Daisy (17 page)

“Well, I suppose we’ll have to make the best of it,” Sam, my supervisor, said when I called the next morning. I hadn’t had any lightning bolts following my prayer last night. I hadn’t felt anything, really. But the prayer hadn’t hurt. That was a start, right?

Sam continued. “I’ll get with Amy and Lenny to see how we’ll split things up. Can you work from home?”

I was stuck on the idea of having to work with Amy. That would be awkward to say the least. “I’ll have my laptop,” I said. “I can do plenty through that, but I won’t have access to any office documents or files.”

“Understood,” he said. “Perhaps we could put Naomi from underwriting in your office, and she can be your hands and eyes here.”

“That would work,” I said, relieved even though the idea of having someone else in my office made my skin itch. Another call was coming in, and I pulled the phone away from my ear long enough to see that it was Jared. Why was he calling? I didn’t take his call and talked to Sam for another ten minutes. Then I called Jared back.

“I just got a text from Stormy,” Jared said. “What’s going on?”

Ask.
Such a small word for such a big thing. Stormy had been the safest person to tell, but I’d known it was just like telling Jared directly.

I explained it all to him, hating the weakness and vulnerability I felt at having to divulge all the tragic turns of events I’d been navigating. I assumed he knew about the pregnancy—no doubt Stormy had already downloaded her feelings on that subject—and although I hesitated to tell him about Paul, there was no point in pretending things were different than what they were.

“Wow,” he said. “You sure know how to pick ’em.”

It wouldn’t have been so funny if he hadn’t once been one of those I’d picked. It was nice to laugh with him before he turned serious again. “You going to be okay?”

I thought about that, struck by the sincerity of his comment. “Yeah,” I said. “In the long run, I will be. Right now I’m just trying not to panic.”

“Aren’t you moving to a new place?”

“How did you know that?” I hadn’t actually
talked
to Stormy since I made the announcement, and I hadn’t brought up the move with her in the few texts we’d sent back and forth.

“December told Storm you were looking at apartments last week. Did you find something already?”

It was so tempting to lie to him and pretend I had everything under control.

Ask.

“I did find a place. In fact, I’m supposed to move in on Saturday,” I said. “I signed the contract less than two hours before all this happened. Amazing timing, huh?”

“This Saturday? Are you still following through on it?”

“I already have movers coming, and I thought if I used the office chair, with rollers, I could do most of the packing before then.” How idiotic could I be? Did I really think I could finish separating my things from Paul’s without having to stand? It made me sad to think about disentangling our lives from one another. It was all so surreal.

“Storm and I could come help. I could knock off work early. January’s a lousy month for sales since the holidays tap everyone out.”

I wanted so badly to say that I didn’t need or want his help. That I was perfectly capable of doing this myself. But I wasn’t. And I knew it.

“Really?” I hadn’t really asked for his help, but I hadn’t refused him either, and that was a step in the right direction.

“Sure. I assume you won’t be going anywhere, so we can come anytime, right?”

“I’m a lump,” I said. “But I feel bad putting this on you.” He was my
ex
-husband. He didn’t owe me anything—not even child support now that our child had chosen to live with him.

“Don’t feel bad,” Jared said. “It’s about time Storm got over herself, ya know, and you need us, right?”

Need.
That was almost as bad as
ask.
Like it or not, however, I could not do this alone.

“I really do,” I finally said.

“Good deal. We’ll be there.”

They came at six, and Stormy acted as though everything was fine between us. I lacked the energy it would take to discuss things and played along. Stormy came back and forth between my room, which used to be her room, and the rest of the house, asking questions while Jared provided the manual labor. He’d even brought boxes. At seven thirty, Paige showed up, though I didn’t know it was her until she tapped on the bedroom door where I was laid out like a very round Queen Bee while people buzzed around me. I hated it so much.

“You going crazy yet?” she asked as she came into the room. She had a reusable bag from Trader Joe’s in one hand; whatever was inside it was heavy, which meant it was not potato chips—bummer. I had hesitated to tell her anything at all, but knew she’d be hurt if I didn’t include her. She immediately said she’d do what she could to help. The process made me realize how hard it was for me to take anyone’s charity, and that made me feel bad. Had I lived my life as such a rock and an island that I couldn’t reach out? What kind of relationships did I expect to have if I didn’t let anyone be necessary to me?

“I passed crazy a long time ago,” I said in answer to her question. “Now I’m on to neurotic. After that comes insanity, and I should reach it by Sunday at the rate I’m going.”

Paige laughed and sat on the bed while I pulled myself up to a better sitting position. She looked great today, her eyes were bright, her smile genuine, and her hair caught the light just enough to set off the golden tones. “I brought you some books.”

“You did!” I said as though I’d won the Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes. I sat up even more and tried to peek in the bag.

“Some of my favorites, including . . . this one.” She pulled a book from the bag and handed it to me.
Silas Marner.
The first half of the book had been read, but the second half of the pages were in mint condition save for a fold on the back few pages. It was my book, the book I’d thrown at Paige when I had chosen her as the root of all my problems.

“I’m so sorry about that, Paige,” I said, embarrassed that I had been so unhinged. “I was out of control.”

“Crazy pregnant lady,” Paige said, smiling and shrugging. “You should have time to finish it before book group.”

I looked up at her. “I wish I could come,” I said. “Especially after all you and Livvy have done for me. And I want to know how Athena’s doing, and Ruby’s been so sweet to me. I hate missing it.”

“I know. That’s why we’re going to bring it to you.”

“What?”

Paige grinned even wider. “I talked to Ruby, and she was up for a road trip.” She must have seen the dismay on my face. “I know you won’t be moved in, per se, but it’ll be fun, and, seriously, the alternative is being alone while you know we’re all talking about you anyway. I’ll come over early and straighten up.”

“I move that day,” I said. “I’ll have nothing but boxes.”

“Not a problem,” she said, standing up. “It’s done. And the boys are playing with some kids from church for the next”—she looked at her watch—“hour and eighteen minutes. I’m at your service until then.”

I blinked at her. I didn’t even have to
ask.
“I don’t know how I’ll ever pay you back for this.”

She picked up a few pieces of garbage and tossed them into the trash can. “I can be bought with fine chocolate and pedicures, not necessarily in that order.” She put her purse next to the bed and headed for the bedroom door. “I assume General Stormy is giving orders?” She looked over her shoulder to give me one more parting smile before I heard her join the undecipherable voices in the other room.

I’d read another fifteen pages of the book when my mattress slumped. I looked up to see Stormy sitting there. If anything her eye makeup was thicker than it had been when she was living here. And there was a red lock of hair on the left side. I reached up and fingered it while biting my tongue.

“It’s an extension,” she said, using both hands to unclip it. “Dad won’t let me color it for real.”

“Two points to Dad,” I said, settling against the pillows and trying to act casual. The last conversation we’d had resulted in her bolting from the house and ignoring me for weeks. She looked at the book resting on my belly.

“What’s that about?”

I looked at the cover for a minute. “A man who thought he had everything until he lost it, only to find the greatest treasure in a child.”

“Sounds stupid,” she said blandly.

I smiled. “It’s rather insightful.”

She gave me a flickering look and then started playing with the extension in her hand. “So, the baby’s okay and everything?”

“Yes,” I said. “In another month, you’ll be able to feel it move.”

She made a face. “Creepy.”

I laughed. “So, how are you?”

“Okay,” she said, then looked around the room. “I’m going to miss this house.”

“The first house we ever lived in,” I said. “Maybe the last.” Buying a home in Orange County on my salary alone was a pipe dream. “I’ll miss it too.”

“You don’t think Paul will change his mind?”

I considered that for a minute, then shook my head. “I’m not sure I’d trust it if he did.” It hurt to say that, though; I missed him so much. At least, I missed the Paul I thought he was. “You’ll like my new place. It has a pool and a gym.”

“Dad’s complex has a pool and a gym.”

“Well, mine’s closer to the mall.”

“Not that much closer.”

Something struck me as strange about the comments she’d made—why the comparison? “You’ll have your own room, of course,” I said. “And it’s in Tustin, so I’ll be closer than I am now.”

She looked up at me, and I read concern in her face. “Who’s going to take care of you?”

No one!
I wanted to shout. I wanted even more for it to be true. “Well, I’m hoping that after a couple of weeks, I’ll be able to get around better than I do right now. And Paige is only a couple of blocks away. She’s offered to help.” I didn’t say that I was hoping to hire a housekeeper to come in for an hour or two a day. It would be hard on my new budget, but worth it if it meant not having to put everyone else out.

“With play practice and everything, I can’t come out very often.”

“But that means I’ll enjoy your visits more than ever, right?”

“It’s too bad you didn’t find a place closer to Dad,” she said. “Then it would be way easier.”

My heart skipped a beat. She wanted me closer? I hadn’t even considered her and Jared when I was thinking of places to move. Now that the idea had been broached, I mentally kicked myself for not having thought about it. I must have been quiet for too long because I saw her expression change, and she stood up. “Anyway, is that rooster dish set yours or Paul’s?”

“Mine,” I said. Paul had given it to me for Christmas last year.

“Okay.”

She left me to my thoughts. Was it too late to cancel the apartment? Did I want to cancel? I pulled my computer onto my lap and went online, just to see what was available in Jared’s area. The idea had me on fire.

Paige came in to say good-bye around eight thirty. I explained that I was thinking about switching apartments, then braced myself for what Paige would say. She’d helped me get this apartment, and I knew she didn’t have a lot of extra time to spare for me right now. However, she heard what I
didn’t
say out loud, which was that Stormy wanted me closer.

“It hasn’t been three business days since you signed the contract, so you should still be within the grace period. Do you have his number?”

“I’m sure it’s on the paperwork in the kitchen.”

Paige got the papers for me, but after she handed them over, I paused, my thumb hovering over the phone buttons. Did I want to do this? Spontaneity wasn’t my strong suit. “What if I can’t find a place?” I asked.

She waved toward my computer. “You just found half a dozen places,” she said. “And you should be as close to Stormy as she’ll allow. If you can’t move in as quickly as you need to and need a place to stay . . . well, we’ll figure something out.”

“You’re amazing,” I whispered.

She tossed her hair over one shoulder and blinked rapidly. “I know.”

I punched in the number without another hesitation. The call went to voice mail, but I left a detailed message, stating that other considerations had come up and I would need to cancel the contract. I was glad Paige wasn’t mad about me having wasted her time. She seemed to understand that I hadn’t factored in Stormy wanting me close to her, and that bit of new information trumped all else.

Around nine o’clock, Jared and Stormy came in. They’d gotten almost everything boxed up and said they’d come back on Thursday to do a final pack. I turned my laptop to face her. “You got me thinking,” I said.

Stormy was confused for half a second, and then her eyebrows lifted and she took over my computer completely, scooting next to me on the bed to look at the listings I’d found.

“This one’s closest to work,” I said, pointing to the one I was most interested in. I was talking to Stormy, but looking at Jared. Would I be stepping on his toes by moving so close?

“Nice place,” he said with a smile. “Let me know if I can help.”

“This one,” Stormy said, turning the laptop to face me.

Jared took a few steps closer so he could see the screen as well. “Is that Harbor Glen?”

“What’s Harbor Glen?” I asked, looking between them both.

“It’s across the street from my complex,” Jared said.

Stormy quickly followed up. “If you’re gonna move down there, you might as well be close, right? And they have double hot tubs. I know a girl who lives over there. It’s nice.”

I looked at Jared again, but he didn’t seem bothered by the idea of me moving so close.

“Come on, Storm,” he said, waving Stormy toward the door. “Your mama needs her beauty rest.”

Stormy stood up and put the laptop on the bed, giving me a coy smile.

“Is that what this is?” I said, feeling lighter than I had in a long time. “Well, I’m on my way to being a total knockout, then.” I flipped my flat, two-days unwashed hair over my shoulder much like Paige had done earlier, only she’d looked cute, and I looked homeless.