Damnation's Door: A Cursed Book (23 page)

“Get some sleep, Sephiel,” I told him. “You need it now more than ever.”

He looked at me seriously. “I do not trust these angels. I used to, but no longer.”

“They aren’t going to kill us,” I assured him, hoping irony wasn’t lurking behind a corner. “They want the same thing we do, and while I think Michael would rather flay himself than work with us, we don’t have much of a choice.”

Sephiel looked at the ground. I tilted my head to try looking in his eyes. “This is just one more hurdle,” I said. “We’ve been through worse.”

Sephiel raised his head, and showed me just how much he believed me.

“If we have, I do not remember it.”

I let him turn and walk to a classroom on the right. My pep talks weren’t working for anyone. I took a breath to ask Warrick if he was going to shut me down too, only to find he was already walking to another classroom.

“Hey,” I said, catching up with him as he gripped the doorknob.

He dropped his hand but didn’t look at me. I wrapped my arms around his stomach and pressed my cheek to his back. I felt a sigh leave him, heavy and sad. I didn’t waste time telling him how sorry I was.

“I just don’t fucking get it,” he sighed. “One minute we were ready to kill each other. The next minute he’s being erased in front of me.”

Warrick’s voice was shaky, and I wished I knew what to say to ease his pain.

“He looked like himself before he died,” Warrick whispered. “When he looked at me that last time, I wasn’t seeing whoever the fragment made him into. He was just Jackson.”

Warrick sighed again, and I hugged him tighter.

“Do you want to be alone?” I asked.

“No,” he admitted. “But I need to be.”

I pulled away from him. Warrick turned around and dropped his head. I cupped his face and kissed him. He didn’t hold me. He just closed his eyes and breathed into me.

I stepped back, still holding his face. “I’ll be back in a bit. I kinda need some time alone, too.”

Warrick slid his hands along my forearms, nodding as he pried my hands from his face. We gave each other weak smiles before he walked into the classroom and closed the door.

I stood alone in the hallway, staring ahead and seeing nothing. I turned away from the door and walked deeper into the school, hoping to leave the air of grief behind me.

All I did was add loneliness to the mix.

I meandered forward, no idea where I was going and not bothering to care. Too much had happened. Being stuck with a fragment. Losing my sister. Watching two slayers die. Seeing the strongest men I knew eaten up by heartache.

I didn’t know how much longer I could do this.

I would stop at nothing to save Dro, but I wasn’t sure I could save anyone else. Fighting the supernatural was taking its toll. I was tired of constantly looking over my shoulder and watching every shadow. I was tired of running and struggling to survive. I was tired of thinking I would die before my twenty-first birthday.

But stopping Lucifer was the only way to keep him and his demons off our backs. It was the only way any of us could find peace. I could only hope my peace wouldn’t end with me lying under six feet of dirt.

Of course, if it did, I wasn’t going to be surprised.

Eventually I wound up in the gymnasium. Banners for football and basketball teams hung limply from the rafters. Dirt and dust were smeared along the lined, hardwood floor. The curtains on the stage sagged over the sides of it. Both basketball hoops had been yanked down to sit in piles of broken glass.

I couldn’t stand to think anymore, so I drew a knife from inside my jacket and walked to one of the hoops. It was made from plastic, so it would make a good target to practice with.

I flipped my knife end over end, catching it in my fingertips then hurling it at the backboard. The blade crunched into the plastic center right above the mesh hoop.

It felt good to practice, so I threw another one. Then another, then another, on and on until the only weapon I had left was my hatchet.

I took it off my hip and examined the weapon. Not the original that belonged to my father, but Sephiel had gotten a damn good replacement. Thanks to his blessing, I was able to use this weapon with less effort than my previous one. I looked at the Latin phrase engraved on the hilt:

Anima potentis, cor sororis.

Soul of a warrior, heart of a sister.

Where did I go wrong?

I was debating on throwing the hatchet when I felt it behind me. The warm, soothing rush of air so powerful I nearly dropped to my knees. The smell of sulfur was strong, but not as repulsive as usual. It was nearly impossible to resist. I gripped my hatchet so hard that it left an impression in my palm. If I didn’t do this now, I was going to lose my mind.

I spun on my heel and launched the hatchet at him.

He raised his slender hand and stopped it a foot away from his face.

I took a deep breath and cursed my anger for making me stupid and impulsive.

I was completely alone and defenseless, and the Devil had come calling.

Chapter 19

Physically, Lucifer was perfect. He was so beautiful he bordered on androgyny, but the muscles of his shoulders and chest made it clear that he was all male. He was seven feet tall with flawless pale skin. He wore a simple black suit under a black overcoat. His tie was as shockingly white as the smooth hair that went to the base of his spine. Lucifer had wings, but I couldn’t see them under the suit, though he could have been hiding them with magic, as well.

It didn’t matter that I couldn’t see them, because I was focused on his eyes. They were glistening and shining black, like someone had replaced his eyes with those of a spider.

I wanted to say that I was scared. Truthfully, I was, but fear wasn’t the only thing making my heart beat faster. Being around Lucifer was like being a compulsive drug addict looking at a bag of cocaine in a fire. You knew it was bad for you. You knew touching it would hurt, and the consequences would be worse. But that didn’t keep you from staring. It didn’t stop the desire.

Lucifer didn’t say anything. He stood there, looking past my free-hanging hatchet, and watched me.

I should have screamed. I should have run. I should have done anything to get help against him. I knew I couldn’t fight Lucifer. He’d tossed me around like a rag doll when I got in his way, then set me on fire when I slightly annoyed him. Michael might have a chance, but his powers were weakening thanks to me. It would be a small tussle, then a complete bloodbath.

But he was here for a reason. The Devil had a reason for everything. He seemed like the type to plan every miniscule detail, no matter how trivial it seemed. Having Mateo put the fragment inside of me was no accident.

Not pulverizing me on the spot was no accident, either.

“Why are you here?”

What should have been an intimidating question came out as a quivering whisper. I was glad I found the will to speak at all.

Lucifer didn’t answer. He just continued to stare at me. I thought that was all he was going to do, until he looked into my soul.

I squeezed my eyes shut and gasped. It was like two rough, hot hands were reaching into my brain and prying it apart. He could see it all, every memory I shared with my sister.

The day I found her in the forest, alone and wailing in a smoking patch of earth. When she learned how to cook with my mom. The first time she used her powers to heal my wounds. Laughing when I tried to braid her hair. The horrors we’d endured when the demons came for her at Owl Creek. Witnessing the deaths of our parents. Still loving me after I became a killer for the Blood Thorns. Needing her to keep me together. Promising we would leave them. Running after we were betrayed. Losing her and finding her again. Demons hunting us as her powers began to grow. Seeing her rib get torn out. Promising to keep her safe even though I knew I would die. Watching her lose control, and ultimately losing her all over again.

All of my memories surged at once, filling my heart and threatening to break it. I choked out a sob. I nearly begged him for mercy. The pain was crippling, turning my legs into wet noodles. I didn’t know what he was looking for, so I couldn’t protect myself from him.

Then, after what seemed like an eternity, the hands were pulled from my brain. I heaved and bent at the waist, taking deep breaths to calm myself.

When I looked up again, Lucifer was directly in front of me. I startled and tried to punch him. He caught my wrist easily. Instinct kicked in and I tried to pull away, but he jerked me back. I bumped against his chest. His body heat was smothering, at least twice the heat of a human’s. I lifted my head to look at Lucifer, and was painfully aware of how small I was compared to him. He was the Devil. He could crush me, burn me, pull me apart without the slightest effort.

Lucifer gripped my chin and raised my face to his. The floods of dread and yearning fell on my body like drenched clothes. He was too divine. Too terrifying and mighty for me to fight him. I didn’t even have a weapon to try.

“You are her protector,” he stated. “Your love compels you to defend her, no matter how much she has ruined you.”

I don’t know how it happened, or why I did it, but suddenly I found the defiance that had been hiding in me.

“She didn’t,” I breathed out.

“Is that why you are wandering these halls without a purpose? Is that why you are letting your heart break?” He tilted his head ever so slightly, examining me. “Is that why you refuse to let her go?”

I tried to back away, but a sudden ripple of energy shuddered down my spine and through my legs. I couldn’t move my feet. They were frozen in place.

“She came to me of her own accord, on the sole promise that I permit you and your friends to live. Given how she has run from me, I was reluctant to adhere to her wish.”

Lucifer leaned down like he wanted to kiss me, knowing I couldn’t run from him. My heart felt torn– half of it screaming to escape whatever torture Lucifer’s kiss would inflict, the other half greedily craving it.

“You think I am being cruel to her. That I would bring her harm. But you are wrong. I have treated her as she deserves to be treated. She is a princess. She belongs. She is happy.”

My mind told me it wasn’t true. That Dro was working on a ploy, buying time until I could rescue her. She had to be. It made more sense. She wouldn’t give in. Not after everything we’d gone through.

Except…

I can’t fight this anymore, Connie.

Those weren’t the words of someone who was planning a double-cross. They were honest and sincere. A revelation and an epiphany.

Dro had surrendered.

My heart cracked so sharply I couldn’t breathe for a minute. I fought my tears, hoping I looked strong in front of him.

But it didn’t matter how I tried to look. He would see right through me.

“I am here to offer you a truce, as I am grateful for what you have done for my child.”

I gasped in air, looking at him. Lucifer was
grateful
for me protecting Dro. For unwillingly leading her back to him. If those weren’t the words to a trap, I didn’t know what was.

“I am indebted to you. Your tenacity has crippled the Heavenly Host. You have valiantly fought for my daughter’s life. I am impressed.”

Lucifer’s hand slid from my chin to my cheek. It pulsed soothing heat and crippling pleasure. It wrapped my body in blankets of comfort, relaxing my tired body and easing my pains. I sighed, aching for more. It wasn’t wrong. Couldn’t be wrong.

“I shall spare you further pain. You will suffer no more. There will be no need to run, because you shall not know fear. You will know peace, Constance Ramirez. All I ask is that you let her go.”

His fingers crept into my brain again, reminding me of everything I wanted. To not be afraid that someone would hurt me, or that I would hurt someone. I wanted to forget about angels and demons and ruthless artifacts. I wanted to be normal. I wanted Sephiel to be relieved of his grief, Max to regain his hope and energy. I wanted Warrick to hold me and tell me how much he loved me, and to have the confidence to give him my whole heart without restraint.

Lucifer could do that for me. All I had to do was stop searching for Dro.

But under all those dreams, I saw the reality of what I really desired. What I needed. A teenage girl to look at me without fear for once. To not see her pulling at her snow-white hair with guilt. To stop icy blue eyes from filling with tears when I came back covered in blood. To fix the mess I had made of our relationship, and stand beside her again.

I wanted to be fearless. I
needed
my sister to be safe.

It took all my strength to breathe and push away the tempting warmth of his promise. The air was sharper in my lungs, almost painful as the heat left it. I held my breath, just in case it was my last one.

“No,” I said.

I’d never said a word so quietly before. Never said it with such conviction. No matter how much I ached for that security, for the freedom to live without danger, I wouldn’t take the easy road. I wouldn’t be seduced into the Devil’s trap. Whatever he said, I knew he had something terrible planned for my little sister. You couldn’t be the Devil if you didn’t have a hidden agenda. Dro’s pain and blood would not be on my hands.

I waited to see if Lucifer would kill me. I’d rejected his offer, pushed away his advances. There was nothing in his eyes or on his face to reveal what he was feeling. If he even
could
feel. I concentrated on breathing evenly. I inhaled sharply and squeezed my eyes shut when he forced himself into my head again, drawing out all of my guilt and fear. I dug my nails into my palms, drawing blood. I was trembling, but still didn’t give in. I didn’t beg for mercy, didn’t drop to my knees and cry for release or forgiveness. I didn’t think about Dro or Warrick or Max or Sephiel. Lucifer didn’t need the ammunition.

“You are brave, Constance Ramirez,” crooned the Devil. “Precious few have resisted my comfort. Perhaps you only need more time to break.”

I slowly lifted my eyes and looked at Lucifer. He was already gliding away, moving without a sound, past my free-floating hatchet as if it wasn’t even there.

“I’m going to kill you.”

The words were out of my mouth before I realized who I was telling them to. Lucifer stopped, and slowly turned back to me. The horrible crush of love and hate flowed over me. I swayed and tried to shake the fog from my mind.

“I do not think so,” Lucifer chided. “My daughter would not forgive you for that.”

“She’s not–” I started to slur.

“She is where she belongs. All the beings I command honor her. In time, her sadness shall fade. As will her memories of you.”

I tried to force my body to move, but Lucifer’s magic was too strong. He stared at me with empty, abysmal black eyes.

“Do what you will, Constance Ramirez. Hunt the fragments. Search for the girl you believe is your sister. I shall not seek to destroy you.”

I blinked, not understanding.

Until he said, “For if you continue down this path, you shall destroy yourself.”

And then he was gone, blinking out of sight and leaving me alone in the lifeless school gym. The sudden release from his magic had me pitching forward and listening to my hatchet clatter onto the floor.

It shouldn’t have been hard to get up. It was something I’d done a million times before. Just get up, grab my hatchet, and walk away.

But all those times before, I felt whole. I wasn’t missing a huge chunk of my life. My foundation was solid.

Now the ground under me had split, and I was falling into darkness.

The pain hit like a bullet to the chest. I put my hand to my chest and tried to breathe through it. Nothing I did seemed to work. I felt as if someone had torn out my heart and filled the hole with piercing wooden splinters. It wasn’t long before my cheeks were wet with tears.

I had no idea how long I crouched there, on my hands and knees, crying over everything I had sacrificed, losing the one person I never wanted to lose.

Eventually I ran out of tears. Crying wouldn’t bring my sister back. It wouldn’t kill Mateo and Drake. It wouldn’t stop Lucifer.

The last time I broke down like this, I had Warrick to hold me and anger to draw strength from. Now I was alone and couldn’t find the energy to lay blame. Rage had caused me more harm than good. It was time for me to let go and focus on motivation.

Finding Dro was the only thing I needed to do right. I could deal with everything else after as it came along.

I took a deep breath, gathered my weapons, wiped my eyes, and left the gym.