Daisy and the Trouble with Life (4 page)

Which isn't your fault. So when you try to lift the bucket and pour it on the car, the water goes the wrong way and spills all over you. Which isn't your fault either. It's the suds' fault. My mum said it wasn't the suds' fault at all. It was my fault, and if I ever use bubble bath on the car again, she will make me pay for some new bubbles out of my pocket money. Which isn't fair or my fault.

The
trouble with pocket money
is Mum never gives me enough.

I'd like to see Mum buy all the sweets she needs with only the pocket money I get. If you ask me, my pocket money should be at least a hundred— Sorry, got to go again!!!!

The
trouble with tummy trouble
is you never know when you'll have to run to the loo!

One minute you feel all right and then the next minute your bottom tells you to run up the stairs as fast as you can.

. . .

. . .

It's all my mum's fault I've got tummy trouble.

If she gave me a hundred pounds a week for my pocket money instead of 50p, I wouldn't have run out of money, or got tummy trouble or got grounded. That's the
trouble with having pocket money that isn't enough
: it gets you into trouble. Including tummy trouble.

If you ask me, my pocket money should be at least a hundred pounds a week. No – a day. Actually, a minute. Then I'd be able to buy all the sweets I need without them ever running out.

My mum says that I should suck more and crunch less. Then my sweets would last much longer. It's all right for her. She can control her teeth. I can't. No children can. You have to be at least twenty-fiveish before you can control your teeth. Or your eyes or your arms or your fingers. Especially if it's a strawberry dib-dab.

Strawberry dib-dabs are totally my favourite sweets. The lolly bit tastes all strawberryyyeee and the sherbet feels all lovely and tingly and fizzy on your tongue. No children can control their teeth when they're eating strawberry dib-dabs. No children called Daisy anyway. If you're eating a strawberry dib-dab and your name is Daisy, then you just have to crunch.

The
trouble with crunching
is, after four or five bites the lolly is always gone.

That's because lollies are always too small.

I tried really hard to suck a sweet once, but in the end my teeth made me crunch. That's the
trouble with not being about twenty-fiveish
.

You just can't control your teeth, however hard you try.

If after about five crunches you haven't got any bits of lolly stuck in your teeth, then the only thing you'll have left is the stick. The
trouble with lolly sticks
is you can't eat them.

If you ask me, you should be able to eat the lolly stick too. If you ask me, all lolly sticks should be made out of more lolly, so that you can eat them all the way down. That's the
trouble with people who make lollies
.