Dangerous Love (14 page)

Jay’s dad was there, white faced, sitting beside Katie, but the two of them might as well have been a hundred miles apart. Regan wanted to hug them both. They needed each other right now. Past differences and hurts should be forgotten, but the tie that had held them together had now gone. There would be no more access visits. Their marriage was truly at an end now which was so sad when Jay had died in his attempt to force them back together.

The service was mercifully short and afterwards, Katie approached Regan and without a word, wrapped her arms round her and hugged her.

“I’m glad it was you that found him,” she said. “Jay liked you.”

Regan held her tight. She couldn’t stop the tears.

“I’m glad too,” she said. “I just wish…”

“I know, Regan. Thank you.”

When everyone had left, Regan stayed behind and sat in the quiet church. She’d never been to the funeral of a child before and she just needed time alone with her thoughts. She heard the squeak of footsteps on the polished floor and felt someone sit in the same pew.

When she turned to look, it was Bram. He was wearing a black suit.

“You’re too late,” she said. “The funeral is over.”

“I know. I was here,” he said. “Standing at the back. I thought what you said was really nice.”

“Thanks,” she said. “It wasn’t easy.”

“No,” he said. “It wouldn’t be.”

“I’d better go,” she said. “Georgie will be waiting.”

“Don’t leave on my account. I didn’t mean to intrude.”

“No, it’s time I left anyway.”

He stood so she could pass and as she left the church, she glanced back and saw him sitting down again, head bowed. Some silly part of her wanted to rush back and put her arms round him. Fortunately, the sensible part was stronger.

“Welcome back,” Karen said when Regan walked in to the A&E department on her first day back. “We’ve missed you. How’s Georgie?”

“Doing really well, thanks,” Regan said. “She’s um… she’s staying over with her father tonight.”

The department had been a buzz of chatter and clattering, but silence fell. Regan turned round. Josie was standing behind her with her mouth hanging open and Mike was behind the desk, the phone clasped in his hand.

“You’re back together,” Josie squealed. “Wheee! Congratulations, Regan. I just knew you two were meant to be together. This is wonderful news.”

Everyone was smiling now, practically queuing up to congratulate her. For a split second she felt a rush of warmth. If only it were true! But the truth was they had called an uneasy truce and when they met which was often, they barely had two words to say to each other.

Bram had even taken on another vet so he’d have more time to spend with Georgie and the new guy was living in his old camper van.

“No, no, we’re not, we’re really not,” Regan said quickly.

“Oh.” Josie looked really disappointed. “Is there any chance?”

“None whatsoever.”

“I thought Georgie’s father lived away,” Karen said.

“He’s come back,” Regan said. “You met him.”

“Bram,” Josie said and now Karen looked astounded.

“The lifeboat guy?” she said. “Him? He’s Georgie’s father? That stubborn idiot?”

Regan felt she should leap to his defence, but Karen had a point.

“I mean,” Karen went on. “You had a relationship with that guy and you let him go?” She laughed incredulously. “I mean he might be stubborn and everything, but he is gorgeous.”

“I know,” Josie said. “Mad isn’t it.”

Suddenly Mike was striding across the floor, coming to the rescue.

“Haven’t you got work to do,” he said briskly. “Let’s keep gossip out of the workplace shall we? Welcome back, Regan.”

Karen and Josie scattered in opposite directions and Mike pressed his hand between Regan’s shoulders and steered her to one side.

“You all right? You’re sure you’re ready for this?”

“More than ready.”

“Good.” He looked over the top of her head and his expression darkened. “No! Out you go. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Regan spun round and saw Stanley Bishop shuffling in. His mouth turned up in a smile when he saw her, but was quickly replaced with a grimace.

“Have a heart,” Regan said. “He looks ill.”

“I know what’s been going on here, Regan,” Mike said. “When you were first off, he kept coming in looking for you. You’re a soft touch and he knows it. He must have seen you coming to work and followed you. We can’t accept waifs and strays, you know that. We’re a busy emergency department.”

“I’ll see to him,” she said.

“No,” Mike said. “You won’t. I’ll get rid of him and you can see to the woman in cubicle five.”

But Stanley looked really ill. Worse than usual. The weather had been harsh and he was an old man.

She could see Mike’s point, but Stanley was a special case. She was very fond of him. They all were. Except Mike!

From a distance she watched as Stanley turned round and shuffled back out of the doors, then she waited until Mike had gone into his office before running out behind him.

The poor old guy was leaning against the wall outside.

“Stanley,” she called. He turned and coughed. “Do me a favour and take some of this loose change off my hands,” she went on. “It’s weighing me down.”

“No, you’re all right, love,” he said. He was so shaky. So unsteady on his feet. “I don’t want to get you in any trouble. Keep your money, pet. I’ve no appetite anyway.”

He closed his cold, rough hands around hers and squeezed.

When he coughed, it sounded as if he was bringing his lungs up. Regan put her arm around him and he felt so thin and frail through his clothes. There hadn’t been anything of him to start with, but he’d lost weight.

“Come back inside,” she said. “It’s bitterly cold out here. Let’s get you checked out.”

“No!”

“Yes,” she said. “I insist.”

“What about your boss?”

“Let me worry about him.”

She realised that she had the luxury now of going against the rules and to hell with the consequences. Bram would make sure Georgie didn’t go without if she lost her job.

She took him back in and they made painfully slow progress to a cubicle. Once inside, she pulled the curtain around and helped him onto the bed.

“I’ll get Karen to come and check you out,” she said, stooping to pull off his boots. His socks were soaking wet and as she peeled them off, she saw ulcers on his legs.

“How long have they been like this?”

“Don’t know.”

She swished back the curtain and walked right into Mike.

“What’s he doing in here?”

“He’s ill.”

“Get him out.”

“No!”

“Hey, Regan,” Josie called. “Bram’s here.”

“Bram?”

“He’s got Georgie with him.”

Oh, great start. She’d already managed to annoy Mike and now she was annoying him even more. Presumably Bram had been called out on an emergency and planned to dump Georgie here. Why hadn’t he taken her to Lally’s as they’d agreed if anything came up?

“Go,” Mike said. “Sort it out. I’ll check the old malingerer over.”

Bram was waiting at reception chatting to Karen. Regan pushed back a twinge of jealousy as the two of them laughed about something. It wasn’t that she cared what Bram got up to. More that she felt so keenly what she was missing.

“Mummy!”

“Sorry about this,” Bram said. “Georgie left her toy cat in your car.”

“Did she? Oh no. She was so excited about staying over at your place she must have forgotten. I should have remembered even if she didn’t.”

“You had a lot on your mind,” he said. “First shift back at work.”

“I’ll get my keys.” She hurried off and when she came back, he was still chatting to Karen. They seemed to be getting along very well considering she’d thought him stubborn and had put him firmly in his place when they met before.

“I’m parked…”

“I know,” he said and his smile when he turned it from Karen was nothing short of dazzling, but the shine went off it as their eyes met and he realised who he was smiling at. This was their life now. Icy politeness and no smiles. “I saw it in the car park. I’ll bring these right back. Georgie, stay here for a moment, honey.”

Karen leaned over and whispered in Regan’s ear. “It’s official. You are insane!”

She watched him walk away and couldn’t help but agree. But it was too late now to do anything about it.

A few minutes later, she watched him leave with Georgie skipping along beside him. She was holding his hand and didn’t even look back. It was good that she was getting on so well with him, but at the same time she feared the future.

She’d killed whatever feelings he might have had for her stone dead and now he was free to move on. Sooner or later he’d meet someone else and she couldn’t help but look in Karen’s direction when she thought that. Karen was watching him too, a silly look on her normally very composed face.

Perhaps he’d have more children and Georgie would become part of their family. It would be Regan left out in the cold and really, wasn’t it what she deserved?

“Right, I’ve sent him for x-rays,” Mike said. “And I’ve ordered tests, but it’s pneumonia, Regan. No doubt in my mind. I’m going to try to get him a bed and…”

Regan was shaken from her thoughts. “Is this Stanley we’re talking about?”

“Seems the old duffer is really ill this time,” he said. “You were right, Regan. I should have listened to you, but I know all about his overnight stays when I’m not around, so you can’t blame me for being suspicious.”

She gave him a sheepish grin.

“Did you really think I was unaware of what was happening in my own department?” he went on. “That, by the way, does not give you carte blanche to open the doors to every homeless person that needs a bed for the night.”

He softened his warning with a smile.

“What happens to him now?”

“Well he’ll have a bed here for a few nights and I’ll do all I can to get him a place in Rosemary House. If he’ll stay there.”

“I’m sure he will. He’s had enough, Mike. Poor old boy.”

“I’m sure he has.”

She made to walk away, but he caught her arm.

“Regan, wait.”

“Yes?” She smiled and stiffened. Mike had that look in his eye again. He’d asked her out before a couple of times before Bram turned up and she’d always said no.

“I was wondering if you were free this weekend. I’m going to…”

“I’m sorry, Mike,” she said.

“Yes, I know. Childcare and everything, but now Georgie’s father is back on the scene and doing his bit, I thought perhaps you and I…”

She could see a rosy happy future for Bram, but not for herself. She liked Mike, but knew it could never be more than that. To give him even the slightest hope would be downright cruel.

“No,” he said without her having to say a word. “I understand. Probably best to keep it out of the workplace anyway.”

“Absolutely,” she said, relaxing. “Sorry, Mike, really I am. I’m very fond of you, but…”

“Not in that way,” he finished for her.

She hugged him. In a different life, maybe, but she would never love any man as much as she loved Bram.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Bram had got back to his car only to find his keys weren’t in his pocket, so he and Georgie had doubled back.

“There they are,” Bram said, spotting the keys on the ground outside the hospital.  He bent to scoop them up and looked in the window. The lights were bright in there. Shining down on Regan and Mike having a cosy hug.

Hah, it didn’t take her long did it? But maybe there was something there before he came back. The closeness they’d shared that night, wonderful as it was, was a fluke. They were both emotional, tired and in need of comfort, that’s all it was.

“It’s snowing,” Georgie said, holding out her hand palm up and catching the flakes as they drifted down. “Can we make a snowman?”

Bram laughed. “If it settles, maybe tomorrow,” he said. “But we’ll have to put a plastic bag over your cast to keep it dry.”

“It’s itchy,” she said.

“I know, but it’ll be off soon.”

Her little hand slid into his and they hurried across the car park. The snow began to fall harder and it was building up on the car windscreens and on the grass verge.

Regan kept an eye on the weather through the night and watched with increasing trepidation as the snow built up outside. At least she knew Georgie was safe with Bram.

At the end of her shift, she popped up to the ward to see Stanley who was looking very comfortable and snug in bed.

“I think I came in the nick of time,” he said with a glance at the window. “It hasn’t stopped all night. Thank you for coming out to get me. I don’t know what would have happened if I’d had to spend another night out, especially in this weather.”

Regan had a pretty good idea and it didn’t bear thinking about.

“We’re going to try to get you a place in a residential home. I know you’re against it in principle, but…”

“Not any more,” he said. “I’ve had enough, Regan. I’m too old to carry on like this.”

“I shan’t argue with that,” she said. “At least when you have a proper address I’ll be able to come and visit you.”

“You’d do that?”

“Of course. And now I’d better set off home. Get plenty of rest and do everything they tell you.”

“Yes, boss,” he said.

It would be hard for him, she knew, adapting to life in a residential home, but he wouldn’t survive the winter living rough.

“Drive carefully,” he said.

“Yes, boss,” she laughed.

She was shaking by the time she got to the doors. Few things really terrified her, but one thing that did was snow and ice. She hated driving in such bad conditions and the drive down the hill to Coastguard Cottages was particularly treacherous. Their road was always the last one that got gritted, if it was done at all.

The snow was still coming down and it was still dark as she picked her way carefully across the car park. Her car was buried beneath a layer of white. But she could take her time clearing it off. Georgie was staying with Bram until the afternoon and Bonnie was there too.

No doubt his new vet would look after the surgery. Bram was really serious about being a good father.

Then she saw the headlight beams of a car parked nearby and realised someone was getting out. Bram!

“What’s wrong?” she called. “Is it Georgie?”

“She’s fine. She’s right here.”

She slithered towards him, almost falling over.

“What were you thinking, bringing her out in this weather?”

“Actually I was thinking about how you used to hate driving in the snow,” he said. “And I thought you might appreciate a lift. My car sticks to the road like glue. I got it for all conditions from snow to muddy fields.”

She could have hugged him. But…

“I need my car for work tonight.”

“If this keeps up, you won’t be able to drive to work tonight,” he said. “Not in that little thing. Jump in the back with Georgie, I’m taking you home.”

No point whatsoever arguing with that. She got into the back of the car. It was very warm inside and the windows were all clear. It would have taken ages to get the windows in her car to demist and for the heater to actually start working.

Georgie was well wrapped up. Bram had remembered her hat, scarf and gloves. “Hello, Mummy! Will you help us make a snowman?”

Bram looked over his shoulder.

“Mummy has to rest,” he said. “But we can build one for her while she’s asleep.”

“You’re going the wrong way,” Georgie said as instead of heading for Coastguard Cottages, he turned the car towards the surgery.

“No I’m not,” he said. “I’m taking you home. You can sleep in Georgie’s bed.”

“But…”

“I’m not driving down the hill to Coastguard Cottages even in this vehicle,” he said. “And there’s no point anyway. If you stay at my place, it’ll be easier to get you to work tonight.”

She was going to snap at him, “I don’t need your help!” After all, she’d managed perfectly well all this time without him. She’d driven in the snow and ice and true, she always ended up shaking like a leaf, but she knew she could do it. Was it tremendously weak of her to lean on him now? To batten down her indignation and admit that yes, she actually liked having his help.

If only he’d smile at her instead of always looking at her with that sad, serious expression on his face.

It was amazing to watch Georgie in the flat. She’d made herself completely at home. Some of her toys were scattered about the place. And Bonnie was just the same, curled up on the sofa with Rags once she’d finished greeting Regan.

“Make yourself at home,” Bram said. “You know where everything is if you want anything to eat. And I don’t want to see you for at least eight hours.”

Dismissed, just like that. He was tying a carrier bag over Georgie’s cast. How things had changed since the night she’d spent here when he’d insisted on making her breakfast. If she fell asleep in his bath now, he was likely to pour cold water over her head to wake her up.

He put coats on all the dogs, then they left. The flat felt very quiet. Regan pottered about, had a shower, made herself a cup of tea then went to Georgie’s room.

She’d told Regan that Sue had helped Bram make it nice. Sue worked for him downstairs. Georgie had spent time with her a few times when Bram had been called down to an emergency. Georgie thought she was wonderful.

“She’s so pretty, Mummy,” she’d said.

Georgie’s room was lovely. It had been painted palest pink and Bram – or Sue -had stuck fairies and princesses around the walls.

He was the most masculine of men. Imagining him carefully sticking delicate little fairies around the room was a bit far-fetched. It had to have been Sue.

The curtains and bedcovers were girlie and feminine and he’d even got a fluffy princess rug.

It fell just short of being completely over the top. There were bookshelves already stocked with books and a little white wardrobe and chest of drawers. Various cuddly toys were lined up on the bed.

She picked one up and holding it, went to look out of the window that overlooked the back garden. It had stopped snowing and the sun was making the snow glisten. The dogs were bounding about having a wonderful time while Bram and Georgie worked on their snowman.

She turned to look back at the room. It was like something out of a magazine. Beautifully done, but with a woman’s hand.

She got into the bed, pulled the covers tightly around herself and fell asleep.

“Matching noses,” Bram laughed as he lifted Georgie up to look in the hall mirror when they came in.

It was like having a little miniature version of himself. Two red noses, two pairs of bright blue eyes. Then he pulled off her hat and as her dark hair fell down over her shoulders, she transformed into a mini-Regan.

He flinched. This was how it would always be. She was a constant reminder of her mother and she must have been a constant reminder to Regan of him over the past few years. It was wonderful and painful all at the same time.

He helped her off with her coat, hung all their wet things up in the cloakroom, then popped into the surgery to make sure everything was running smoothly.

Back upstairs, he gave each of the dogs a good rub down with a towel before peeking in at Regan. Bonnie rushed in and launched herself onto the bed before he could stop her.

He picked up her clothes and closed the door quietly. The bedcovers would need changing since Bonnie was still quite damp, but no matter, he’d bought extras.

He couldn’t have done it without Sue’s help. He had no idea what sort of thing little girls liked and she’d brought in a magazine to work. The picture of a child’s bedroom inside was just how he imagined a little girl’s room should look.

Sue had gone shopping with him and helped him choose the right things.

He’d put it together on his own, painstakingly sticking up stickers and arranging things on the shelves. He wanted it to be right for his little girl. He wanted it to be perfect.

And he must have got it right because Georgie loved it.

He made hot milky cocoa and he and Georgie sat on the sofa together to watch television. She was educating him in all the latest things to watch and he was trying to remember it all.

Everything he’d ever done in his life up until now paled into insignificance beside being a father. This was one thing he had to get absolutely right. You didn’t get second chances when it came to being a parent. You either got it right, or you didn’t.

Lally sat down, her cold hands cupped around a mug of tea. The cats were sprawled round the sitting room. They hadn’t ventured out in the snow at all, although occasionally one of them would go and have a look outside to see if it had cleared up yet.

“I suppose I should be making a move,” Len said reluctantly. “I want to get home before dark.”

“You could stay,” Lally said with a grin. “I have a spare bed.”

He grinned back at her.

“Probably best I don’t, love,” he said with a wink. “It’d get your neighbours gossiping.”

“I don’t care about gossip,” Lally said with a mischievous laugh. She put her mug down and got to her feet to see Len out.

And suddenly she was standing right in front of him, so close she could feel the warmth of his breath on her forehead. He reached out for her and she stepped into his embrace.

She hadn’t so much as looked at another man since her husband had died. Never wanted to. But Len had awakened something within her that she’d thought long gone.

He tiled her chin with his finger and was about to kiss her when her phone rang.

“Oh,” she laughed nervously as she stepped away. “Saved by the bell.”

“Who wants to be saved?” Len quipped.

She answered the phone and frowned.

“Katie?” she said. “Hello, love. What? No! No, don’t do anything silly.” She looked at Len, panic stricken. “I know how you’re feeling, I really do, but this isn’t the answer.”

“What is it?” Len said and Lally shook her head at him.

“I’m coming up,” she said. “Right now. Promise you won’t do anything until I get there. Please, Katie. Keep talking to me. Will you do that, love?”

She covered the phone and looked at Len.

“She’s on the cliff. She says she’s going to throw herself off. I’m going to try and talk her down.”

“We should call the police?”

“How? My landline isn’t working and you don’t have your phone with you, do you? I thought not. I can’t hang up on her, Len. We’ll call for help when we get there and see what the situation is. I don’t want people charging up there and scaring her.”