Dancing on Her Grave (16 page)

There remained yet another psychological hurdle: If Debbie had been presumably stalking and harassing Jason Griffith, why did he stay in touch? Why did he seek her out on Facebook? Why did he let her in his home at all on that fateful night? And then, being considerably stronger than her—obviously strong enough to strangle and dismember her—why didn’t he instead simply drag her, kicking and screaming, out of his house?

The most likely answer was anger, and yes, a “heat of the moment” decision, as he’d told investigators, to be rid of this annoying ex-lover for whom he no longer cared. But he’d certainly had time to change his mind: before he’d placed the plastic bag over her head; before he’d strangled her; and particularly before he’d decided to conceal her body by amputating her legs and sticking her, like something disposable, inside a storage
bin.

Psychological Evaluation

I found it difficult to figure out just what Jason Griffith’s appeal was to women. It lies in a combination of bad boy good looks and a little-boy-lost quality, which he apparently used relentlessly and with total impunity. Examining his behavior during and after the murder, a picture emerges of a complete sociopath. He felt entitled to do what he did, to Debbie and to the other women to whom he had lied repeatedly. Jason Griffith was beholden to no one but Jason Griffith. He was the lead in his dances, the vortex of his own solipsistic universe. He was not to be held accountable for killing Debbie and concealing her body. She had brought it upon herself: he killed her because she stalked him; he hid her body because it smelled;
He was simply not guilty of anything, according to Jason Griffith.

Still seeking answers to why Debora Flores-Narvaez and Jason Griffith’s stormy relationship ended so tragically, I contacted Dr. Luis Gaviria, one of the most respected clinical psychologists I’ve met in my career, in the hopes that he could help me analyze their behavior. Dr. Gaviria is not a forensic psychologist, but he is a neurobiological psychologist, and I trust his judgment, both as a psychologist and as a human being.

“Taking into consideration the many details from this case, I will give you my opinion from the position of a member of society, a fellow human being. I am a husband, a father, and a grandfather. I am also a son and a brother. I happen to know about human nature because I have training in psychotherapy and neuroscience, because I am a member of a neurosurgery team, because I have dealt with human pain for many years, but most of it all because I am a human being with a fair deal of life training.”

He said it was difficult to make sense of such a senseless situation, but he wanted people to learn from it and avoid the kind of pain that is brought when we allow ourselves to act as Jason did.

Everybody, Dr. Gaviria explained to me, has two natural tendencies: searching for reward and pulling away from fear and pain.

However, he said, “When someone is seeking pain, something is not right.

“From the very perspective of love, there was very little of that. We see a relationship marked by lies, sex, betrayal, and struggle.” But when a good sex experience becomes mixed with feelings of anger and violence and continuous fighting, our brain starts to associate those experiences, creating a very powerful addictive mix, he explained.

“This is the kind of topic that people tend to avoid. Many couples resolve their fights with sex, and this is trouble for any relationship. It is a very strong recipe for disaster. They kept on having sex because that was probably all they had left.”

In a healthy relationship, as a couple, people should have tenderness, comfortable silence, the experience of being validated and admired, and sharing simple things besides sex itself.

He said that just the very fact that Griffith was still entangled in this troubled relationship showed that he had emotional issues, and so did Debbie.

“This was an interactive mess.”

Going back to the final argument between Debbie and Jason, he explained it was understandable that Jason wanted to make her stop screaming, fighting, slapping him (if that was the true scenario that night), but in this case,
he’d used extreme prejudice. He’d found the time and the articulation of actions to go and look for a bag and put it on her head and asphyxiated her, was Dr. Gaviria’s assessment. If this was a “heat of the moment” type of case, he could have made different choices.

“The first thing that arises from the facts that we know is that this guy had a choice,” the doctor affirmed. “He was not a Jack of the Street; he was very agile, a highly trained athlete with plenty of ability to control the situation physically, protect himself without having to kill her.”

Dr. Gaviria knows all the facts presented in court. If Jason Griffith had come to him as a therapy client, he would’ve considered him someone who needed to learn how to manage his anger and frustration. He believed that frustration and anger piled up and accumulated.

“Sometimes we react from the very primitive part of our brain, and in this case, his anger triggered the worst of reactions. Unless he’s prone to violence, he would have chosen another way of acting. Anyone can be bugged, slapped, annoyed, screamed at, but not everyone is going to react [by] killing someone.” Furthermore, “I don’t think any mentally healthy human being would be able to carry out all that plan without remorse and disgust. The very fact that he could look at the [autopsy] pictures in public [during the trial] without showing any emotion or remorse shows someone who exhibits psychotic traits.”

After learning about such a gruesome account, one of the things Dr. Gaviria could choose as a take away is to consider the immense danger of engaging in stormy relationships that lead only to pain, an empty life, and possibly a tragedy. In his experience with clients throughout the past thirty years, he says life gravitates around two powerful sources, love and fear.

“Everything that spins from love, invites to tenderness, caring and soothing, companionship, forgiveness, and the construction of a meaningful life. Everything that spins from fear, besides our basic survival instincts and self-preservation, when justified, brings anger, frustration, helplessness, and sometimes chaotic actions.”

Jason was moved by both fear and anger, Dr. Gaviria explained. He was afraid of losing his position at Cirque du Soleil, of going to jail, of losing the appreciation of his other girlfriends. Trying to escape from the consequences of his anger, his fears came true.

“He was someone so physically gifted who became the dancer of one of the best entertainment shows in the world, he had everything going for him. He was someone who worked for the
LOVE
show that was ironically searching for love in the wrong way.”

And Debbie was also looking for love, but in the wrong place and with the wrong person?

“Yes, we see a beautiful young woman, talented, great dancer, someone who holds a master’s degree, and
someone who is evidently bound for success; a young lady who leaves a career searching for meaning in her life. She was looking for recognition, for meaning that [she] probably didn’t find in her former life.”

Jason, too, was in love—but with himself, Dr. Gaviria pointed out.

“When we look at Mr. Griffith’s behavior, he seems to exhibit some narcissistic traits. Narcissists are extremely sensitive to criticism. They can’t take feedback, but they can criticize other people to a dangerous extreme. If they don’t see themselves as superior, they feel worthless. They usually have a dismissive attitude towards other people’s needs. They don’t care for other people. They are very competitive and tend to be envious.”

We observed this as Jason and Debbie played a video game during the video of “Sex Games” and Debbie won and Jason dismissed her win like it was nothing.

Narcissists, Dr. Gaviria explains, are not driven by values of morals; they are driven by the fear of punishment. They would refrain from hurting someone not out of empathy or concern for the well-being of the other person, but out of fear of punishment.

“They are very external people, and they tend to be dishonest and cruel.”

According to Dr. Gaviria, Jason Griffith was addicted—he needed the thrill, his fix, his dose, of good sex and
physical satisfaction to get by, like other people might feel compelled to smoke cigarettes or have drinks.

“They feel like they are entitled to everything; they hate to live alone.”

How about Debbie?

“After looking and analyzing her behavior, she was possessive, intense, and passionate in nature. It seems she could never find someone who could fulfill the desires of her soul. She was looking for love. Looking at his profile, I wouldn’t be surprised, if he would put her down time and again. This beautiful girl [also] became addicted to the thrill of good sex and emotional strife.”

The psychologist points out that some people feel alive only when they are angry or sexually excited. Debbie wanted to feel alive, looking for love, and got entangled in this “let’s try again, let’s have sex.” She was saying, “love me, love me.”

“She was not [really] looking for sex, she was looking for love and it seems like she never got it.”

Dr. Gaviria made it clear that in spite of what anyone might have expressed in their interviews, we might never understand what really happened in detail, nor are we capable of judging the facts or the people involved.

But, Dr. Gaviria continued, “We all need emotional closure. Without it, there is this unbearable void in our chest, a wound that never heals. That’s why kidnapping
could become even more painful than murder itself. Only when we see a dead body or utter evidence that a loved one is dead, we can begin to mourn properly and eventually get closure. In time, pain will subside or at least diminish and we can go back to a functional life.”

He said to remember that through neuroscience we learn that we are neurobiologically “programmed for justice.” He explained, “That’s why we enjoy movies with a just end: when the bad guys get what they deserve, we all experience a sense of closure and satisfaction. There is this feeling of retribution, that not properly managed could lead to relentless revenge, and possibly create a cascade of unfortunate happenings that end up turning victims into perpetrators, like when we take justice in our own hands. In our souls there is this notion: wrongdoers should be subject to the same pain and suffering they caused in the first place. Justice is embedded in our system. From our hearts and minds, justice should always be served.”

He later added, “Justice is, from the point of view of neuroscience, wired into our nervous system, in our brain. It’s part of us at a very biological level to be deeply touched and yearning for balance. Justice, when served, brings a sense of relief for those hurting. This is not a whim of the moment or the reaction of a petty heart. That’s why we understand the reactions of Debora’s family members. [ . . . ] I have born witness to the long-term effects of pain
inflicted upon individuals and groups. People can be hurt so much, that their day-to-day routines get totally impaired. Some can’t simply concentrate, without being able to carry out simple tasks, let alone keep a job and make a living.

“There is also an unbearable void in the chest and solar plexus, that makes it hard to even breathe. The obsessive thinking around the lost loved ones, the longing for their presence, the images related to their demise, all lead to extremely high levels of stress that limits the capacity to feel love and experience hope and peace.

“Trusting again, building meaningful relationships can also be very difficult for someone undergoing such circumstances. This is when psychotherapy, provided by highly trained therapists, can bring relief and healing. Thinking that time alone will take care of pain is a myth. Seeking professional help is imperative,” he said, though he also noted that “properly guided support groups also do a lot for people that have suffered traumatic losses. Prayer does work for believers.”

Dr. Gaviria also focused on the path to healing and the uselessness of self-blame. “One thing that is absolutely necessary to start a proper healing process is to get rid of the blame that loved ones cast upon themselves. I am talking about considerations like ‘what did I do wrong? What didn’t I give to my child that lead her/him to make such choices?’ This holds true for the family of the victims
and also for the perpetrators. Let’s remember that we all have free will, and no matter how loving and supportive a family can be, children get to choose, especially the people they hang out with. That in itself can be a potent influence in the way we get to see life and love.” On the other hand, he did not dismiss what he called “slight biological ‘errors’ that arise in the way DNA is passed on to descendants.” He said, “Little malformations in the brain can lead people to react in not so adequate ways that lead to bad outcomes.” In those cases, he said, parents “must take charge of our own choices, the ways we raise our children, and try to make up for our mistakes when possible, people choose to act in ways that bring tragedy.”

Ultimately, Dr. Gaviria said, he wished for all who suffered to find relief. “I wish, deep in my heart, that those in pain will start to experience a sense of relief, and winds of hope. There is another wish in me, that we all learn from this tragedy. That we all become more aware of the quality of our relationships, that we remember the fact that we are here on this Earth to care for each other, that today being yet another day, being with our loved ones is a precious gift.

“I hope that we all learn something from this moving story.”