Dangerous Dreams: A Novel (125 page)

Emily walked toward the Dares’ cottage, brushed at her tears every few steps. Why must such a man perish in a lost cause? She thought of the first days at Roanoke when Waters had been the bastion of decisive leadership, faced each new challenge with the quietude and decisiveness of a far older officer. It had been the same ever since . . . a born leader of men, she thought. She shook her head. A waste. Damn you, John White. Why have you abandoned us? She took a deep breath, again wiped her eyes. Forgive my curse, Lord. I know not what has prevented his return, and ’tis unfair to judge or curse him.

Two more steps drew Emme Merrimoth into her thoughts. She saw her sorrowful, despairing face, tears streaming down her cheeks, felt her tight
embrace, her kiss on the cheek when they’d said goodbye. Emily moaned, dabbed tears of grief from her eyes. Why, Lord? Why must it be this way? Why can’t we live in peace? Why? And Shines . . . cannot even say goodbye to her. Shared so much, learned so much from her . . . like a sister . . . always smiling and happy . . . always helping. But dare not see her, in case the Chesapeakes—

“Mistress Colman.”

Emily stopped, turned, saw a soldier approaching with a torch in his hand. “Yes?”

“Mistress Colman, I am one of Hugh Tayler’s guards. He asked me to deliver this urgent message to you. I know not what it says, but he asked me to bear your response to him immediately. I can only be away a moment.” He handed her a sealed parchment, extended his torch toward her. “Here, Mistress, read beneath my torch. I shall look away.” He fixed his gaze on the cottage to his left.

Emily took the letter, broke the seal, unfolded the parchment.

My Dearest Emily
,

        
’Tis with a heart heavy with grief, humility, and shame that I share with you the following horrible burdens I have carried in my soul. My conduct since meeting you, the fairest creature on earth, has been of a nature contradictory to the deep, unquenchable love I feel for you—the love I have felt since the first moment I saw you. I have acted as an evil demon, a cur, a vile miscreant. I tell you now, this is not who I truly am, or wish to be; yet I confess, I have been so since the death of my mother when I was a child. Still, I have striven valiantly to raise myself up, become a man of noble character. But I have failed, sinned against the one I love above all things in this world, and I am therefore not worthy of life. You, Emily Colman, are the only one who can save me from myself, you alone. And I hereby beg you, on my knees, to come to me, sit with me, speak to me, allow me to express my deep regret for my actions, and help me right myself, purge my mind of the evil that haunts me. I beseech you, please come to me this night, allow me to show you the Hugh Tayler I long to be; for without you, I shall surely end my life in despair
.

        
I shall await you four hours after the sun sets, and please take care to let no one see your approach. I shall bribe the guards to be gone when you arrive, so do not knock lest someone hear you. I anticipate the joy of your presence, in deep humility and atonement for my deeds
.

With love
,

Hugh

Emily crinkled the parchment, stuffed it into her apron pocket, took a deep breath, closed her eyes.

The soldier retracted his torch. “Do you have a reply, Mistress?”

Emily’s heart and breathing raced. What should I do? He’s insane but truly needs me . . . perchance I can help him . . . and he truly has a right to know of our child . . . and its death. But, Emily, what are you thinking? He wants to take you again; ’tis but a ruse. Do not be a fool. Her hands trembled. But if I do
not
go, what then? Waters’ caution echoed through her mind. Dear God, help me! I
cannot
do this. She looked at the soldier, thankful he could not see her tears. “Tell him . . . tell him my answer is
no
.”

“Yes, Mistress. In that case, I am now obliged to give you this second letter.” He handed her another letter, again extended the torch, looked away.

Emily took the parchment, started to open it. Saints in heaven, what now? Her trembling hands fumbled it to the ground.

The soldier retrieved it, handed it to her again. “Here, Mistress.”

She nodded, took the letter, broke the seal, unfolded it, held it to the light.

My Dearest Emily
,

        
If you are reading this letter, you have refused my humble, heartfelt plea. Therefore, I must state that anything you may have heard about my men becoming loyal to the governor and Lieutenant Waters is untrue. I exert complete control over their actions; and your failure to honor my request will unleash immediate retribution beyond your imagination, against you and those you love. Know, as well, that any disclosure of the contents of either letter, to anyone, will only worsen that response. So come to me at
the appointed hour or suffer the horrible, inescapable consequences of your decision. And last, bear no weapons when you come
.

I love you as always
,

Hugh

She turned from the torchlight, brushed her eyes, felt a numbing shock seize her body and mind. Mother, Father . . . dear Lord, saints above . . . what am I to do?

“Do you have a reply, Mistress? I must return to my post.”

He will surely take me again . . . but if I do not go, he will certainly deliver his promised retribution . . . and his men will watch me, discover our escape . . . and it will fail. Oh, God, what am I to do? Why must it always rest on me? She stared into the darkness, took a deep breath. “Tell Master Tayler my answer is . . . is
yes
.”

“Yes, Mistress.” He turned, walked hastily toward Tayler’s cottage.

Emily stood stunned; tears soaked her cheeks. Again . . . again I must do this. My God, how can I? How can I submit to such a man, sin, betray my love? God, help me. She glanced at the sky, saw the full moon glowing low above the horizon, the same bright star beside it as on the night they’d left Roanoke. So long ago . . . so many happenings ago . . . will I ever find peace? Her heart felt squeezed into a thimble. George . . . Father . . . Isna . . . Mother. She glanced at the sky, saw a long, narrow peninsula of black clouds pointing at the moon like the finger of death, felt and smelled the thick moisture that heralds heavy fog. What ever will become of me?

She turned, walked the last few steps to the Dares’ cottage; stopped, took a deep breath; rapped on the door, opened it, walked inside.

Elyoner and Ananias busily stuffed belongings into a rucksack, hesitated, looked up at Emily.

“You’re coming!”

Elyoner smiled. The two rushed together, embraced.

“Ellie, Ellie, I’m so happy. Saints be praised, you’re coming.”

“Ladies! To work! We’ve a long walk ahead and much to prepare.”

As Ananias and Elyoner readied Virginia for a brief sleep, Emily watched another ant crawl across the tabletop. It stopped, changed directions several times as if uncertain of its destination, then proceeded toward the edge. You’re as confused as I, little creature. What shall I do? She flicked the ant with her finger. Giving myself is a sin . . . as is condemning others to die for my obstinate pride. Dearest Lord, I’m again with none but dreadful choices. Will you not help me?

Elyoner kissed Virginia then placed two small toys in a rucksack for her—one, the doll Shines had made.

Emily stood; her bloodshot eyes glistened in the firelight. “I’ve something to attend to. I shall return in a while.”

Elyoner said, “But, Em, you must rest. We’ve so far to go.”

“I know, but ’tis important. Now listen to me . . . carefully.”

Elyoner and Ananias looked worriedly at one another then expectantly at Emily.

“Do not leave the cottage . . . keep your weapons at arm’s reach.” She eyed Virginia. “And do not leave
her
alone for
any
reason.” She took a deep breath, glanced at the hourglass. “If I do not return by the departure hour, do not wait. Go as planned. Isna will take you.” Tears trickled haltingly down her cheeks.

Elyoner started toward her, tears of confusion glistening in her eyes. She stopped, shook her head. “Emily! Pray tell, what are you telling us? What is wrong? What—”

“Do not ask! Do
exactly
as I say.” She pulled Elyoner into her arms, closed her eyes, held her long and hard. When she finally eased away, she tried to smile, shook her head, turned, and rushed out the door.

“Emily . . . Emily . . . please . . .”

Emily walked toward Tayler’s cottage in a thickening fog. Fifty feet away, she stopped; searched for guards, saw none; rushed up to the cottage, stopped at the door, heart pounding, checked behind. Mother, make me strong. Tears poured down her cheeks, fell from her chin. God, forgive me. She opened the door, stepped inside.

The room was dim; at first she saw no one. Suddenly she gasped, covered her mouth with her hands, stared at a man’s body lying face down on the floor by the bed. Tayler’s coat hid most of the head but not the blood pooled on the dirt beneath him. Her heart pulsed. Is it him? She stepped closer, leaned toward the body. A man’s hand suddenly cupped tightly over her mouth, snatched her head back against his chest. She mumbled a muted cry.

A deep, husky voice said, “Tayler’s dead! Leave, tell no one!” He maneuvered Emily to the door, held her mouth with one hand while he opened the door with the other, glanced outside, shoved her out the door. “Go, do not look back!” He quickly shut the door.

Emily ran toward the Dares’ cottage. Her heart rippled like a fluttering drum roll; but suddenly a refreshing gust of relief blew through her mind, teased her with excitement. He’s dead. I’m free! But who . . . why . . . what happened? I care not. Dear God, thank you, I’m free!

After a sad, lingering wave at Waters, Emily led the Dares through the west gap in the palisades. Like predators, they treaded stealthily through the lifting fog, crossed the clearing, and entered the forest. All three wore rucksacks on their backs. Elyoner carried Virginia, whose rucksack had leg holes cut in the bottom; Ananias and Emily carried personal belongings, equipment, powder and shot, and a small amount of dried venison and fish. Each carried a small bladder of water, a knife, and a pistol with an unlit match, at their waist. The fog slowed their progress at first; but after a quarter mile, the moon emerged from the clouds, illuminated the forest like a celestial torch, bestowing an eerie feel to the pockets of dense fog that lingered around trees and low spots. All three stepped carefully, constantly searched for danger. As she pushed a tree branch out of the way, Emily heard Virginia cry; she stopped, looked back, saw Elyoner on the ground.