Dakota Father (15 page)

“Well—” She lowered her gaze then jerked it up and watched him with a demanding expression. “I wondered if I might reconsider and ask for the position of nanny.” Her words came out in a rush and she stared, eager and excited as she waited for his response.

He dropped his finger, sat back against the barn wall.

She looked disappointed. “Of course, if that doesn't suit you….”

It didn't suit. He didn't want her as a nanny. He wanted more. So much more. But first he must talk to her father. “Have you mentioned this to your pa?”

“Not yet. I thought I'd see what you thought first.”

“Seems he's rather set on you returning with him.”

“I know.” She sounded so disheartened. “I guess you can understand his concern.”

His insides rebelled at the defeat in his voice. “No, I'm afraid I don't. What does he have to be concerned about?” He leaned close, wanting to make this very clear. “Jenny, you are a strong young woman. One of the few I feel with certainty who could face this rough land and survive.” She soaked up his words, drank of the assurance he offered. He leaned closer and gently kissed her. Rejoiced when she didn't jerk away in fright. He lingered only a second, despite the demands of his heart. “I'll speak to your pa.”

“I'll speak to him, too.”

He wanted to linger, enjoy this quiet connection they had so recently reached, but someone called from the barn and her pa answered. It was time to get on with the pressing issues of life.

 

Jenny crossed the yard. Her heart felt scrubbed inside and out. Burke hadn't shrunk away from her. He'd pulled her close and held her. Always she had felt a little dirty, soiled by what happened. Her parents had forbidden it to be mentioned. Not that she ever wanted to talk about it. But telling Burke had left her feeling cleansed and whole.
Thank you, God.

Pa sat on the veranda watching her approach.

Her steps slowed at the way he looked. Had she done something wrong? Besides disobey his instruction not to speak of the incident.

“You have that look in your eyes,” he said.

She faltered as if she'd been caught doing something inappropriate. She realized she always felt like she was being accused—not Pa's fault but by her guilty reaction.

She plunked down beside him. “I told Burke about going to the circus.”

“Why would you do that?” His words were soft but faintly accusing.

She couldn't say the real reason—that she hoped he would say it made no difference. That he found her acceptable as a nanny. Perhaps more. Oh, how she longed for more. “He was always mocking me for letting you choose my future husband. I wanted him to understand why I did.”

“I see. And what was his response?”

“He didn't call me a fallen woman or anything.”

“Has anyone else?” A faint hurt tone came to his voice.

“Pa, I've always felt dirty. Defiled.”

“I hope you don't think that's how your ma and I felt. We blamed ourselves for not warning you about such men. We only wanted to shelter you.”

She understood that. “It was my own fault for letting my curiosity and wildness control my actions.”
She sucked in air, wanting to explain more. “I've always felt anything that excited me or filled me with joy was wrong and would lead to something bad.”

Pa hung his head. “I never meant to make you afraid. And certainly never wanted to quench your spirit. Only guide it into a safe channel.”

“I know, Pa. But there is something you must understand. Something I've learned about myself out here. You assured me God doesn't make mistakes when He creates us. ‘We are fearfully and wonderfully made.' For a long time I've wondered if I was the exception.”

“No, daughter—”

“Let me finish. Last night I took a good hard look at what I was becoming. And I didn't think it was what God meant me to be. Burke says it takes a special kind of person to be a pioneer. Women, especially, find it hard because they miss the comforts of home and find the prairie lonely and empty. I don't. I love the challenge.” She faced her father squarely. “Pa, I believe God has uniquely equipped me to be one of those who conquers this land.” She grabbed his wrists as if she could communicate her urgency through her touch. “I don't want to go back with you. I can't marry Ted.”

He looked as if she'd stabbed him.

“Pa, it isn't anything to do with you and Ma. I feel whole here. I am excited about the challenges
this land presents. I love the wind and the wide-open spaces. Pa….” Her voice fell to an agonized whisper. “I want you to release me from my promise to marry Ted. I want your blessing to stay here.”

“But you agreed.” Pa paused as if considering his words. “I fear you are letting your heart rule your head.”

“Not rule it, Pa. I've finally learned to be happy with who I am. Can't you see that and allow it?” she spoke gently, not wanting to disappoint her father but knowing she much be all she was created to be.

Pa sighed heavily and pushed to his feet. “I need to consider your request. I think I'll take a little walk and seek God's guidance.”

She watched him go. It hurt to disappoint him but she could no longer be content to be a meek shadow of herself, hiding behind her father's wishes. She prayed God would intervene. That she could begin to rejoice in the woman she was created to be.

Her heart cracked open and bled a bit. She would stay as a nanny but she wanted so much more. She wanted to share every aspect of Burke's life as his wife and helpmate.

A
s Jenny crossed the yard to speak to her father, Burke prayed the man would set her free to be all she was meant to be. From the corner of the barn he watched them talking.

When the man walked away on his own, he prayed some more and waited. He tried to busy himself so Lucky wouldn't offer any comments, but there was little he could do without fear of missing Mr. Archibald's return to the yard.

“Little lady got your ropes in a knot?” Lucky said.

“Nope.” He rearranged the reins and harnesses hanging near the door and kept his head down while glancing in the direction Jenny's pa had gone.

“Won't be getting unknotted until you admit what's right in front of your nose.”

“Maybe I already have.”

“Huh. How's that?” The man abandoned all pretense of work and came to hover at Burke's side.

“I'm waiting for her pa to come back so I can talk to him.”

Lucky grabbed his hat and slapped it against his thigh. “Yahoo!” His yell sent the pigeons in the loft into a flurry. “Boss, the boys and I figured you were going to let a good thing go just because of what happened to Flora.” He clapped Burke on the back. “Nice to see you come to your senses.”

Burke rolled his eyes. “Nice of you and the boys to be so concerned about my affairs.”

Lucky chortled. “We prefer to work for a happy man.” And still chortling, he sauntered away.

“There's been nothing decided yet. I have to talk to her pa.”

Lucky turned to face him. “The man looks to be reasonable. And what's more, he cares about his daughter's happiness.” He waved and headed for the bunkhouse.

Nice to realize he had the support of the men.

Mr. Archibald appeared on the trail. Now to face the man who had a say in Jenny's future.
Lord God, help me find the right words.

He waited a few more minutes then strode out to meet Jenny's father. “Sir, I would like to talk to you.”

“Go ahead.”

“I know you have plans for your daughter.”

“I only want her to be happy.”

Exactly the opening he needed. “Will she be, back East? Her heart seeks adventure.”

Mr. Archibald stopped and faced him squarely, his eyes boring into Burke, demanding nothing but honesty. “Will she be happy here?”

Burke faltered, remembering Flora. He swallowed hard. “I would do my best to make her so, but I have to be honest and tell you I failed in the past.”

Mr. Archibald's eyes narrowed. “Perhaps you should tell me about it before I render a decision.”

“I'm sure Jenny has told you I sent for Flora Larson intending to marry her. I knew her before I came west and we corresponded for several years. However—” He went on to confess he'd expected too much of her. “I blame myself for her current condition.” His voice revealed the degree of his pain. “As do her parents.”

Jenny's pa squeezed Burke's shoulder. “Son, I expect your guilt is misplaced. From what I've heard at the store, I understand that even before Flora came out here she had spent some time convalescing.”

Burke knew he meant because of her mental condition.

Mr. Archibald seemed to consider his next words. “I don't normally like to repeat things I overhear, but in this case I think I should. I believe her parents
hoped the change of scenery would help her. Unfortunately, it didn't. But they have no right to blame you. Her aunt and grandmother are in asylums as well.”

It wasn't his fault. Flora had been weak in her mind before she came west. Seems there was a weakness in the family. A great burden of guilt slipped from his shoulders. “Thank you for telling me. I've blamed myself, wondered if any woman could live this life.”

Jenny's pa laughed. “I expect you've had cause to change your mind on that score.”

Burke grinned widely, his insides bubbling with pleasure at the memories crowding his mind. “Jenny has challenged my opinion more than once.”

The man studied him long and hard. “Are you asking for her hand in marriage?”

“With your permission, sir. I understand I don't live up to your expectations of what you want for Jenny's future, but I love her and we seem…” He struggled to explain how he felt as if she pulled up beside him and cheered him on the way, bent her shoulder to the challenges. “She would be a great encouragement to me. And I would do my best to see her life is full of joy.” He glanced past the man to the rolling grassland. “I haven't mentioned this to her yet. I wanted your permission first.”

“Son, you have my permission and blessing.” Mr. Archibald held out his hand and Burke shook it firmly.

 

Jenny watched the men talking, saw them shake hands. “Oh Lord, let Pa agree to let me stay.” She waited for Pa to return to the house.

“Jenny, my dear, I wanted only to protect you, assure your happiness but I see you are ready to determine what that requires on your own.”

She realized she'd forgotten to breathe and sucked in air. “You aren't holding me to my promise to return home and marry Ted?”

“Doesn't seem to me it would be quite fair to Ted.” He chuckled. “Now go see your young man and talk to him.”

She stretched up and kissed Pa on the cheek. “Thank you, Pa. I love you.”

Pa hugged her quickly. “I love you, too, Pepper.” He released her.

She spun from his arms and rushed toward Burke, who waited on the path. It took all her rigid self-control not to fling herself into his arms. Was he going to ask her to stay as a nanny or—she faltered a step—share his life completely and wholly?

His eyes invited her. Suddenly she felt wooden. Her steps slowed as he took off his hat and pushed a hand through his hair.

His lovely shiny black hair. She'd admired it from
the beginning. It had grown some since then, which only made him more handsome. She drank in every detail. His lean strength, the way he stood as if he owned the land and dared anyone to challenge him about it. The way his muscles strained at his shirt-sleeves as he crossed his arms. She would never get tired of looking at him. She scrubbed her lips together, surprised at how numb they were. Without words she prayed for God's blessing on her love for Burke.

Of their own accord her feet moved forward until she had only to lift her hand to touch him.

Love made her ache to do so.

Uncertainty stifled her reaction. She didn't know what his plans were.

He took her hand and pulled it through his arm, patting her fingers to the warm strength of his forearm and keeping his palm on top of her hand. “Shall we walk?”

She nodded, unable to speak past the expectant lump in her throat.

He turned them toward the corrals. They passed Ebony's pen. He whinnied at Jenny then snorted and reared at her escort.

She chuckled. “It's only pretend.”

“He figures he belongs to you and he's not willing to share.”

The regretful note in his voice sent her nerves into eager anticipation.

They skirted the barn and returned to the spot they had shared a few hours earlier. Once they were out of sight of the house and bunkhouse, he stopped and turned toward her, his hands gentle on her upper arms.

Slowly, her heart crowding her ribs so she had trouble breathing, she lifted her face to him.

A smile lifted his mouth and creased his eyes. He studied her slowly as if memorizing every detail of her features.

Her skin warmed as his gaze checked her eyebrows, admired her cheeks, lingered on her lips until she ached for him to end this misery of waiting, and kiss her.

Then slowly, almost reluctantly, he brought his gaze to her eyes. She floated in his look.

“Your Pa has given me his blessing to ask you to stay.”

Stay? That's all. “As a nanny?”

He blinked, surprised, then chuckled softly, a sound that played harp strings along her nerves. “I hope much more than that. Jenny—” He caught her chin in his fingers, his touch making music in every corner of her heart. “I knew you were different the first time I laid eyes on you.”

Remembering his dire warning that day and his
insistence for days after her arrival that she didn't belong here, she found the ability to quirk her brows. “Sure could have fooled me.”

He lifted one shoulder and looked sheepish, making her want to stroke his cheek and assure him she understood.

“I tried to convince us both, but I'm so grateful you didn't pay me any heed because I can't imagine life without you.” He swallowed hard and she perceived his nervousness, his uncertainty.

She touched his shoulder. The twitch of his muscles as he reacted to her touch thrilled her. He was a man who would stand strong through the fiercest storm. Her touch seemed to drive away his hesitation.

“Jenny, I love you. I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you.”

Her heart exploded inside her chest with such force she couldn't speak, couldn't breathe, couldn't move.

“Jenny, will you marry me?”

Blood flowed again, warm and vibrant, just as her life would be. “Burke Edwards, I love you heart and soul and mind. Of course I will marry you.”

His face filled with such joy she almost couldn't look at him. To know and share such love the rest of her life…. It was more than she could believe possible.

“Jenny,” he whispered, his words round with awe. “I am the happiest man alive.”

And then he finally kissed her, his lips warm and promising. She wrapped her arms about him and gave herself freely to the kiss, silently vowing to honor and cherish him the rest of her life.

Finally, he pulled back. “I love you so much.”

She stroked his cheek then.

He turned his face and pressed his lips to her palm.

“I have loved you since I saw you on the train, even though I feared it was wrong.” Her words sang from her lips.

“Nothing about our love has ever been wrong or ever will be. Not with God as our partner.”

He drew her to the spot where they'd sat before, and they sat side by side. He draped his arm over her shoulder and pulled her close. She snuggled against his chest, feeling the rise and fall of each breath and hearing the beat of his heart beneath her ear.

She had found a safe place.

They talked of their hopes and plans and dreams. She loved him before, but as they opened their hearts to one another something eternal and precious grew between them, making them one in spirit.

They talked until the sun came round and blasted them in the face.

“Can you believe we've been here all afternoon?” Burke said.

“We'll enjoy many more times like this, sharing our joys…and no doubt some sorrows.” Her heart rejoiced to know that whatever came, they would find strength through being together.

He kissed her nose and cheeks then claimed her mouth for several seconds before he pulled her to her feet. Hand in hand they wandered back to the house.

Ebony repeated his performance of acting spooky. He stopped as soon as they passed and hurried to the fence, whinnying for Jenny to stop and pet him. She laughed. “He's determined to be friends with no one but me.”

“He's yours.”

She drew to a halt. “You're giving him to me?”

“Might as well.” He tweaked her chin. “He thinks he belongs to you already.”

“Can I ride him?”

Burke grinned. “Do you know how to ride?”

“No, but I can learn.”

His eyes flashed with amusement. “Maybe you could start on something more gentle and if you prove yourself a capable horsewoman—”

She didn't let him finish. “Not if—when—I prove my ability.”

“You will always face a challenge with the idea of
conquering whatever obstacle lies in your way, won't you?” He pulled her to his side as they resumed their journey to the house.

She didn't respond right away as she sorted her thoughts. “God made me this way and I am learning to be grateful for the strengths He gave me.”

He hugged her and paused to kiss her upturned mouth. “I will spend the rest of my life being grateful.”