support them. My mum moved out to another place nearby and she later started seeing one of my brother Charlie’s friends, Ray, which I was totally fine with. I wasn’t heartbroken because I saw it coming and I just wanted them both to be as happy as they could be. My dad was living on his own in our old house and his mum, my nan, was going round every day to look after him and take him meals because he still couldn’t get around very well.

I still used to go back home to see my family quite often, so I spent a lot of time going to and from Leicester on National Express coaches. When I went home after one visit to Kent, Tony and Gary had moved all of my stuff into another, bigger, room. They’d got me a lovely new bed and even put chocolates on my pillow. It was so sweet and I have nothing but fond memories of living with them.

We were so close we even holidayed together, and in 2001
Tony, Gary, Tony’s nephew and niece and I all headed to Florida for some fun. We flew out on 10th September and headed straight to Disney World on the 11th. We were on the
Jaws
ride when all of a sudden people started running around the park screaming. We had no idea what was going on and it was only when they stopped the ride and got everyone off that one of the Disney staff members told us that a plane had flown into one of the Twin Towers. Everyone was evacuated from the park immediately. There was still a plane in the sky and they thought it was heading in the direction of the coast of Florida, so they didn’t want to take any chances. We were all told to go back to our hotels and stay inside. We all went to Tony and Gary’s room and I’ll never forget us all sitting there in a state of total shock watching the second plane hit the other Twin Tower. It didn’t feel real and it still doesn’t now. It was like watching the worst movie imaginable and I was in floods of tears thinking about all of those poor people who were involved. My mum was frantically calling to make sure we were all okay and I don’t think any of us said more than two words to each other all day. We all sat there glued to the TV not believing what we were seeing. Not surprisingly all of the parks stayed closed all week and the airport only opened up again the day we were due to fly home because everywhere was on such high alert. I still can’t believe it happened.

I had such a lovely time living with Tony and Gary
but after a couple of years I decided I needed some more independence, so I found a flat to rent above a shop just around the corner. I moved in with a girl called Melissa and one of the other girls who had joined the band, Ellie. It worked out at £120 a month each for rent and then bills on top, which doesn’t sound like a fortune but I wasn’t exactly coining it in. I pretty much lived off pasta and chips from the chippie below us the entire time I was there. We all got on really well and as you can imagine we weren’t always that well behaved. We lived opposite a taxi firm and the girls always used to dare me to flash my boobs at the drivers for a giggle. I’ve never been able to resist a dare. I just hope there isn’t any photographic evidence anywhere…

The band didn’t usually have any gigs from Monday to Thursday, but at weekends we got bookings all around the country. Every Friday everyone would descend on Tony’s house, then we’d all pile into his van with the equipment and costumes and off we’d go. Sometimes we were given a caravan at a venue where we could stay overnight, and even though I didn’t drink we always had a bloody good laugh. When we performed at holiday camps I used to look at the Red- or Bluecoats or Haven Mates and think ‘that used to be me’, and I felt so proud that I’d ended up exactly where I wanted to.

We took our jobs as entertainers really seriously but we also had fun if we knew the audience were up for it. We used to do silly things like put a mic stand behind someone
so they fell over, or one of us would mute someone else’s mic and sing their line for them in a silly voice.

The best audiences were the ones you could have a laugh with. I used to go up to bald blokes and say, ‘Awww, it’s such a shame. He spent ages doing his hair tonight and he’s come out without it.’ Or I’d go and sit on a guy’s lap and start stroking his hair, and then pretend to wipe the grease off on his top. If the audience were up for it, it made the night so much more enjoyable. It was such a fun time.

We’d wear really smart clothes at the beginning of the show and people would think we were a really straightforward band. Then Tony would disappear and come back dressed as Tina Turner. Everyone would assume he was a female tribute act and some of the guys would be leering at him because he had the most incredible body. The looks on their faces when they realised it was actually a man were priceless. I used to love the element of surprise, the moment when the realisation kicked in and everyone’s jaws dropped. Tony would also come on as Cher in an outfit that consisted of a black sequined leotard with false boobs. He’d tuck his willy under so he had a beetle bonnet, and he wore this huge wig. He’d burst into ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’ and he was so good people thought he was singing over a backing track, but he didn’t mime once. He was incredible.

I became one of the longest-standing female singers in the show. A lot of people came and went but the show pretty much always stayed the same. My main job was to act out
scenes from
Miss Saigon
and
Chicago
, during which I had to make out I was drunk. I even pretended to play the trumpet on one track. The first half of the show was proper cabaret, and the second half consisted of songs that people could get up and dance to. We had a section called Pop Goes The 80s, which was packed full of tracks by people like Soft Cell and Madonna, and that always got people up on their feet. Especially after a few wines. We used to get people trying to get up on stage and join in and all sorts. We never knew what to expect.

Our bread and butter work, as we called it, was the social clubs. If there was bingo on you daren’t even speak let alone sing, but as soon as that was finished we’d get up and do our turn. There were probably only a handful of clubs that were well behaved and appreciated a good singer, but when you got a good one it made all the difference.

If there was another game of bingo on after you, the crowd were pretty much waiting for us to get off the stage so they could play again. They had very little interest in what we were doing; they just wanted to try and win some money. Our routine generally went like this: turn up at 6.30pm, watch a game of bingo, perform, watch more bingo (and possibly a meat raffle), then perform again. Our first performance was always the toilet/fag break because people hadn’t dared to move during the game, but the second performance wasn’t as bad because people would be well lubricated by then. They still talked all the way through but were also a bit more
up for watching a show. It was almost like clockwork every time we performed. The audience would be chatting away, then I’d do a high note at the end of the show, they’d all stop and clap and cheer, and then they’d turn to each other and carry on chatting. It was the same in a lot of clubs we went to. We’d always round off the evening with a real belter of a track, and the second we finished the crowd would start shouting for more. I used to stand on stage thinking, ‘More? You didn’t even watch us!’

We used to do a lot of charity gigs as well, and we performed alongside the likes of Jane McDonald, Ray Quinn and Beverley Knight. I really looked up to Jane because she’s a singer’s singer. She had been on the cruise ships so she’d come from where I’d come from and she’d carved out this amazing career for herself. I remember being gutted when we performed on the same night as her because I had a throat infection and my voice wasn’t what it should have been. I met her beforehand and I said I wasn’t feeling well, so she stood in the wings rooting me on. She gave me a huge hug afterwards and I was so taken aback. I was only in my mid-20s and she was a real idol to me.

I performed for Sir Alex Ferguson and Ricky Hatton at one charity event, and I was properly star-struck. Ricky and I had a photo taken where we hammed it up and pretended to have a bit of a spar and my brothers were well impressed. I always used to chat to the celebs because I found that world fascinating. We did one charity concert
for Destination Florida, which does amazing work sending terminally ill children out to Florida for holidays. Ray Quinn also performed, but I’d never watched
Brookside
so I didn’t know who he was. He was this tiny, lovely looking kid with a brilliant voice, only 17, and he’d just got through to the Bootcamp stage of
The X Factor
. He wasn’t supposed to tell anyone, but he let it slip and I knew he’d go a long way because he was such a great guy and so talented. In fact, he was so good someone offered to donate £1,000 to charity if he sang another song once he’d finished his set.