Damaged and the Beast (13 page)

“Where is she now?”

“I’m not sure. My dad is in trouble with some people and he’s laying low. They’re somewhere in Texas.”

“That’s bullshit,” Cooper said quietly as he tapped hard on the table. “Raising kids that way is crap. Some of my pop’s friends are assholes like that and their kids turn out to be shit. You and your sister shouldn’t have turned out great, but here you are.”

“I don’t like to think of my dad as an asshole.”

“But you know he is and that’s why you don’t like thinking about it.”

“He took care of me and Tawny. He has his good qualities.”

“So did Hitler. So does everyone. No one is pure shit. Everyone can be great in little ways. I’m sorry, Farah, but the way you are about stuff tells me that your dad didn’t do a great job.”

Frowning, I felt embarrassed like he just called me a loser. Cooper reached across the table again and this time took my hand.

“You want to fit in so much. I see this need in your eyes to be like everyone else and you can’t see how amazing you are just being you. Plus, there’s the way you freaked out on Sunday when the fight broke out. Baby, that wasn’t a normal chick move. You were terrified in a way few other girls would have been. I’ve had rich bitches around when a fight broke out. At the most, they scream and hide under a table. You took off like your life depended on it. You don’t get that kind of fear response by growing up feeling safe.”

“He did the best he could.”

“Protect your own,” he said, slowly pulling away his hand. “I get it. Look at Tucker. He’s a turd in every way, but he’s my little brother. I’d kill to protect him. Die too, but I know he’s a loser. Knocking up Maddy was ridiculous. Well, actually knocking her up was pretty ingenious for him, but then he told everyone he did it. That’s why he’s a turd. The douche made himself and Maddy look stupid. They
are
stupid, but he could have kept it quiet.”

“Ingenious?”

“Maddy is flaky and he thought she would ditch school and go home. He wanted her to stay and devised a plan. It was a stupid plan, but for him to think it out and put it in motion was pretty brilliant for Tuck. In reality, she would have stayed for the same reason she didn’t admit to knowing those weren’t her pills. She wants to keep him. Maddy’s like you in a lot of ways. Poor and struggling to get ahead. She saw a chance to be with a guy with money and jumped at the chance. The weirdest shit is how she actually loves him. I can’t imagine why anyone would love that idiot if they had a choice, but she thinks he’s the funniest sweetest guy ever. It’s pretty nauseating, but they’re happy and I have to be happy for them.”

“Did you have a good childhood?”

“Hell yeah,” he said, grinning in a way that made me believe him. “My parents are cool. My mom was young when she had me so when we’d go hiking and rock climbing, she was right there with us like one of the kids. She’s a badass too. It’s why I don’t move off the property. What’s the point? I have my privacy and my neighbors are cool and they do my laundry and cook for me.”

I smiled at him as our salads arrived. Cooper picked the tomatoes, croutons, and cucumbers out, but left the rest.

“When is Tawny’s birthday?” Cooper asked.

“In November.”

“And yours was in January?” Frowning at him, I didn’t answer. Cooper finally grinned at my irritation. “I did my homework on you. Hoped your birthday was coming up so I could do something big and romantic. You chicks love that crap.”

“Oh, we really do,” I said, smiling now as I ate my salad. “When’s your birthday?”

“Beginning of December. I’m a Sag,” he said, as if I should be impressed. “What will you give me for my birthday?”

“Probably something with me naked. Well, assuming I haven’t grown bored of you by then.”

Leaning back in his chair, Cooper smiled. “I like the way you say naked. Makes me think of you naked.”

“Big shock.”

“I really want to see that.”

“Well, let’s see how dinner goes first.”

Cooper laughed a little then adjusted in his seat like he was uncomfortable. I knew why he was uncomfortable, but there was no way I was acknowledging it. He grinned wider when I ignored his discomfort.

“Tell me about your childhood,” he said a little too forcefully then took a breath. “Please.”

“My mom was barely eighteen when she married my dad and had me. She was a poor girl and he was a charmer. They must have started out doing pretty well because when I was a baby we lived in a house. By the time of my first memories, we were in an apartment. By the time I was in school, we lived in motels.”

Any hint of amusement left Cooper’s face. “Who the fuck lives in a motel?”

“Poor people who can’t afford a deposit on an apartment or have bad credit or can’t be sure they can pay the rent from one month to the next. Basically, people like my family.”

“So since you were, what, five?”

“Yeah. We had a few short periods when my grandma would pay for us to get into an apartment. It never lasted though and eventually she stopped helping us.”

“How do you go to school when you live in a motel?”

“Just like when you live in an apartment or house. We registered at the local school then a bus picked us up. When we moved to a new motel, we sometimes started new schools.”

“Hell, Farah. No wonder you’re such a nerd.”

Rolling my eyes, I grinned at him.

“You want to be a teacher, right?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“How come?”

Without answering, I glanced around. I was a private person. No one except Tawny knew all my secrets. I was proud of this fact because I was raised to be secretive. Even if I hadn’t felt a weird sense of pride in keeping everything hidden, I knew Cooper was my weakness. I wanted him in a way that was dangerous. Worse was how I really wanted him to want me too.

As long as we kept up all of our walls and talked about me naked and him being a scary beast, we had fun. Fun was temporary. As long as I thought of Cooper as short term, the less it would hurt when he dumped me and never looked back.

“Do you want the rest of my salad?” Cooper asked when I said nothing.

I did want his salad, but eating someone’s leftovers was a poor chick move. While technically a poor chick, I wanted to pretend. Cooper though wanted the real me. I wasn’t sure what to do.

Cooper took my empty bowl and set it aside before placing his in front of me. Leaning back in his chair, he shrugged. “I share with my sisters all the time. I can’t help it that I’m a softie.”

“Thank you. I am hungry.”

“But you wouldn’t have eaten it, right?” he asked, studying me again. “Because you think that’s the right thing to do. Well, fuck the right thing. Just do what you want.”

“Spoken like a rich hot guy who always gets what he wants.”

“True, but it doesn’t make what I said wrong.”

Nodding, I ate the lettuce Cooper didn’t want. “I didn’t have lunch today.”

“Why?” he asked, frowning darkly. “I thought you made enough money to at least feed yourself.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t want my girl starving.”

“Do you really think I’m your girl?”

“Hell yeah.”

Smiling again, I ate more lettuce. “I’ve been having lunch with Skye. She usually pays, so I didn’t bring money. I normally would bring a backup sandwich, but she can’t have peanuts around her.”

“Why? I saw her eat a whole container of nuts one summer.”

“She thinks she might be allergic.”

“She’s not allergic,” Cooper muttered. “Why would she even say that?”

I thought back to the day Skye first took me to lunch. Her excuse was how I couldn’t eat the sandwich. Once again, I realized how she hadn’t stumbled upon me, but was likely assigned to be my friend. Watching me innocently, Cooper was oblivious to how Skye lied for his benefit.

“Who knows?” I said, shrugging. “Anyway, I didn’t have anything to eat.”

Cooper studied my face and I knew we were onto each other’s lies. A weird moment passed then he gave me a knowing grin. “You didn’t explain why you want to be a teacher.”

“I just do.”

“No, I sense a story behind it. Tell me and I’ll share my dessert.”

“What types of dessert do they serve?”

“Awesome cannolis.” I just stared at Cooper who frowned. “Don’t tell me you’ve never had a cannoli.” When I shook my head, he sighed. “Man, we could have fun, Farah. I’d show you a million things. Not necessarily sophisticated things, but cool shit nonetheless. Hell, I bet you haven’t even seen the Grand Canyon.”

“We drove past it once.”

Cooper smiled softly then reached across the table and caressed my bottom lip. As soon as he pulled away, I wiped my lips self-consciously.

“Did I have gunk on them?”

A smile spread across his lips and he shook his head. “You’re gorgeous.”

“My lips?”

“And those eyes. Hell, every inch of you makes my jeans too snug.”

“I feel like a princess now.”

Cooper laughed for a minute then sat up with a jerk. Snapping his fingers, he pointed at me. “You know what I forgot to ask?” When I shook my head, he continued, “Why did you want to be a teacher?”

Laughing, I finished the salad then tried to explain. “I had this teacher in third grade. Her name was Mrs. Prescott and she was the best. Lively and funny, smart and tough. The year I had her, she also had a daughter in third grade.”

Feeling awkward continuing, I said nothing as Cooper crossed his arms. “You wanted to be that little girl.”

“How can you know that?” I demanded, wondering what stalker shit he was pulling.

“You always want to be someone else.”

Embarrassed for him to be correct, I also crossed my arms, hiding what I knew he wanted to get his hands on.

“Yeah, I wanted to be her. I’d see pictures of their Thanksgiving and Christmas and how they had a big happy family. I would see their tree and nice house. Not a rich type of house. Not a house like you grew up in, but middle class. For me, that seemed beyond my reach. I would see Emily in school and I’d wish I was her. Wished I had her parents and her house. Even her dog. I wanted to be her so badly because her life looked perfect.” Pausing, I wiped my eyes and frowned at him. “Why do you want me to tell you things that’ll upset me?”

“Because I need to know you.”

“Why?”

“So I can better manipulate you into sleeping with me.” Laughing, I shook my head as he grinned at me. “You and I aren’t anything alike. I need to know you because I don’t know you. Get it? I can’t just guess everything. I need you to help me.”

“To get into my pants? You know, that might happen just from the free dinner.”

“Bullshit,” he growled, giving me a little smile. “And screw you for the false hope. You can’t know how bad I want in those pants.”

“I can guess.”

“As a girl, I seriously doubt it.”

“Because girls don’t get horny?”

“Not girls like you. I bet you’ve never been horny in your life.”

“Shut up, jerk.”

“Keep telling your story, nerd.”

Sighing, I glanced around and hoped our food arrived. “Obviously, I would never be Emily because my family was never going to be like hers. I sometimes dreamed the state would take us away from my parents and send Tawny and me to a nice foster home. In reality, we would have ended up with our grandma who would have given us back to our parents. There was no escape, so I couldn’t be Emily. I could be Mrs. Prescott though. I couldn’t have a childhood like Emily’s, but I could still have those nice Thanksgiving and Christmas pictures. I could have a pretty house and a nice husband like Mr. Prescott. He would bring in treats for class parties. He was nice like her. Funny too. I started imagining having my teacher’s life instead of Emily’s. I wanted it so much, but I was afraid I would always be poor.”

The food was taking forever and a little part of me wondered if Cooper had them hold our order in the kitchen so I wouldn’t stop talking.

“I asked Mrs. Prescott if someone like me could be a teacher? I remember that upset her. She actually cried a little. She told me that no matter where I was living or who my parents were or how little money I had, if I worked hard I could get into school. Any school, she said. Start at a community college and work into a four year degree. Do whatever I could manage, but if I believed in the dream, I could be a teacher.”

Wiping my eyes, I was glad the restaurant wasn’t very busy. Cooper watched me with an odd expression though. Somewhere between sad and angry.

“I stayed in her class the whole year and it was the best year of my life. I kept worrying we would move. We did a few times, but always stayed in the area. Every time my dad said we might move, I’d beg him and my mom to stay close so I could keep Mrs. Prescott. I don’t know if they did it on purpose, but we stayed. One of the hardest things I ever did was say goodbye to Mrs. Prescott. She would sneak me treats and even gave me Emily’s hand-me-downs. That last day of school, we were moving out of the state and I wouldn’t see her again. I hugged Mrs. Prescott so tight because I wanted to stay with her. As long as I saw her every day, I had hope. She told me to keep in touch and I did. I still write to her every month and she tells me how she knows I’ll be a great teacher.”