Dancer at Silver Spires (12 page)

“So she doesn't mind me taking her place?”

“No, absolutely not. Abi's a lovely generous soul who just wants everything to be right. It's true that there are one or two students who will always be jealous of other people's success, but that's not
your
problem, Izzy, so just ignore it.”

“That's what my friend Sasha said.”

Miss Morgan nodded as she got up. “She's a very wise friend, in that case. And now, let's get to work!”

So we did. And I loved every single minute of it.

After school that day, none of us had clubs and we were all just hanging out in the dorm doing nothing in particular. I felt happy, because the others were so relaxed now that Sasha and I were friends again. Not one of them had said a single word about us falling out and no one asked us any questions, they just seemed to accept that whatever was wrong had been put right, and I felt so grateful to all of them for that.

Antonia and Nicole were sitting cross-legged on the carpet, knitting. Antonia said that her grandmother had taught her how to knit at half-term and she was knitting a tank top in a beautiful dark green. But she'd also brought back knitting needles and wool for Nicole to make one exactly the same, only in dark blue. It had been Nicole's birthday at half-term, and we all thought what a fabulous present it was.

I watched the two of them with their heads so close together studying the knitting pattern, and got a sudden memory of how they'd really not liked each other at all at the beginning of term. It was all a huge misunderstanding, but it was really awkward at times for the rest of us until they sorted everything out between the two of them. Then shortly afterwards, Antonia said she wanted us all to have a “truth talk”. Her English wasn't half so good then as it is now, but we all knew exactly what she meant. She just wanted to confide in us, and the name “truth talk” stuck because it was so sweet.

Bryony and Emily were on Emily's laptop looking at pictures that she'd downloaded of her pony back home in Ireland. Their heads were close together too, and I thought how amazingly different their hair was – Emily's in thick unruly auburn waves and Bryony's short and dark and shiny.

And when my eyes went round to Sasha, who was reading on her bed, I suddenly felt as though these friends of mine should know what Miss Morgan now knew. Especially Sasha.

“Can we have a truth talk?” I asked quietly.

“Of course!” said Antonia, jumping up. Nicole got up straight after her and they both climbed up to my bed.

“Come on!” said Antonia to the others. “Thees ees the bed to belong to!”

It was unusual for Antonia to come out with funny English these days, but no one corrected her or said anything about it, and I guessed they were too busy wondering what it was I wanted to say. We all managed to squash on the bed somehow, then everyone was quiet and five pairs of eyes were all on me.

“I know I've been a bit weird about…ballet and everything…”

No one spoke. They all just waited.

“Well, anyway, I think I'm okay now, because I've talked to Miss Morgan and she's kind of in the same boat as me.”

Sasha's eyes widened.

“She was telling me that when she was my age she auditioned to go to The Royal Ballet School and she didn't get in, and she felt a failure too…”

I bit my lip and looked at Sasha, because I felt as though I needed someone to speak then. But it was Emily who actually spoke first.

“You mean you nearly went to The Royal Ballet School? My second cousin tried to get in and failed, and he's a
boy
! He told me it's fifty times more difficult for a girl, and your teacher will only ever think of putting you in for that school if you're mega-brilliant at ballet, you know – like the best in the country!”

“Oh wow, Izzy! You must be amazing!” said Bryony.

“Well I already knew you were brilliant, just from watching you move,” said Nicole.

“And I also,” said Antonia.

“Thank goodness you didn't get in,” said Sasha quietly, “or I'd be sitting here with a completely different best friend who might not be as nice as you and then I'd be totally miserable.”

There was a pause before we all cracked up laughing, and I gave Sasha a big smile because that was such a nice thing to say.

“I think we ought to put some of your ballet pics up now,” she whispered to me when the others had got off my bed and there were just the two of us left.

So we went through them all together and Sasha started to arrange them on the pinboard, working from the outside in until there was space for just one more, right in the middle. “Look, this little place is perfect for that photo of you in your last show, Whizz.”

But for some reason I didn't want that photo up for all to see. I wrinkled my nose. “Isn't there anything else?”

“Oh, why not that one of you? It's great!”

How could I explain? “Because…I feel as though I've been two people until today – the
new me
and the other me. And that photo reminds me too much of the
other me
. And I don't want to be reminded of that, now there's only
one
me.”

Sasha laughed. “Whatever you say, Iz!”

And I knew I hadn't explained it very well, but it was true. There
was
only one me.

The real me.

It's nine fifteen in the evening and I'm standing in one of the wings of the theatre, with Miss Morgan, Rachel, Leanne, Mimi and Debra. In the wing opposite are Olivia and Maria. We're all wearing different-coloured leotards and flesh-coloured tights, and we've got our hair scraped back tightly. My own leotard is silver and I absolutely love it.

We're keeping our limbs moving very gently after the warm-up we've already done. On the other side of the heavy dark red curtain is just about every girl in the whole school, and lots of teachers too. They're all chattering in loud, excited voices about the dance act that's just finished, the one before us. It was Natalie dancing the flamenco, and even from the wings I thought she looked brilliant.

I'd watched the first half of the show with my friends in the auditorium. There was loads of jazz and tap and disco and Latin American, and it was all wonderful. The louder the music and the more energetic the dancing, the more the audience seemed to love it. So right now, knowing that any minute we'd be dancing our slow, smooth ballet dance, it was very, very scary.

“What if they don't like it?” Mimi asked Miss Morgan, her teeth chattering with fear. “It hasn't got a beat. It's not as cool as the other stuff.”

“Don't be silly. You'll be brilliant and they'll love it,” said Miss Morgan firmly.

“But it's so different from everything else in the programme,” said Debra. “And I definitely heard someone in the audience groaning a moment ago when they saw what was next. They said, ‘Oh no, not
ballet
!'”

I was already nervous, but at those words of Debra's, I started to feel sick.

“Okay, girls, get into your positions,” said Miss Morgan. “And have faith in yourselves. If the audience don't love you, I'll eat my hat!”

“I hope you've got an edible hat,” said Rachel shakily as she moved onto the stage. I followed her, and took up my position in the centre at the front, noticing that, as usual, Maria and Olivia weren't looking at me at all.

We'd only had two rehearsals all together after my practice on my own with Miss Morgan, because we didn't need any more than that. The dance was ready for the show. But neither Maria nor Olivia had ever said a single word to me from start to finish during those rehearsals. Abi had watched both times and given me loads of compliments at the end, and the other four seniors always patted me on the back and said, “Well done.” But Olivia and Maria made it all too clear they didn't like me being in the show. And I had to work hard on clearing my mind of them as I prepared my starting position with my head bowed.

We stood like seven statues on the dark stage as our music began and the noise on the other side of the curtain slowly quietened. Then as the curtains opened, there was complete silence. A second later the stage was flooded with bright light and I was glad I couldn't see the faces in the auditorium. I started to imagine there was nobody there and that I was dancing for myself. I knew the others would be gliding in intricate patterns behind me, which looked so beautiful, while I simply had to raise my head very slowly, and then my arms, and then one leg out to the side until my toe was pointing up higher than my head. It was probably the hardest step in my whole part, because I had to hold my balance for so long, but I did it, and I heard gasps from all over the audience, which I hadn't been expecting. So when the music swelled and it came to my leaps and spins, I felt as though I was being lifted right up. And somehow there was an energy amongst the seven of us dancing our hearts out that had never been there when we'd rehearsed. Maybe the music was louder, or maybe it was the bright lights, or just our nervousness, but we were different from how we'd been in rehearsal, and I didn't want the dance to end because the audience were different too. They seemed stunned, and even when the last note faded and we stood in our final positions, there was a breathtaking silence before the applause rang round the theatre in massive, vibrating waves. No one in the audience spoke, they all just clapped and clapped. And then they were on their feet, still clapping.

I reached out to the sides as Miss Morgan had instructed me to do, so that Maria and Olivia would hold my hand on either side and the other four join on the two ends of the line for the final bow. We'd only practised this once and Maria and Olivia had let my hands drop instantly at that practice, as though they couldn't bear holding hands with a Year Seven. But this time they kept holding tight. Then we all had to take four steps backwards at exactly the same moment, raise our joined hands and drop into another bow, before the curtains closed. And that's exactly what happened.

Miss Morgan rushed onstage a moment later and hugged us all. She said she was so proud that she could burst into tears. We all started to leave the stage, but then we realized the clapping was still as loud as ever, even after all this time, so Miss Morgan told us to get back into our line, and the curtains started to open once more.

“
You
come in the line too, Miss Morgan,” said Maria, letting go of my hand, to encourage Miss Morgan to join us. And that's how we were when the audience saw us. A massive cheer went up as Miss Morgan took a bow with us. But she only stayed for a moment, and even after she'd hurried back to the wings the audience was still cheering and clapping. And next thing I knew, Maria had let go of my hand again and when I glanced sideways, I saw that she was giving me a genuine smile. “Take a bow on your own,” she whispered.

She got the others to move back so I was left alone at the front of the stage. As I did a deep curtsy, so many whoops came out of the audience, and flashes from people's cameras and phones, that I felt like a real star. But I couldn't stay on my own – it wasn't fair on the others. So I went back to hold their hands and bring them all forwards for one last bow, before the curtains finally closed.

“I should think that The Royal Ballet School must be kicking themselves!” said Emily as we made our way up to Emerald dorm later that evening, going very slowly because we were all texting out parents about the show. I'd already texted Mum, and she'd replied with just three little words, except that one of them took up about three lines of the screen.

I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo proud!

It was really lovely and flattering the way my friends had talked and talked about our ballet piece ever since the end of the show, saying it was the best part of the whole show and that everyone had thought so.

“You just shocked us all!” said Nicole.

“Knocked us out!” added Bryony.

“Knocked us out?” asked Antonia, in big alarm.

“It's just a saying,” explained Sasha, laughing.

Then we all got ready for bed, and just before we had to hand in our phones for the night, mine bleeped that I'd got two texts.

“Oh, it's from my brother!” I said, scanning the first message.

Just wanted u 2 know Claire nd I r back together. I missed her 2 much. All a stupid mistake! Mum says ballet was big success. Congrats! Max x

My eyes filled with tears of happiness. I understood more than anyone just how wrong it felt when you missed something with all your heart. It wasn't easy reading the second text through my tears.

Got ure no. from Sasha. U were total star. I never thought ud b able 2 do it. I was wrong. Luv Olivia xx

I knew I wouldn't get to sleep for ages that night because I was far, far too happy for sleep. But it didn't matter, because the next day was Sunday and we were allowed a lie-in. And then there was only one more week of term before the Christmas holidays. Sasha and I had made big plans to see each other, even though our families lived nearly two hundred miles apart. I was so happy that our parents had agreed to that, because I knew I'd miss her terribly otherwise.