Dangerous Embrace (Embrace #1) (29 page)

“I guess so.” He put his cool hand to the irritated skin. “Why did you do that?”

“He...” She cleared her throat and shrugged away from him. “He touched me there.” She waved her hand at her neck where the attacker licked her. The look on Mark’s face told her that he understood.

He pursed his lips and tried again to put his hand on her neck. She pulled away to get some space between them. She wasn’t ready. Her emotional grip was slipping away and she needed a couple more minutes.

“I made breakfast. You should feel better after you have some coffee.”

“Coffee sounds good. I’ll be out in a minute.”

Mark turned and walked out of the bathroom, and Sarah could tell she’d hurt his feelings.

She waited a few minutes before stepping out of the bathroom. When she went into the kitchen, she poured herself a cup of coffee without saying a word to him.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asked as he put a plate of food down on the bar for her.

“No,” she said, still unable to look at him.

“Clearly there’s a reason you’re giving me the cold shoulder.”

This made her glance up at him.

“Have you been crying?” Concern clear on his face, he reached for her hand. She pulled it away before he could touch her.

She lifted herself onto a barstool, wincing at the pain. Then she pushed the plate away. Smelling the food made her stomach roll. She rubbed her forehead, trying to gather her courage.

“This isn’t going to work out.”

“I’m sorry?” He tilted his head forward. “
What
isn’t going to work out?”

“This.” She gestured between the two of them. “You and me—and the dating thing.”

“I don’t understand?”

“I was careless and I should have been more alert and careful—”

“Wait—you don’t want to be with me because...” He stopped to catch his breath. “You seriously believe this happened because you weren’t paying attention? Sarah, look at me...
babe
.” He said it so tenderly, she couldn’t help but do what he asked.

“You didn’t have a chance this time, paying attention or not.”

A lump formed in her throat when she remembered that gun pointed at Mark’s face. She shook her head and looked away from him.

“That’s not the point. It could’ve been anyone who came up behind me. I need to get my act together—back together.” She swallowed hard, willing herself to keep talking. “I’ve been living in a bubble for all these weeks and I need to just...stop...get back to normal and stop living in the clouds. I’m sorry, Mark. I’m not trying to hurt you...” her voice broke.

“Then don’t,” he said earnestly. “If you don’t want to hurt me, then don’t—it’s a choice.”

“You’re right. It is a choice and I’m not making this decision lightly,” she said with wavering resolve. His sincerity was slowly breaking her heart.

“Don’t be a coward, if you walk away now, you’ll never know what could’ve been.”

Sarah didn’t have the strength to continue arguing with him. She covered her face, losing what little control she had over her tears.

“Can you honestly tell me you don’t have strong feelings for me? Dammit—just don’t give up so easily.”

“You d—don’t understand,” Sarah stammered.

“Oh, yes I do. You’re afraid to let someone into your safe, little sheltered world. I’ve gotten too close and you’ve allowed yourself to develop real feelings for me and now you’re running scared.”

His sincerity had turned to anger, and he was trying to provoke her into fighting with him. How could she argue with him? They both knew he was right.

Massive tears spilled over her lids just as Mark stepped in front of her and pulled her hand away from her face.

“Sarah, good things in life are hard to find. When you find them, you should hold on.”

The hurt in his voice left her speechless. He reached up and wiped a tear from her chin.

“Yesterday was perfect until...”

The look in his eyes, his emotions were clear too, and it wasn’t just anger that he felt. She pulled away from him and stood up, bypassing him to get some distance. She couldn’t stand the feel of his skin or bear to look at his face any longer. Regardless of how hard she fought to stay calm, hysterics were building deep in her chest. She couldn’t take this, couldn’t stand what was happening to them. Why did she let it go this far? He was right, good things in life were hard to find, but they were impossible to keep.

Mark grabbed her hand and pulled her back. “Don’t run away from me. Talk to me—tell me what’s going on inside your head.”

“I don’t know!” she screamed, and yanked her hand away flailing to stop him from touching her. “I—I don’t know what to do. Things are all fucked up. I don’t know what the right answers are.” She squeezed her ribs to hold in her painful sobs. “He’s free while I’m trapped—unable to live my life. I don’t know if I’m coming or going anymore. I haven’t felt this lost in—
dammit
!” she yelled as she leaned against the wall to brace herself. “He’s contaminated everything in my life. I can’t...work. I can’t drive. I can’t sleep. I can’t run—and now...I can’t even dress myself. Everything normal in my life has been taken away from me. I’m grasping at straws to just...breathe. I’m
trapped
and I can’t...
breathe
...” She began to hyperventilate, her chest heaving in an effort to regulate her breathing.

“Take a deep breath, Sarah—a deep breath please.” He grasped her hand, but she pulled away again.

When her breathing mellowed, he leaned in and took her face in both hands. There was so much passion in his eyes. It hurt to look into them. He was so sincere and she was so broken, too broken to handle him and her life at the same time. She didn’t know how to be with him.

“I’m sorry you’re going through this, but pushing me away isn’t going to fix things.”

“I can’t do this anymore.” She sucked in air, and then flinched in pain.

“Sarah, you’re not feeling trapped because of our relationship, it’s a result of what happened to you.” He lowered his hands to cup her neck. “Baby—you and me together—what we’ve found is the only good thing that’s come out of this, don’t ruin it.” He pressed his lips to the top of her head and held her until her breathing slowed. “I love you, Sarah, and I will take care of you.”

She flinched at his words.

He leaned back and looked into her eyes. “You can try to push me away, but I’ll push back. I’m not giving up on you.” With her face in his hands, he gave her a deep, passionate kiss.

She relaxed and gave into him, clinging to his body, enjoying the warmth, wishing she could have him.

He wiped her tear-streaked face. “I’ll back off
for a while
...but I’m not going away.”

She took a deep breath again and pulled her arm around her torso.

“It really does hurt to breathe, doesn’t it?” His eyebrows furrowed with concern.

She nodded and squeezed her eyes closed.

Mark led her to the sofa and helped her lay down. “Stay there.”

He came back a minute later with a fresh cup of coffee, a glass of water, and another pill. “Do you want to try an ice pack around your ribs?”

“No, I’m fine. Stop worrying about me.”

“Can’t help it when I’m the reason you’re so upset.” After she swallowed the pill, he said, “I’m going to go take a shower...give you a few minutes. Will you be all right?”

She nodded and tried to smile.

“Come get me if you need anything,” Mark said as he left the room.

When Sarah heard the running water, she jumped up and ran to her bedroom. As quickly as she could, she packed a duffle bag, scribbled a note to Mark, and raced from the house as she flipped open her borrowed cell phone.

~

Mark took a long shower to give Sarah time alone. After everything that had happened to her over the past couple of weeks, she had every right to freak out. He didn’t want to minimize what she was going through, and yet pushing him away wouldn’t make things easier for her.

He dressed and went into the living room. She was gone and the room was empty. He walked through the house and into the backyard, and then raced to the front door, which he found unlocked.

“What the fuck?” His pulse elevated as his worst fears coursed through him. He went back to the bedroom and grabbed his cell phone.

“Bri, Sarah’s gone!”

“What?” Brian said. “Where are you?”

“I’m at Sarah’s. When I got out of the shower she was—” He stopped when he saw the scribbled note on the bed. “Hold on.” He snatched up the note and scanned it quickly.

Mark,

I had to leave, I’m sorry. I’ll be in a safe place. Thanks for taking care of me. This—everything was a mistake. I am sorry.

Sarah

He read it until the words sunk in. “Oh my God...” He lowered himself to the bed before his knees gave out. “She’s gone.”

“What are you talking about?”

“She left a note. She...left,” he said as the realization tightened into a knot in his chest.

“What does the note say?”

“I’ll call you back.” Mark closed the phone and ran to the window to look out. The Mustang and her truck were still in the driveway. Was she wandering around the neighborhood? Did someone pick her up?

He dialed her number. “Voicemail—shit—Sarah, what the hell? Come back so we can talk. It’s not safe for you to be out alone. God dammit! What are you doing?” He closed his phone and grabbed his keys.

When Devon picked her up from the Portland Airport, she didn’t say a word, and as if he knew she wasn’t ready to talk about it, he didn’t ask until they were in the car.

“Are you okay?” he finally croaked, after several tense and silent minutes.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for picking me up. I’m sorry for the short notice.”

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” he finally asked.

Sarah shook her head and closed her eyes, consumed with self-loathing. He’d never understand. How could any man understand her life, much less the reasoning behind her decisions?

“Can you at least tell me why you’re so beat up? Who do I need to kill?”

Reluctantly she told Devon about the attack at the club, leaving out all the extra stuff about Mark. She couldn’t let her mind venture into thoughts of him or what she’d done. Her voicemail was full, and all the messages were from him.

“I have an idea, if you’re up for it,” Devon said when she grew quiet.

Sarah looked at him wearily.

“I was thinking about renting a beach house in Newport for a couple of months. What do you think?”

“Newport, Oregon?”

“Yeah. Lily, Hayley, and I spent last summer there. The place is incredible. You can walk out the back door right onto the beach. I met this cool chic, Chloe, and I thought you and I could hang out there for a while.”

“You met a girl and you want to see her again,
really
?”

“Yeah, well, the surfing is awesome and the house is available. Some peace and quiet might do you some good.”

“Some peace and quiet might do me some good,” she repeated, her tone defeated. “Tell me about this girl.”

“She lives in the house next door with a couple of roommates—they’re all super cool.”

“I would love to meet your
girlfriend
,” she teased.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself. I don’t have a girlfriend. She’s just a cool chic, okay.”

“Fine, whatever. I would rather stay at the beach than stay with Mama. It’s only a matter of time before we’re at each other’s throats.”

“Yeah, I made a bet with Hayley already. If you can make it until Sunday, I win.”

~

The next morning, Sarah sat up and blinked her eyes at the light shining through the curtains and the rain as it splattered on the windowpane. She couldn’t believe she’d slept until noon. Her first night without Mark had been miserable, and she wondered how he was.

Her mother’s guest room looked like a floral nightmare. No wonder she couldn’t sleep. The pink walls with floral curtains and the matching pink floral comforter on the bed explained why Devon took the couch instead of fighting for the bed.

When she entered the kitchen, Lily and Sean were sitting at the table chatting quietly. They both stopped talking when she entered.

“Don’t let me interrupt. I only came for coffee.”

“Well, darlin’, we can’t talk about you behind your back while you’re in the room.” Her mother smiled as she said this.

“Great, once I have my coffee, I’ll get out of your way so you can continue to talk about me,” she said, thoroughly irritated.

“Actually, we would like to talk to you, if you don’t mind?” Sean said. Her stepfather had all the manners that her mother lacked, and Sarah wondered what he saw in Lily.