Dangerous Therapy: O'Connor Brothers (Volume 1) (19 page)

“You’re amazing, Stephanie Kelly.” His voice rumbled through his chest.

“You’re pretty amazing yourself, John O’Connor.” His thumb lifted her chin up. He wasn’t smiling.

“I mean it, sweetheart.” His gaze was intense. “Nobody has ever made me feel like this.”

“Feel like what?” She blurted out the words.

“I know this sounds crazy. We haven’t known each other long but…” John stopped and swallowed hard. “Stephanie, I’m in love with you.”

The words swirled around her head. Did she actually hear him correctly? Was she dreaming? Her eyes were actually becoming painful because they were open so wide. Okay, her heart was going to jump right out of her chest. John ‘the hunky cop’ O’Connor loved her. No way. This had to be a dream.

“You look like a deer in the headlights, Love.” He touched her cheek. “The last thing I want to do is scare you, but I’ve always been taught to say what’s in my heart.”

“You love me?” The lump in her throat was making it really hard to speak.

“I love you.” He caressed the side of her face with his finger Almost as if he was trying to memorize every contour of her face. The first time John kissed her, Stephanie knew she’d fallen in love with him.

“I didn’t think I could fall in love so fast. I thought I was imagining it.” She cupped his cheek. “Are we crazy? This is crazy.”

“I don’t know if it’s crazy, but I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.” He kissed the top of her head. John was a good man. She’d become cynical about relationships over the last year. Between her relationship with Brad and the hell Marina lived through. It seemed impossible to find a love like her parents. It was the type of relationship she’d always dreamed of. Just one look at her parents and it was obvious they were madly in love. John’s parents had it too

“You’re quiet,” John whispered.

“Sorry.” She sighed.

“Don’t be sorry, but if there’s anything on your mind, you know you can talk to me.” She lifted her head. “That’s a serious face.”

“I’m scared,” She admitted.             

“Of what?”

“That it’s all too fast,” She whispered. “My sister had a whirlwind romance and she’s raising a child all on her own. She had to move away from home to get away from the memories of her relationship.” She stopped. “And my ex turned out to be a cheating ass, who left with every cent I had.”

“Stephanie, I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life. If the guilt didn’t kill me, Nan would.” There was no doubt she would kick John’s ass. He turned on his side so they lay face to face. “I’d never in a million years do anything to hurt you.” He gazed into her eyes. “You know that don’t you?”

“Part of me knows that.” She took a deep breath and slowly released it. “But I haven’t had much luck with relationships in the past and neither has Marina.” Tears formed in her eyes. It always happened when she thought about what Marina went through. It made her sick.

“I don’t know what I’d do if I had a sister and someone did that to her.” John pulled her into his arms and held her against his chest. “Nobody should be treated like that, but I do know if my brothers or I ever did anything like that, my father would kick our asses all over Newfoundland, and then Nan would do it all over again.”

Stephanie giggled. “I can see your grandmother doing that.”

“I understand you’re apprehensive about all this, hell, it scares me, but I don’t want to let fear prevent me from seeing where this goes.”

“Me either.” She snuggled tightly against him. His hand gently caressed her back. “Good night, John,” She whispered just before she drifted off to sleep in the warmth and safety of his arms.

The next morning Stephanie stretched and the wonderful aching of her muscles made her smile. She turned to reach for John, but his side of the bed was empty. The bathroom door was open so he wasn’t in there. She reached for her cell phone.
Damn it
. It was in her apartment. The sun was peeping through the curtains, but she had no idea of the time. Technically, she was still getting paid for John’s therapy, but here she was in his bed while he was probably working out. Guilt was showing its ugly head.

She sat up as the bedroom door opened. John sauntered in dressed in Athletic shorts and nothing else but sweat. Was there ever a time he didn’t look like an erotic god? He wiped the sweat off his face and smiled at her. There it was, that smile that made her turn to jelly.

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

“Because you looked so peaceful. I didn’t want to disturb you.” He leaned down to kiss her cheek. Here he was full of sweat and his scent was amazing.

“John, I’m supposed to be making sure you don’t do anything to hurt yourself again.” At least that was what she was getting paid for.

“I’m fine, besides I told Cora you’re doing an amazing job.” John wiggled his eyebrows up and down as he stripped out of his sweaty shorts.

“John!” She squeaked. “I shouldn’t be still getting paid.”

“Don’t be like that. You’re still under contract, but Cora did say she has some more clients lined up for you when my contract ends.” He headed into the bathroom and her eyes followed his perfectly toned ass. This man was going to drive her insane. He seemed so indifferent to her contract ending. She wouldn’t be living in such close proximity anymore. If she remembered the date, she had just over a week left. She really needed to get on the ball and look for a place. Grabbing her clothes, she hurried to her apartment.

Showered and dressed, Stephanie pulled out her laptop. She hated trying to find apartments. Maybe she could find one in Hopedale, but she needed to find one she could afford. As she was scrolling through Kijiji, John knocked.

“Come in,” She called out.

“Hey whatca doin, sweetheart?” John plopped down next to her.

“Just looking for an apartment.” He stiffened next to her.

“Wait.… what.… why?” He stammered.

“My contract ends next week.”

“What does that have to do with you looking for an apartment?” Why did he sound so terrified?

“Because the apartment was part of the contract.” Her tone should have been followed by duh.

“But it’s my house, and I want you to stay.”

“I wouldn’t feel right keeping the apartment, John.”

“Why?” He pulled the laptop from her and put it on the table. John took her hands and held them in his. “The apartment will be vacant if you leave, and then I’ve got to find another tenant, and I haven’t had the best of luck with previous tenants.” He looked into her eyes. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“I don’t know, John, it feels like I’m taking advantage of the situation.” Stephanie didn’t want to leave.

“Please, don’t leave.” John’s voice was desperate and she met his eyes again.

“I don’t want to leave, but won’t people think I’m taking advantage of you?” Stephanie was more concerned with what Cora and John’s family would think.

“I don’t care what people think.”

“I do. Cora’s my boss, and God knows what she’ll think when she finds out about us.”

“She knows about us, and I never heard Aunt Cora so excited in my life.” John grinned. “Her exact words were, ‘I was right again. I amaze even myself.”

“What?” Stephanie squeaked. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah!” John pulled her into his lap. “She’s been trying to match all of us in the family. She actually introduced Sarah to James.” The conversation she had with Kathleen came rushing back. “When Aunt Cora was younger they used to call her cupid.” John chuckled. “She introduced mom and dad too.”

“Your mom told me Cora had a gift for matching people.” She narrowed her eyes and played with the collar of his shirt. “Did you know she was doing this?”

“When you first got here, it was the last thing I was thinking about,” John said. “I wasn’t in the best state of mind if you remember.” He really had come a long way. “Now, I return to work in eleven days and I’ve got you.” John cupped her cheeks and held her gaze. “I do have you, don’t I?”

No matter what, John O’Connor had her. Body, mind and soul.

“You’ve got me!” Stephanie whispered against his lips. The kiss was tender and slow. Not like the kisses they shared last night. This kiss was a promise. That she belonged to him. She knew that now.

“Do you two ever come up for air?” A voice boomed from the doorway. A deep groan vibrated through her mouth before John released her lips.

“A.J, do you ever knock?” John growled.

Stephanie tried to move off of John’s lap, but he wrapped his arms around her.

“If I knock then people know I’m coming, and they may not let me in.” Aaron chuckled. “Hi, Stephanie.” The lopsided grin on his face made her giggle. Aaron was like a playful child.

“Hi, A.J.” Stephanie smiled.

“What do you want?” John sounded annoyed.

“I was actually looking for some advice, and Uncle Kurt told me what happened last night. I wanted to make sure you guys were good.” Aaron was serious. It was strange. In the few months Stephanie knew him, it was the first time she’d seen him without a grin.

“I’ll be right out.” The one thing Stephanie noticed about John’s family was they teased each other, but they were always there to help each other. Aaron winked at Stephanie and disappeared from the doorway. “So we’ve decided you’re staying, right?” John held her face between his hands. The hopeful look in his eyes made it impossible to say no to him.

“I’m staying.”

John placed a quick kiss on her lips as she moved off his lap.

“Oh thank Christ. One crisis averted.” John chuckled. Before he disappeared out of her apartment, he blew her a kiss.

Stephanie grabbed her phone. Might as well call Cora and face the music. Although, from what John told her, she wasn’t so nervous about calling her boss. She did, however, want to talk to Cora about this little matchmaking scheme. She smiled as she tapped Cora’s number. Cora the Cupid strikes again.

Aaron leaned against the counter, gazing through the patio door. The happy go lucky bundle of energy who annoyed the shit out of everyone looked nothing like himself. His little brother appeared to have the weight of the world on his shoulders.

John opened the fridge. “You want a beer or something?”

“No thanks.” Aaron didn’t want a beer? That wasn’t normal.

“What’s up?” John poured himself a cup of coffee and held the pot up. Aaron shook his head to that too. “Spill.”

“Were you always sure you wanted to be a cop?” His youngest brother shoved his hands in his jeans pockets. For the first time ever, uncertainty spread across Aaron’s face.

“I had my doubts in the beginning.” John had struggled with the same thing after he graduated University.

“How’d you decide?” Aaron turned away from the door and stared at him. There was something in his eyes. Something he hadn’t seen in Aaron’s eyes since he was a little boy. Aaron was scared.

“I always wanted to help people, and there are only a few ways I could do that. Medicine was definitely not an option for me. Ian is the only one who got those brains. The only option I could think of was law enforcement. Even during training, I wavered. Then I got to go on a ride along with Uncle Kurt.” Kurt O’Connor, their father’s only brother, and a police officer for almost twenty years. “There was a young girl missing for a couple of days, and her family was sick with worry. Uncle Kurt got a call saying there was someone being held against her will at some jerk’s house.”

John sipped his coffee and continued.

“To make a long story short, it was the missing woman. Her boyfriend kept her locked in his apartment. Something about her wanting to break up with him, and he didn’t like it. The asshole got thrown in the pen, and Uncle Kurt brought her back to her family. A.J, it was amazing. To see that you helped bring a family back their daughter. I wanted to put that kind of joy in people’s lives.”

Aaron seemed to be searching for something to say.

“I love my job A.J., and sure it’s not always like that. Hell, most of the time you’re arresting pricks you want to smack up the side of the head, but even getting them off the street makes a difference. You’re helping to keep people safe.”

“I’m terrified, John. What if I’m not good at this?” Aaron plowed his hands through his hair.

“I’m not going to tell you what to do A.J. but I truly believe you’ll be one of the best. It’s normal to be scared. You’re only twenty-two years old.” He gripped Aaron’s shoulder. “If you change your mind, you still have lots of time to decide on another career choice.”

“You want to know why I decided on this career.” Aaron was actually blushing. Wonders never ceased.

“If you want to tell me.” John squeezed his shoulder.

“Because I look up to you and James.” Aaron looked down at the floor. “As much as I bug the shit out of both of you, I really think you’re the best guys in the world.”

“I’m honored. You really need to think long and hard about whether this is what you want to do.” John threw his arm around Aaron’s shoulders. “I honestly think you’ll be a great cop. You’ve got the heart and the compassion for the job. Even if you are a pain in the ass sometimes.”

“Fucker!” Aaron shoved John and laughed.

“Maybe you can talk to James and Uncle Kurt too. Maybe get their take on it.”

“I’ll do that. I do feel better. Thanks, bro.” Aaron gripped his hand.

“Anytime.” John had no doubt his little brother was going to make a damn good cop.

“So how are things with you and Stephanie going?”

“Great.” John couldn’t stop the smile. “She’s really great.”

“How great?” Aaron grinned as he lifted an eyebrow. That was the Aaron he knew and loved.

“None-of-your-business great, you pervert.” John playfully pushed him.

Aaron let out a hearty laugh. “So what about that prowler last night. Have you heard anything?” Aaron followed him into the living room and they both settled in front of the television.

“No, I’m trying not to worry, but something doesn’t strike me right about it.” It wasn’t something that happened in Hopedale. Everyone knew everyone else. Hell, you couldn’t even go to the bathroom without your neighbor knowing. Living in a small community had good points and bad ones.

Aaron hung around for a while longer. It wasn’t often John had one-on-one time with Aaron. Usually, seven of them would hang out together. At least they used to. James was backing out at the last minute any time a get together was suggested. It was weird. John and James used to spend hours watching a game or shooting shit. James seemed to be distant. Almost like he was avoiding John. Sure, he dropped by from time to time but he never stayed for more than a few minutes.

Growing up John and James were always in each other's pocket. They enjoyed all the same things. Hockey, baseball, action movies and at times, they could almost read each other’s mind. They both went through the police academy together. James did better in some elements while John excelled in others, but the one thing they were both great at was working as one. Their co-workers couldn’t understand how they always knew what the other was going to do before they did it. It was explained as a twin thing. John wished he could access that twin thing now because he didn’t have a clue what was going on with James. Maybe it was losing Sarah, but something was telling John there was something more.

Stephanie left for a meeting with Cora and Aaron had gone back to town. This was John’s chance to figure out what was going on with his twin. James wasn’t going to brush him off today.

John stepped outside his door. Hart Street was one of the smaller roads that ran off of Main Road in Hopedale. Only four houses. Sandy’s was the first house and James was the last. The two houses in between were John’s, and Mary Ray. Mrs. Ray was a widow woman in her mid-sixties. She’d lived in the house for as long as John could remember. Mrs. Ray used to babysit John and his brothers when they were children. She also raised nine kids of her own. She waved to him from her front step as he passed her house.

“It’s good to see you up and around again, Johnny.” Mrs. Ray called out from her rocking chair.

“It’s good to be up and around, Mrs. Ray.” Besides Nanny Betty and Cora, Mrs. Ray was the only other person that called him Johnny. He hated the name, but what could a person do? He had to respect his elders.

“On your way to see Jimmy?” Again she was one of three to get away with that name.

“Yeah, and see my nephew.” John was almost to the end of her property. He stopped.

“That boy needs to get out more.” Mrs. Ray nodded her head toward James house. “That sweet Sarah wouldn’t want him to be keeping himself barred in the house.” So John wasn’t the only one that noticed.

“I’m hoping I can change that with this visit.” He waved to Mrs. Ray and continued on. “You take care of yourself, Mrs. Ray.”

The driveway leading to James’s split level house looked bare. The house was a little bigger than John’s and had a larger front garden. James bought the house when he first married Sarah. The front yard was well manicured, but usually had flowers lining the walkway to the front door. This year there were no flowers. Sarah planted them every spring. The house looked naked without her special spring touch. The absence of flowers hit him. Sarah was really gone. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat.
Fuck
.

John knocked and opened the door as he called out. Nobody answered. James was home. The SUV in the driveway proved that. He called out again. Still no answer. He closed the door and walked up the few steps to the main landing. Nobody in the living room. Maybe he was napping with Mason. John put his foot on the bottom step, but a noise from the kitchen drew his attention.

The patio door leading to the backyard was open. The vertical blinds were blowing in the wind and flapping against the wall. John stepped outside. James was on the grass holding Mason in front of him. The youngster was growing so damn fast. Mason’s giggle was contagious.

“James!”

“Hey, what’re you doing here?” James stood up and walked toward the house.

“I knew you were off today and Steph had some work stuff to do.” He’d never had to explain why he was visiting before. This wasn’t right.

“Cool, I was just about to go and get the big guy some lunch.” His brother tickled the baby’s belly. Mason giggled and grabbed onto James’ hand.

“Big guy is right,” John said. “What the hell are you feeding him?”

“He eats like A.J.” James chuckled.

“You better look for another job to feed him when he gets older.” He followed James into the house. “I can’t believe how big he’s gotten.”

“I know. Can you believe he’ll be a year old in three months?” James placed Mason in a high chair. His nephew slapped his hands against the tray. The big sloppy grin made him laugh.

John sat in the chair next to the baby. “You’re having a party for him, right?” John wanted to kick himself right after he asked the question. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to have a party. It had been less than six months since Sarah died. John glanced around. So much of his sister-in-law was still around. John didn’t know if he could stay in the house in the same situation.

James moved around the kitchen. “Mom insisted we have it at their house.”

“What do you want for your big birthday little man?”

Mason slammed his hands against the high chair’s tray again.

“Oh. A set of drums, huh.” John laughed.

James placed the bowl down in front of Mason. “And we can keep them at Uncle John’s. You can play them when you go to visit. Right, buddy?”

The little boy plowed his two hands into the bowl and shoved a fist full of food into his mouth.

This was as good a time as any to get to the root of James’s distant behavior. “James, can we talk?”

“Whoa, that sounds serious.” James poured a cup of coffee for both of them.

“Are we okay?” John leaned forward in the chair and rested his elbows on his knees.

James stiffened for a moment and then plowed his hand through his thick brown hair. “We’re fine, bro.” The tone didn’t convince John things were fine.

John sat back in the chair as Mason tipped the bowl of food onto the tray of his highchair. “It doesn’t seem like it. You hardly call, you rarely come over and it seems like you’re pissed with me.”

“I’m not pissed with you.” James sighed. “I was angry with you, yes, but I was angrier with myself.”

“What? Why would you be mad at yourself?” Now he was really confused.

“The day of the funeral, you asked me to go with you. Mom was even going to keep Mason for the night. I was so wrapped up in my grief I didn’t want to go anywhere.” James turned to the window. “It’s my fault you had the accident. If I’d gone with you, we would’ve stayed all night and the accident wouldn’t have happened.”

John jumped up from the chair. His twin had a death grip on the counter. James’s knuckles were white.

“Hold on a second, bro.” He grabbed James by the shoulders and turned him until they were face to face. “None of that was your fault. It was a moose, bad weather, and stupid luck.”

James’s voice cracked. “I should’ve gone with you.”

“You’d just buried your wife for Christ’s sake. I don’t blame you. I probably would’ve crawled in a hole if I were in your shoes.” John said. “I would’ve never been able to keep it together the way you did.”

“That’s just it, John, I’m not keeping it together.” Tears filled James’s eyes. “Sure, when people are around I put on this brave front, but I feel empty. The only thing keeping me from falling apart completely is Mason.”

The sight of James with tears streaming down his face was breaking his heart.

“Why didn’t you talk to me? Or mom and dad. Hell, you could’ve talked to Ian, Keith or Mike for that matter. For fuck’s sake, even Nick and Aaron would’ve listened.”

“I couldn’t. Everyone was so worried about you and the last thing they needed was to worry about me too.” The guilt hit John in the gut like a sledgehammer.

“So you just tried to deal with all this yourself.” John sighed. “Well, you don’t need to anymore, James. You shouldn’t have been trying to do this on your own.” He pulled James into a strong hug. “I’m here for you. Even if it’s just a couple of hours to yourself or someone to sit and have a few beers.” James clung to John. Finally, James let it all go. John held his trembling brother as he sobbed.

“Let it out, buddy,” John whispered as he tried to keep himself composed. “Just let it all out.”

“Thanks for being here, bro.” James sobbed.

“Since conception, bro. Since conception.”

It killed John to know James had been keeping all this bottled up because he didn’t want to upset the family.
Jesus fucking Christ
. If the family knew about this, they would be devastated. James shouldn’t have been going through this by himself. Grief was bad enough when you had someone to lean on, but going through it alone had to be overwhelming.

When James finally pulled himself together, John turned back toward the baby. Mason was staring at them. His little head was tilted to one side and his face covered with food. John and James looked at each other and burst into a fit of laughter.