Cutter: A Fight or Flight Novel (13 page)

He stands with me wrapped around his hips and starts moving toward my bedroom, fiddling behind me for the handle. We must have made too much noise, though, because a tiny voice drags both of us from the passionate moment.

“You guys are getting mawwied!” Bethany squeals and runs over to us, hugging Cutter’s leg.

I frantically pull away, sliding down Cutter’s body and straightening my clothes and smoothing my hair. “No, honey, we’re not.” I watch her sweet little face contort with sadness.

“But one day we will,” Cutter interjects.

“Stop it,” I demand.

“It’s the truth.” He shrugs and picks Bethany up to carry her back to bed. “Let’s get you tucked back in. We can eat in bed tonight, then tomorrow when you’re feeling all better, we’ll go do something fun. Deal?”

“Deal!”

I give Cutter and Bethany some alone time while I process everything that’s transpired today: Cutter sneakily trying to move in, our mini makeout session, and then his declaration of commitment. This is a little too much to throw at someone in one day, especially a woman who just had a medical scare with her daughter. Do I want Cutter? Yeah, I’ve never wanted anyone more than him. Would we work? Maybe. There’s a possibility we’ll crash and burn. Is that a valid reason to not try to give Bethany a loving home with her mother and father? Fuck, I’m screwed, aren’t I?

An hour later, Cutter emerges, tiptoeing out of Bethany’s room, using his stealthy ninja skills to keep from waking the princess I heard calling for more
Doc McStuffins
just moments before.

“She’s finally out,” he whispers, and joins me on the couch. As usual, he picks my feet up, sits down, and pulls my feet into his lap and starts massaging.

“You can’t marry me,” I blurt.

“And exactly why not?”

“Because we’ve never even been on a real date.” Yep. You guessed it. I’m caving yet again. Because in this world that’s wicked and evil, if someone can have the slightest chance at happiness, she’d be a damn fool to pass it up.

Cutter’s always been my forever. At first, I was too young and stupid to realize it. Then I was too prideful to admit it. And now…there’s no use hiding from it or him. He caught me long before I gave in and all I can do is jump in with both feet, praying all three of us make it out unscathed.

Date? She wants to date me? Aren’t we a little past the dating stage? I mean, we have a daughter and spend nearly every free minute together. I think dating would be taking a step backward, but if a date’s what she wants, a date’s what she’s gonna get.

After straightening my tie—which I feel ridiculous wearing—I pull on a suit jacket and make my way to her house, stopping by the flower shop to pick up a small bouquet of lilies. When I pause outside her front door, nervousness hits me out of nowhere as I realize I’ve never taken a woman on a real date before. I almost sprint down the walkway, until I remember it’s Josette. She’s the one person I’ve always been able to completely be myself around.

So I knock softly on the door and take a step back to wait for her to open it. And when she does, I’m nearly knocked on my ass by her sheer beauty. Dressed head to toe in black—a short black dress, the skirt resting mid-thigh, with a pair of black heels that add a few inches to her petite frame—she looks like a wet dream come true.

“Hey,” she huskily whispers, her eyes scanning me much like mine are doing to her.

“Hi. Where’s Bethany?”

“Next door with Mrs. Finch. She helps me after daycare if I have to work late and sometimes comes to kidnap Bethy to give me a little break here and there. I’ve never asked her to babysit for a date before, so she’s determined to keep Bethany all night for us.”

This is why the dating thing is fucking dumb. Here we are, with an all-night sitter, and we’re going out to dinner and maybe a movie, when what we really should be doing is spending the night in the bedroom, with me exploring every inch of Josette. But a date…I don’t know when she turned into a normal woman, and not the gaming, let’s-be-fuck-buddies kind, and started wanting flowers and dinners.

Shit. Flowers.

“I got these for you,” I say, awkwardly pushing the bouquet in her direction. Her face lights up and she accepts the offering.

“Thank you, they’re beautiful. Give me a second to put them in some water. I’ll be right back.”

I nod but have no intention of waiting outside. I’m going to see if I can derail her plans and spend the night indoors instead of going out. As she rounds the corner into the kitchen, I slip inside and quietly shut and lock the door behind me. Sneaking up behind her, I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her into me, my front to her back.

“Wanna skip dinner?” I ask, placing kisses down her neck and across her exposed shoulder.

“Yes, but we’re going. You owe me an honest-to-God date, Cutter Greer, and I’m collecting.”

I rest my palm on her outer thigh, then slowly and deliberately drag it upward underneath her skirt until I reach the hem of her underwear. Running light circles with the pad of my finger, I slip another finger underneath and graze her lip. “You sure?” I huskily whisper.

“No,” she says. If I were more of an asshole, I’d take full advantage of the situation, using her body against her, but a date’s a date, and one that I promised her. I have every intention of making her mine—officially—and she demanded a real relationship. The least I can do is provide her with that.

“Good.” I remove all parts of my body touching hers and back away quickly. She places the flowers in a vase, and as soon as they’re all set, I grab her hand and usher her toward the door. “Time to go. Plans to keep.”

“And men say women are the teases,” she jokes, grabbing her purse from the chair and locking the door behind us. Once inside the car, she automatically goes for the radio and I playfully slap her hand away.

“
Tsk tsk tsk,
Jo. My date, my rules.”

“You’re impossible.” She sighs, and I chuckle. If she only knew.

Taking the highway entrance ramp rather quickly, I wait until we’re at the speed limit before I flip on the radio. The song that starts playing sparks a genuine smile from Josette.

“Why this song?” she asks as Ludacris starts rapping the opening lyrics of “My Chick Bad.”

“Because this song was playing the first time I got my hands on you. God, it was so hard for me to stop when that creeper kid left. I wanted you so bad.” My words recall the first night at the bar, the night of my birthday, the night I met her while she was hanging out with her friends and I with mine, and how she asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend to get some guy off her ass.
Start at the beginning
was the advice Garrett gave me to win her heart, like he did with Rian.

Our relationship isn’t as filled with turmoil as theirs, but Garrett seems to have done pretty well for himself over the years, keeping his and Rian’s marriage alive and kicking. I’m not sure there’s a better person to take woman advice from. And if we’re being completely honest, with the exception of the couple girls I’ve been with since Josette walked out of my life, not a single woman has sparked enough interest for me to want anything more than a quick fuck. It’s always been more than that with Josette. And it always will be.

“Who would have thought, Cutter Greer a romantic,” she teases, then comes in on the Nicki Minaj spot and gives it her best go.

“You couldn’t be more adorable if you tried,” I joke right back, listening to her screw up nearly every word, either too early or far too late.

“I’d be more adorable if my ass looked like hers.”

“Nope, sorry. You wouldn’t be nearly as sexy as you are right now.” Her cheeks heat at my compliment. It’s taking everything in me to not pull over and end the night before it even begins, but I keep reminding myself that just because I’ve never stopped loving her doesn’t mean she doesn’t need a little refresher course on why she loved me to begin with.

When I take the first exit into Lexington, she turns toward me, eyes burning holes through me. “If we go to the gym on our first date, I’m liable to kill you. Fair warning.”

“Well, please refrain from committing a capital offense until the end of the evening. Plans, Josette, they’re meant to be kept. Let me do my thing.”

“Dead man walking,” she mutters with a shit-eating grin.

“And you’re the executioner, killing me with your beauty.”

“Oh Cutter, that’s so cheesy,” she says, scrunching up her nose in disgust. “You’re going to make me vomit.”

“That’s why I love you, my ever-so-honest Josette.” Her face freezes at my declaration and I couldn’t care less. Why dance around what we both know to be true? Life’s really too short to pretend you’re not in love with someone when you are. Maybe she’ll get out of her own head long enough to remember what we’re like and knock her shit off.

After I pull into the back parking lot, Josette stays in her seat with her arms crossed over her chest while I exit the car to open the passenger door. Luckily for me—and my plans—she gets out without too much delay and follows me into the side door of the gym. I flip on only one set of lights, illuminating the recessed fixture above the boxing ring, and pull her inside. When I lift the edge of the mats for her to crawl underneath the ring, she stares at me with eyes as wide as saucers.

“You mean to tell me I shaved my legs and waxed all kinds of other places to crawl underneath a smelly boxing ring? Tell me you’re joking, Cutter.” Again with the crossing of the arms, and she pops out one hip; all that’s missing is the tapping of the shoe on the padded floor.

“Can you just roll with me on this, please? I swear, it’ll all make sense.”

“You’re lucky I think you’re cute, asshole.” Against her better judgment, she does as requested and drops to all fours to crawl under the mat. Following close behind—and not resisting the urge to lean forward a bit and bite at her ass, which earns me a quick swat—I pull the curtain down around us and push the touch lamp I had already placed here.

“Okay. So. We’re here. Why are we here?”

Taking her hand in mine, I pull her toward me and position her between my knees, letting her back rest against my front, this time actually resisting the urge to pull her into my partial erection.

“This is where I was sleeping before Garrett found me. My stepdad was an abusive asshole, and my mom was no better. The night I finally worked up the courage to run away was the same night my mom let him beat on me and then left me alone in the ER. I had never questioned if she loved me until then. I found this place after a while on the streets and I felt safe here, so I broke in and this was my home for a few nights before Garrett scared the piss out of me.”

Josette sniffles a little, turning her head to look back at me. “You don’t have to relive this if you don’t want to. I always knew you had it rough, but I don’t need specifics.”

“I want you to know,” I say, wrapping my arms around her middle and squeezing her lightly.

“Anyways, Garrett took me home after threatening to kill me and introduced me to his family. Unlike anyone I’d ever known, Garrett and Rian didn’t just send me on my way. They took me into their fold, made me one of theirs, and treated me with as much love and compassion as they did Gregory. They loved me and, God, I loved them too. They were my miracle. They saved me from a life of drugs and booze, and probably saved my life all the way around.”

Small drops of moisture land on my forearm. Reaching up, I wipe away the tears on Josette’s cheeks with my thumbs and reposition myself so we’re face-to-face.

“Had Jake not beaten me. Had my mom not left me. Had I not sneaked in here. Had Garrett not found me and given me a place to stay and a job, I would have never found you. Had I never found you, I would have never had Bethany. Everything happens for a reason, Josette. Everything. Just like if that nurse hadn’t fucked up, you would have gone through with the abortion and we’d be in a totally different spot. All the bad and all the good have led us right here, full circle, under this mat. This mat represents so much more than just a place where a bunch of dudes beat the shit out of each other. This mat is my fresh start and my new beginning. So when I think of how I want this next chapter in my life to unfold, it’s only fitting it starts under the same ring.”

With tears freely flowing down her face, Josette reaches forward as much as the small enclosure allows and hugs me tighter than anyone ever has. I return the embrace and whisper in her ear, “You are the next chapter in my life, Jo. I have everything else I could ever want. I’ve achieved every dream I’ve ever had. You’re the one thing missing.”

“I love you, Cutter. I always have and probably always will,” she admits, sending chills up my spine and thawing a part of my heart I thought died when she walked out on me.

“Come with me,” I say, scooting out and extending a hand for her.

“I’m excited for what’s next,” she offers as we walk up the back staircase to the apartment, finally getting to the good stuff.

After unlocking the door, we enter and I kick off my uncomfortable shoes and loosen my tie. Directing Josette to sit on the couch, I maneuver into the kitchen and warm up the sauce I prepared earlier in the day. I know she’s stewing in there, wondering what’s to come, and I revel in it. It only takes a few minutes for the sauce to heat and I drizzle it over some noodles. Carrying two plates of spaghetti into the living room, I place one of them in front of Josette and the other in front of me.

“I asked Rian to teach me to make something special for you, but…”

“I know. It’s Rian. Unless it’s carry-out or a casserole, she knows nothing. I’m actually shocked she knew spaghetti.” Josette laughs and takes a forkful of spaghetti and shovels it into her mouth.

“Movie?” I ask, and Josette nods with a full mouth.

Turning on the TV, I press
PLAY
on the DVD player and
Friends with Benefits
begins. Josette bursts into a fit of laughter.

“I see what you did there.” She giggles with a mouthful of noodles, sauce accumulating at the side of her mouth.

“I figured it was fitting. Since we’re taking a trip down memory lane, we probably should watch the movie where our relationship started.”

“So, are you telling me you wanna play some zombies?” she asks, her face flushed and eyes glassy.

“Baby, I want so much more than zombies. I want it all. Every day, hour, minute, second, millisecond. I want all of you and all of this.”

“What if it doesn’t work? Where does that leave us? And Bethany? We can’t give her hope of something that might not happen. I promised her the night that I gave birth I’d never do anything to hurt her. Cutter, if we try and it doesn’t work, she’s going to be hurt, and that’s one promise I can’t break.”

“Do you trust me?” I ask.

“Yes,” she responds quickly, without having to think.

“Do you love me?” My heart stops beating while I wait for her answer, one that takes longer to give.

“With all of my heart,” she finally states. I stare into her eyes, looking for any reason not to believe her, and for the life of me, I can’t find one. She’s being dead honest.

“Do you want to be with me?”

“I do, but…”

“No buts. Do you want this? Us? Do you want our family?”

She appears conflicted, wanting to say yes, but at the same time mulling over her reasons why we can’t. I’m not looking for excuses. I need to know what her heart feels, not what her head thinks.

“More than anything else, I want our family.”

“Then your wish is my command. I’m in, both feet, baby. Had we tried this when Bethy was a baby, I can’t say we would have made it, but after living without you for so long and finally getting to know Bethany, I can’t imagine a life without both of you. The thought of another man stepping into my spot, trying to fill my shoes, as both your man and her dad, makes me want to rip heads off without remorse. You and Bethany are my life. Let me give it all to you, Jo. Let me be yours.”

“Do you swear it’s forever?”

“And ever.”

“No, Cutter. I’m dead serious. Before Bethany, I could do what I wanted with who I wanted. I had nobody to hold me accountable for my actions. Now I have this little girl who I love more than myself, and who I’d kill to protect. This isn’t just because it’s you. This would be a requirement for anyone I dated. There’s no in-between. It’s all or nothing. You’re all the way in, or you need to be all the way out and focus on being a father. I can’t get into something that isn’t forever. I deserve it, and more than that, Bethany deserves that.”