Dangerous Ground 2: Old Poison (15 page)
Read Dangerous Ground 2: Old Poison Online
Authors: Josh Lanyon
The doctor and Will exchanged a look, and then the doctor gave Will a list of signs and symptoms to look for in case of concussion and sent them on their way—which was straight to a debriefing with Cooper.
When Cooper had finally tired of the pleasure of their company, or maybe just the sound of his own voice, Will had driven home—to Taylor's house—and Taylor had showered and was dressed in the softest, most comfortable jeans and T-shirt he owned, resting on the sofa in the 100
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den drinking the hot coffee Will had prepared. His head still hurt, his ribs ached, but he felt okay.
Wrung out but okay. He was alive, and that counted for a lot.
Will sat down on the sofa and put an arm around him. Taylor relaxed, closed his eyes, and let his head fall back against Will's shoulder, relinquishing himself to Will's care. “I guess you have a few questions.”
“If you want to tell me.”
“No.” Taylor smiled faintly. “Yeah.”
Will kissed his forehead and didn't say anything.
Taylor opened his eyes and watched Will's three-quarter profile as he said, “He wasn't my first or anything.” Taylor had been fourteen the first time he and Bobby Machek had jacked off together behind the broken-down concession stand at Sandoval Baseball Field. He could still remember the ghostly silhouettes of the painted players on the peeling red wood wall. Those guilty, giddy minutes with Bobby had been the launch of a long and occasionally wild journey of sexual exploration that had really only ended when he found harbor with Will.
He closed his eyes and admitted, “But it was the first time I thought maybe I was in love.”
In the silence that followed, Taylor raised his lashes. There was so much affection and understanding in Will's blue eyes, he had to close his own again.
“Not like us,” he clarified, although he was sure Will already understood that. “We had to be careful, obviously. It would have meant the end of both our careers. You know how it was back then.” Eight years. Amazing what a difference a decade—or near decade—could make.
“I know,” Will said, and he seemed to be speaking about more than the State Department's historic attitude regarding same-sex relations.
“Inori was married. Separated, I thought. That's what he told me, and I had no reason to believe otherwise. Even so, he was—it was hard for him. After the first rush of finding each other, he was terrified all the time that we were being watched, that we would be discovered. The idea of failing, of disgrace, was unthinkable. His family—his father—was old-school. Samurai.
We're talking something straight out of a Kurosawa film. Inori already felt like an outcast because his mother was Caucasian. There was always this standard he was trying to live up to.
Being gay just made it worse for him.”
“How was it for you?”
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Taylor grimaced. “I took my career just as seriously, but being younger, I didn't think we'd get caught. You know how it is. I felt bulletproof back then. Anyway.” Taylor swallowed hard.
“Anyway, after about ten months he…broke it off with me. Said that as much as he loved me, the risk to both of us was too great.” He could still taste the bitterness of that, knew Will could read it in his face. “So I requested a transfer, and I got one. Faster than I expected.” Taylor opened his eyes, his expression wry. “They sent me to Afghanistan.”
“Hell.”
“It was, yeah. Anyway, at least I knew I wouldn't have time to brood. For Inori, though… I don't think he'd expected me to go. I'm not sure what he expected, to tell you the truth. I guess he thought he'd failed me too. I don't know, Will.”
Will said calmly, firmly, “What he did was not your fault, Tay. Don't take responsibility for Sugimori's decisions.”
“No, it's just—”
“No.”
“No.” Taylor flicked him a smile. “Thanks.” He sighed. “Anyway. I found out a few months later than he killed himself not long after I left Japan. The word was, he'd left some note about family honor and not wishing to live with disgrace, but that was all I heard. If my name had been mentioned—”
“Your name was never mentioned in connection with Sugimori's suicide.” Will said carefully, “There were rumors about the two of you, but no one chose to investigate them.”
“Jesus.”
“It doesn't matter now.”
Taylor pinched the bridge of his nose, hard. “I guess not. It's just… It was true about the old poison. All that time that hurt and betrayal were festering.”
“You could have told me, you know. I wouldn't have thought any less of you,” Will said slowly.
“You wouldn't have thought any more of me.” Taylor was kidding. Only not really.
Into Will's silence, he said, “I should have told you. It's just…sometimes…” He didn't finish it, and Will didn't push.
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Taylor let his eyes drift closed again. Neither of them spoke. Taylor felt Will take the coffee mug from his hand and set it on the table.
“I'm awake,” he murmured. And he mostly was. It was very pleasant lying there with Will's strong arm around him and his head on Will's broad shoulder. He listened to the peaceful, steady beat of Will's heart.
“I've been thinking,” Will said eventually.
“Yeah?”
“It really doesn't make sense keeping two separate houses. It's not very practical.”
Taylor's heart jumped. He said carefully, “What about Cooper? No way is he going to believe we're just roommates.”
“He might let it go. Or he might decide to reteam us. I guess we deal with it when it happens. The bottom line is, I want to wake up beside you every morning, and I want to go to bed with you every night. I don't care who knows. And I don't care what we have to do to make that happen. I like my job, but I love you. There's no question of what takes priority here.”
Taylor stared at him. Will stared back at him, steady as a rock.
“You're sure.” It wasn't a real question; the certainty was right there on Will's face.
“I'm sure.” Will smiled. “Partner.”
Loose Id(R) Titles by Josh Lanyon
Dangerous Ground
I Spy Something Bloody
The Dark Horse
The Ghost Wore Yellow Socks
The ADRIEN ENGLISH MYSTERIES Series
Fatal Shadows
A Dangerous Thing
The Hell You Say
Death of a Pirate King
The DANGEROUS GROUND Series
Dangerous Ground
Old Poison
“Cards on the Table”
Part of the anthology
Partners in Crime
With Sarah Black
Josh Lanyon
Josh Lanyon is the author of numerous novellas and short stories as well as the critically praised Adrien English mystery series.
The Hell You Say
was shortlisted for a Lambda Literary Award and is the winner of the 2006 USABookNews awards for GLBT fiction. In 2008, Josh released
Man, Oh Man: Writing M/M/Fiction for Kinks and Ca$h
, the definitive guide to writing for the m/m or gay romance market. Josh lives in Los Angeles, California, and is currently at work on his next manuscript.
