Dare Game (7 page)

I was taken into care because she didn’t look after me properly. She kept going off with this boyfriend and leaving me. And then she got this new scary guy who whacked me one whenever I yelled. I’ve had a little peep in my files. Though I can
remember
some of it too. Stuff that still gives me nightmares.

So why do I want to see my mum so much?

I don’t want to see her.

I do.

Even after the way she’s treated me?

She’s still my mum.

I’ve got Cam now.

She’s not my mum, she’s just a foster parent. And she’s sick of me anyway.

Is
she?

I
don’t know.

I suppose I need to talk it over with Elaine.

So the next time I see her I’m all set. She’s all smiles.

‘Ah, Tracy, you’ll be pleased to know it’s all fixed now, this special meeting with your mum.’ She beams at me, as happy as a bunny in a field of lettuce.

‘I don’t want to see her now,’ I said.

Elaine’s bunny nose went twitch-twitch-twitch. ‘What?’

‘You heard. I don’t have to see her, not if I don’t want. And I
don’t
want.’

‘Tracy, you are going to be the death of me,’ she said, blowing upwards over her big
bunny
teeth. Then her eyes crossed a little with concentration and I knew she was counting up to ten, s-l-o-w-l-y. It’s her little way of dealing with me. When she got to ten she gave me this big false smile. ‘I understand, Tracy,’ she said.

‘No you don’t.’

‘It’s only natural you feel anxious about this meeting. It obviously means a great deal to you. And you don’t want to risk getting let down. But I’ve had several phone conversations with your mother and she seems as keen as you to meet. I’m sure she’ll turn up this time, Tracy.’

‘I
said
, I don’t want to see her,’ I declared, but I knew I wasn’t kidding her.

She tried to kid me though. ‘OK, Tracy, you don’t want to see your mum – so I’ll phone up right this minute and cancel everything,’ she said, and she started dialling.

‘Hey, hang about. No need to be quite so hasty,’ I said.

Elaine giggled. ‘Got you!’

‘I don’t think that’s very professional of you, teasing like that,’ I said, dead haughty.

‘You would try the patience of a professional saint, Tracy,’ said Elaine, and she
ruffled
my hair. ‘Now, how are things with you and Cam?’

‘OK. I suppose.’

‘She’s one hundred and one per cent supporting you over seeing your mum, you know, but it must be a little bit hard for her.’

‘Well. That’s what being a foster mum is all about, isn’t it? Taking a back seat when necessary. Encouraging all contact with natural families. I’ve read the leaflets.’

‘You’re all heart, Tracy,’ said Elaine, sighing.

‘Not me, Elaine. Totally heart
less
,’ I said.

So
 . . . I’m seeing my mum tomorrow! Which is maybe why I’m wide awake now at three o’clock in the morning. Scribbling away. And wondering what she’ll be like. And if she’ll really come.

Oh-oh. Stirrings from next door. Cam’s spotted my light.

Later
. I thought she might be a bit narked. But she made us both a cup of tea and then we sat at either end of my bed, sipping away. I don’t usually like her ropy old herbal tea but she’d bought a special strawberry packet that doesn’t taste too horrible.

I thought she might want a heart-to-heart (even though I haven’t got one) but thank goodness she just started talking about this story she used to make up when she was a little kid and couldn’t sleep. I said, ‘Yeah, I do that, really scary bloodthirsty ghost stories,’ and she said, ‘No, little ghoul, this was supposed to be a
comfort
story,’ and she started on about pretending her duvet was a big white bird and she’d be flying on its back in the starlight and then it would take her to a lake and they’d float on it in the dark and then they’d go to its great mossy nest . . .

‘All slime and bird’s muck, right?’

‘Wrong! All soft and fresh and downy, and the big white bird would spread its wings and I’d huddle underneath in the quiet and
the
warmth, hearing its heart beat under its snowy feathers.’

‘Oh, I get it. This is the Get-you-back-to-sleep story,’ I said – but after she’d taken my cup and tucked me up and ruffled my curls (why do they all do that, like I’m some unruly little puppy?) and I was left in the dark I tried out the story myself. Only I was in my black bat cave, and I’m Tracy Beaker, not a silly old softie like Cam, so I made up this big black vampire bat and we swooped through the night together. We’d zap straight through certain windows and nip Mrs V.B. in the neck or nibble Roxanne right on the end of her nose and flap out again the second they started screaming. I think it took me to its real big black bat cave to hang by our toes with all our brother bats only I might have been asleep by then.

I’m awake now. Early. Waiting.

I wonder if she’ll turn up?

She did, she did, she did!!!

Cam came with me to Elaine’s. But she waited outside and, surprise surprise, Elaine did too. So the mega-meet of the century took place in private. Just me and my mum.

I was sitting in Elaine’s room, swivelling round and round in her little chair on wheels, when this woman comes straight in and stands there blinking at me. A small woman with very bright blonde hair and a lot of lipstick, wearing a very short skirt and very high heels.

A beautiful woman with long fair hair and a lovely face in the most stylish sexy clothes.

My mum.

I knew her straight away.

She didn’t know me. She went on blinking, like she’d just poked her mascara wand in her eye. ‘Tracy?’ she said, looking round, as if the room was full of kids.

‘Hi,’ I said, in this silly little squeak.

‘You’re not my Tracy!’ said mum, shaking her head at me. ‘You’re too big!’

I’m quite small and skinny for my age so I
didn
’t get what she was on about.

‘My Tracy’s just a little kid. A funny little kid with weird sticky-out plaits. The tantrums when it was hair-brushing time!’ She peered at me. ‘Was that really you?’

I held out a strand of hair and mimed plaiting it.

‘You had a filthy temper when you were a toddler,’ said Mum. ‘It
is
you, isn’t it? My Tracy!’

‘Mum.’

‘Well!’

There was a bit of a pause. Mum half held her arms out but then changed her mind, acting like she was just stretching.

‘Well,’ she said again. ‘How have you been then, darling? Did you miss me, eh?’

I did a rapid rewind through the years, remembering. I wanted to tell her what it was like. But I couldn’t seem to get my act together at all. I’m the lippiest gabbiest kid ever, ask anyone – but now all I could do was nod.

Mum looked a bit disappointed by my response. ‘
I’ve
been driven crazy thinking about you!’ she said. ‘I kept making all these plans to get you back, but things kept going
haywire
. I was tied up with this and that . . .’

‘Films?’ I whispered.

‘Mmm.’

‘In Hollywood?’

‘Not exactly.’

‘But you
are
an actress, aren’t you, Mum?’

‘Yes, sweetie. And I do a lot of modelling too. All sorts. Anyway. I always planned for you and me to get back together, like I said. But I wanted it to be perfect, see.’

I didn’t see. But I didn’t say.

‘I kept getting mixed up with the wrong kind of guy,’ Mum confided, perching on the edge of Elaine’s desk and rootling in her handbag.

‘I remember,’ I said cautiously. ‘There was one . . . I hated him.’

‘Yeah, well, like I said, there have been a few. And my latest! A total pig!’ She shook her head and lit a cigarette, taking a long drag.

Elaine has a strict non-smoking policy in her room. In the whole building. If any of the staff or the clients want a quick fag they have to huddle outside the back entrance. I was sure the smoke alarm was going to go off any second.

‘Mum,’ I said, nodding at the crossed-out cigarette sign prominently displayed on the wall.

Mum tutted contemptuously and took another puff. ‘I gave my heart to that man,’ she said, tapping herself on her chest and scattering ash down her jumper. ‘Do you know what he did with it?’ She leant towards me. ‘
Stamped
on it!’ Her high heel jerked as if she was doing the stamping.